The Enterprise Senior Staff Christmas Meal (Part Two)

"What is this?" Seven of Nine asks as she picks up a wrapped brightly-coloured roll object from the table.

At the moment, all the senior staff are assembled in my Ready Room round a huge table, as we are having a special Christmas meal for the staff. Things have been threatening to get out of hand with the shrieks of Ensign Britney and her friend T'Pol.

"That, Seven, is a Christmas cracker." I answer, "Hundreds of years ago, it was a tradition in England to have these at a meal such as this. The cracker consists of a paper hat, a joke and a plastic toy. Two people pull the cracker. As it comes apart, it makes a large noise, and the one with the large part wins the contents."

"Very fascinating." she comments, "I will relay this peculiarity to the Borg Qeen in my next Report."

Seven then turns to Barclay.

"Will you pull this cracker with me?" she says to him, "If I do not get the major part, you will be assimilated."

Barclay nervously pulls the cracker. Seven gets the contents. She puts a pink paper hat on her head, looks at the plastic starship, then starts to read out the joke.

"Why did the Starfleet chicken cross the road. Answer: to go where no chicken has gone before."




Seven looks at me.

"I do not understand this, Locutus."

I smile, then hear more shrieks.



"C'mon, Brit!" shouts T'Pol, "Let's pull our cracker!"

The pair proceed to do so, and Britney wins the cracker contents, and reads out her joke. It is so filthy, even Worf and Data blush. T'Pol is the only one to laugh out loud.

I grab the joke and find it is an innocent one.

"I made the joke up, Captain." Britney says, "It seemed a lot funnier than the one in the cracker."

"You two are confined to quarters!" I say angrily.

"Aw, Captain." says T'Pol, "We haven't had our Christmas meal yet."

"It'll get sent to your room!" I say, "Now off you go!"

The problematic pair walk out, mumbling to each other.

"Lucutus." says Seven, "I do not understand that joke either." she says.

"You'd better not tell that joke to one of the admirals, Jean-Luc." says Bev.

"You're right." I reply, "But knowing them, they would probably love it. Ah...the first course is coming....I'm having a battered Vlarian mushroom."

The Enterprise Senior Staff Christmas Meal (Part One)

"I thought we had just had our party, sir?" Riker says to me in my Ready Room, "Why are we having this Christmas meal.....before the day?"

"It's very easy, Number One." I reply, "It's a chance for all the senior ataff to get together in a pleasant way, have a chat and enjoy a Christmas dinner. After all, we can't do this on the day itself, as we all go off to see families and friends then."



"Should we have Ensign Britney, T'Pol or Seven of Nine, then?" Riker queries, "After all, they are hardly err..."

"Senior staff?" I say, "Be charitable, Commander Riker. Britney & T'Pol might be a noisy couple, but thisd might encourage them to behave in a more civilised manner. As for Seven, I think this quiet, sit-down meal might be a good lesson for her to report back to her Borg superiors."

"I hope you're right, sir." he says.

So do I.

--------------

A few hours later, the table is beautifully decorated with Christmassy items, and the senior staff file in, looking around curiously. Britney, wearing leather boots, trousers, plus a top hat and blonde wig, but sporting a bare midriff, runs to one of the seats and calls out to T'Pol at the top of her voice.



"Yay! I bags this chair!" she yells, "T'Pol, you sit there and we can do some serious chatting."

She eagerly does, and the other senior staff sit down calmly...until T'Pol and Britney start throwing bread rolls around.

"You will refrrain from throwing those rolls around or you will be assimilated!" says Seven to them sharply.

"Party pooper!" Britney mumbles, "Now sistah, what was the lastest gossip?"

Everybody seems seated with their parners. I'm with Bev, Riker is with Deanna, Worf is with Jadzia, Britney has T'Pol, Data has Jennfer Baxter, Geordi LaForge is with Trisha Lewis. The only one left out is Ro Laren, who is looking miserable with Lieutenant Barclay.



She is always secretive about her boyfriend. I believe she has one, but does not let anyone know about him. I wonder way?

My train of thought is derailed with the shrieks of Britney and T'Pol, as the latter has spilled a glass of Ktaran wine on the tablecloth.

I groan and roll my eyes, and try not to look at Riker, who is wearing his smug 'I told you so' expressions.

Ah well. It might get better.

Then again, it might not.

To be continued...

Enterprise Christmas Party (Part Five)

"I don't know why that Kryptonian wasn't wearing any clothes." Riker tells me, "But it did get a few laughs at the party."

"It certainly did." I reply, "But at least Superman apologised for Conner's behaviour. I think I saw the Borg Queen smiling quietly to herself."

------------

Jon, Intergalactic Gladiator is here to join us...

“a Rolling Rock, please,” I said to Guinan.

“Rock star beer,” my wife Patricia added with a smile. “I’ll have a Mike’s hard lemonade.”

“You do realize that you’re asking for drinks that existed a couple thousand years ago, don’t you?” the bartender asked.

“Well, you got ‘em?” I asked.

“Today’s you’re lucky day,” she smiled as she pulled two bottles out and placed them on the bar in front of us.”

“Nice,” Patricia grinned and took a big sip.

“Ah, Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator,” Captain Picard approached me from behind and clasped me on the back. “It’s very good to see you and your wife on the Enterprise once again.”

“We’re just glad you offered babysitting services for tonight,” Patricia said.

“Yeah, thanks for that,” I said. “Our daughter Kiera is at her grandma’s but Paxton’s too young to spend the night away from us.”

“Right, yes,” the Captain nodded. “Of course, my ship is prepared for, ahem, all contingencies.”

“Right.” I held up my bottle of beer. “Cheers.”

The three of us clinked glasses and the Captain moved on to meet other guests. Patricia and I looked at each other. I looked into her eyes. They sparkled.

“Merry Christmas, baby,” Patricia said.

“You look beautiful,” I replied.

We heard a bit of a commotion and looked over. Standing in the open doorway was Commander Data, covered almost entirely in food and finger paint. In his outstretched arms, Paxton wiggled and giggled.

“Oh God,” Patricia breathed out as we dashed over to the android.

“I believe this is yours,” he said as he handed our baby back to us.

“Blah!” Paxton gurgled happily.

“Is that…?” I looked at the food caked on Data’s uniform.

“Yes,” Data nodded. “Creamed corn.”

---------------


Linda is here now...

















With only a few hours until the start of the event, my date for the annual Enterprise Christmas party canceled on me and I was left with the choice of inviting a last-minute guest or attending on my own. It irked me to no end that Q claimed that something of monumental import had come up and he wasn't going to be able to go with me after all as I just wasn't sure if I believed him or not. After all, he was Q for crying out loud - a being who could control every circumstance imaginable and he couldn't find the time to attend a Christmas party with me? Harrumph!

Ah well, going by myself just wouldn't do so I sat down and thumbed through my address book (a bit old-fashioned but I found I liked it a lot better than using a cold modern touch-screen) ... Hmm, who to invite?

Too bad that Admiral Vlict Kenka, one of my very favorite Klingon commanders not to mention a member of one of the most honorable Klingon families, was still out tooling around in K'Lirta under that whole fear of death should he ever return thing; showing up with him on my arm certainly would have made for a lovely evening and put Q in his place should he decide to materialize later.












Wait, here was a possibility - I could invite Kevin, current Praetor of Romulus! Of course that might not be the best idea in the universe what with Kevin being the son of Praetor Shinzon who was the human clone of Captain Jean-Luc Picard - who just happened to be the host of the party I was planning on attending . Certainly, though, that was a small thing and could be smoothed over with a case of Romulan ale or two - which I'm sure Kevin would be happy to bring. Besides, Kevin had always expressed an interest in meeting the Alpha Borg Queen who was to be the special guest at this year's party. Hopefully he wouldn't be put off by my last minute invitation but Q hadn't given me much notice that he had "better things to do". Harrumph again!

I quickly placed an interstellar call to Kevin who, luckily, wasn't doing much
















except admiring a new flag that he had recently acquired and added to his extensive flag collection. For someone who was the ruler of the entire Romulan Empire, it seemed strange to me that one of the things that pleased him the most was admiring his flags but I guess it takes all kinds, right?

"Good evening your Praetorship, I certainly hope that I'm not interrupting anything. I was wondering if you might relish the opportunity to attend the annual Christmas party aboard the U.S.S. Enterprise and meet the guest of honor, the Alpha Borg Queen?", I asked hopefully.
After all, if Q did manage to show up, it would be good for him to see that I had other friends I could
do things with when his omnipotent presence was needed elsewhere.

