Saturday, December 31, 2005

TWQ: New Year's Resolutions & Relections

As a New Year is about to start, The Weekend Question (TWQ) turns to Resolutions and then Reflections:

What New Year's Resolutions have you made in the past? Which have been broken? Which have you kept to this day?


What do you remember most about 2005? What have you accomplished?

My answers are:

I'm not one for making resolutions usually. I have tried to say to myself that I should be more tolerant with people, although this can be very difficult with some! If 'to make friends' is a resolution, then I have done very well in 2005, by being friends with so many who connect to my Journal.

2005 is the year I started to try and write a blog; I had thought about this, but was unsure of how to go about it and what the subject should be. Initially, I thought about life in the office, but that was too dull! So I decided to write about something I knew. In doing so, I have been in contact with ba fine group of people.

Two additional pieces of information:

My thanks to Running2Ks nomination of me in The Best Of Blogs competition (Humour section) There are only two days before the nominations close.

Also: you must read the post by Craziequeen which explains the Christmas memories that I put in her blog earlier. It's very good!

I have just one more thing to add:

I wish you all a very happy and prosperous New Year!

Now it's over to you...

Thursday, December 29, 2005

Planning For New Year's Eve

I've had to call an Emergency Meeting of the senior staff in the Briefing Room.

Is there an alien invasion that threatens to destroy the Federation?

No, it seems there is a problem with the party planned for New Year's Eve on the Enterprise.

"What is the difficulty?" I ask Riker, who is the Party Organiser.

"Well, Captain, it seems that we cannot get Sid Starr to return for the occasion, as he is already booked at the Starfleet Officers Retirement Home. I suppose we just assumed he'd be free to attend."

"Maybe it's a good thing." suggests Geordi, "We could do with a band that's a little more hip for New Year's Eve. The only sort of hip Sid was is artificial hip."

Everybody laughs in a supressed way, except Data, who looks puzzled. Eventually he says, "Ah, artificial hip!" and gives a robotic stuttering laugh.

"What are we going to do?" inquires Beverly.

"How about a Klingon band?" suggests Worf.

"Though it's an idea," answers Riker, "They can tend to sing Klingon ballads and tell tales of how good everything used to be when Kahless was around."

"Are you suggesting that is wrong?" Worf answers angrily.

"Er, no." Riker says quickly, "But they are not suitable for a New Year's Eve party."

"Will" asks Deanna, "Do you know just who IS available?"

"I've made a lot of enquiries" he says, "And all the bands are either booked out to starships or Federation planets. The only one available is Dan Dreg and his group The Dregs Of Society."

"I've heard about them, Number One." I tell him, "They have a very bad reputation, ending up in jail. They verbally abuse all the audience that see them."

"The whole of Vulcan went into a month-long meditation after they had played a concert there. It sent them into shock." Data tells us.

"How about a holographic band in one of the holodecks?" suggests Beverly.

"I don't think that would work." answers Geordi, "It's like good food; the people will want the real thing, rather than a replica."

"Well," Riker imforms us all, "We either employ The Dregs Of Society or The New Year's Eve party is cancelled."

I check with everyone else, who each think the event is necessary for crew morale.

"In that case, Commander Riker," I reluctantly say, "Contact Dan Dreg and tell him we want his band to play on the Enterprise on that date."

"Yes, sir."

As the others file out of the Briefing Room, I ask Worf to stay behind for a moment.

"Mr Worf," I tell him, "Make sure your Security team are on standby while the evening is going on, and keep the Brig ready for use. I've a feeling it may be in use that night, and who it's first occupants of the New Year are likely to be."

Tuesday, December 27, 2005

Back On The Enterprise

The crew have all now returned to the Enterprise after their Christmas break.

It was clearly a mistake going to the Captain's Conference on Vulcan. Who was the idiot who decided to hold the event there? After all, it's not exactly a fun place.

I was waiting for the dinner to start.

"Where are the party hats?" I asked the large Vulcan official, named Shrak. "What games will there be after dinner?"

"Vulcan does not believe in those sort of things." Shrak said coldly, "We supressed those emotions many years ago. Instead, you shall have a bare morsel and then talk about Federation matters."

The whole thing sounded like a politically correct office party that went on in the early 21st Century.

All of the Captains were relieved when it was all over, and we could return to the starships.

The systems were all re-activated, and the EMH carries on speaking; it wasn't exactly flattering to me.

"What happened?" he asks.

"We've switched you back on; it's after Christmas."

"Well that's typical!" he complains, "You switch me off and on whenevner you feel like it. I miss all the interesting things that go on."

Yes, like my trip to Vulcan, I thought.

Data and Jennifer Baxter are back from their trip to the Vega Gambling Resort. Data is wearing a striped uniform with 'FERENGI JAIL' on the back.

"How did you two get on?" I ask.

"Not too well." replies Jennifer, "The Ferengi soon found out we were using Data's positronic brain as we started winning credits. As the tables were obviously fixed, no one is ever supposed to win anything."

"So what happened next?"

"Data was put in the brig, and I had to use all our spending money to get him out. They added they won't press further charges as long as he doesn't say anything about the fixed tables."

Worf has returned from his trip to the Klingon homeworld. He has a large plaster on his face and a bandaged arm.

"Whatever happened to you, Mr Worf? Were you beaten by a tough Klingon warrior?"

"Er, not exactly, sir." he replies, rather hesitatingly, "If you recall, I mentioned that Alexander was getting his first mekleth as a present for the Klingon tradition of this time. Well, he, er, became very enthusiastic with it, and er, accidentally cut me with it."

I try to stop myself laughing.

"If you'll excuse me, sir. I have to visit SickBay for Skin Regeneration."

Deanna and Riker are back from Betazed. Things were a little strained beween the two of them after they left the planet. Riker tells me that both Deanna and her mother Lwaxana tried the 'high pressure' approach in order to get him to ask Deanna to marry him. Lwaxana was so intense that at one stage, Deanna shouted to Riker, "Don't you think that about my mother!"

It's very difficult to think clearly when both one's girlfriend and her mother are telepaths.

However, they both tell me that in the privacy of the shuttle from Betazed, the two made up from their little dispute.

I wonder what that means?

Geordi had to be carried back to his shuttle on the the planet Travolta, where the Disco-A-Go-Go is situated. Trisha Lewis won the Individual Daily Disco Award for her dancing skills easily, but in the pairs, he could not keep up with Trisha, who seems to have to energy of five normal women.

He is now in the SickBay getting an extra-high dosage Adrenalin boost.

Beverly has returned from her dinner with Wes. She tells me how the kitchen was nearly destroyed of the restaurant they went to.

"Fortunately, Wes was able to save us all." Beverly tells me, "It was lucky that he decided to take a look inside the kitchen. It was only a few moments later, when he started moving the dials around, that the ovens threatened to blow up and cause an explosion big enough to wipe out the resaurant and everybody inside. Fortunately, he switched the system off just in time and everybody was all right."

"Yes, it was very lucky he was there, Beverly."

Anywhere Wesley goes is a cue for instant evacuation.

Now that the crew is back, it will be almost time to visit strange new worlds, and go where no one has gone before.

Haven't I heard that line before?

Saturday, December 24, 2005

TWQ: Christmas Presents & Memories

As this is the Season of Goodwill, The Weekend Question (TWQ) looks at presents. Because it is the holiday period, this will extend until the evening of Tuesday 27th, English time.

Though all presents are given with good intentions, what are the best presents and the most pointless Christmas presents you have ever had? What did you do with the ones you didn't have?

Here is my answer:

The best presents I ever had were when I was young. The spirit of Christmas made everything seem wonderful. I looked forward to the many comic annuals that I received and the latest toys and games that I drooled over in the shops. Naturally, my parents had no part in all this, as it was Santa Claus who delivered them all. 'Mouse Trap', 'Lego' etc were all examples of this.
During this time, a friend of my father gave me 'Robinson Crusoe'. This seemed to be a very pointless novel, as I hadn't been asked what sort of things I read. That said, I am now a prolific reader.

Lately, the best Christmas present was a Bose clock radio. This was a top of the range model and a real surprise.

I have never passed on any presents; the only ones that have moved on are clothes that are not quite my size or were not quite my style and changed them for something else.

And now another bonus game to keep you entertained::

I have borrowed this from Craziequeen


RULES: If your eyes are passing over this right now, (even if we don't speak often) please post a comment here on my blog with a COMPLETELY MADE UP AND FICTIONAL CHRISTMAS MEMORY of you and me. It can be anything you want - good or bad - BUT IT HAS TO BE FAKE.

And, if you feel like it, when you're finished leaving your comment, post this little paragraph on your blog and be surprised (or mortified) with the memories people create....(isn't this fun?)

Now it's over to you...

I wish all visitors a Happy Christmas and prosperous New Year.

Thursday, December 22, 2005

In Space Dock

The Enterprise is in space dock over Earth so that the crew can all go on their shore leave over the Christmas holidays.

Besides that, the ship needs a little renovating, especially Ten Forward. It's looked a mess ever since we had the party. Have you ever tried getting a Klingon Bloodwine stain out off the carpet? The simplest procedure is to buy a new carpet.

The EMH is being switched off for the duration. He particularly objects to this.

"Why can't I enjoy the procedings like everybody else?" he demands.

I try to explain that as the entire ship was been cleaned and checked out, the EMH was part of the programming, and needs to be closed down until it was done.

"After all, a holographic Santa Claus isn't going to visit you." I say with a smile.

This was a mistake, as he clearly doesn't have a sense of humour. Perhaps one ought to be programmed into the EMH?

"Is that supposed to be funny?" he says.

"Err....Computer...deactivate EMH"

He disappears just as he is about to say something I'm glad I didn't hear.

Data is taking Jennifer Baxter to the Vega Gambling Resort, run by the Ferengi. She thinks that with his positronic brain, they may be able to get a massive amount of credits.

I'm a little worried at that; we may find we're at war with the Ferengi when we come back. For a gambler to get so many credits from them is hardly on their Laws of Acquisitions.

Worf is going to the Klingon homeworld. There is a special holiday that takes place there. According to tradition, the great warrior Kahless is supposed to visit all Klingon children and leave a weapon to maim somebody with overnight. He will be going with Alexander. Worf tells me he will be giving him his first mekleth.

Deanna has gone with Riker to Betazed, so they can have dinner with her mother Lwaxana. He wasn't too keen, but has grudgingly gone. Before she left, Deanna said goodbye and looks forward to seeing us again after the holidays. She and Worf spent a long time saying goodbye in his quarters.

