Sunday, December 10, 2006


What a blinding headache I've got!

After seven days of intensive partying, it's hardly surprising. I've just woken up and it feels like my head is in a giant bell that is ringing away. Actually, it's only the noise of the ship's engines working away.

I'd better go to the Bridge. Riker will probably won't be in good condition either. The last time I saw him, he was being helped out of Ten Forward by Deanna, who herself had consumed too many bottles of Romulan Ale.

Before I go to the Bridge, I'd better stop off at Sick Bay and get something to help me with this hangover from Bev.


While staggering down the corridors, I see the crew all look dazed, holding on to the wall, collapsed on the floor, or walking like extras in a zombie movie.

As I near SickBay, I see a queue a mile long. Bev looks shattered as she tries to give them something to help. The holographic Doctor is helping, while looking disgusted at the same time.

I don't have time to wait in the queue, as I am told to "Wait your turn!" by others in the line.


At least Commander Data will be unaffected; it's good to know we can rely on him to keep the ship going when we allow certain failings to overcome us.

The Bridge door opens and I enter.

"Welcome, Locutus."

The Borg Queen. She is in the Captain's Chair, with Seven in Commander Riker's seat.

"What are you doing here?" I ask.

"Only doing you an enormous favour." replies the Queen, "As your crew is all completely incapable of piloting this vessel, due to the party drinks you had, the only beings capable of keeping it going were the Borg. Everything is running smoothly, Locutus."

"Where is Lieutenant Commander Data?" I ask her, "In times when are not able to look after the Enterprise, he should be in the Captain's Chair."

"That is true, Locutus." Seven answers, "But he met with an unfortunate accident. While carrying a drunken Jennifer Baxter home, she teasingly pulled out a circuit and threw it down the garbage chute. Your crew will locate it and repair him as soon as they are sober."

"When we get round to assimilating everybody in the future," comments the Borg Queen, "We shall have to make sure that this liking of alcohol is deleted. We can hardly have all the drones like this crew are, Seven. Let that be a lesson to us all."

"I agree, my Queen." replies Seven, "This is a human failing we must be certain not to have. It could destroy us all."

The Borg Queen stands up and lets me sit down; in the meantime, Riker stumbles in, his eves looking like they've been supported by matchsticks. Seven gets up and lets him fall on to the seat.

Both Borgs shake their heads and look pityingly.

"Why we have to assimilate humans is beyond me." the Borg Queen says to herself, then gets ready to beam out, "I'll take my leave of you now, Locutus. Thanks for having the Borg do the catering and provide the band."

"We didn't have any choice." I reply, "You would assimilate us if we didn't"

"Don't get caught in technicalities, Locutus." she smiles and waves my comment away. "I'm going back to Unimatrix 01. The Strolling Bones have acquired a lot of bookings as a result of this engagement, largely due to veiled threats. Seven will stay here and continue to send me reports of life here."

"Yes, my Queen." Seven obediantly answers before the Borg Queen vanishes.

"What now?" asks Riker.

"You can have the Bridge, Number One." I tell him, "I'm off to join a very long queue outside SickBay.


carmilevy said...

Hi Captain! Here from Michele's again - lucky me!

I've always wondered why a society that has figured out warp drive and has eliminated the need for personal wealth can't create a cure for the common hangover.

Funny stuff! I'm not sure why I wonder these things.

Nepharia said...

Ahhh, the 'common hangover' is anything but. It's tough to explain why some alcohols give certain people hangovers while other alcohols do not. I mean...I can drink Dagabah Fire Brandy all night long and never have a problem, but you put me on that Blood Wine and I'm just toast.

Eh, I am NEVER doing THAT again.....

Anonymous said...

I must admit that fizzy stuff the Emperor always serves at Imperial bashes makes me sick as a dog if I have more than two glasses. The Corellian brandy that Thrawn keeps is amazing and I never get sick from it.

That Jovian Sunspot Mr. Data made for me had a big kick so I was very glad I only had one then stuck to sparkely water the rest of the night. If there is one thing the Empire doesn't tolerate it's drinking and flying.