"The Enterprise you say? Isn't that the ship still commanded by Captain Jean-Luc Picard?", inquired the Ruler of Romulus.

"Uhm, yes, as a matter of fact, it is," I replied thinking that now there was no way on any of
the earths that Kevin was going to want to go and I'd have to go by myself after all. I truly
did hate going to social events solo but I also didn't want to miss the Enterprise Christmas
party which was taking place in a representation of the Borg Cube on the holodeck and
featuring none other than The Strolling Drones, a group I had been wanting to see for eons!

"Excellent! Excellent! I should enjoy a chance to meet up with the man my father spoke of with so much venom and hate on a regular basis and show him that I'm a much more civilized man and ruler then my father, whom he apparently found it necessary to kill so long ago."

Oh yeah ... darn ... I had forgotten about that whole hand-to-hand combat thing that resulted
in Shinzon's death ... that could have bad written all over it but it was a little too late to
withdraw my invitation as that would be downright rude and I've learned through the years
that it's
really not a good idea to be rude to a Romulan - especially when said Romulan also happened
to be the Praetor.














"Just let me get my disruptor and a couple cases of Kali-fal and I'll meet you on board the Enterprise once you give me the coordinates. I'm sure that the Alpha Borg Queen will find the aroma to be like nothing she has ever experienced in the galaxy," Kevin said.

********************

So far, despite my initial trepidation over inviting Praetor Kevin to the party without
considering that whole "I killed your father before he could kill me" issue, things at the party were going quite well. Captain Picard had been more than gracious when I introduced my
guest even when his date for the evening, Dr. Crusher, dropped her glass of Klingon
Bloodwine and shattered it all over the floor upon meeting the Praetor. One would have
thought that a surgeon would have steadier hands than that!














For the better part of the past two hours now, Kevin had been monopolizing all of the Alpha
Borg Queen's time as they toasted each other over and over with glass after glass of Romulan ale. I would have thought the blue liquid with the potent kick would have interfered with the Borg Queen's circuits but apparently she was a woman who could hold her own when it came
to spirits.

It was actually kind of amusing to watch the Praetor of Romulus laughing at the jokes that the Alpha Borg Queen was telling him but they appeared to be fast friends and I was glad that
Kevin had found someone he could talk to without my fearing he'd have need of the disruptor
he insisted on keeping by his side. However, if I had to hear "Why did the tribble cross the cube? Because resistance was futile!" joke one more time I was going to be in need of a drink
or two myself!

Fortunately it was at that point that The Strolling Drones finally took to the stage and began their opening number "(I Can't Get No) Assimilation" at such a loud noise level that it
drowned out all of the conversation around me. With the crowd on their feet the band next launched into "(Hey You!) Get Off of My Cube" before segueing into the slow dance song
"Wild Collectives" that soon had all of the couples in the room swaying in each others arms as the lead singer crooned "wild collectives couldn't drag me away ..."

When I looked up to see Kevin and the Alpha Borg Queen dancing with the other couples and staring intently into each others eyes with Kevin's disruptor lying forgotten on the table I
figured it was time for me to exit stage-right and leave the happy couple to themselves. After all, two's company, three's a collective ...


















As I was making my way to the Enterprise coat-check in order to get my wrap and call it
a night who should appear but the one and only guy who told me that he couldn't make the
party - Q!

"Leaving so soon?", he whispered in my ear.

"I think so. The dancing seems to have taken a rather romantic turn which means it's time
for me to go as there's nothing worse than sitting on the sidelines watching other couples being ... well, couples!", I replied as I indicated all of the people on the dance floor who were totally oblivious to everything around them - Captain Picard and Dr. Crusher, Mr. Data and Jennifer Baxter, Worf and Jadzia, Counselor Troi and Commander Riker ... the Praetor and
the Alpha Borg Queen! "I think it's definitely time I leave. Besides, you said you couldn't
make the party!"

"Ah, but now that my previous business has been attended to and I have arrived, I really
think that you should stay", Q said smoothly as if that made everything better and excused
his canceling on me at the last minute. "After all, I'm here now, I believe this is our dance,
and as the Borg like to say 'resistance is futile', is it not?"

Oh well, when the man had a point - the man had a point! Perhaps this would be a Merry Christmas after all?

-----------------

Now, here is Nic

"Baby? What in the world is this . . . cube doing floating in the living room?"

I turned to look at the handsome man with the perplexed look on his face. Finally, after many years of being in the state of single-hood, I had found someone worth having in my life. Now I just had to find a way to tell him about the Enterprise Christmas Party. This, after all, had
pretty much been my little secret the past few years.

"Well, hon. Ummmm, you see, there's this little Christmas party that I go to every year aaaaaaaaand, they send the invites in different ways and this just . . . happens to be this year's delivery method."

I walked over to look at the cube and I put my arms around my man in reassurance that
it was all okay. It wasn't until I reached out to take it in my hands that the top of the invitation opened up and a hologram of this horrific black, gray and blue metallic Christmas tree popped out. It looked like some twisted Tim Burton creation. A monotone voice droned out the
invitation to the Enterprise Christmas party for me and a guest and then the cube dissipated with very little fanfare.

"Damn Borgs. I hate when they try and take over the Christmas party. Everything is going
to be dull this year, unlike two years ago." That year's party they had actually made some
sort of an effort to make the party a fun event, but it seemed like everything would be going according to THEIR plan this year.

"Baby? Does this mean I have to wear a tux?"

"Yes, love, it does. And there is no saying no to this. I am NOT showing up there alone
AGAIN." My eyes flashed a bit of a challenge to my strapping honey. I didn't care if he
was over six feet tall and built well, I was going to make absolutely sure that he would go.

"Damn! There's no getting out of this for me is there?" He looked a bit sheepish and I knew
that even though he was one heck of a handsome man, he never really felt like he fit in much
of anywhere.

"Nope." I turned to go take inventory of my wardrobe to find a dress.

He reached out and grabbed my hand and pulled me back to him. "Well, as long as you're there, I guess I can handle anything." He pulled me close and held me in his arms for a minute and then, with his chin resting on top of my head muttered in his lovely West Texas drawl, "A tux. Lovely. I'm used to jeans and t-shirts and leather jackets."

"C'mon you big baby, it's just clothing. I have a feeling you'll look just fine." I actually knew he would look more than fine. He'd already been compared to a young Burt Reynolds and Josh Brolin with an "edgy side".

"I don't s'pose we can get there on my Harley can we?"

"No, baby. This is one place that you definitely CAN'T reach by conventional means." I tickled him and had him chasing me around my large apartment in no time, me laughing and squealing like a little kid. Honestly, I hadn't felt this good in years.

==========================================================

When we arrived at the Enterprise, we were greeted by my dear friend Captain Picard. He usually made it a point to try and come to meet my arrival personally. I think he has a bit of a soft spot for me, personally. And, what can I say? I absolutely adore him.



"Nic, what a pleasant sight! I am so glad to see you. That black dress is rather fetching –
though you do sort of look like an avenging angel of sorts." My dress was a strapless affair
made of leather, lace and had a fluffy tulle skirt that went down to my feet.
It served to hide my knives well. He gave me a warm hug and turned to my date. "And you must be Oscar. I've
heard so much about you that I feel I almost know you already. Welcome aboard. I hope the journey wasn't too much of a shock for you."

Oscar looked around and said, "Thank you. It was an . . . interesting experience but not an unpleasant one. I'm really looking forward to seeing what's in store."

We walked into the holodeck and, well, it was as I feared. Everything this year was done in the dark colors of a Borg cube. The tree WAS just as dismal and ugly as in the invitation hologram. Holy mackerel! I saw some of the kids from the Enterprise and that had been brought by other non-Enterprise personnel looking for presents under the tree and when I saw what appeared to be parts for assimilation my entire being shuddered in revulsion. Some of the kids were crying, others looked fearful.

Being a member of BACA (Bikers Against Child Abuse), and being a mother myself, I became downright furious with the whole affair. After all, how DARE they ruin probably the best loved holiday for these kids!? No child deserves to live in fear – and no child should have their favorite holiday tarnished forever.

I stomped over to Oscar and when he saw my face he said, "Bayyybeeee? What are you gonna do?" He knew me only too well.

"I'm going to look for the person responsible for putting this entire debacle on and give them a piece of my mind!" With Oscar hot on my heels I stalked off to look for the dear Captain. Certainly he could shed some light on this.