Lwaxana asked if I would like to come along, but I said how my Christmas vacation was all set up; at the time, I wasn't sure how, though. I knew Christmas with Lwaxana could be one of the trickiest ways to spend the time.

Trisha Lewis has taken Geordi to the Disco-A-Go-Go complex on the planet Travolta. In there, non-stop disco goes round the clock. There will be lots of Christmas hits like 'Grooving With Santa' and 'Reindeer Rock'

Beverly is having Christmas dinner with Wes. The Academy is closed for the Christmas term, and also so that it can be repaired after all the accidents that have happened there. They have invited me to join them there.

"Wes really wants us to have a super dinner together, and be just like a family" She says.

"I don't think so, Beverly" I regretfully say, "I have to go to the Captains' Christmas Dinner on Vulcan. It may not be the cheeriest place to be, but you know what Starfleet are like if I don't go."

"Perhaps we can have dinner just by ourselves sometimes afterwards." she suggests, with a slight hint.

"Now THAT is a dinner I WOULD look forward to, Bev"

"Have a lovely Christmas Jean-Luc."

"You, too, Beverly." I say, as I get the mistletoe poised.


And I wish you ALL a wonderful Christmas and a peaceful New Year.

Tuesday, December 20, 2005

An Unfortunate Accident


N-now, I'm er, not sure I should really being d-doing this, but I'm going to have a try. I tried before, and instead I w-wiped off all the records off W-worf's personal log when I did.

For all I know, this is probably not my log, but C-captain Picard's.

Deanna advised me in our last c-counselling session to express myself more and say what I think using the personal log. After that holodeck addiction incident that I h-had I while back, I'll try anything.

Deanna has been very patient with me. She tells me that I'm her biggest c-challenge, which doesn't sound like much of a compliment to me. I did have the good news from her that I've made enough p-progress to be let back into Engineering.

I know Geordi had to have a sedative after the last time I was there. Really, t-though, it was all an accident with the Warp Core.

It was also an accident afterwards when I visited him in Sickbay. My arm touched the bed-moving position, and he suddenly shot forward and landed on the floor.

"It's okay, Reg." he said at the time. What puzzled me is how did he know it was me visiting when he didn't have his Visor on and I hadn't said anything at the time.

A l-lucky guess, I suppose.

Anyway, it's off to Engineering. Geordi will be pleased to know he's got an extra pair of hands to help him there.

I enter Engineering. Five people see me, say "Hi Reg!" rather nervously and quickly leave the room.

"H-hello Geordi!" I call out to him, as he is working on a plasma cell.

He looks round, and gives me a glazed smile.

"W-what are you doing here, Reg?" he asks me, "I thought after that last incident, you had been relocated on the ship."

"T-that's true, Geordi." I reply, "But Counselor Troi thinks I am well enough to return to Engineering ."

"Err...ok, Reg," he says, "Just work on this plasma cell here. DON'T go ANYWHERE near that Warp Core. We don't want a repitition of that last incident, do we?"

"N-no, that was regrettable." I agree.

Geordi walks off and takes a couple of extra-strong sedatives.

"Before you go." I call out, "I've got some theories for a new h-high-powered enhanced Warp Drive. I can bring the plans down, and start to work on them r-right away if you like."

Geordi goes a little pale.

"Maybe some other time, Reg." he groans. He takes two more sedative tablets, and leaves.

I'm s-sure the Enterprise would be going at Warp 12 by now if they left it to me.

Sunday, December 18, 2005

Peace Conference

Today is not going to be an easy day, I'm chairing a Peace Conference between the Klingons and the Romulans.

Why do they pick me? I'm sure the Federation like to see me suffer. Maybe everyone else is doing their shopping, so the throught "Send Picard!" comes up.

The neutral planet of Argon has been selected for the meeting; there is a friendly non-Federation population there, who will host it while we discuss matters.

I arrive in the meeting room. Worf is there with his security team. He is looking tough, with phasers at the ready.

Fa'Lath, a leading member of the Klingon High Council comes in, acknowledges us, and sits at his place on the table.

Commander Tang of the Romulans walks in and looks over everywhere. He sees Worf.

"What is this!" he says in disgust, "This is supposed to be a neutral meeting, yet you have your Klingon puppet here ready to kill me at any time, Picard."

I can see this isn't going to be a fun time. My head starts throbbing.

"Perhaps, Mr Worf, you would be better positioned on the Enterprise, while your team looks after things here." I suggest.

Worf mutters a few Klingon expletives, and leaves the room.

"That's better! Tang mentions, "Although you and the Klingons have an alliance. It makes me on my own."

"That's true." I say, "But then if you do join us, we'll all be part of the same team."

Fa'Lath agrees with me; I seem to be doing well, now. Starfleet will be pleased.

"Do I REALLY want be on the same side as THIS person?" sneers Tang, "Our two sides have been bitter enemies for a long time. The Klingons need to be punished for all their cowardly actions!"

Oh, dear. That could be classed as a slightly inflammatory remark.

"What are you saying?" shouts Fa'Lath, "Our race has honour and tradition. The Romulans are a cowardly race who claim they have done much but haven't. The is no honour with a Romulan."
Things are starting to go downhill faster than a gold medal skier at the Olympics.

"This is what YOU deserve." Tang tells the Klingon. He picks up the water jug and throws it all over him. The two of them jump over each other and start scrapping.

"What shall we do, Captain?" one of the security guards asks me.

"I don't think there is anything we can do, Ensign." I sadly reply, "Let them have their tussle and then escort them back to their ships. They'll both claim victory and things will be back to the way they were."

It looks like Starfleet will probably send me on a 'How To Be A Peace Negotiator' course before long.

Saturday, December 17, 2005

TWQ: Special Songs (Plus Santa Letter)

The Weekend Question (TWQ) this week concentrates on musical memories.

What songs have a special meaning in your life and why? What memories do they bring back?

Here is my answer:

'Hey Jude' by The Beatles reminds be of my last day at school. As we didn't do anything that day, a lot of us sat in rooms. The teachers were not around. I had bought a cassette player, and one of the songs played was that one. I turned the volume way up and everybody enjoyed it. Right after that, I left the school for good.

'Morningtown Ride' by The Seekers was one of the earliest songs I ever heard, and it always brings back memories of childhood. I once went to a concert by Judith Durham (lead singer of The Seekers). When she sang that, I found it chilling.

Now it's over to you...


As a bonus, I found this. It's a do-it-yourself Santa letter for adults to write. I found it hilarious when the result came out for me. Try it. It's on Dear Santa

Friday, December 16, 2005

Five Weird Habits

Unfortunately, I have been tagged by Ciera , whom I shall have to have a talk with about this later!

Here are the rules:

“The first player of this game starts with the topic “five weird habits of yourself,” and people who get tagged need to write an entry about their five weird habits as well as state this rule clearly. In the end, you need to choose the next five people to be tagged and link to their web journals. Don’t forget to leave a comment in their blog or journal that says “You are tagged” (assuming they take comments) and tell them to read yours.”

The rules seem bewildering to me, but here are five weird habits of mine:

1: I always like to switch the lights off when I leave the room, even for a few minutes.

2: I adore strong powerful cheese.

3: I love old movies. Besides Cagney gangster movies, the silent horror classics are fascinating.

4: I don't know anyone else who blogs in my area either.

5: I tend to do things by the same routine, and get out of sorts if something changes.

Pick five, how about
Stationery Queen

Apologies to all that I've chosen. Someone had to get the short straw!

Thursday, December 15, 2005

Computer Problems

The senior staff are not in a good position right now.

For some reason the ship's computer has rebelled against us, and we are all trapped in Ten Forward by force fields.

The rest of the crew are isolated in their quarters or cannot move, due to the force fiels that surrounds them.

I'll try again.

"Computer! This is Captain Jean-Luc Picard. You will remove all forcefields and return to normal."

"Unable to comply."

"Why not."

"Authorisation not recognised."

Betrayed by a heap of circuits!

I'll try the old standby of asking the others so that it loiks like my idea at the end of it all. That is the first rule taught to us when we assume the rank of Captain.

"Suggestions, anyone?" I inquire.

Riker, Deanna, Worf and Beverly look blank, as if they have been in last place on 'Jeopardy'.

"Mr La Forge?"

"Can we switch the engine off?"

"How do we do that from here?" asks Worf, with a disgusted look.

"Perhaps we can reboot the computer?" suggests Data.

"How would that be possible?" I ask.

"We could set up a neural link with my positronic brain to any computer interface here in Ten Forward. I could send an instruction to switch off. It might even help find out the cause and counteract it."

I am totally confused, but tell Data to go ahead.

He opens a circuit in his head and links a wire to the interface. It lights up and Data's eyes start going around. Then he falls asleep."

"Do not do this again, or Life Support will be removed!" the computer tells us.

"I've got an idea!" says Riker, "We could try the Sid Manouvre."

"Yes, Number One, that will work!"

Geordi goes white.

"Captain, you know what will happen to the circuits...."

"Yes, Mr La Forge, but our situation is desperate."

Riker goes to the replicator and asks for a hammer. He goes under the computer interface and starts hammering at the circuits. The lights start flashing on and off. Eventually, they go down and restart, this time without the forcefields.

The computer responds to my Command Codes. Data is awake again.

"Well done, Number One." I say, "The Sid Manouvre needs to be written into all Starfleet manuals."

"What do you think it was?" asks Deanna.

"I don't know, Counselor. We may have cured the commom cold, but over four centuries, computer blips are the biggest puzzles of all."

Wednesday, December 14, 2005

Life At The Academy


Gee, it's really exciting here at the Academy. Not a day goes by without something happening that I am involved in.

I know the lecturers think highly of me as they usually mention my name whenever something important has occurred.

"It's that Wesley!" I overheard one of them say the other day.

How fantastic to be praised liked that by the Academics!

Last week, I managed to save the Academy from destruction by anti-matter in the Chemical lab at the last moment. Apparently, some student had left the bunsun burner on the previous day and it had ignited a chemical chain reaction.

It must have been someone in my class, as I happened to be in the chemical class at the same time. It was the day after when I heard my name was mentioned from one lecturer to the other, after I saved the Academy again.

Some students are so irresponsible!

Yesterday, I chatted with Mr Boothby, the Head Gardener at the Academy. He's been there SO many years, us students think he might have designed the buildings, as well as the garden.

"Now listen, son" he tells me, "You'll go far; I've said this to a lot of future Captains, like Picard, Sisko, Ransom and Janeway, when she could find her way here, to be careful of your enemies."

"But I don't have any enemies." I cheerfully say, "Everybody likes me; after all, I've done so many good things."

I take a rose off one of the plants and hum along as I leave. I hear Mr Boothby mumble something about a know-all.

