Saturday, February 28, 2009

TWQ: Bookmarked Applications

This week, TWQ (The Weekend Question) asks you to take a close look at some of those bookmarks you have on your computer.

What interesting and unusual bookmarks are on your computer? List as many as you wish.

My answers are:

Diddit A great new application where you can tick off all the things you have done, want to do, and tell stories on what happened when you did. If you join let me know, as members can link to be friends.

Shelfari This is where you can build up a bookshelf of all the books that you have read, join groups of people with similar tastes and make friends with others there. I'm on there as well!

Now it's over to you...

Thursday, February 26, 2009

A Letter From Picard To Bev

Dearest Bev,

We had a great time last night, didn't we? That date started well in Ten Forward, with Guinan placing us discreetly in the corner, out of the way from the prying eyes.

I know I love dressing up in my Dixon Hill outfit. I just love the 1940's outfit you use as well.

Why, oh why did Data have to march up though and inform us that the plasma warp conduits were malfunctioning just as I was about to pour the champagne? I must admit, I was so piqued, I could have stood up and used his 'off' button then and there. It was such a relief that Jennifer Baxter was with him so that she could rescue us and drag him off.

The dinner was beautiful, don't you think? I must admit that I've never had Bajoran oysters. They are supposed to be even more romantic than the ones we have on earth. I must apologise for kissing you right after the first one. It must have been an oyster, although you didn't seem to mind.

The movie at the
Enterprise cinema was a real romantic one. I'm glad we were in the back seat. Though I liked the movie, I preferred concentrating on you. I must admit that I lost interest in the film completely when I overheard Ensign Britney tell T'Pol, who were a couple of seats to the right of me that the girl actually falls for his brother at the end when the lead character gets killed. This was after just watching ten minutes! Remind me to tell them both about cinema etiquette.

Right afterwards, I was all set to escort you to your quarters when Riker told me we were under attack from the Vtarans. To be honest, I would have let them come and board the night if they had gone away then.

So I must apologise for the unromantic ending last night. Next time, Riker can sort it out himself, and it will be just us two!

Yours, as always,


PS: Fortunately, this is a private letter and I haven't programmed it to go on my log....I think.

Tuesday, February 24, 2009

Feng Shui In The Borg Cube (Part Two)

Guest Poster: The Borg Queen.

With the drone interior designers One One and One Two on my Cube, they are currently showing me Feng Shui ideas to brighten the place up. I've thought for ages that black and green are hardly the designs for a happy Cube.

Naturally, the Troi Borg Queen, who has the 02 Cube opposes it, but has been overruled by our Leader the Alpha Borg Queen. She wants to see the plans in place here before ordering the other Cubes to follow suit.


"All right." I say to the two drones, "Show me what other designs you have in mind for the Cube."

"Certainly your highness." One Two says with a grovelly voice, "Our brief is to make this the top Cube in the Borg fleet, one that will make the drones green with envy until their Cube gets the same treatment."

"Cut out the grovel and carry on." I tell him.

"Now this is a charming waiting room area." One One continues, "Before anyone enters the Assimilation Chamber, they can relax in this peaceful environment, read a magazine and chat to each other. We consider this a better approach than the rather intimidating way we've tried befre."

"I see you you mean." I answer, "Carry on."

"Now after a hard day of conquering planets and assimilation" One One continues, "What better than to relax in your own private Ready Room, away from the drone of the drones and switch to complete peace and quiet."

This appeals to me a lot. Already I am picturing myself sitting in those comfy seats.

"Now after a hard of ruling your Cube, what better than to relax and sleep in your bedroom? The bed itself is queen-size, of course, and has artificial soft light filter through in the morning."

I love it!

"All right, you two." I command, "Get everything installed into the Cube as soon as possible. We're going to turn the 01 into something special!"

They scurry off and I sit back with my martini, looking forward to the event in the near future when the Cube changes.

Sunday, February 22, 2009

Feng Shui In The Borg Cube (Part One)

Guest Poster: The Borg Queen

I always think it's going to be a bad day when I don't get my boiled egg in the morning. After all, everybody likes to have their soldiers with them

"Where's my egg?!" I snap at the Borg waiter at my table as he gives me my cornflakes.

"Excuse me, your highness." he replies in that rather snobbish voice through his mouthpiece, "But the chef says he had forgotten to order a fresh supply from the Borg Chicken Farm."

"Then have him disconnected immediately!" I command, "These chefs seem to be ten a penny. Try and assimilate a few from good restaurants. That should improve the culinary taste of the Collective."