I found Captain Picard next to the drink station with Isaac the perennial Christmas bartender. He looked a little frazzled and distraught. Poor Dr. Crusher was trying her hardest to distract him but as Captain Picard looked around and saw the growing dismay of the party guests he really wasn't focused on the Doctor's more prominent, ahem, assets. The mood of the party was just as dark as the atmosphere in the holodeck.

The crying children were getting on the nerves of the more warring visitors, the scowls of those warring visitors were making the parents of the children extremely nervous, and while the Strolling Bones were trying their best at playing music, well, this year their efforts were clearly influenced by the Borg-like feel and look of the holodeck. It was rather discordant.

I sighed. "Captain, just what in the blue blazes is going on here?"

"My dear Nic. Well, this is a rather quietly kept secret but the Alpha Borg Queen 'requested' to be in charge of the party this year. She may or may not be planning on making an appearance and the rest of the Borg are doing everything in their power to make it as 'Borg-like' as
possible. This is turning into a disaster and I fear that this might ruin the rest of the Enterprise
Christmas parties to come. People will stop coming to them out of fear that this is what they'll get. Frankly, I'm not sure just how to put the genie back in the bottle, so to speak." He uncharacteristically gulped down a large snifter of brandy. Eyes watering from the burn and after a little cough, he looked at me and said, "I don't want to offend the Borg but I can't let this continue."

I looked at the Captain. My run-in with the Borg from the Christmas party two years ago was well documented. I'd brought my knives for a reason. Sharp enough to slice a strand of hair just by laying the hair over the blade, they certainly would work well in the matter of "negotiation". "Leave it to me, my friend. Nobody will ever know you were involved."

I left my darling Oscar with the Captain and Dr. Crusher. Not that I didn't think he could take care of himself, on the contrary, I knew he could more than adequately do so, but I needed to be able to concentrate solely on my mission and if I had to worry about him being used against me in the "negotiations" I wouldn't succeed.

Walking down one of the corridors I finally found what I was looking for. The Alpha Borg Queen had arrived. Flanked by several Borg fighters she looked imperious, cold, and a bit arrogant. Hmmm, I thought, we'll just see how high and mighty she feels after I get done with her. I quickly detached the skirt of my dress to reveal tight leather pants and thigh-high leather boots with my knives strapped to the right thigh. Shimmying up a cross section to a darkened part of the ceiling, with a knife clinched between my teeth, I braced myself against some crossbeams and waited for them to pass under me.

Seconds felt like minutes and minutes felt like hours. As I felt my muscles start to feel the first signs of strain and perspiration started to dot my brow, out of the corner of my eye I finally
saw the Queen and her escorts. It wouldn't be easy to get the drop on her and it would be a
tight fit, to say the least, but I was more than ready for the challenge. Knowing I'd face the Borg again some day, especially after having gone face to face and toe to toe with one of the lesser queens
at the party two years ago, I knew that I was on their radar and wanted to be as prepared as possible.

Four . . . three . . . two . . . ONE . . .

I dropped down right behind the Queen as she passed under me. I had transitioned my knife to my right hand mid-drop so I would be ready. Grabbing the tubes that hooked to her support system I held my knife to them, ready to sever them.

"Back off or I'll kill your Queen without hesitation!" The Borg security escorts looked perplexed as if it didn't register just what was happening. Since the Borg weren't really supposed to show emotion, that seemed a little strange to me. But, they backed away, leaving me free to "negotiate" with the Queen.

"Let Us guess, this is the infamous Nic who foolishly went up against one of Our queens two years ago – "

"And won. Don't forget that part." My heart was thundering. Surely I'd just consigned myself to death by this action. I'd never see my daughter again, never be held by Oscar again, never laugh with my friends again, never hug my mom again. Crapperjacks! This was NOT one of my better ideas! I hated acting on emotion and realizing the consequences later! I had to keep up my bravado though because the children and Captain Picard were counting on me.

"Yes, and won. Don't think that has escaped Our notice. And you're threatening to kill Us this year because?" Her voice was low, cold and deadly without a shred of emotion in it. My palms were starting to sweat a little bit now. Double damn!

"This is no Christmas party! What were you thinking? Were you thinking to 'sway' the guests to your side with this monstrosity of a joke? Nobody in their right mind would want to be assimilated after experiencing this hell you've bound them to with this party. There are countless races in there who will never willingly join you now."

"We can always take them by force if need be." The queen's voice was steady and unworried.

"But now they will be prepared for you. How many of your people will you sacrifice? You have nothing to fight for and they have everything to fight for and a people united together for a common goal, to fight for everything they know and hold dear, to fight for their freedom are
the most dangerous people of all. If you want to have more than a snowball's chance in hell of winning ANY of these people over to your side in the long run, you'd better do quick work of changing the atmosphere in there or they just might kill each other over it."

"You speak passionately and your words are eloquent. You would make a good recr –"

I yanked sharply on the tubes to shut her up. "Stifle it Edith. You know as well as I do that it is forbidden to go to the past to change the known history so don't even try it. And you can shove your platitudes about me where the sun don't shine. It didn't work so well with your lesser queen now did it? While you can't change the past, this future hasn't happened yet in my time and really, nobody will miss you too much so I could go ahead and do away with you now. . ." I let the sentence trail off, figuring that the Alpha Borg Queen might have at least a little survival instinct in her.

Precious seconds ticked by. The Queen's escorts stood still as rocks. I don't know if it was the collective mind telling them to be still, or at least be patient for an attack on me or if they were
in some way concerned that I would actually kill the supreme, head, high-honcho Queen of all the Borg.

"Fine. We will let you win . . . this time. You will have your Christmas party the way you want
it. But know this, little Earthling, next time We may not be so generous with you. Do not go making this a habit."

"And I am free to go, without interference, safe and whole?"

"Yes. Provided you do not tell anyone what happened."

"And you and ALL the Borg down to the most insignificant will leave my family and friends and their families completely alone?"

"Yes. On that you have Our word. After all, you are several centuries in the past and, as you indicated, it is forbidden."

"When I get back into the holodeck, everything had better be changed." I let go of her tubes, backed up to where I had stashed my skirt, re-sheathed my knife and re-attached the tulle skirt, all the time with my eye on the Queen and her escorts. After a moment they turned as one, the escorts surrounded the Queen and off they went in the direction of the holodeck.

Oh, Lordie, I sure hoped that things were back to "normal" when I got back. I needed a stiff drink after that ordeal.

As I entered the holodeck, the atmosphere had perked up immensely. The traditional
Christmas tree trimmed with tinsel and lights and red and green and silver and gold was there. Mistletoe hung from the door ways, the music was pleasant and fun, a little bit of rock, a little
bit of choral, a little bit of traditional all rolled into one. Best of all, the kids were smiling and laughing once again as the horrific presents under the tree were no longer there. Instead, in
their place were festively wrapped gifts with sparkly bows. One for each child.

I made my way to the Captain, Dr. Crusher and my own wonderful man. Captain Picard looked at me with a puzzled gaze. "What just happened, my dear?"

"Captain, let's just say that I am a skilled negotiator . . . and that's all I can say. Man, I need a drink!" I turned around to find Oscar there, looking absolutely breathtaking in his tux,
holding a whiskey and coke for me.

"Baby, how did you know I would need this?" I took it from him, my fingers brushing his, and then took a rather large drink from it.

"Because I know you. You don't need a man to handle any problems for you that come your
way, you can do that on your own. But I do know that you need to be taken care of when
you're done handling those problems."

"And you take care of me so well. Thank you baby, for everything." I set my drink down, took his hand and led him to the dance floor and settled into his arms to glide around the floor, my cheek on his broad chest. His cheek on the top of my head. The love of a lifetime, right there beside me. Never once questioning what I had to do but always there to take care of me no matter what. As I listened to the faint laughter of the kids as they played in the snow center,
the happy murmur of the crowd and the steady beat of Oscar's heart, I realized just how truly blessed I was.

I pulled back to look at him and as I looked into his eyes, I knew I could see forever in them. I pulled his head down to mine and put my lips next to his ear. "Merry Christmas, baby. I love you." I whispered. He shivered in my arms like I knew he would. Sensitive and ticklish ears.
A small giggle escaped me.

He smiled down at me and winked. "Merry Christmas back at you baby. I love you too." We continued to dance body to body as if we were the only two souls on the floor.

Yes, all was right with my world.

----------------

Wow! I think Jennifer Baxter, our leather-clad Ensign would be proud of Nic there!

And lastly....from me....

I had been getting very nervous. After all, with the leader of the entire Borg race visiting, I had to be careful that offering a vol-au-vant at the wrong time might mean assimilation for the entire crew!