Then I see Cadet Marlena Yates.

"Hi Marlena!" I say, "Look, I've got you this rose."

"Er..thanks, Wes" she replies, "What will Boothby say?"

"Oh, he won't mind; he's got lots of flowers. Besides, he and I are great friends."

Suddenly, I am informed that there is a call on the monitor from my mother on the Enterprise. Wow!

I say goodbye to Marlena, who rolls her eyes and is shaking her head. I wonder what that means? I'll have to ask her some day.

When I reach the Communications screen, I switch it on, ready to receive her call.

"Hi, Mom!" I say, "This is Wes!"

"Hello Wes, how are you?"

I tell her all the events that have been happening lately.

"The Academy seem to have a lot of disasters, Wes" she mentions.

"Yes." I reply, "But fortunately I've been at hand to save them all."

"That's true, but they hadn't used to have them happening before you joined them, Wes."

"Isn't that odd, Mom?"

"Yes, did you enjoy party the Enterprise had last week?."

"I sure did, Mom! I saw you kissing Captain Picard. Does that mean you two will get married and I can start calling him 'Dad'?"

"Err...I don't think so, Wes, after all, it was only at the end of the party. The two of us have a professional standing to consider."

"Aw, gee, Mom, get him to take you on a date. After all, no one else is interested in you."

"Thanks, Wes. I feel a lot better now!"

We say goodbye and I head out to find Marlena.

I see her kissing Cadet George Tsami. He used to be my best friend at the Academy.

What a pal(!)

Monday, December 12, 2005

After The Party

I feel like like got an enormous headache.

Every sound seems amplified a hundred times, and my body feels like it's got a ton weight on it, making it unable to move.

It's the day after the Christmas Party.

I stagger out of bed and fall on the floor; eventually I crawl in to have a sonic shower. It has no effect, and my eyesight is blurred and fuzzy.

The next thing I decide to do is call Riker; maybe he'll be in better condition than I am.

After repeated attempts, I finally hear a sound.

"Urrgggh? Who's that?"

"Number One...urrr..Is that you?" I ask haltingly.

"Urr..yes, Captain."

"Are you all right?"

"I think so, Captain...who am I?"

"You're Commander Riker; get ready to be on the Bridge in 30 minutes. We'll start off then."

"All right; Riker out." I think I hear Deanna mumbling in the background as he signs off.

Next I ask the computer to locate Data.

"Commander Data is on the Bridge."

He would be; I call him.

"Good morning, Captain." he tells me in that clear voice of voice, that increases my headache, "I hope you had a good night's sleep. I have been loking after the Enterprise, and all systems are functioning at optimum parameters."

That's too much to swallow right now. I tell him groggily we will start in 30 minutes.

When I have my uniform on, I stumble along to SickBay. Various members of the crew are wandering in a daze, lying against the wall with their eyes closed or unconscious on the floor.

Eventually I reach there. A long queue is outside. I walk in and find the EMH is treating all the patients. Beverly is unconscious on one of the beds.

"Disgusting!" the EMH tells me, "You solids can't look after yourselves properly. I'm having to look after a shipful of drunken people. Even Dr Crusher cannot look after herself properly."

"What can you give me to help, Doctor?" I ask.

"Even here in the 24th Century, there is not a cure for a hangover. You are meant to be able to look after your bodies. This pill may help you slightly. It is called a Placebo Drug."

I take it, and the EMH smiles to himself. Then I head for the Bridge.

When I eventually find it, the senior staff are there, all looking the worse for wear. Worf staggers around slowly, Riker is holding his head in his hand. Deanna is wearing dark glasses. Geordi comes in, and sits down, helped to his chair by Data.

We set off; after about twenty minutes we get an unusual video signal hailing us. A large ship approaches.

"We are The Drell." it announces, "We are about to invade your Quadrant, eliminate the Federation and destroy your Starship."

Not now, please!!

A very agressive alien looks at us all.

"Why are you all looking so tired?" he asks.

I tell him that we just had a big party last night, and that we haven't recovered from the effects of it yet.

"You have my sympathes." he informs us, "We are often like that the morning after a Drell Victory Party. We cannot move for days when that happens. Is there a convenient day we can invade?"

"We should be free sometime next week." I tell him.

"Fine", he says, "I'll mark that down in my diary then."

The Drell battleship. moves away at high warp.

There are days when one just doesn't feel like a lengthy battle.

Has someone got some black coffee?

Saturday, December 10, 2005

TWQ: Silly Questions And Good Answers

This weekend, the subject turns to something that annoys us all; inane questions.

What annoying and banal questions do you know? Do you remember when they were used. Can you think of a witty and sarcastic reply that would be perfect to use?

Here's my answer:

The most annoying question I know begins with "How do you feel...". This is usally said by media people after something has happened. Their questions may be, "How do you feel now that you have won six gold medals? or "How do you feel now that your husband has been imprisoned for thirty years for tax evasion, although he said he was innocent?"

A snappy answer to both might be, "Wow! Those performance enhaning drugs worked well!" and, "Now I can get divorced and marry his accountant brother!"

Now it's over to you...

Late For The Party!

I've just had this entry from Jana about this week's party.


As anyone who knows me will tell you, I am always late to parties. This is largely because I have four children and a husband who must be gotten ready, in addition to myself. I thought surely that this time, with me being the only one invited, I would arrive on time, perhaps even early.

The evening of the party arrives. I am busily applying my makeup when my oldest son enters the room. "Where are you going?" he asks.

"To a party," I reply, not wanting to be specific.

"Can I go?"

"No, you're staying here with Daddy and your brothers."

The six year old and three year old come in. "We want to go with you, Mommy!"

"No," I reply testily.

They begin whining, and I herd them out of the room and lock the door.

"Honey," I hear Hubby's voice say, "what's for dinner?"

I roll my eyes. "I have that party tonight, remember? Can't you make some pizzas?"

"We're out of cheese. What else do we have?"

I run down a list of possibilities, but I can tell if I leave without making it myself, they are all going to be having cold cereal for dinner. I finish with my makeup and go down to the kitchen. It takes me about half an hour, but I cook up a nice pot of spaghetti for everyone. As I'm reaching for my coat, I smell something. The three year old needs a diaper change. I toss him down on the floor to clean him up. There's another five minutes gone.

I wash my hands, brush my hair one last time, and reach for the coat again. The baby starts crying. I realize with dismay that I haven't nursed him yet. I go pick him up and spend another fifteen minutes nursing him and getting him settled. I hand him over to hubby, and then give everyone a kiss. "Oh," says hubby, "could you stop at the store on the way home? We're out of milk, bread-"

"Sure," I interrupt. "Do you have some money?"

Another five minutes passes as we search for spare change. I scrape together the amount I'll need, stick it in my coat pocket, and finally put the coat on. I signal the Enterprise that I'm ready to board.

The shimmering light of the transporter envelopes me. I find myself in the transporter room. I quickly dash toward Ten Forward, anticipating a relaxing evening of adult company. As I approach the doors, I hear the closing strains of "Close to You." The doors open and I see Captain Picard and Beverly on the dance floor, kissing. As the song ends, the band leader announces, "Good night, folks, and Merry Christmas!" The few remaining people and aliens begin to say their good nights. I walk over to the bar.

"Guinan, any chance I could still get a drink?"

"Sorry, I've shut everything down for the night. Are you just getting here?"

"Yes," I admit sheepishly. I turn and walk over to the Captain. "I'm so sorry to be so late, Captain Picard. I meant to be here earlier, but you know how it is with kids and- well, I guess you don't, but anyway, I'm sorry. Merry Christmas!"

I slowly make my way back to the transporter room and go home. Maybe next year I'll hire a sitter.


There's always a latecomer!

Friday, December 09, 2005

Enterprise Christmas Party (Part Five)

Today is the final day of the party. Just two more entries to hear from, then my own version.


This one is from Dddragon

I am SO nervous about this party! I have heard so many things about the famous Enterprise and her crew - it is very intimidating to be here in person, especially since this is my first tour of duty.

The day of the party is almost here. I've looked over my wardrobe several times in frustration. I don’t think I have anything that will do! And I’ve also gone through the replicator’s fashion catalog, but that didn’t help. I don’t know what to wear!!

Sighing, I return to the catalog, resolved to find something.

Suddenly there is a flash of light behind me. Startled, I turn around. A tall man was standing in my quarters!

“Don’t you know how to knock?” I frowned at him. I didn’t even hear the usual swoosh of the door, but then I HAD been rather intent on the catalog.

“Oh, I AM sorry,” he smiled at me. Or was that a smirk? “I thought that I might be able to help you find something to wear to the party.”

I was trying to think if I had ever seen him before. “Well,” I hesitated, “that’s very nice of you.” Had I mentioned somewhere that I didn’t have anything to wear? Hmmm. While on duty, on Ten Forward, in the dining hall …? I guess I must have sometime. “I was just going through the replicator fashion catalog again.”

“Oh, I’m sure that there must be SOMEthing in there you’ll like,” he said. He gave an odd flourish with his hand as he stepped up to the screen. “How about this one?”

The replicator screen now displayed a beautiful blue dress.

“Wow, I love it!” I exclaimed. “I can’t believe that I missed it before! Thank you SO much!”

He bowed. “Glad to be of help.” Straightening up again, he gave me that odd, almost smirky-smile. “If you aren’t already spoken for, I would love to be your escort to the party.”

“Oh, yes, that would be very nice!” My eyes had gone back to the screen. “I really love that dress! Thank you again!”

“No, thank YOU” he said.

When I turned around, he was gone. Drat – and I didn’t know his name! And that dratted door didn’t make swoosh again. I should have that looked into.

I didn’t have to worry about my date not showing up – he arrived at my door just in time. He looked really great, very dashing. Made me even more excited, knowing that I would have such a good-looking man with me. And in my excitement, I forgot to ask his name again. Talk about freshman jitters! I must’ve sounded pretty silly with my nervous chatter on the way to Ten Forward, but my date was very polite and didn’t let on if he thought that I was being silly.

Finally we arrived at the door and entered. Wow, we must look even better than I imagined – every single person in Ten Forward froze and turned to look at us! I put on my best smile and looked up at my date (at this point I was very embarrassed to realized that I STILL didn’t know his name!).

It was at this point that everyone in the room said the same thing: “oh, no - Q!”

Why is the Captain rolling his eyes like that?