"Very well, your highness." he says, with his nose still stuck up in the air.

I start to read The Borg Bugle. I know it might seem pointless as we all have a hive mind anyway, but it can be interesting to read what the well-dressed Queen should be wearing this season, and whether I'm in the scandal section.

Another drone comes up to me just after I've finished my cornflakes and am about to start on my toast. Nothing irks me more than an interrupted breakfast.

"Excuse me your highness." it says, just like the other one did, "But One One and One Two are here to see you."

I sigh. The drone is right. I had booked this appointment some time ago, so I have no grounds to complain.

One One and One Two are Borg interior designer drones, who are redoing the Cube in a set of relaxed colours, with feng shui laid out and a relaxation area like Ten Forward on the human ship Enterprise. The Troi Borg Queen despises it, of course, but the plans were sent to our glorious Leader, the Alpha Borg Queen, and she has given the go-ahead for our Cube to be used as a trial for the new design.

When they come, I ask about the plans.

"Oh they were SO last season, wern't they darling?" One One says.

"Indeed they were, darling." One Two answers, "Fortunately, we have the right designs to make your Cube the most fashionable one in the Galaxy. Before long, everybody will want to be assimilated just for a chance to be a drone on it."

One One opens the book he is carrying.

"Here is a most charming rock garden." he says with pride, "Fully decorated in a feng shui style, it leads from the Assimilation Chamber to a perfect place for the tired drone to relax."

"Very good." I comment, "What else do you have?"

"Just turn the page, your highness." One Two replies.

To be continued...

Saturday, February 21, 2009

TWQ: New Academy Award Categories

With the Academy Awards being presented on Sunday night, TWQ (The Weekend Question) looks at some missing categories.

Can you name some new Academy Award Categories that ought to be included, and maybe some likely recipicants of them?

My answers are:

Biggest Loss of Money Picture.....Awarded to the movie that has lost the most money. Previous recipicants would have have Ishtar, Heaven's Gate etc

Worst Award Acceptance Speech in The Last Twelve contender is Kate Winslet....well done Kate!

Now it's over to you...

Thursday, February 19, 2009

The Starfleet Official

"We are ordered to accept the person just arriving, sir" Data tells me from the Com, "Starfleet has said he should be treated like a visiting dignitary."

"Does that mean I can't put him in the airlock, Number One?" I say to Riker quietly.

"At least not for 24 hours, Captain." he answers with a smile.

"I think I can wait until then." I say, "Although frankly with some of the visitors we've had in the past, I've felt like putting them in an airlock or straight in the photon torpedo tube and firing them into the nearest sun."

"That's not a very productive attitude, Captain." lectures Deanna, "If you ever feel stressed about some of our visitors, then perhaps I need to book you in for a session in my clinic where you can talk..."

"I don't need that, Counselor." I tell her, "It's just that some of these guests are enough to drive anybody crazy."


We wait for the guest to beam himself over.

The guest appears to have 50% more teeth than the average human.

"Greetings, Captain Picard." he says, "I am Merrick, the Starfleet Log Official."

"What can I do for you?" I ask.

"Well, we've received reports that some Logs may be used to record their own thoughts, instead of official listings of actual happenings."

"I'm a little confused Mr Merrick." I tell him, "I thought that Personal Logs were meant to record the individual thoughts of the person who owns the log."

Merrick laughs.

"Whatever gave you that idea, Captain?" he answers, "No, Logs are going to be handed in to Starfleet so that we can check your activities. It's a new directive that we are trying out."

"But they are private!" I protest, "Some of them may contain some err...very personal thoughts."

Merrick's eyes brighten up.

"Then I'll look forward to reading them!" he answers.

Deanna Troi and Beverly Crusher overhear this conversation, and both look aghast.

"I can't have my relationship with Will Riker known to every little pen-pusher in Starfleet." Deanna wails.

"We all have personal lives that are recorded in our Logs, Mr Merrick." I tell him in a manner just below tolerance, "We can't have everybody knowing all the facets of what we do. We have to have some privacy. Is there anything we can do?"

"Well you can always protest to Starfleet." Merrick answers offhandedly.

"Maybe I can persuade you to change you mind?" Deanna says, "Come this way and I'll show you around the ship."


An hour later, Merrick has beamed off the ship, but hasn't taken the personal logs.

"You did very well in convincing Merrick not to take the Logs, Counselor." I say to Deanna, "What did you say?"