That's diplomacy for you.

With the countdown to the party, I go to collect Bev, my escort.



She wears a beautiful black, satin dress, that goes to the floor.

"Disappointed I'm not wearing Six's dress, Jean-Luc?" she asks me.

"Well...err..." I answer. She knows just what I'm thinking.

"Would you REALLY want me to go to the Party in a micro red transparent dress that all the crew could see?" she asks, "Or would you like me to keep it for when we have a private dinner between us?"

"You're right, Bev." I concede, "You look great."

------------

With the party well underway, Seven approaches me.

"Locutus." she tells me, "The Borg Queen informs me that our Leader is here."

I cough, and go with the entourage to meet her.



"Greetings, your Majesty." I say to her. Seven coached me on the proper etiquette, "I am Captain Jean-Luc Picard of the..."

"You are Locutus of Borg?" she says, interrupting me, "The Captain of this ship who helped the Borg defeat the Cylons in the recent war?"

"Errr...yes I am." I admit.

"Then I an the rest of the Borg race thank you for your actions." she comments, "You would indeed be worthy of assimilation."

"Perhaps another time, Leader." says the Borg Queen 01, who is next to her in full grovelling mode, "Shall we go to the Party?"

"Indeed." the Leader says, "I am most curious to see what this Enterprise Christmas Party is about."

-----------

The entourage goes into the main dancing area, where The Strolling Drones are playing It's Only Assimilation (But I Like It) extra loud to the delight of Ensign Britney and T'Pol who are whooping it together on the floor with air guitars.

"Very strange." comments the Alpha Borg Queen, "I have not seen behaviour like this before."

"Oh, we are very used to it." Ro Laren answers, as she offers the Leader a Klingon Bloodwine. She staggers back, but the Queen 01 is there to hold her.

"This is a most powerful concoction." the Borg Leader says to herself, then has another drink, empties the glass and asks for another.

"I don't think you should have another, you majesty." advises the 01 Queen.

"Quiet!" she replies, "I like it....now give me a party hat and let's dance, Locutus!"

Much to Bev's annoyance, I escort the Alpha Borg Queen just as a slow smoochy number is coming on.

"Why are the dancers close together, Locutus?" she asks.

"Because this is a romantic song, your Majesty." I reply, "The dancers are meant to be romantically together."

"I see." she says to herself, and pulls me right up to her, as we move slowly. I can just about make the steam out in the corner where Bev is.

The Leader then glimpses over and sees Deanna Troi.



"You have a Deanna Troi here, I see, Locutus." she says to me, "The Borg version from the alternative universe is most troublesome. If you would care to do a swap, you could do what you like with the one I gave you. We would give Deanna her own Cube and set of drones."

"Err, I don't think so, your Majesty." I reply, "I believe she is happy where she is."

"Very well." she answers, "Although there might be a time when Troi would have no choice."

"Can I cut in?" Bev says, and I quickly get Riker to dance with the Alpha Borg Queen."

"Bev!" I exclaim, "You could get us all assimilated!"

"No souped-up Borg is going to stop me dancing the smoochy records with you, Jean-Luc." she says, and pulls me closer than the Queen could.



I check to see if the Alpha Queen and 01 are all right. Ensign Britney and T'Pol seem like they are telling the Borg one of their lewd jokes. As both the Queen and her subordinate are laughing uncontrolably, it looks like it went well.

"C'mon, Jean-Luc." says Bev, "Lighten up for Christmas."

I agree and give her a big kiss.

"Happy Christmas, Bev."

"Happy Christmas, Jean-Luc"

----------------------

Enterprise Christmas Party (Part Four)

By now, Lieutenant Worf was under the table as a result of him drinking all that Klingon Bloodwine.

I ask Commander Data what the latest Security situation is. His girlfriend Jennifer Baxter seems somewhat annoyed that I'd interrupted him just as they were going to do a romantic slow dance.

"As far as I know, Captain." he replies, "There was an altercation between some ninja warriors and Amazons that came with Queen Diana. The groups are being kept in different brigs for now until the end of the Party. Lieutenant Worf did his best to avoid any violence, although he was not in good condition."

"Indeed." I say, raising an eyebrow and seeing Lieutenant Worf under the drinking table, holding on to a bottle.

"Captain." Riker tells me, "More guests are arriving."

---------------

Epiphany walks in...

I can’t tell you my dismay when Ensign Britney asked me to accompany her to the Enterprise Christmas party this year. I mean, sure she’s my cousin, but we couldn’t be more different.

I work in a more administrative capacity on the Enterprise. Behind the scenes. Truth be told, I like it that way. I’m much more reserved than Britney, and don’t even get me started on when she and T’Pol get together. Embarrassment galore for yours truly.

It’s now 45 minutes past the time Britney said she’d pick me up. Ah, there’s the knock. Well, lovely. It’s apparent she has tipped more than a few back in anticipation of the night’s festivities. She is adorned in her usual “Santa’s Helper” outfit that would be better suited for an episode of The Girls Next Door. Did I mention she has a little piece of mistletoe affixed to the front of her Santa hat? Figures.



We’re off to the party. Britney is weaving left and right, and hooting and hollering like she’s at a rodeo. I just want to slink back to my quarters, but it’s too late as the Captain has seen us.

“Well, look at you, Ensign Britney. Appropriate attire as usual, I see.” the Captain says.
“And you, Epiphany. Thank you for coming. You usually sit these things out.”

“Yes sir” I reply “you’re right. I thought I’d live a little this year, what with the appearance of the Borg Queen and all.”

The Captain smiles, and continues to receive the guests.

Britney and I make our way toward the bar. The Strolling Drones are doing there level best to keep the energy upbeat, but most of the partygoers are seated and looking around at each other like deer in the headlights. Ah well, the evening has just begun. I’m sure it will pick up once…

“Hey, y’all!! What do you think this is, a funeral?!” Ensign Britney exclaims as she launches herself onto the bar and starts dancing. “It’s Christmas! Time to get crazy!”

She is immediately joined by T’Pol, and my worst nightmare is again realized by the re-formation of the Degradation Duo. Ugh! I can only imagine where this night will lead. Why didn’t I just stay in my quarters?

---------------

Rashbre has just appeared...


Rashbre and Britney's hopper was slipstreaming past a spectacularly long Romulan freighter. There was so much additional gravity from the mass of the other vessel that we flipped the G down two whole notches.

"Its one of those S-ANTA Specials", commented Britney, "The elvenfolk have a peak in their output at this time of year."

Rashbre nodded, centering the nav on a distant spec. "I can locate the Pole - we can make it in a single jump, but we need to be careful about nose-cone overheating."

A hop later and the craft was slowing down for docking, in a low orbit tractored to the Enterprise.

Rashbre contacted the holodeck. "You are still red", came the response. "You'll need to stay in orbit another few minutes until the nose stops glowing red."

"Thats great", said Britney,"I can get ready for the party. I want to take a couple of things off before we go inside - those parties are always so hot!"

Ten minutes later they stood in the Enterprise's VIP elevator, which someone had sprayed with permafrost. " I wasn't expecting this", tittered Britney, through chattering teeth. and suddenly they could hear "Get off my cloud" belting from the sound system. The Strolling Drones were rocking and everyone was dancing.

"The cloud must be a dense material such as titanium in a gravitational orbit", Data was saying to a small group gathered around, "It certainly can't be water based".



The others nodded, but Lwaxana was mouthing something to Craziequeen. "Nice brownies", she said, "Yes I added some schrooms", replied CQ giggling. "Its a re-enactment of an old recipe - it usually creates a few side effects!".

The dancefloor was spectacular; the Borg had used semigrav flooring. People skittered around in the mid air, whilst every few minutes a part of the dance floor received blasts of flexifoam, the brilliant foam which could be removed entirely by stepping back into a green light.

Bob-kat, Panthergirl and Florence were in some kind of floatation formation in mid air and Riker was in the middle of the group, spinning slowly in the low grav. "See how we can drink upside down", called Florence and Rashbre smiled across.

"Mine's the usual", Rashbre called to the Borg barman.

"You got it", came the reply, "You are always off piste, so that'll be an Intergalactic Garglebaster!"

Rashbre looked around - it was Captain Picard smiling, outstretched arms in greeting - "Great to see you after all this time", called Rashbre, "You too" came JLP's reply.