Last, but by no means least, of the entries is this account by Ciera

It was a boring night at the library, with the librarian director breaking out into song every once in a while, and always in Italian. I wasn't working this night, just surfing the net and bloggng and doing whatever else a single young woman can do online without getting into trouble. I sigh and decide to get out before the director can talk me into working so that he can leave early {he does that all the time!}

I step out into the chilly night, running into another substitute for the library and standing on the sidewalk we talk for severla minutes about, well, nothing. We are quite good at that.

In the middle of our discussion on nothing, Jen points up at the sky and says, "What's that?"

Of course I look. I mean, who wouldn't with that original leadin queestion? I see an unusually large star, that is increasingly getting closer. "I dunno," is my wisest reply. Could it be the Captain? I think, remembering that months ago he had promised me a dance at the Enterprise's Christmas Party. I feel the grip of a transporter beam take hold of me and am amused at Jen's open mouth gape before I disappear.

However, her face was not replaced by Captain Picard, or even that insufferable ladies man Riker. Instead, I see - of all things!

"Fluke? What are you doing here?"

"I'm giving you a ride to the party," Fluke Starbucker says, somewhat indignantly.

"But..." I step off the transporter pad, feeling myself beginning to stutter. I scratch my head and say, "But, are you allowed? I mean, you're not listed on the Captain's Guest list..."

"Well, sweetheart, you're the one telling this story, not me." Fluke shrugs. "I was told to be here at seven pm and beam you up and hussle your butt over to the Enterprise toute sweet, so here I am. Now, unless you want to walk through space..."

"No, no...that's fine. Just, give me someplace so I can change and try not to run into any trouble on the way, ok?"

"What? Trouble in this part of the Galaxy? Unheard of." Fluke shakes his head and motions to his flunkie...I mean, his CSO... "Sprok, take her to the 'fresher room and then get up to the bridge."

"Yes sir."

I ignore Sprok the entire 2 minutes it takes for us to get to the 'fresher room. I mean, the guy looks so familiar that it's rather freaky. Once inside, I lock the door. Out of my purse, I pull out my make-up kit and becasue this is make believe, by the time I am done, I am dressed in a red Starfleet uniform, complete with communicator.

As I come out of the room, Sprok raises his eyebrow and says, "Impressive."

"Weren't you supposed to go up to the bridge?" I ask him.

"He sent me back to get you."

"Like I couldn't find my way on my own," I mutter under my breath as I follow after him.

10 minutes later, we come out onto the bridge and I am still muttering. I swear, he walked us around in circles the entire time. I see that we aren't moving and say, "Why arent't we moving?"

"Ahhh," Fluke stutteres and stumbles over his words. "Well, I don't know where to go. These were the rendezvous coordinates, but was you can see - they're not here."

"Oh bother!" I say and sit in the nearest seat. I pout for at least a minute while the other two are silent. "Can I see the coordinate list?"

Fluke starts rifling through papers on his desk. "Uhm, sure - it's here somewhere. Sprok..."

"Yessir." Immediately he starts going through the trash can. "Ah, here they are."

The paper I am handed is covered in...ketchup and gravy. Ew. I ponder the numbers for a few minutes, double check them with the coordinates on the nav board and am relieved that we are exactly where we are suuposed to be. Except the Enterprise isn't here. I even check the date and time stamp, and yes, we're exactly where we are supposed to be when we're supposed to be here.

"Maybe an Interplanetary war broke out and they're stuck in traffic," I suggest.

Fluke sighs and looks greatly relieved. "Maybe. It is the right time of year for that to break out in this sector."

"Have you checked the news reports?" I ask.

Fluke and Sprok look guiltily at each other. Sprok turns to his viewfinder and starts looking into it. Fluke looks at him quizzically and then comes to stand near me. "He does that all the time...I have no idea what he's doing."

"Does he come up with the right answers?" I ask.

Fluke looks startled but doesn't answer.

No one says anything more as we wait...and wait...and wait...

"Oh, are you waiting for me to say something?" Sprok asks.

"Well, duh!" replies Fluke. "Now quit making the lady wait and tell us what you foun out."

"Oh, yes...the Enterprise is behind us."

"Behind us?" I sigh and shake my head at the stupidity of it all.

"Yes Ma'am," Sprok answered. "They have been hailing us since our arrival, howver, someone pushed the mute button and so they have went unheard."

"The mute button?"

Fluke smacks his forehead. "Doh!" he said. "Well, don't just stand there man, unmute us and hail them back! Inform them that we have...uhm, what's your name again?"

I roll my eyes. "Lt. Commander Ciera."

"That's it?" asks Fluke. "Just Ciera? No last name?"

"That's it," I reply.

"Have you...?"

"They are awaiting her transport signal," answers Sprok.

The three of us travel back down to the transporter room, Fluke and Sprok quietly ... uhm ... talking amongst themselves. I hope they aren't talking about me behind my back, but I'd really rather not ask.

I step onto the transport pad and wait to be beamed over to the Enterprise. I wave by to Fluke and Sprok and soon am standing on the transporter pad in front of Commander Riker.

Once again, I am shown to a guest room where I can change and freshen up. Stickler that I am for protocol, I simply program the replicator to spit me out a dress uniform. However, I arrange my hair in an elaborate twist with stray curls on my neck and slide in dangly diamond earrings.

At the party, there is a greeting line where all of the guests shake hands with the Enterprise's senior staff. Everyone is pleasant enough; well, Worf was gruff, but that's normal for him.

I wander around and sample the wide array of food they brought in...ok ok ok, I spent most of my time sampling the chocolates.

"I trust everything is to your satisfaction," comes the Captian's voice from my side.

I look up at him and smile. "Well, yes...I wish there had been a donut or two, but perhaps next year."

Jean-Luc, I mean, Captain Picard chuckles at me and says, "I believe you are on my dance card."

Before I know it, I am wisked off to the the dance floor. We make small talk for a moment or two before I say, "I brought the holodeck programs that you asked for."

"You did? Excellent."

"I have thought of nothing else since you asked."

I slip the holochips in his back pocket while we dance, and smile as we part ways.

I sample more chocolates, looking for donuts but not finding any, rather enjoying eavesdropping on conversations as others approach the food bar. My favorite conversation was rather early on, between Trinity 13 and a woman with a towel wrapped around her head ... 'Is this for real?" asked the woman with the towwl as she helped herself to a glass of Klingon Firewater.

"Real?" asks Trinity13. "What is real?"

I couldn't help but put my two cents in by saying, "Reality is highly overrated."

They looked at me strangely, but didn't comment.

That's all folks, because I highly doubt you'd want to hear about the discussion I had with the Vulcan regarding was highly illogical...


Now, after all those accounts, what did I see happen?


It all seemed a disorganised mess when I stepped into Ten Forward.

People were rushing around, food was laid out, and the band was practising by playing out-of-tune music.

Suddenly, Riker quietly informed me that the party was about to start.

The male staff were dressed up in their tuxedos and we were still waiting for our dates.

Trisha Lewis was the first on the scene; she had a black dress slit down the side, which went well with her blonde hair. Geordi gulped.

She grabbed him by the hand and said, "Come on my man! It's time to show these people what real dancing is all about.

Deanna came next; she wore a white low-cut dress with a necklace. Riker was most imopressed. I did notice that Worf was paticularly impressed as well.

Beverly appeared in a gorgeous silver dress that emphasised her red hair.

"Good evening, Jean-Luc."

"Welcome to the party, Beverly."

Data was waiting for Jennifer, whom nobody could find. I did notice another woman taking him away somewhere, though.

I stepped on to the stage for the announcement.

"Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. Welcome to the Enterprise Christmas Party. Enjoy yourself."

As the Captain is supposed to start off the dancing, Lieutenant Commander Ciera, a promising young officer asks me if she could join me in the opening number.

I take her hand and we glide on, as the band plays 'Fly Me To The Moon'

Fly me to the moon
And let me play among the stars
Let me see what spring is like
On Jupiter and Mars
In other words hold my hand
In other words darling kiss me

After the dance, I am informed by Worf that the brig already had some occupants, including a Captain. He tells me there is someone present in the room calling himself an Intergalactic Gladiator, and a professor that looks remarkably like myself.

Thats a fine start! If it carries on like that, all of the guests in the party will be there instead of in Ten Forward.

Worf then had a plentiful supply of Bloodwine, and asked Deanna for a dance. Riker glared somewhat, but as he was with Sid doing a trombone session, he could hardly say anything.

About ten minutes later, Data staggers back into the room. He states that he has been given a strange chip by a woman, and now the chip had exploded through overuse.

"What did the chip do, Data?" I ask.

"I would rather not say, Captain." he answers, with a slightly red face, "I'm allright now, though."

Jennifer Baxter comes in.

"Someone knocked me out and placed me in a Jeffries Tube!" she says.

There are definately some strange goings on tonight.

The two of them go off to dance the latest song being played, 'Heavy Metal Man'.

I see Wesley on the other side of the room; I do my best to avoid seeing him. However he notices me, and waves at me, so I have to wave back at him. Wesley seems slightly annoyed that there isn't something for him to do, like help in an interplanetary war, or save the Enterprise from destruction by saving the warp core. A young lady gets his attention, though.

Poor girl.

Now it was time for all the staff to join in and do the novelty songs. Worf was looking particularly annoyed.

Sid shouts, "Let's do the Time Warp!"

It's astounding, time is fleeting
Madness takes its toll
But listen closely, not for very much longer
I've got to keep control

I remember doing the TIme Warp
Drinking those moments when
The blackness would hit me and the void would be calling
Let's do the time warp again...
Let's do the time warp again!

It's just a jump to the left
And then a step to the right
With your hands on your hips
You bring your knees in tight
But it's the pelvic thrust that really drives you insane,
Let's do the Time Warp again!

It's so dreamy, oh fantasy free me
So you can't see me, no no no not at all
In another dimension, with voyeuristic intention
Well-secluded, I see all
With a bit of a mind flip
You're there in the time slip
And nothing can ever be the same
You're spaced out on sensation, like you're under sedation
Let's do the Time Warp again!

Well I was walking down the street just a-having a think
When a snake of a guy gave me an evil wink
He shook me up, he took me by surprise
He had a pickup truck and the devil's eyes.
He stared at me and I felt a change
Time meant nothing, never would again
Let's do the Time Warp again!

Now it was on to 'Star Trekkin'

Star Trekkin' across the universe
On the Starship Enterprise
Under Captain Kirk
Star Trekkin' across the universe
Boldly going forward 'cause we can't find reverse

(Lieutenant Uhura, report)
There's Klingons on the starboard bow
Starboard bow
Starboard bow
There's Klingons on the starboard bow
Starboard bow Jim

(Analysis, Mr. Spock)
It's life, Jim
But not as we know it
Not as we know it
Not as we know it
It's life, Jim
But not as we know it
Not as we know it, Captain

There's Klingons on the starboard bow
Starboard bow
Starboard bow
There's Klingons on the starboard bow
Starboard bow Jim

Star Trekkin' across the universe
On the Starship Enterprise
Under Captain Kirk
Star Trekkin' across the universe
Boldly going forward (still can't find reverse!)