Sounds to me like you all need a holiday from your party!

get well soon! And I reccomend some strong Spiced Coffee.


Nic said...

GAH! Still no cure for the common hangover in the 24th century? Maybe by the 25th century?

Anonymous said...

I could say that one cure for a hangover is simply not to get hung over......but I don't think it'd be very effective! :P Especially not with that Klingon Blood Wine, apparently!

Spiced Coffee??? Nah, try a good cup of tea and some sugar. There's a nice soothing drink!

Nepharia said...

Oh, what would drinking to excess be if you didn't have a hangover to remind you just how great a time you had?

BarbaraFromCalifornia said...


Well, I see you are into the holiday spirit!

Salutations, and thank you for all your kind words on my blog.

Happy Holidays.

Anonymous said...

Feel better, soon!

Lahdeedah said...

Wow. The captain with a hangover.

Shocking. Appalling. Most unsuitable.

But then, what can you expect to happen when the party lasts seven days?

The Mistress of the Dark said...

Hope you get over your Christmas party hangover! :)

Anonymous said...

Good luck getting over the hangover!

Miss Cellania said...

From what little I can recall, it was a great party!

Warbird said...

thanks for inviting me

UngaMan said...

good thing the Strolling Bones released me after my second day with them...


Anonymous said...

I'm sure if you smile sweetly Bev will usher you to the front of the line after all you ARE the captain and she DOES like you!

Anonymous said...

Jean Luc, I had no idea you were such a party animal!

Ari (Baking and Books)

Pantha said...

hey Jazzia can you send me some more klingons :P

TX said...

7 do you want to come to my time and go to Europe maybe france

Jean-Luc Picard said...

If the hangover was cured, everybody would be drinking non-stop/

On reflection, I think we were doing that anyway!

That's what seven days of partying does!

Anonymous said...

I hope tomorrow you can give us all some good hangover cures!

A Army Of (Cl)One said...

Sorry I missed the party. Padme made a bunch of the clone go to Naboo for the big holiday parade and dress up like snowmen. Tehn she has the nerve to not even show up for the parade. Some people!

Anonymous said...

Dear Captain, thank you for the lovely card! It made me smile today. :)

Also, check out the other songbird in the family. I posted video of Em singing in her kids choir at the Christmas Cantata at our church yesterday. You can't miss her - trust me!

Anonymous said...

well i never found the chocolate fountain but the midnight buffet was divine captain.... thanks for inviting me. bee

Anonymous said...

Sorry I missed it, a seven day party is right up my alley, it reminds me of my days on the road with Ozzy.

He's the only one who can hang and throw back wit the
Uncanny kody-bear, whats wild is he doesnt even have any mutant powers.

Heh funny story I was there the day he developed that stutter, word to the warning A jack and jim funnel, not a good ideal. *shivers with a goofy grin*

Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator said...

AS I understand it, the only wat to prevent a hangover is to never stop drinking.

Great party Captain, sorry about the mess.

Trinity13 said...

What a party you had Capt...are you sure you want one for next year?! :-)

Anonymous said...

Congratulations to your fantasitally talented writing crew. You must be very proud of them.

True Jersey Girl said...

Been there, done that. Hangovers after great parties are unfortunately a fact of life.

Jean-Luc Picard said...

Nic, glad you like my card; a pleasure to send it.

Trin, I'll look forward to the party next year. I know a lot of others are.

Ellee, yes, I'm very proud of all my writing friends; they have amazing talent.

True Jersey Girl: so good to see you back on the blogscene. You have been missed.

Just on a footnote, everybody, you should know that I don't drink alcohol at all.

BarbaraFromCalifornia said...

So much that is simple appears to turn complex.

Wishing you and yours a Happy Holiday.

pads said...

Know the feeling about hangovers jean luc only too well, I dont think I would be capable of partying for seven days. enjoyed your party though.


Viamarie said...

Take care! Happy Holidays!!!

Anonymous said...

Captain, Carina from Hacia-la-justicia Schapelle support site here. I've had some problems with the blog, and I'm going to have to start over from scratch. Not sure when it'll be up again, but I wanted to thank you for the wonderful comments you've left in the past - I appreciate it.

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