-----------------

Emerging from a telephone box in the corner is Superman

At first I didn't want to go to Captain Picard's Christmas party. But Lois talked me into it. With the citizens of Kandor, they can take care of Metropolis since they are now full sized. Besides Conner, and Kara wanted to go While Kara has been acting more normal, Conner...well I wouldn't want him to be the only one there to represent the Kryptonians of the 21 st century.

And it'll be a good way to get Ma off of The Kent Farm with all of the memories of Pa there. After being transported through time, and space well I wasn't expecting a drab dark overly sanitized high tech environment.

The Captain explained about the Borg Queen attending the party. This should be interesting, although I haven't ran into many all that many cybernetic beings that have been benevolent. Like Brainac, and Cyborg Superman.

Just as soon as I am about to take Lois to the dance floor, I'm swamped by by aliens who want to think me for saving there planets in my time or just wanting my autograph.

I take time to sign autographs, and speak with all of the aliens. " This is embarassing" I whisper to Lois.

“Yeah right you know you love it. "I roll my eyes when Cassandra Cain's future son Bruce causes a ruckus. You know I always thought Batgirl was a good match for Conner, plus it annoyed Batman so that was a bonus.

Although Vincent is a good kid from what I've seen of him, it does annoy Ma that Vegeta uses this as another reason why he thinks Saiyans are better than Kryptonians.

Anyway, after that little battle was over, some kid named Wesley. caused an explosion. No one was hurt since I stopped the fire with my super breath. But the anti-matter creature the explosion caused was released.

We finally stopped that by luring it into the engines. After that was over, The party restarted, and I had the chance to dance with Lois. Soon it was time for us to go back.

I found Kara With a green boy from the planet Orion he gave her his number. Hmmm Supergirl dating a green boy from the future why am I getting Deja Vu here?

I found Ma telling embarrassing stories about me as a baby. To the bartender Guinan. Sigh. Now to find Conner. I find him dancing on the tables and Great Krypton... he's nude!

“Woo! This synthahol is awesome!"

I almost didn't have the heart to tell him that synthetic alcohol does not make you drunk. I apologize to Captain Picard.

“Don’t worry we all know of Superman Secoundus' mischievous streak."

I’m transported back to my time before I could ask "who?"

------------

More Guests on the Final Party Day tomorrow!

Enterprise Christmas Party (Part Three)

"Are you keeping an eye on Ensign Britney?" I ask Mr Worf, who clearly looks like he has been drinking too much already.

"Yesh, Cap'n." he replies in a slight stupor, "She hash'ent caushed any trouble."

I sigh.

Perhaps someone should be keeping an eye on Mr Worf?

More guests are here...

------------------

Bruce Cain appears.

Wow this weird, usually I only go into the past. Believe me it's strange to see your parents as high school sweethearts. Now I'm centuries into the future. Well a future.

When I received the invitation from this Captain Picard I was going to decline, but Gwen insisted on going. though I think it could be a trap... " How in the world did you inherit Bruce Wayne's paranoia? he's only your adopted grandfather." She glares at me.

But when I saw the dress she was wearing well I had to go.


So we are transported to through space, and time to the Enterprise when I say we I men me Gwen, and several ninja body guards.We appeared in what looked like Borg Cube.

" Blast it I knew it was a trap!" I take out a a sword , and several non Borg point at me with some kind of laser guns. This bald man who identifies himself as the Captain tells me this is all only an illusion except for real Borg.

Bah! I can't believe people in the future are letting these things walk around with them. I'm wary of the cyborgs as me , and Gwen meet new people. She makes some joke about how my grandmother Bulma would love to study the android Data.

I groan until this blonde with a spear. shows up and asks Gwen about her man servant.

"Who Bruce? No he's the greatest fighter in our time."

This Karena laughs. " I bet you just let him think that don't you?" she says with a mocking laugh.
Stupid Amazons.

"Attack." I tell my ninjas.

" Aww! Come on Bruce! This is way we can never go anywhere nice. I take a remote from my pocket that my Grandmother gave and used it to sic the Borg on to any amazon in this Holodeck.

An angry Klingon attacked me with this huge sword like thing well I'm going to get some fun here after all. " Yes Klingon! it's a good day to die isn't it?"
Our blades clang causing sparks to fly. I start to enjoy myself when several of my ninjas are knocked away by a small woman in all black. Oh no it can't be. Mom.

I had no idea she was here. I'm humiliated as I'm berated by her in front of the Klingon, the amazons, and the Borg. I knew I shouldn't have come here. Now she's going to make m apologise to everyone Bah!

------------

Behind Bruce, a caped figure emerges... Batman

So it's that time of year again time Captain Picard's Christmas Party. And of course, Robin, and Nightwing have plans with their girlfriends or in Dick's case one of many. So like last year. I only go with Diana, and Cassandra.
I find a surprise, as I'm picked up by the Enterprise's transporter. Clark along with his family was here. And oddly a woman that looked exactly like Diana. The Queen of Wondwawoman.



Clark decides to tease me " She looks a lot like Wonder Woman. Perhaps she is Diana? And that daughter..."

" Don't even say it Clark." I growl. "Just because they look alike doesn't mean they are the same person in fact... you would possibly know she isn't with all of those vision powers."

He does that farm boy laugh of his, and goes to learn about the alien cultures of this future. me I become stuck with Counselor Troi who keeps asking questions of my adventures in Gotham.



I see she is only using me to make the donut sugar clad Riker jealous. Hh. I don't have time for this. I use the distraction of the fearsome cyborg queen entering to to slip away.

I see Diana and caress her only to be slapped. " How dare you you strangely dressed Man?" Great wrong one. Before I'm executed by Amazons all the cyborgs attack along with ninjas.

Clark keeps them from assimilating any one while I stun them with electric Batarangs. Batgirl fights through a group of ninjas while Wonder Woman watches her back to keep the Borg off of her.

There she gets finds the source of the trouble her future possible son Bruce Cain. What comes next is strange scene where the younger Cassandra scolds the older Bruce. The fun of time travel.

After It's all over. Wonder Woman, Supergirl, Batgirl are all made honorary amazons of the planet Wondawowman. Me I'm told by them I'm too old to play with toys, and Superman is told he should not wear his underwear on the outside of his pants.

Hhh, story of my life.

--------------

Lahdeedah is next...

I arrived at the Christmas party late, but in good cheer, dressed to the nines in the perfect Little Black Dress, with matching sparkly bag.

I was in a good mood. I had slipped some mistletoe in my evening bag, and was kissing all the cuties I could find. Data was a bit tricky. He wanted to know just why he needed to kiss me if I held up a mistletoe. He finally relented when I said it was a sacred custom and he would be committing a serious breach of courtesy that I may report to the Captain if he didn't just hurry up and pucker up.

That line worked on all the guys, and I was having a blast until Seven of Nine showed up.

"What is that?"

"Um, mistletoe," I said.

"What power does it hold over men? You put it over their head, and they seem to obey you."

"It's mostly symbolic."

"I want it."

"Excuse me?"

"If, by holding this little piece of greenery over a man's head, it reduces him to such giggling little fool, than it is powerful, and I want one."

"Right, okay then."

I handed her the mistletoe and watched her brandish it over some poor half-sober-half-drunk ensign.

I wondered how the night would end for her, and passed by the Strolling Drones… they'd be a real hit in my time – and headed for the bar. With one form of fun taken away, it was time to seek out another kind.


More Guests in Part Four tomorrow!

Enterprise Christmas Party (Part Two)

"How is the party going?" I ask Commander Riker, who seems more interested in doing the next jive with Deanna Troi.

"It's going really well, sir." he answers in the middle of being twisted around, "The Strolling Bones really know how to play a song."

I turn to Mr Worf, who is having an extra Klingon Bloodwine with Jadzia Dax. I ask about security.

"No one in the brig yet, Captain." he answers, "But the Security Team are on standby."

"Good." I answer, "I see that new guests are arriving."

------------

Merlyn Gabriel and her friend arrive.



“Remind me again, my dear, why we are going to this thing?” Thrawn asked as I added the last touches of make up to my face.

“Because it’s tradition and because I get invited and I don’t get invited to that many parties so I rather like to go to this one, besides it’s always interesting.” I said, “You enjoyed last year’s.”

“And what is the theme this year?”

I shrugged slightly, “Something about the Borg.”

Thrawn arched an eyebrow, “I see.” He went to the bedside table and picked up his sidearm.

“What are you doing?” I asked watching him add the pistol holster to his dress uniform.

“As I recall the Borg have a tendency to want to assimilate any species they come across, I’d prefer it if they didn’t assimilate us.”

I nodded sagely and smiled. “I doubt that Captain Picard would allow that to happen, it’s a Christmas party not a war.”