(Medical outlook, Dr. McCoy)
It's worse than that
He's dead, Jim
Dead Jim
Dead Jim
It's worse than that
He's dead, Jim
Dead Jim

It's life Jim
But not as we know it
Not as we know it
Not as we know it
It's life Jim
But not as we know it
Not as we know it, Captain

There's klingons on the starboard bow
Starboard bow
Starboard bow
There's klingons on the starboard bow
Starboard bow, Jim!

(Starship captain, James T. Kirk)
Ah! We come in peace
Shoot to kill
Shoot to kill
Shoot to kill
We come in peace
Shoot to kill
Shoot to kill Men

It's worse than that
He's dead Jim
Dead Jim
Dead Jim
It's worse than that
He's dead Jim
Dead Jim

Well It's life Jim
But not as we know it
Not as we know it
Not as we know it
It's life Jim
But not as we know it
Not as we know it, Captain

There's Klingons on the starboard bow
Starboard bow
Starboard bow
There's Klingons on the starboard bow
Scrape 'em off Jim!

Star Trekkin' across the universe
On the starship enterprise
Under Captain Kurk
Star Trekkin' across the universe
Boldly going forward and things are getting worse!

(Engine room, Mr. Scott)
Ye canna change the laws of physics
Laws of physics
Laws of physics
Ye canna change the laws of physics
Laws of physics Jim

Ah! We come in peace
Shoot to kill
Shoot to kill
Shoot to kill
We come in peace
Shoot to kill
Scotty Beam me up!

It's worse than that
He's dead Jim
Dead Jim
Dead Jim
It's worse than that
He's dead Jim
Dead Jim

Well It's life Jim
But not as we know it
Not as we know it
Not as we know it
It's life Jim
But not as we know it
Not as we know it Captain

There's Klingons on the starboard bow
Starboard bow
Starboard bow
There's Klingons on the starboard bow
Starboard bow Jim

Ye canna change the script Jim,och ee Jimmy

It's worse than that, it's physics, Jim

Bridge to engine room, warp factor nine!

Och, if I give it any more she'll blow, Cap--(massive explosion)

*red alert numerous times*

Star Trekkin' across the universe
On the Starship Enterprise, under Captain Kirk
Star Trekkin' across the universe
Boldly going forward 'cause we cant find reverse
Star Trekkin' across the universe
ample parking day or night, under Captain Kirk

We then tried to do the Okey Cokey, but Worf failed at this, as he left leg in when he should have been shaking it all about.

after all this, Sid Starr was a little worn out, and the nurse provided the oxygen mask. A moment or two later, he carried on.

The food and drink was running out fast. The regular supplies from Federation Foodies had gone long ago, and the replicators were at full strength.

Geordi had passed out and was under the table. I don't know whether this was due to the excessive drink or the dancing he was forced to do with Trisha Lewis.

"Okay folks" announces Sid, "The party is starting to come to a close; get your partners for the last waltz."

Beverly approaches.

"Time for our dance, Jean-Luc." she says warmly, as we take our place for the waltz. Riker and Deanna are locked together, so are Jennifer and Data. Tricia is holding Geordi up, or doesn't seem awake.

The band plays away...

Why do birds
Suddenly appear?
Everytime you are near
Just like me
They long to be
Close to you

Why do stars
Fall down from the sky?
Everytime you walk by
Just like me
They long to be
Close to you

On the day that you were born
The angels got together and decided
To create a dream come true
So they sprinkled moondust in your hair
Of gold and starlight in your eyes of blue

That is why all the girls in town
Follow you all around
Just like me
They long to be
Close to you

Just like me
They long to be
Close to you

Woo... close to you

As the song ends, we kiss.

"Happy Christmas, Beverly."

"Happy Christmas, Jean-Luc."

Now that's what I call a party!


And a Happy Christmas to all those out there, especially those who have appeared as guests, and made this a party to remember.

Thursday, December 08, 2005

Enterprise Christmas Party (Part Four)

All the guests are here and enjoying themselves on Day Four of the Party.

Let's see some more accounts of what is happening:


First of all. Jen sends this:

While madly trying to update my blog, I received an invitation to the Enterprise Christmas Party. Well, I should say that I very nearly DIDN’T receive it, as it presented as yet another annoying pop-up. It was only through the Enterprise Party Staff’s extreme diligence that I got it, because they sent it again and again even though I kept deleting it. Man, those people take DUTY seriously! Finally I gave in and clicked on it out of sheer desperation, and I’m so glad I did!

After spending a few days stressing about what to wear (finally settling on a full length gown that squeezed where I need it and uplifted other sections to their pre-horde glory) I was set to go. I kissed the husband and the horde goodbye and promised to be back in a second or two…gotta love that time travel!

Immediately upon arrival I was greeted by Deanna Troi, who perceived that I needed a drink. Somehow she was also able to tell that I don’t drink alcohol, but I’m always up for a good stiff dose of caffeine and artificial sweetener. Maybe it’s her big hair that helps channel other people’s thoughts? It must be, because as soon as I thought that I was treated to a very ugly look and was dumped unceremoniously on Guinan with no introduction at all. Memo to me: If you don’t have anything nice to think, don’t think anything at all!

Guinan was much more helpful, producing a huge and powerful drink that she promised would put our 21st Century Diet Coke to shame. She wouldn’t tell me what was in it, because that would violate the Prime Directive, but my best guess is that the ingredients came straight from heaven by way of some dark den in Amsterdam, if you catch my drift. She assured me she would keep it flowing, and I held her to it.

I talked, I danced, I ate some weird little nibbles that Worf suggested (after chasing them around the plate a little, it was not a highlight but it hardly seemed prudent to decline.) I kept trying to think nice thoughts at Deanna, but she was either too busy to notice, or she was ignoring me. I even made the acquaintance of Captain Picard, who’s even more charming in person than he seemed in the invitation. He graciously helped me escape as Worf came looking for me with what looked like a bucket of blood, insisting I’d love this if I’d liked the qagh.

To make good my escape of the Klingon cuisine, and make room for more of Guinan’s “Can’t Say No” Super Beverage, I figured it was a good time for a trip to the little girl’s room. I asked for directions to the public facilities, and headed down the hall. I should have known I was in trouble when I saw two doors sided by side, each with several hundred signs and diagrams indicating in all of the languages of the Federation whether it was the Men’s or Women’s room. After reading (and dancing slightly) for what seemed like twenty minutes, I saw that one clearly said “Women” in my language, and while bursting through the door, hoped “Women” didn’t mean something like “Airlock” or “Room Full of Poisonous Snakes” in some other language.

I was in luck. Sort of. It was definitely a bathroom, but I was completely unable to figure out what I was supposed to do with it. There were stalls upon stalls, all filled with what must be waste removal facilities for some kind of being somewhere, with some number of appendages. Some were twice my height, and one was so small that I worried that whomever it was meant for might be under my feet without my knowledge.

While now actively dancing (and checking the soles of my shoes for party-goers) I had a great stroke of fortune. Two vaguely humanoid women came in and headed towards some stalls near the middle of the room. I merely waited until they were done and went in after them. It was similar enough to a 21st Century toilet to get the job done, at least until the big splash and whoosh of suction at the end. And then the music…what’s up with that?

I patiently waited while the other folks in the bathroom left before I exited the stall, as I didn’t want them to know who’d been doing all the screaming. I got my dress back together and tried to slink out the door and back into the party. Who should I run into on my way out the door but, of course, Lwaxana Troi. Jeez, I thought Deanna was bad, but her mother is unbelievable!

She flat out laughed at me, then led me like a child to the proper stall for my physiology. I mumbled some words of thanks, and quickly marked the door with my lipstick, figuring I’d need it again. (Sorry, clean up crew, although judging by the rest of the night this was the least of your problems.) I also tried to tell her that I really do like Deanna’s hair, but by now everything I said was coming out sounding really stupid and I figured I’d better stop while I was ahead. I excused myself and ran off to get another drink.

Between having figured out the bathroom and the drink situation, I was set for a few more hours, and had a wonderful time telling Worf who the other 21st Century guests were, and ensuring him that they would just LOVE his scrag or whatever it was. I’m quite certain this is how he found me in the first place, and I’m making it my business to see who of my compatriots arrived at the party before me… (I did try to avoid turning him on Running2Ks as nothing in his repertoire looked even slightly vegetarian, so if he “got” you, don’t look at me.)

Soon, the party was wearing down, and I limped off to the transporter to head home. The Enterprise crew held that giving us any hints on how to create beautiful, yet comfortable party footwear was also a violation of the Prime Directive. Bullies.

I’m pretty sure I hurt the kids’ feelings when I returned home and ran past them all to hug, kiss and sing praises to the family toilet, but they’ll get over it.


Now we have a epic tale from Lady Wyntir

Lyllandra paced back and forth in her quarters, trying to make use of the spare time. The party would be in a few hours, but she could hardly keep her excitement hidden. After so many years of running away, it was time for her to return to Earth…

Three nights before, she prepared her clothing. A long, blue silk tunic studded with violet posies and pale green leaves was her first choice. Her own mother embroidered the garment and it was the last thing she had of her homeland. The blue top had matching pants that were wider at the bottom, to allow for boots, decorative or not. Silk is not very warm, but at least it would fool those at the party, let them believe she wasn’t up to anything.

Although the Enterprise crew was kind enough to save her, and others, from a prison camp back on Romulus, her past history and run-ins with StarFleet kept her locked in her quarters. This would be her one and only chance to escape.

The invitation was sent around the ship on stardate 59345.8 for a Christmas Party at Ten Forward. She would be allowed to attend for two hours, and then return to her room for the night. That two-hour time frame was just enough time to be seen, and then slip away.

“Room unlocked,” the computer chimed. The party had begun.

Lyllandra stepped from her room and made her way to Ten Forward. As others passed her, she smiled graciously, almost regally, as she looked the part. Just as she reached Ten Forward, someone grabbed her hand.

“Miss Wyntir, I’d like to remind you of the security measures for tonight.” A gruff security guard warned her. “For the safety of everyone, please, behave.”

His touch wasn’t ungentle, and he was wearing a ceremonial security outfit, not a common one worn every day.

“Thank you, Lieutenant.” Even though she didn’t know his name, his rank was easy to tell by the color of his uniform. “I’ll do my best.”