"Oh, nothing much." she replies calmly, "But my tour of the ship did include a visit to an airlock and a photon torpedo tube."

Tuesday, February 17, 2009

Q's Valentine Date (Part Two)

Guest Poster: Q

Well I know when I'm not wanted!

All I wanted to do was take my date, a rather attractive female Q to the Enterprise Valentine Party. Would't you know it, Jean-Luc was on guard, making sure I didn't cause any mischief.

To tell the truth, I was more interested in having a slow dance with my date than causing mayhem on the Enterprise. The stuffy Captain throws us off.

Yes, I know what you're thinking. As we are beings from the Q Continuum, we could do anything to create a little havoc in retaliation. I didn't feel like it tonight.

"Oh, Q, sweetie." says my date, "We just aren't welcome anywhere."

"I can't think why." I reply, "It's not as if we're any trouble. Some people just can't take a joke. When we went to the restaurant, it was fun to make the waiters walk backwards."

"That's true." the female Q answers, "And when we made the waiter's clothes vanish, we did give him a menu to cover his embarrassment. Not everybody would do that."

"Of course not, dear Q." I continue, "But the question still remains. What shall we do with our date. Wwe could always go in for some serious lip-locking."

"A little later." she answers, "I want to have some fun on the Enterprise first. I can see that in their cinema they are showing Casablanca in the late-night screening. Why don't we go their and change things a little?"

My date explains what she means and I laugh. Why had I never thought of this?


Looking into the cinema, we see the senior staff watching the screen. Picard and Beverly Crusher are only seeing parts of it as they are more interested in kissing each other.

The female Q and I merge ourselves into the screen so that we control what Humphrey Bogart and Ingrid Bergman are's coming up to the big scene...

Rick: I'm saying it because it's true. Inside of us, we both know you belong with Victor. You're part of his work, the thing that keeps him going. If that plane leaves the ground and you're not with him, you'll regret it. Maybe not today. Maybe not tomorrow, but soon and for the rest of your life.

Ilsa: But what about us?

Rick: Yeah, maybe you're right, we'll send your husband packing on the plane, while you and I make sweet music together here in Casablanca.

Ilsa: Oh, Rick, I love you!

Rick: Ilsa, I think this is going to be the start of a beautiful friendship!

(they kiss and the movie ends...)


The senior staff all wake up from a semi-slumber, realising the movie hasn't ended the same way.

"What's going on?" Picard demands to know, as he stands up, Beverly falling on the floor as he does."

"You should have let my Q into the Dance." my date says, "Now you have two Q's to pester you."

We vanish back to the Continuum. I'm so proud of my Q. What a woman!

Sunday, February 15, 2009

Q's Valentine Date (Part One)

Guest Poster: Q

I'm really nervous.

Even though I'm a superbeing from the Q Continuum, where everybody lives indefinately, I'm still nervous. The butterflies in my stomach are reaching a crescendo.

Why? I'm about to ask Q out for a date.

Yes, I know it's confusing when every being in the Continuum has the same name, but I assure you, I'm crazy about the woman! When she wears that Essence of Andromeda perfume, I'm hers.

I know what you're thinking. We can both adapt ourselves to look like any creature in the universe, so how can I be attracted to just one female Q?

Well, both she and I have a penchant for looking like humans. They are both our favourite creatures. After all, what other sort can you get maximum satisfaction from playing gags on?

Hold on. Here she comes...

Isn't she a stunner? Even far away, I can tell she's wearing that perfume again. I can tell what Jean-Luc sees in redheads.

"Hiya, Q" she says cheerily, "Great to see you again. Did you say on the Continuum Phone that you wanted to ask me something?"

I start gibbering, like a young human about to ask a girl on his first ever date.

"Err...ahhh" I start, "Well, err, I was kind of wondering, if you err, like wanted to go on a date with me?"

This is ridiculous! What a relief Jean-Luc can't see this. I'd never live it down.

"Sure I would, Q" she replies, "I've always wanted to. You seem such an attractive being in the Continuum. Much more bravado than the other beings."

I can hardly believe it.

"Shall we go to the Enterprise Valentine Party?" I ask.

"I'd love to!"


We both appear on the Enterprise. All the crew are there in besy evening outfits. Jean-Luc sees me and looks in horror.

"Q!" he exclaims, "We don't want any trouble from you."

"Jean-Luc." I answer, "I'm just here to attend the party. See, Q here is my date."

"Well I feel sorry for her." the Captain answers sarcastically, "Why don't you find another place to go. Just not here."