“Tekari, when you attend an event sometimes it is hard to tell the difference, especially with the way things have habit of happening, remember the auction on Tatooine?”

I sighed as I finished getting ready. “That was not my fault, I swear.”

“Uh huh.” Thrawn nodded and placed my wrap over my shoulders. “Funny how often you say these words. Do try to stay out of trouble this evening, my dear.”

I ignored his barb and slipped my hand on his offered arm, looking forward to the party we were going to.

***

We arrived on board the Enterprise and were met by a Borg drone that didn’t say very much but indicated we should follow him. As he walked I wondered if all the implants were not a little bit painful because he moved stiffly.

“You know, we have great medical droids who could fix your uhm… attachments.” I said.

“Your inferior technology is not desired. I am perfect as I am.” The drone said somewhat stiffly. “You would be wise not to mention this to our Queen she may decide to assimilate you and your friend.” He stopped when we arrived at the Holodeck where the party was being held. “Enjoy your evening.” The drone said and before we could answer back or thank him he turned abruptly and walked stiffly back to the transporter room.

Thrawn glanced at me and smiled, “Well my dear, shall we?”

The decorations took my breath away quite literally; the Holodeck had been set to resemble the inside of a Borg cube including the warmer temperatures. I was glad I had worn something light and revealing, I was also glad I had convinced Thrawn to wear something other than his uniform. I thought he looked very smart in his black dress pants with matching black shirt and jacket.

We stood for a moment and took in the sights, the decoration was fabulous if a bit grim, instead of the usual festive trees, lights and tinsel the entire holo suite looked a bit like something out of a carbonite ore processing unit done up in eerie green lighting with extra steam thrown in for effects. I half expected to see Han Solo decorating the wall. The industrial style didn’t seem to put a damper on anyone’s fun though and I smiled as Thrawn wove through the crowds to meet up with the Captain who, standing beside his girlfriend Beverley, looked very dapper in his dress uniform.

“Merlyn, “He said graciously, “How lovely to see you again, I trust you had a pleasant trip here and that your year has been a good one.”

I opened my mouth to answer when Thrawn interrupted; I think he was afraid I’d launch into some tirade about how rotten my year had been what with my father being killed and all.

“Captain how pleasant to meet you once more and Doctor Crusher you are looking quite resplendent in that dress.”

“Why thank you, comman….er… capt…ermmm.” She stammered, blushing.

“Please call me Thrawn, at your service.” He replied giving her a curt military nod, leaving off his rank. It was a party after all.

“Oh of course Thrawn, and may I just say what a lovely shirt you have on and how well it matches your hair.” Beverly replied.

I glanced from Thrawn’s beautiful blue black hair to the Captain’s head but refrained from saying anything. I thought the captain looked very handsome just as he was.

Captain Picard put an arm protectively around his date and Thrawn kept his expression neutral but I caught the twinkle in his eyes which I read as saying ‘don’t worry captain I already have one chaotic red head in my life and she is more than enough trouble as it is.’ I gave him a look which he tactfully ignored.

“As usual there is a lovely buffet with many different types of food, we managed to make certain that the Borg kept in mind not everyone uses regeneration chambers for nutritional purposes and the band is very good, Merlyn I think you have heard them before, the Strolling Drones.” Captain Picard said, “I hope that you will both enjoy yourselves and Admiral Thrawn perhaps we can speak later over a drink?”

Thrawn raised an eyebrow in surprise, “Of course Captain, might I ask about what?”

The Captain leaned over and whispered something discretely into Thrawn’s ear which made him laugh.

“Of course Captain, I’d be happy to share.”

“Then until later.” Captain Picard said and gracefully began to greet his next guest.

“What was all that about?” I asked as Thrawn led me away to a table, signalling a nearby drone who was serving drinks to pass by.

“He wished for advice on how to handle unruly women. A problem with one or two of his female crew members I believe.” Thrawn said as he plucked two glasses of what looked like sparkly white wine from the drone’s tray.

“There are no nanites in these drinks are there?” I asked staring at the sparkles suspiciously.

“No there are not. We were forbidden to do so or else we would have assimilated the entire ship by now!” The drone said crossly and moved away to continue the menial task of serving drinks.

“And just how would you know how to deal with unruly female crew members?” I asked taking a sip of the drink which turned out to be delicious. “Almost all the crews in the ISDs are male.

Thrawn smiled, “I deal with you don’t I?”

I was about to retort when a decidedly seductive female voice purred from behind Thrawn. “And who might you be? I do not believe I have ever seen your species before?”

I made a face then hid it quickly, the Borg Queen wasn’t one to take rudeness lightly and it was sort of her party as well.

Thrawn maintained his usual air of politeness and introduced himself. “My people are known as the Chiss but they tend to keep themselves to themselves, a touch of unfortunate xenophobia I am afraid.”



“You do not seem to have this trait.” She said eyeing me in a manner which made me feel as though I were something the jax had dragged in.

Thrawn smiled graciously, “I find that prejudice against a being merely because they do not resemble one’s self is foolish and a waste of resources.”

“Ah yes,” the Queen smiled, “You appear to be quite intelligent, more so than the average human.” She glanced at me again.

Thrawn arched an eyebrow, “Perhaps but I have discovered that intelligence is not the only trait desirable in the universe.” He replied, “A mix of all things generally tends to make for harmonious living.”

I stifled a giggle. It was ironic that the Empire’s greatest warrior was talking about harmony.

The Queen turned to me. “You do not agree with this?” she asked.

I stared her straight in the yes, “I do but he backs this up with a very large fleet of warships. Harmony by force isn’t really harmonious is it?”

Thrawn’s lips twitched in amusement.

“A fleet of warships?” the Queen asked. “So you and your people would be prepared to fight off an invasion?”

“Indeed madam, my people do not take kindly to aggressors invading our territory and are quite ferocious when given half a chance, do not let the cool blue exterior fool you.”

“I guess I shall have to reconsider assimilation then.” She mused, “If you will excuse me, I must go and speak with Seven about something rather urgent. In the meantime why don’t you both enjoy your evening.”

Thrawn waited until she was out of earshot before speaking, “Rather large fleet of warships?” he asked with a smile.

“The only female who gets to assimilate you is me.” I told him tartly, wondering if anyone else was going to come over and fawn over Thrawn.

“And one of you is more than enough,” He grinned, “I do not think I would have the energy for anything else.” He told me leaning in close to kiss my bare shoulder. “Now shall we dance before you feel the need to use some of your extraordinary Jedi force tricks and we get kicked out of this rather unusual party by that impressive looking Klingon over there for being rowdy?”

I took his offered hand and let him lead me to the dance floor. I would take dancing with Thrawn over anything else any time of the day. He slid his hand around my waist and pulled me close just as the band began to play a waltz.

“Tekari,” He whispered in my ear, “They’re playing our song, shall we show them how it’s done in the galaxy far far away?”

I smiled and let him sweep me off my feet, just as he had done at the Emperor’s Grand Ball all those years ago. All in all the evening was off to a very fine start.

--------------

More Guests in Part Three tomorrow!

Enterprise Christmas Party (Part One)

"Is the holodeck program all set up, Mr LaForge?" I ask.

"It certainly is, Captain." he replies, "We're ready to go."

I open the door to reveal what looks like the inner workings of a Borg Cube. As we walk in, we can see a dance area, a section where the catering is set up, and a bandstand for the Borg group The Strolling Drones.

"Any sign of the Alpha Borg Queen, Captain?" Riker asks me, "We're supposed to give her the red carpet treatment."

"Long range sensors show that she is on her way, Commander." Data answers.

"Right then." I say, "Everybody in position. The first guests are coming on to the Enterprise!"

-----------------

The first guest to the Party is Michael Manning



This year proved to be difficult for a number of very obvious reasons. My Respect for Captain Picard precludes that I NOT look at Bev with a "wandering eye", as they say (of course, we all know who "they" are).

The Borg drones are here not only serving appetizers, but-dare I say it?--droning on with Rick Springfield's 1981 hit "Jesse's Girl" under their own banner as--and I love this--"The Strolling Drones". "Tell me, why can't I find a woman like that?", they intone.

Immediately, with my Martini (shaken, not stirred) I gaze over to Karena and wonder if she has even taken note of me. She is smiling and looking at messages on her Enterprise Cellular Phone.

Then it happens! She looks at me and winks!!