And with that, she entered Ten Forward.

The band was already jamming in one corner, Guinan was behind the bar, as always, and others mingled as they arrived. Lyllandra went to one of the several replicators and asked for a Long Island Iced Tea; she needed to keep her head clear, after all.

Few gazed her way, and she was thankful for it. A small corner seat concealed her longing gaze towards the planet Earth. Although she wasn’t Betazoid, it was known that those from earth sometimes sensed things, other worldly things. This is one of the reason’s why she stayed away from Counselor Troi. Lyllandra was always afraid that her true intentions would be known if she met this woman.

Her thoughts materialized when the Counselor entered Ten Forward. Cursing into her cup, she headed deeper into the corner, hoping not to be seen. Now that she was here, there was no way to escape, except to return to her quarters.

She passed by several crew members, hoping not to get their attention when someone bumped into her.

“Hey Lilly, where you going?” A familiar face smiled down at her.

“Not now Tim, I’m not feeling well,” was all she could blurt out.

“You do look a little pale. Do you need to go to Sick Bay?”

“I’m okay, really,” Lyllandra feebly responded.

“Well at least let me see you to your quarters, okay?”

And with a nod they left Ten Forward.

“Are you sure you’re okay? I thought you’d be happy they let you come to the party,” he chuckled. “I even made homemade macaroni and cheese, just like home.”

Lyllandra stopped walking in the hallway, letting a security officer and some others pass by.

“…just like home. Tim,” she turned to him, “it’s time I go back home.”

“Shhh, not here,” He pulled her to the left where a corridor was bustling with cooks and replicators. “They’ll hear you.” Tim looked up and down the hallway, and then sighed when he felt no one was watching, or listening.

“You have to trust me. Once the party’s over, and we’re close enough, then we’ll…” a cook ran by with a plate filled with squirming Filden Gagh. Tim smiled “at least Lt. Worf will be happy tonight.”

Lyllandra turned her head feeling sicker than ever. The hallway was spinning before her and she had to swallow several times to keep from re-tasting her Long Island Iced Tea. As she clutched onto Tim’s arm for support, she was hit with a gust of warm air and suddenly she was alone.

Light broke through her darkness and she awoke on a beach. Several people were playing in the water, and Lyllandra sat up to regain her sense of location. This was the diplomatic ocean planet of Pacifica, where she first met Tim several years ago. A prank played on a Romulan here, on this very beach, caused her capture and sentence to their prison camp. A shudder ran down her spine at that memory.

Tim came up to her and laid out a plate of food. “This is my latest re-recipe,” he held out a plate of pasta covered in a florescent yellow sauce.

“What is that?” Lyllandra squinched her nose.

“You don’t remember macaroni and Cheese? Didn’t you ever have that on Earth? It was an American past time,” he laughed and started to serve it out.

Even then, he was light hearted. After all, he did live for his catering. Lyllandra closed her eyes to enjoy the sun, and when she opened them again, she was back on the Enterprise.

“I can’t wait, I have to go now.” She started to rise, and noticed she was back in her quarters.

“The guards found you roaming the halls and brought you here. One moment you were next to me, and then you disappeared. What happened?” he was less jovial this time.

“I returned to the past, somehow,” she looked at her hands as if she never saw them before. “Tim, can you help me?”

“If the time is now, so be it.” He smiled. “Though I don’t think you’ll be needing that escape pod any more. Come, let’s go to the window. It will be easier if you can view the planet itself.”

Lyllandra left the chair she was in and slowly looked out her window. Suddenly, she felt sorry for all the trouble caused aboard the Enterprise. The room that was meant to be a prison was convenient. She had a private bathroom, a replicator with an extensive menu of Earthen delights, and a window. Tears filled her eyes, but it was hard to say if they were caused by her nearness to freedom, or for the pain she caused on the ship.

“No matter…” she whispered as she held her hands up to the glass.

Tim was busy jamming the door frequency so that the guards couldn’t come in. It proved difficult -- one wrong entry and the alarm would sound – but in the end it was finished. He joined her at the window and carefully readjusted her arms.

“Remember like I showed you on Pacifica. Hold it in your hands and meld your mind around it… Go on.”

Lyllandra nodded and watched the Earth. As always, nothing happened at first. The great globe of green, white, and blue just stared back at her until she felt comfortable enough to open up. Her mind relaxed and that’s when the mountains brushed against her hands. She could feel the cool water in her toes and an unforgiving sun on her forehead. As the sounds of people began to fill her ears, her heavy eyelids closed and she began the transfer.

“Unauthorized entry, please use higher security clearance” the computer chimed behind them.

Someone started pounding on the door. “We know you’re in there Miss Wyntir, release the barrier!”

Tim cooed her on “remember the mountains, the grass, the trees… don’t stop until you’re there Lilly…” He placed his hands on her shoulders, giving her strength.

Tears ran down Lyllandra’s face as she reached out further and further.

“I’m home!!” she mouthed, though no one on the ship heard. Three guards burst through the door, shouting silently towards her. One reached for his phaser, but the Lieutenant that spoke with her earlier reached his hand out and shook his head. They all watched as Lyllandra and Tim faded from the room.


The party finishes tomorrow (Friday) with the last two entries, plus my own telling of the party events!

Wednesday, December 07, 2005

Enterprise Christmas Party (Part Three)

Day Three of the Party, which is now in full swing.


We start with Professor Charles Xavier :

Reed Richards was kind enough to use the time travel device he had captured from Dr. Doom to transport Cyclops and I to the designated rendezvous point on stardate 52157.3.

"Hey Professor, do you think there's gonna be some of them Orion slave girls?" Scott asked.

"I feel fully confident that slavery is still illegal in the future Scott," I told him. His disappointment was pathetic.

Suddenly we were bathed in an eerie white light. I felt like my body was disintegrating. The next thing I knew I was staring into a mirror. The only problem was, the image staring back at me was standing on his own two feet and wearing a high school marching band uniform.

"I am Captain Jean-Luc Picard," the image told me. "Welcome to the Enterprise!"

"Thank you for having us, Captain. This is certainly an impressive-"

Before I could get another word out, a giant furry white beast with a giant yellow horn in the middle of it's head and claws long enough to make Wolverine doubt his adequacy raced between us. Following closely on his heals was Jon, the Intergalactic Gladiator.

"Hey, what's up Cyclops!" he yelled as he ran past us, in hot pursuit of the monster.

They dashed around a corner and we heard a rather large crash followed by some rather high-pitched screams. "It's just a costume man!" echoed through the corridor. "Game over, man! Game over!"

The Captain directed us to 10 Forward, where the festivities were already well underway. A very friendly African American lady with a rather strange hat kept the Cognac flowing and a good time was had by all. Merry X-Mas everyone!


Now coming in is Jon, the Intergalactic Gladiator , who has:

I grabbed my party invitation, put on my nice suit and was heading for the Danger Sled when Private Hudson stopped me.

"Say, Jon, where are you going?" he asked.

"Oh, uh," I tried to keep the invitation out of his sight. "I have, uh, someplace to go."

It didn't work, he saw it. "Hey, that's one of those invitations to the Enterprise Christmas party, isn't it?"

"Yeah," I conceded. "Well, I gotta get going, you know what with crossing time and space and all that."

"I didn't get one," he sighed.

"That's too bad," I said. "I guess it got lost in the mail or something, huh?"

"Yeah, or something." He shoved his hands in his pockets and made a face like he just took a huge bite out of a stinkbug.

"Well, I have to get going," I tried to get around him, but he stepped in front of me again.

"Isn't that an invite for two?" he pried. "Doesn't that say that you can bring a date."

I looked it over like it was the first time I've read it. "Hmmm, why yes it does say that. Interesting."

"Are you bringing a date?" Hudson looked at me with puppy dog eyes.

"My wife can't go," I answered. "I have to get going."

Here it comes.

"Well, then can I go?"

"Hudson, I am not going to bring you to a Christmas party as a date." I said.

"Aw come on," he whined. "It's not like we're dating each other. I'm just your guest. Sheesh."

"No, I can't" I tried, "It just wouldn't be proper."

"Come on, it's the 24th Century. I'm sure they'll understand."



"I just can't."

"Please please please please please please please please please!" Then he added. "I'll be really good. I'll totally leave my M41A Pulse Rifle at home."

"Look, Hudson, it's just..." I trailed off. How could I explain that he's behaving like Chester the Dog in that old Bugs Bunny cartoon, bouncing all around Spike, trying to be his friend and all.

"Please?" His eyes sparkled with hope.

".................................................................................All right," I conceded. "But you owe me one."

"Yay!" Hudson jumped up and down. OK, technically, he just jumped up and gravity brought him down. You know what I'm saying. "Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator, you're the bestest."

"Don't you say that. Don't you ever say that!"

The trip was uneventful, Hudson spent the time cleaning his rifle and reading a magazine that featured bikini-clad women holding different firearms. The Danger Sled came out of warp and the Enterprise came into view. My communications gear pinged to life.

"Unidentified ship, the is the Enterprise," came a deep bass voice over the radio. "Please identify yourself."

"This is Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator and, uh, guest." I replied.

There was a moment of silence.

"Proceed to the docking bay," The voice growled. "Security will meet you to welcome you aboard."

There was another moment of silence, another growl over the speaker and finally the voice said "And Merry Christmas from the Enterprise."

I entered the docking bay and landed my ship on the deck. Hudson was jumping up and down with excitement. I was worried that he might soil himself, but he seemed OK. He straightened his tie and put on his combat helmet. "I'm ready, man," he said. "It's game over for all the lovely ladies on the Enterprise."

I rolled my eyes and released the hatch. With a hiss it slid open and a towering figure stood before us. Hudson didn't see the person at first and continued talking.

"Oh yeah, the H-Man is on the deck. My mission, and I choose to accept it, is to rescue the beautiful babes from their boring lives. Oh yeah, it's game --" He looked up at the man greeting us and saw the scowl, the ridges on the forehead, and the towering presence of Worf. "G-- g-- game over...?"

The self-proclaimed H-Man yiped, dove away from the door, and ran to the back of my ship.

"Permission to come aboard," I requested.

"Permission granted," replied Worf. "Welcome aboard. Is your.... guest coming?" Worf peered into my ship but we couldn't see Hudson from our angle.

"Hudson!" I called out. "Are you coming to the party?"

"Nuh uh," he squeaked, then he cleared his throat. "Er, I mean, I have something to do here first. I'll come out when everything's clear. I mean, when I've cleared these, uh, requisition forms. Yeah."

"Very well," Worf called to him. "When you exit the landing bay, follow the instructions posted to get to the Ten Forward."