"Come on, Q" my date tells me, "We are clearly not wanted here. Let's go somewhere else."

We are about to vanish when my date snaps her fingers. The Captain's clothes vanish just as all the senior staff are coming in.

Ah, my date is a Q after my own heart!

To be continued...

Saturday, February 14, 2009

TWQ: Cross-Fictional Romances

As it's Valentine's Day weekend, TWQ (The Weekend Question) is looking at potential romances between fictional characters from different areas.

Can you name some romances between fictional characters from different places that might either be a success or a guaranteed disaster. They can come from books, film, tv or wherever. Be as imaginative as you wish!

My answers are:


Elizabeth Bennett (Pride & Prejudice) & Sherlock Holmes...definately a disaster! Holmes was way too starchy, and only admired Irene Adler. As Elizabeth seemed to like men who came out of lakes, perhaps she should go for Aquaman instead?


Kara Thrace (AKA Starbuck (above) of Battlestar Galactica) & James Ford (AKA Sawyer of Lost)....a great match! The pair are both rebels who buck the system.

Now it's over to you...

Thursday, February 12, 2009

Commander Deanna Troi (Part Two)

Guest Poster: Deanna Troi

I don't know if I've got much time to give you an update as to what's going on right now. The important thing is, a pretty powerful missile is it it's way to destroy the Enterprise.

If that happens, you may find this Journal coming to a sudden and abrupt ending.

Look, just listen carefully. I'm the Commander of the Enterprise on the nighttime hours. T'Pol and Ensign Britney were larking around on the Bridge, when Ro Laren told us a massive missile was approaching.

Got it? Good. Let's go on...


"What are we gonna do?" screams Britney, "I'm too young to die. Besides that, I haven't got my best dress on."

Ro Laren runs up to the Tactics station and starts pressing a few buttons. Six photon torpedoes shoot out and the Enterprise does a sharp swerve in space.

The torpedos hit the missile, which explodes well away from the ship.

Phew! I thought it was curtains for us then!

"Well done, Ro." I tell her in my Commander-voice, though inside, I am quaking like I do after I have seen a horror film with Will.

"Who sent it?" T'Pol asks, "We can't risk another one coming towards us."

"I don't know." Ro answers, "There is a ship on long-range sensors, but it is unknown. It may be visiting our sector."

That's great. One of the shoot first, ask questions later type." I sigh.

"Let's blow it to smithereens!" Britney declares, "We gotta show them who is boss around here."

"You're not James T Kirk." I remind Ensign Britney, "Here in the 24th Century, we are more objective. We apprise the situation, look at all the possible solutions without violence..."

"And THEN blow it to smithereens!" Britney continues.

We follow the signal of the ship, seeing we are getting closer.

"Red Alert." I say. I must admit I love saying that. It sounds so important! giggle.

We approach the ship.

"Their weapons are powering up!" Ro Laren tells me.

"Take out their weapons array, T'Pol!" I tell her. I love this commanding lark!

Instead of the array being destroyed, their ship blows up.

"Ooops!" says T'Pol, "I suppose I still took out their array."

"...and everything else!" I tell her, "I suppose we were under threat, so it was the right thing to do."


The next morning, the Cappy and Beverly Crusher ask if anything went on during the night.

I have to tell them, and they agree we did the right thing.

"Pity we don't know who they are." says the Cappy.

"We didn't hear a thing last night, did we, Jean-Luc." Beverly comments, and then goes a little red.

Naughty Cappy!

Tuesday, February 10, 2009

Commander Deanna Troi (Part One)

Guest Poster: Deanna Troi

As I am have Commander status as well as a Counselor, I'm required to do shifts in the Captain's Chair in the graveyard shift, that is when most of the crew are in bed.

I love it as well! giggle!

It's my chance to order a few minions around while the Cappy is sleeping, or doing whatever he is doing. I know that on the few occasions I've had to alert the Cappy to an emergency he needs to handle, Beverly Crusher is in a bad mood the next morning.

Aren't I a naughty Commander? giggle!

Well, yes, I know what you're thinking. She must miss Riker when sitting there. Well, I suppose you're right. It's fun to cuddle up to his whiskers, but the thrill of being in charge of the Enterprise for a few hours is more exciting than a Chocolate Galaxy Sundae...but only just!

While it's true you can't tecnically have night and day on a starship, we try to give the impression days are passing. The corridor lights dim at night, and most people go off shift except those whose turn it is to work at night.