I sip my Martini and my mind races. What if Ensign Britney is here? Where DID I valet my ATV space vehicle? Did I leave it on "hover"? And did Karena really get married, or was it similar to "the dream sequence" in the old USA TV Series "Dallas", where Bobby is not dead, but merely in the shower as his wife awakens from--yes--a bad dream? Could this event be "the dream" sequence?

I approach Karena before the party begins to get crowded. Remember, the RSVP list included numerous planetary origination and destination sites.

Karena opens the conversation. "I noticed your stare".

"Oh, sorry if I offended. But you can hardly blame me. A wonderful ambiance, a Martini to 'Die Another Day' for, the Hologram fireplace, and then of course you. Beautiful fragrance by the way. What is it?" I ask wistfully.



"Prelude du Beay", she answers.

"Most alluring, like your eyes" I intone.

"You presume a bit much Mr. Manning".

A volley is required here: "Au Contraire", I respond. "A beautiful woman should never be neglected on an evening such as this. I'm merely here to keep away the womanizers".

Karena smiles and picks up her own drink, a Fontane du Asteroid.

"Well, that's very thoughtful of you".

My turn. "Yes, well a gentleman takes note of many nuances. And of course, your looks are but a gift from--shall we say--the universe?"

The Captain approaches.

"Ah, Michael (firm handshake) good of you to cross the galaxy".

I reply: "Yes well, Sir Richard Branson made an exception and I was placed on stand by with a flight and full access to his ATV space vehicle. I could hardly say no".

The Captain notices my wandering eye for Karena.

"Allow me to give you both a tour of the new Bridge", he says.

We walk on. As I gently take Karena's elbow I say, "Captain, I think tonight is the beginning of a beautful friendship".

The Captain looks at me, then over to a now smiling Karena and raises an eyeborw as we walk to the Hologram Bridge.

-------------

Curmudgeon is the next guest to appear.

Personal Log, Star Date Unknown.

I never could figure out these #@!$%!! star dates.

It's hard to believe that this is my third invitation to the Enterprise Christmas Party. I have formulated a new hypothesis as to why I'm growing so old so quickly: It must be because I am ageing in both the 21st and 24th Centuries.

I always enjoy my visits to the Enterprise, but I must admit some apprehension as I approach this year's party. Once again the Holodeck will be configured to appear like a Borg Cube. I hate to admit any prejudice, but, frankly, the Borg really creep me out.

And the Strolling Drones are scheduled to play this year. Again. Keith Richard (I guess he did finally give in and change it to "Richards" during my original timeline) -- but, anyway, Keith Richard was scary enough when he was a human.

Well, sort of a human.

Actually, now that I think about it, he doesn't really look that much different as a Borg. Maybe a bit less leathery.

And the other problem is buying presents. In my culture, it's expected to exchange gifts at Christmastime. On the Enterprise they have replicators. I mean, what am I going to do? Buy Counselor Troi a box of chocolate? She sashays over to the computer and brings up chocolate that outclasses anything I can hope to bring. This year, though, I do have a box of Krispy Kremes for Commander Riker. The replicator seems to gum up whenever it tries to recreate these. And I did find a Tin Man collectible for Mr. Data, and large bottle of prune juice for Commander Worf.

I have a tin of cookies for everyone else on the Senior Staff. I hope these will do.

Curmudgeon log entry out.

* * * * * * * *

I suppose I needn't have been so apprehensive. I was seated at Lt. Barclay's table for dinner.



If there's anyone more skittish about the Borg than he is, I don't want to meet them. I felt braver just by comparison. And Montgomery Scott stopped by, in full tartan plaid, to chat. He was looking for engineers to talk to but Barclay was too n-n-n-n-nervous to t-t-t-talk about engineering and Mr. Scott was on the point of leaving when I asked if he would join me in a wee dram of single malt Scotch.

Well, one wee dram led to another and soon thereafter the Borg didn't bother me so much.

My recollection becomes hazy after awhile... but I think Mr. Scott and I were invited to leave after we tried to pour Scotch into one of the Borg waiters.

"Now, we're going to ashimilate you, you shemi-mechanical beastie," Mr. Scott said. I remember that very distinctly.

And I remember Dr. Crusher looking at me very crossly in Sick Bay the next morning, too....

----------------

More Party guests tomorrow in Part Two!

Christmas Party Updates

I call all of the senior staff into the meeting room.

"As Halloween is now over." I start, ""We ought to look forward to Christmas and making sure everything is running according to schedule."



"Do what?" snorts Worf, "It seems like the Borg are controlling the procedings this year. We ought.."

"There is nothing wrong with that!" snaps Seven of Nine, "The Borg are supreme organisers. With our Hive Mind anything can ba accomplished."

Worf looks disgusted.

"I don't see why we have to kowtow to them?" asks Jadzia, "Just because their leader wants to come."

"The Alpha Borg Queen." is the leader of our race." Seven says angrily, "You should feel honoured that that such a mighty being has lowered herself to come to visit such a puny ship."

Phew! Seven sure knows how to make friends. I think it's time to diffuse the row that is brewing.

"Let's move on." I say, "Now the theme of the Party this year is that a holodeck will be made to look like a Borg Cube, with a specially prepared dance area. Do they have those in normal Cubes, Seven?"



"Only when we have something to celebrate, Locutus." she replies, "Like having just assimilated an entire planet. We have a high old time then."

I'm not sure she is telling the truth or just showing some Borg humour.

"Err yes, well." I continue, "Well, as you know, the Alpha Borg Queen will we making a special visit. We want to show her that we are a civilised race..."

"...Worthy of assimilation?" butts in Ensign Britney. Her comment incites a few to murmur words of agreement.

"What about the guests, Jean-Luc?" whispers Bev, in an attempt to help me.

"Ah yes, the guests." I swiftly say, "Now the invites will be going out in mid-November for the Party that will commence on Monday 1st December."

"I hope we won't have any problems with them." complains Worf, "Last year, some of them were from the 21st Century and I had to put some of them in the brig. It interfered with the temporal directive and we got into trouble for that."

"Yes, we will have to be careful." I say, "And Mr Worf, you will NOT be allowed to imprison the Alpha Borg Queen. It's a diplomatic visit and would mean the end of the human race if you did."

Everyone mumbles a little.

"All right then." I say, "I think that's all for now."

On the way out, I still hear Jadzia talking to Worf saying "There's gonna be trouble."

Enterprise Valentine Ball

Now that it is February 14th, all the crew are decked out in their best clothes, ready to attend the Enterprise Valentine Ball in the Sands nightclub.

We all approach the entrance, I have my best tuxedo on. I am escorting Beverly as she wears a stunning red dress, together with a rose.



I know she wore this at the Christmas Party, but any man who values their life does not remind the woman they are with of this fact.

Besides that, she looks good in it.

"Looking forward to it, Jean-Luc?" she asks, as she kisses me on the cheek.

"Yes, Bev." I reply, "I hear that Vic Fontaine has quite a romantic musical set for us tonight."

As we enter, I see all the couples are ready, and the music begins with 'We've Only Just Begun'

We've only just begun to live,
White lace and promises
A kiss for luck and we're on our way.
And yes, We've just begun.

Before the rising sun we fly,
So many roads to choose
We start our walking and learn to run.
And yes, We've just begun.

Sharing horizons that are new to us,
Watching the signs along the way,
Talking it over just the two of us,
Working together day to day
Together.

And when the evening comes we smile,
So much of life ahead
We'll find a place where there's room to grow,
And yes, We've just begun.

All the couples are chatting, but I notice that one person is on her own. Ro Laren.

"What's happened to Ro?" I ask Riker.

"She couldn't get a date, Captain." he replies, "Sometimes her abrasive attitude makes her a little unapproachable."

"But every one else has a date." I say, "Data is with Jennifer, Seven has got Reg Barclay with her, although I think she is just about tolerating him. As for T'Pol and Ensign Britney, they are happier dancing with each other. The men run off after approaching them."



"All right, you lovebirds." says Vic, "Here's another slow dance for you."

"Number One." I say, "I'm ordering all the male senior staff to have a turn in dancing with Ro Laren. Pass the word around. I'll start with this dance."

I approch Ro.

"Would you like to dance this one?"



"Sure, Captain." she replies.

We start, although unfortunatately, the song turns out to be 'Won't Somebody Dance With Me?'

And now the band is playing very slow
and once again, I'll get my coat and go
a lonely wallflower waiting by the wall
without the will power to face the music at all

Please, won't somebody dance with me
start up a romance with me
just someone somewhere
someone who dare take a chance with me

I feel so silly in my patent shoes
so many partners but one of them will choose
a lonely wall flower feeling rather tired
feeling undesired

Please, won't somebody dance with me
start up a romance with me
just someone somewhere
someone who dare take a chance with me

May I have the pleasure of this dance?