"OK, thank you," he called back. "I'll be out in a little while."

Worf and I exited the bay and took the turbolift to the lounge. Captain Picard was standing at the entrance, he looked very sharp in his uniform, but I could see a haggard look creep across his face. It appeared that he had been putting up with a shipload of people's inconveniences all day.

"Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator," he shook my hand. "Welcome to the Enterprise and the party!"

"Thank you Captain," I replied. "You look well, thank you for having me."

"It is my pleasure and it is good to see you again," Picard said. "There's just one thing, though."


"You aren't planning on singing are you? Uh, we already have a band hired and you know these rock or roll stars, they get miffed when someone wants to take some of their spotlight and all."

"Oh no problem," I reassured him. "I just came to enjoy the party and have a few Old Mos Eisley beers."

"Ah yes, well, I do not believe the we have that particular brew available," the Captain conceded. "We have other very good brands available, however. Would you care for a Decker the Halls ale or a Mudd Genuine Draft? We also have some very good double malt Montgomery Scotch, and of course some very lovely wines from the Picard Vineyards."

"I'll try a Decker, thanks." I walked over to the bar and ordered a beer from Guinan. After that, I made my rounds, introducing myself to most of the other party guests.

Eventually Hudson got to the party. He saluted Captain Picard sharply and looked around for any sign of Worf. When he saw that the security chief was not near the bar, he went over and got himself a colorful drink. He spent much of his night staying on the other side of the bar from Worf. I, on the other hand, spent much of my time trying to stand near Worf.


Lastly today, there is CrazieQueen who has:

I walked tentatively into Ten Forward, clutching the small box in my hand. My long blue dress shimmered with the glitter of a thousand stars and my long hair lay over my shoulders. I knew I looked good, but then I had been preparing for this opportunity for years.
I passed Riker who was chatting to Troi, and waved to Guinan who was serving at the bar. She quickly poured me a Bajoran brandy and brought it over.
‘How did you know my drink?’ I asked
‘I’m 900 years old,’ she replied with a wide smile ‘I know everything!’
I took the glass of green liquid and, sipping gently on it, looked around the big room. Beverley Crusher and Will Riker had done a wonderful job in decorating the bar. There were tendrils of blue Andorian crystal ice draped across tables, deep reds of Klingon wall hangings covered the windows and the walls and the vibrant green of Vulcan P’Kel branches decorated the bar and the doorways. It was a wonderfully warm and inviting environment. Geordi had even set the air-conditioning to give out a slight tang of pine forest, mixed with a faint aroma of cinnamon. So this was Christmas. Obviously, I had read of Christmas in school, but had never heard of a party being thrown for such an antiquated celebration. I wondered why it was no longer done, the room was so comforting and inviting, and even the tables were lit by myriad small lights set into the glass tops. I felt warm and excited. Finally, I was to meet my destiny, here on this ship.
I tightened my grip on the small box and looked around. Was he here?
Suddenly, I saw a flicker of gold and there he was. Data. Unlike everyone else, he was still wearing his uniform and the gold of his clothes matched his skin perfectly, set off by the black flashes of his jacket. His hair was, as always, perfectly coiffeured, but then – he didn’t need to have it cut, or styled. His yellow eyes followed his shipmates around the room as he tried to pick up yet more social graces.
I came to a stop at his side, slightly breathless, my glass already drained of its Bajoran brandy. He turned and the beautiful yellow eyes focused on me.
‘Can I help you?’ asked this oh so gentle voice, and he looked into my eyes. I couldn’t tear my gaze away from those beautiful gold eyes.
‘I have a present for you, Mr Data,’ I stammered, holding out the little parcel. He took it and slowly unwrapped the silver paper to reveal a small box. He opened the box and his eyes widened in surprise.
‘It appears to be an emotion chip!’ he said.
‘Yes,’ I replied with a now or never feeling. ‘It is one of a kind, created by your father before he died – as was I.’
‘You? You are an android?’
‘Positronic brain, anatomically correct and everything. My name is Eve,’ I answered with a slight flex of my fingers as if wanting to reach out to him. It was so easy to lie convincingly to such a beautiful machine, yet I felt a pang of guilt that I was having to trick him.
‘So what is the chip for?’ he asked, turning it over in his golden hands.
‘It’s a Lust chip. I have one fitted too. They are attuned to each other.’
‘So, if I use this, I will be attracted to you? Physically?’
‘Yes, Dr Soong decided against the Love chip and went with Lust. He said to tell you it was part of your learning curve,’ I paused ‘and to wish you a Happy Christmas.’
Geordi La Forge came over, Data introduced us and then asked Geordi to fit the chip.
Once the chip was installed, Data turned to me with a broad smile that made him appear years younger and he issued a lascivious wink.
‘May I show you my quarters?’ he asked, holding out his arm in a gentlemanly fashion, and wrapping my hand tight in his golden fist.
‘Only if I can show you mine,’ I giggled, passing my empty glass to an open-mouthed and shocked Geordi as we left the room, arms entwined and bodies in perfect harmony.


And with that, the Third Day ends. On Thursday, at 6pm English Time, (1pm EST), the fourth group of entries will be shown.

Tuesday, December 06, 2005

Enterprise Christmas Party (Part Two)

Welcome back to the Enterprise Christmas Party.

We have some more entries for you to enjoy; they will be changed on Wednesday 7th at 6pm English time (1pm EST)


Firstly, we have Running2Ks with:

As I entered the party, I quickly fussed with my hair. My earring dropped to the floor and Riker picked it up. He smiled and said, "A beautiful trinket for an even more lovely vision."
I blushed and mumbled something incoherent.
"Save me a dance, later...Ensign?"
My face reddened further. I squeaked. He chuckled and moved away.
I mentally slapped my palm to my forehead, "Stupid! Let a schoolgirl crush just walk away thinking you are mute. Good going, Runyon!"

I recovered, and headed over for a drink. The bartender handed me something blue and fizzy. Probably to match my dress and my ditzy performance before. As I sipped it, I scanned the room. Food? Check. Personal facilities? Somewhere--I always seem to have trouble finding them. I seriously felt like a nerdy girl at an Academy dance. Too bad Wesley wasn't here. He was always so nice to me…

Suddenly a voice came from behind me, “Hey Running2Ks! Runyon! Hello?” I snapped out of my dreamy musings and turned around. It was Wesley Crusher, in the flesh. I lit up brighter than the anti-matter core at Warp 9.
“Hey, Wes, I thought you were traveling around. I had no idea you’d be here.”
“Just visiting my mom for the party.”
“I see, Dr. Crusher is looking beautiful. I wonder how the Captain feels about that.”
“Yeah…and *you* look fantastic. The Enterprise sure agrees with you.”
“I love it here. Although I feel so out-of-place at these gatherings. I am really happy to see you again.”
“Mutual, R2Ks. Listen, want to put that fizzy drink down and dance?”
“Yes!” I may have said too loudly, but I was just feeling very giddy at that moment. And for several moments later. We, quite literally, danced all night. Because, quite technically, I went home after midnight. And when I was alone, in my quarters, we danced in my dreams.


Now we have this from Better Safe Than Sorry :

I was lucky enough to have snagged an invite to the Christmas party of the season, that’s right, The Enterprise bash. I’ve spent the last week or so getting ready for it, pedicure, manicure and had my hair done. I’ve also got the perfect dress, fits like a glove, I’ll show those Klingons what a real kling on is all about! The place looks amazing. I’m doing a quick scan, for that special someone I’m hoping to cozy up to. Geordi’s here, at least I think that’s him, under that lampshade. He sure must have got an early start. There seems to be quite a crowd huddled just past the bar, strange, it seems to be all women. Just look at them all gathered around, what in the world? Ahhhh, no wonder, it’s him right in the middle of all those women and he looks so dreamy. Captain Jean Luc Picard. Now all I need to find is my mistletoe!


Lastly today, there is this from Captain Berk :

I was invited to a christmas party by a future captain of the enterprise.

I agonised over what I should wear. I spent hours trying on green tops with
silver collars and gold collars. Eventually I went with the greencoloured
top with the gold collar and my favourite skin tight leotard pants, just in
case space aliens chose to jeaopardise the party. In this attire, I could
look good and fight, which are the two most important things to do as a
starship captain.

Anyway, I beamed to the future ship by some unusual means known only to
scotty and this other captain.

It all looked strangely familiar, like I had a dream some months ago where
I woke up in the future, got extremely drunk and did some karaoke. I don't
remember much about it.

I walked into what they call 'ten forward' and I could not believe my eyes.
Man mixed with alien and alien-man mixed with man-alien alike. There were
species of every description mingling with each other, highlighting the
unified future that my superiors always strive for.

Now I understood why they always ask questions first then shoot later.
Imagine the amount of beautiful alien ladies I could meet in a unified,
undestroyed galaxy!!

Initially, I felt somewhat embarrased that I had not bought a partner. I
had asked Uhuru, but she was busy washing her ears, and all the other girls
on board were otherwise engaged. However, that embarassment soon passed
when I saw alien ladies of every kind gliding gracefully around the party.
I made straight for the bar and asked the female bartender for the
strongest liquor she could muster.

"This is blargg-raki from Romulus. They make it from old warp cores. No man
has ever drunk it and l survived" she said, one eyebrow raised.

"You remind me of an old friend" I said. "I'll take two."

I downed both shots quickly. They weren't 'all that'.

I don't remember much else. The band were terrible. I remember telling them
so, and getting up to sing some classics. I performed "I believe I can fly"
by the 20th century minstrel R Kelly. At the end of the song, I threw
myself into the crowd.

The last thing I remember is shouting drunken obscenities in a cell, and
laughing in pain as I bounced off the forcefield erected to detain me.

It must have been a great party.


That's it for today. More entries tomorrow!

Monday, December 05, 2005

Enterprise Christmas Party (Part One)

Welcome to the first day of the Enterprise Christmas Party.

I shall be taking a back seat mostly this week, as a group of people each day relate their experiences at the party.

I will change them daily around 6pm English time (1pm EST).


To start us off, we go to Nic who has this:

When I arrived at the Enterprise Christmas party, only slightly fashionably late, it was already in relatively full swing. I was a little famished from the long journey. After all, I had traveled across 3 centuries and several galaxies to get here. I headed over to the extremely lavish refreshment table – yum , a roast beef carving station!, where Worf was staring across the room at Riker and Deanna, who had conveniently stepped under some mistletoe next to the enormous, brilliantly lit and decorated Christmas tree.