Doo doo doo doo doo
----

"Get together with your true love, folks." calls out Vic a few hours later, "Time to close the Ball. I need someone for this song to sing a duet with. Ro, come up here."

Surprised, she gets to the stage and they sing "Close To You."

Why do birds suddenly appear
Every time you are near?
Just like me, they long to be
Close to you.

Why do stars fall down from the sky
Every time you walk by?
Just like me, they long to be
Close to you.

On the day that you were born
The angels got together
And decided to create a dream come true
So they sprinkled moon dust in your hair of gold
And starlight in your eyes of blue.

That is why all the girls in town
Follow you all around.
Just like me, they long to be
Close to you.

On the day that you were born
The angels got together
And decided to create a dream come true
So they sprinkled moon dust in your hair of gold
And starlight in your eyes of blue.

That is why all the girls in town
Follow you all around.
Just like me, they long to be
Close to you.
Just like me (Just like me)
They long to be
Close to you.

Wahhhhhhhhhhh, close to you.
Wahhhhhhhhhhh, close to you.
Hahhhhhhhhhhh, close to you.
Lahhhhhhhhhhh, close to you.


A happy Ro Laren leaves the stage.

"Thanks, Vic." I say quietly.

"Anytime, Captain."

"Happy Valentine's Day, Jean-Luc." says Bev, and kisses me.

"Happy Valentine's Day, Beverly."

It's My Birthday!

Ah well, today's my birthday. Another mile on the clock.

Best not to think like that. After all, it is 'my day'. Never mind the fact that it's another digit.

I get a video call from Admiral Hollister.

"Ah, Captain Picard." he announces cheerfully, "May I wish you a Happy Birthday?"

"Thank you sir." I answer. I can see what's coming here.

"Another year older." he comments, "Before long, it'll be time to receive that gold watch and head off into the sunset."

"I have no plans to retire, sir." I answer sharply.

"Ah well." he answers, "I know we have many fine young officers here in Starfleet who are waiting to fill.."

"Thank you for your good wishes, Admiral." I say gruffily, and switch the viewer off. I I get any more of those sort of messages, there will be trouble.

I head out of my quarters. Deanna sees me and walks with me to the Bridge.

"Happy Birthday, Captain!" she says in a friendly manner and gives me a peck on the cheek, "It's good to see you're still here. After all, the responsibilities of being the Captain of the Enterprise must weigh heavily on a man of your age."

Aaaaggh! I say nothing.

We reach the Bridge, and everyone there wishes me a Happy Birthday. Riker congratulates me on reaching this age. Is he trying to say something?

"No one would have reached your age in the Terran Empire." comments T'Pol, "They are deemed unsuitable to command a ship and are removed."

I dread to think what 'removed' means to T'Pol.

-----------------

A few hours later, we are all in Ten Forward, enjoying the birthday party that has been set up. The hologram Vic Fontaine is leading everybody in a song:

"Happy Birthday to you,
Happy Birthday to you,
Happy Birthday, dear Captain,
Happy Birthday to you."

There is a big cheer and Bev steps forward with a present.



"This is a present that we thought you would really like, Jean-Luc." she says to me.

I open it and see what it says.

Do you have a holodeck? Are you a pontential actor? Congratulations! Live out your fantasies in this, The Shakesperian Holoprogram. All the plays are here. You can live any role in them. This program is more real than typical programs. It's like no program you've had before!!

"It's wonderful, Bev" I tell her, "Just what I wanted." We kiss.

The dancing starts, and I lead Bev off in a waltz, while the others dance away.

While getting a Klingon Bloodwine, I hear Riker and Deanna talking to each other about something.

"Are you sure it's safe?" Deanna asks him, "I heard that you had to get it from someone in an alleyway."



"Don't worry, Deanna." Riker replies, "He assured me it was perfectly alright, just a little bit experimental, and hadn't been officially released. We were lucky to get the Program ahead of release time, or we wouldn't have had anything to give him."

Deanna notices I am listening, and she nudges Riker. They suddenly start talking about the good food that was served at the party.

I wonder what that was all about? Anyway, I'll be looking forward to trying the Program soon.

Time to get dancing with Bev again. The smooch numbers are coming up!

---------------------

Author's Note:

As 14th January is my birthday, I''ve received the unabridged version of Philippa Gregory's novel 'The Boleyn Inheritance', as it is what I asked for. There were no Shakesperian Holoprograms available!

New Years Eve

It's time to board the Enterprise again after our Christmas break.

Over the last few days, it has been in Space Dock being cleaned by the latest Starfleet techniques, so we are all ready to fly to uncharted parts of the galaxy.

After we've had our New Year's Eve Party, of course.

All of the crew are about to board, with me leading the way when we are stopped by a little old lady who is carrying a mop, a cleaning pan and a bucket. She is smoking a cigarette and already has another lit ready to replace it.


"Hold it right there!" she says, and then emits a wheezing cough.

"Who are you?" I ask.

"I'm Edna Smith, the Starfleet cleaning lady." she replies, "And I'm here to warn you not to make a mess of this ship again. If it hadn't been for the help of that nice Mister Q, I'd still be there now, working my fingers to the bone..."

"Q!" I exclaim, "Q has been on the ship?"

"Yes." Edna replies, "Such a charming man. A real friendly gentleman. It's too bad there aren't more people like him running Starfleet."

Riker laughs and I give out a grudging mumble.

"Now see here, Mrs Smith." I tell her, "You'll have to go, as we are on an urgent mission."

"You mean your New Year's Party?" Edna replies sharply, "Now let me tell you, Captain, "I saw bloodwine stains all over the carpets. Everywhere was a disgrace. Can't your crew behave themselves? If not, I can't let you on to celebrate the New Year."

There is a groan from the 1000 plus crew behind me. Worf steps forward.

"Now see here, madam." he tells Edna in an officious voice, "I shall be forced to remove you if you do not comply with the Captain's wishes."

"You would manhandle a defenceless old woman?" she tells him, "I've been doing this job over 50 years." Edna then proceeds to push the wet mop in Worf's face.

"How about if we let you come to the party, Mrs Smith?" I suggest, "After all, we are not leaving Space Dock until the party is over."

Edna contemplates this. "You're on." she says.

Somehow, I think this is what she wanted all along!

--------------------

It's New Years's Eve and the Party is in full swing in Ten Forward.



"How do you think the party is going, Jean-Luc?" Beverly asks me, as Vic Fontaine sings another from his New Year set.

"Very well, Bev." I reply, "Edna Smith is enjoying herself. I can see Ensign Barclay was a little shocked when she grabbed him and tried to dance the Bossa Nova."



Ensign Britney came in her blonde wig, but it wasn't long before she tried to take of the microphone off Vic and wanted to sing an X-rated version version of Auld Lang Syne. Fortunately, Worf's team of security got to her and now she's in her natural habitat...the brig.

"What am I going to do with that girl, Counselor? I ask Deanna.

"I'm not sure." she replies, "She was the subject of a whole Couselor's Conference at one stage, but they all gave up."

"All right, folks," Vic shouts out, "It's nearly midnight. Get your loved ones near you and your lips ready..."

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!

Should auld acquaintance be forgot,
And never brought to mind?
Should auld acquaintance be forgot,
And auld lang syne?
Chorus:
For auld lang syne, my dear,
For auld lang syne.
We'll take a cup o' kindness yet,
For auld lang syne.

And surely ye'll be your pint-stowp!
And surely I'll be mine!
And we'll take a cup o' kindness yet,
for auld lang syne.

We twa hae run about the braes
And pou'd the gowans fine.
We've wandered mony a weary foot,
Sin' auld lang syne.

We twa hae sported i' the burn,
From morning sun till dine,
But seas between us braid hae roared
Sin' auld lang syne.

And ther's a hand, my trusty friend,
And gie's a hand o' thine;
We'll tak' a right good willie-waught,,
For auld lang syne.

Bev and I both kiss, as do all the other couples. Seven Of Nine approaches me.

"I do not understand the lyrics of this song." she complains.

"Perhaps you should have assimilated Robert Burns?" I say with a wry comment. Seven leaves, none the wiser.

Beverly laughs.

"Would it have been a good idea to have all the Borg talking like Robert Burns?"

"Possibly not." I reply, "But they might have written a few good poems."

--------------

Author's Note:
To all the readers of my Journal, I wish them a very Happy New Year!