Deanna had on a slinky red dress that fit like a second skin – how in the world did she fit into that thing? With a shoe horn?!She also wore a mischievous, slightly drunken smile on her face and was pulling Riker to her by his God-awful blinking Christmas tie. Haven't those been outlawed yet in the 24th century? Where on earth did he get that monstrosity? Oh, yeah, we're not on earth.

Deanna wrapped her arms around Riker, did a little shimmy and then planted a full kiss on Riker's mouth.


I turned my head and saw Worf trying to clean up the mess he had made when he crushed the delicate crystal brandy snifter in his fist. Not sure if it was Saurian or Rigelian brandy that he just wasted. He was looking around to make sure nobody noticed his rather uncharacteristic little outburst. Our eyes met and he looked slightly chagrined at letting his emotions show so easily. I pretended to not have noticed and just offered a friendly smile and looked away quickly. No need to get on Worf's bad side! By the thunderclouds forming behind his eyes as he looked back to the mistletoe where Deanna and Riker were still at it, I figured I could grab a bite of the roast beef later, even though my rumbling tummy chose loudly at that moment to exclaim otherwise.

I decided I might as well get something to drink since I was fairly parched as well. Dinking on an empty stomach was never a good idea, but it was a large Christmas party and I was without a date so I figured no harm, no foul. I'm more of an observer of human nature (and other species) than a participant anyway.

As I walked toward the bartender, whose nametag said he was Isaac. gee, a bartender named Isaac, where have I heard that one before? I looked toward the crowded dance floor where I saw Captain Picard, looking rather dashing in a splendid tux complete with tails, dancing with Dr. Crusher, who was absolutely ravishing in a silvery strapless gown that dipped, ahem, rather low in the back. Her red hair was artfully piled on top of her head in curls and it showed off her neck and shoulders to perfection. They both looked entranced and I would be surprised if one could even fit a piece of paper in-between the two of them. Now that's some HEAT right there!

Hey there beautiful, what can I get for you this evening?"

UGH! Did he have to do the cheesy smile and the double finger point too?

"I'd like a Cape Cod please with Grey Goose Vodka."

Pitiful small glass I got. Mental note: ask for a bigger glass next time.

As I took a drink I looked around the room. There was laughter, a lot of dancing and conversation and everyone looked like they were having a blast, with the notable exception of Worf. Some rockin', jazzy holiday music was being played by Sid Starr & The Starrlighters. I finished my Cape Cod in record time and ordered another drink. This time an Italian margarita with Porfidio tequila and Lazarroni amaretto.

"Large glass this time, please."

This time bartender Isaac didn't disappoint. Taking a sip of the sweet-tart drink I sighed in relief. It was so good almost forgot I was still hungry. Almost, but not quite.

Near the stage I saw the delightful Xtessa deep in conversation with the witty and kindhearted Trinity and on the dance floor I saw Jon, the Intergalactic Gladiator and Ciera dancing and having a good time.

After the current song set wrapped, Sid announced that we were going to be treated to some Christmas songs by certain members of the Enterprise . Most of the invited guests were laughing. Apparently they knew what was about to occur. Some of the officers looked around questioningly. As if the previous talent show hadn't been bad enough?!

Murmurs ran through the crowd. Who would be the first victi – er, entertainer for this part of the party?

"Captain Jean Luc. Come up here."

Poor Captain, he looked terribly uncomfortable but after several encouragements and a VERY warm smile and even warmer squeeze from Bev as she whispered something in his ear, he gave in to everyone's wishes and got up on stage.

He sang his own version of "Let It Snow":

Oh, the vacuum outside is endless,
Unforgiving, cold, and friendless,
But still we must boldly go--
Make it so, make it so, make it so!

After Captain Picard got this part of the night warmed up, a few other officers were cajoled to follow. I think it was the slightly veiled threat from Captain Picard that did it though.

There were such classics as Riker's "Deck the Halls" complete with large gestures that made the scotch in his glass slosh over the side while he sang:

Here's a vexing Christmas riddle:
(Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la, la la)
Why must I play second fiddle?
(Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la, la la)
How can I impress Deanna
(Fa-la-la, la-la-la, la la la)
When I'm number two banana?
(Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la, la la)

He got a rather stern look from the Captain after that one, but Deanna seemed to enjoy it rather well as she simpered and preened at the words. Worf's gaze only got darker. If looks could kill there would be a certain Second in Command who would be lying in a chalk outline right now.

From there we had Data's Jingle Bells:

Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells,
Jingle all the way!
Oh, what fun it is to ride
In a one-horse open sleigh--
or so I am reliably informed lacking a subjective
and intuitively perceived referent for the term ''fun,''
I am able only to report the phenomenon as experienced
by others, whose individual perceptions somewhat colour the--
yes, sir.

Data was interrupted by the Captain who called for someone else to go b/c Data would have gone on all night if he hadn't.

Worf went next and I think that everyone was a little afraid to not give him a rousing round of applause after he was done. Though for such a fearsome personage, he had a rather pleasing bass voice for his rendition of "White Christmas".

I'm dreaming of a dead Pakled,
Just like the one in Rec Deck Eight.
They all think they've hidden,
But this one didn't,
And I'm using him as bait.
I'm dreaming of a dead Pakled--
Their mental skills are rather lame.
May your foes die sonless, in shame--
And I hope you're wishing me the same!

As a surprise for Dr. Crusher, there was a song from Wesley that had been beamed over on the vid screen from the Academy. The poor Captain looked rather pained, like he had suddenly developed a severe case of indigestion. Wesley's poor adolescent voice cracked something awful singing his submission to "God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen":

I'm at Starfleet Academy,
And I'd just like to say
I miss the opportunity
To weekly save the day--
To make things worse, I have to be
In some dumb Christmas play!
Yes, I'm bright, though I'm just a teenaged boy,
Only a boy,
And the Enterprise is my most favorite toy!

After a few more songs, Sid got back up on stage and the party once again was in full swing. The Enterprise crew certainly had been entertaining, but Sid Starr & the Starrlighters were definitely preferable.

My head was very nicely fuzzy by this point causing me to see everything is a lovely glow and my stomach was growling loud enough to alert some nearby guests to my dire hunger predicament. Ignoring their looks, I made my way past the throng of dancers and back to the refreshment table and wouldn't you know it?! The dratted roast beef was all gone!

"Can anyone show me where the nearest food replicator is, please?"

Oh and I wish all of you a very Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year! Remember the reason for the season.


After that, here is M.C. Pearson ....

Last week I received a strange invitation. I’m not really sure how it got here…first it wasn’t there and then it just materialized with a tinkling sound on my kitchen table. It looked really ‘state or the art’, all silvery and shiney. When I opened it up, I immediately dropped it back onto the table. Some kind of 3-D hologram emerged from the card. A debonair and noble looking man in a red and black leotard started talking with a British accent.

“M. C. Pearson of the 21st century, you are invited to a Christmas party on the Starship Enterprise. You may dress formally or allow us to fit you when you arrive. You will be transported tomorrow evening. Happy Holidays.”

The miniature holo-man shrunk back into the card which in turn de-materialized from my table. I went and checked my blood pressure. I decided that I’d been watching too much TV and went to lie down. After a nap, I realized it had to be part of my dream and therefor removed it from my mind…or so I thought.

The next evening after taking a long soak in the tub, I dressed in my red and green flannel pajamas, stuffed my feet into my Garfield slippers and wrapped my wet hair in a towel…yes…I looked like a swami. Just as I went into the kitchen to pop some popcorn, I felt really dizzy. Looking at my hands, I saw yellow light in my skin! That weird tinkling sound came again but it seemed to be coming from inside my head. Before I knew it, I was standing on a funny looking disco-like deck with four leotard-clothed people smiling at me.

“Welcome to the Enterprise, Mimi,” said an unshaven man in red and black. He turned and I heard him whisper to the female next to him. “I thought she was a Christian writer, not Hindu.”

The gorgeous female shrugged and then looked over at me and smiled. “Where did you get your outfit? It is stunning! Of course you will not be in need of our assistance. How festive you look. Ah, did you bring pets?” She pointed at my feet.

I just stared at her, mouth agape.

“Perhaps you would like to have some eggnog? We’ve programmed our replicators for all the centuries and planets to produce traditional celebration items. If you’ll just follow me?” the bearded man said and started walking to a wall, which immediately slid open, revealing a corridor beyond.

I found my footing and trailed after the man. The dark-haired female turned to one of the other leotarded people and said, “Now, beam up Trinity13, another 21st century female.” The door closed with a puffing sound and I jogged after the man.

We stepped into a tubular elevator and a second later arrived at a big metal door.

“The party is on Holodeck One. I must excuse myself to dress now. Since you are suitably attired, you may enter and enjoy.” He pressed a button, pushed me through, and closed the…where did the door go?

I was in the middle of a huge ballroom that looked like the inside of the Titanic.

Another person appeared next to me. She, like me, looked rather out of place.

“I hope they have Vegan meals here…”

I shrugged. No idea what she meant.

“I’m Running2ks…are you from Earth?”

I stepped away in confusion. But soon a man with pointy ears walked up and said, “It is illogical for you to stuff your feet inside of cats.” He turned to Running2ks and said, “I’m a Vulcan. Have we met?”

Running2ks said, “I’m a Vegan.”

I walked to the food bar. I don’t know about Vegans, but I sure liked what I saw. Talk about a feast! As I stuffed my face (hey this is my fantasy—no repercussions, right?), the handsome man from the Christmas card came up and introduced himself.

“Happy Christmas. I am Jean-Luc Picard. Captain of the Enterprise.”

I gulped the mouthful of food down and said, “I-I’m M. C. Pearson. You’re a captain? I was a sergeant in the Army.”

“Ah, good to have a fellow soldier on board. Glad you could come.”

He walked off before I could ask, “Did I have a choice?”

Another man sauntered up and oily said, “I’m Captain Berk. Your place or mine?”

“Er. I’m married. Bye.” I ran away.

After a few blue drinks and a purple steaming one, I don’t recall the names of, I think I danced the Robot with a guy named Data. He was a bit strange. Yellow eyes. Then some really tall angry looking fellow (something about his face was odd…) introduced himself as Worf and handed me a smoking orange bowl of liquid.

I must have fainted then. A girl can only take so much ya know.

I awoke in my bed the next morning with a note pinned to my pajama top. My head felt like a Starship had landed inside my temples. Squinting I read:

“Take the two green pills in your right pocket. They will counteract the Klingon Firewater you seemed to enjoy. Thank you for the lovely dramatization of The Christmas Cats Swallowed my Toeses.” Dr. Beverly.


Two fine entries to start off Party Week!

Tomorrow (Tuesday), there will be some more to see!