02:00 is the fun time here in the Enterprise. It's when a lot of crew leave the person they are not supposed to be with and go back to the one they are officially with. I've seen it on the monitors. People are bumping into each other, trying to hide their faces. Of course, I've more than once myself, but don't tell anyone. Promise? Cross your fingers? All right then, we'll go on.

With me tonight are T'Pol and Ensign Britney. These pair insist on always being together, even when night shift duty comes around.

I must admit that my commanding skills are pushed to the limit with those two around. They insist on larking around, singing the latest songs in the Galaxy Top Ten. Britney will get some chewing gum and put it under Riker's chair. He'll get a surprise in the morning!

That said, I'm very envious, and would love to join in the fun, but I've a starship to run.

"Ladies!" I say valiently, "Behave yourselves!"

As I say this, a heap of popcorn falls on my head that T'Pol has thrown at Britney.

"Nearly got you there, Brit!" yells out T'Pol.

"I'll get you first, sistah!" screams Britney.

I am both about to send them to the brig when the Red Alert goes off.

"We are under attack!" Ro Laren declares, who is at the Com, "A missile is on it's way!"

Brritney, T'Pol and I all scream.

To be continued...

Sunday, February 08, 2009

A Job Offer For Picard

When I am called to my video monitor in the Ready Room, I expect an important message, possibly affecting the fate of the galaxy.

After all, I do feel like saving the universe again. Every now and then I like to do that. Whenever that happens, I give the stars on my uniform an extra polish.

But instead, I am greeted by the oversmiling face of Felicity, the secretary of Admiral Bullock.

"Hello Captain Picard." she says in her simple way. I can see all her make-up items on the desk. She has forgot to remove them.

"Hello, Felicity." I say, "Did you enjoy your hotel visit with the Admiral?"

At this, she goes a shade of red that even her make up can't disguise. Felicity then starts to go into a cheeky giggle while informing me that she is paging me through to Admiral Bullock.

Bullock's image flashes up. As it does, I see a lipstick mark on his right cheek that happens to match the same lipstick used by Felicity.

"Ah, Captain Picard." he starts, "I have something important to say to you."

"Do you have an important mission for us to go on, or a planet to save?"

"Err...nothing like that, Captain." he answers, "We at Starfleet Command noticed it was your 50th birthday in January." it comes....

"Well." Bullock continues, "We thought that it is really difficult to Captain a starship at your...I mean when one gets older, and thought you might like a desk job here on Earth."

"No, thank you, Admiral." I say sharply.

Bullock looks slightly taken aback, as it wasn't the answer he was expecting.

"We thought you might like to give a younger man a chance at the helm, so to speak."

I repeat my answer, this time a little more slowly in case he has wax in his ears.

"Captain." he tells me, "This job that we have for you is a very prestigious one. Many people will want it, but we are choosing to give it to you. It's Chairman of the Veteran Captains Retirement Home. You just have to visit each Retirement Home, hold the Bingo sessions, play Santa Claus at Christmas..."

I try to refrain from laughing.

"It sounds wonderful, Admiral." I say with a supressed smile, "But I have a starship to captain."

The bemused Admiral Bullock goes to switch off.

"Goodbye, Admiral." I tell him, "Don't forget to wipe off the lipstick."

The sight of Bullock attempting to find the lipstick as the videomonitor image fades puts me in a good mood for the rest of the day,

Saturday, February 07, 2009

TWQ: Choosing Vacations

TWQ (The Weekend Question) looks at vacation planning this week...however do we choose?

How do you decide where to go on your annual vacation? What are the deciding factors that make you choose?

My answer is:

This is very hard to do each year, as I dislike choosing. The cost is so much, it seems more should it turn out to be somewhere we don't like. Nowadays, we tend to look at river cruises, cruises and staying in one place and exploring. For many, the current financial situation might well be a deciding factor. The pound is very weak against the euro and dollar.

Now it's over to you...

Thursday, February 05, 2009

Emergency Command Hologram (Part Three)

Guest Poster: The Doctor

With me running the Enterprise as Emergency Command Hologram, things were supposed to be running smoothly.

I've come up with what might me a problem.

With the rest of the crew in stasis while the ship travels through a large poison gas cloud in order to deliver medical supplies, Vic Fontaine, the holographic night club singer and I find a ship is heading in our direction.


"What shall we do?" I say to Fontaine.

"Well, we don't know if it's hostile or not." he replies, "How about a friendly greeting?"

"It doesn't look too friendly." I say, "It's a warship."

Nevertheless, I give out the bright cheery greeting, welcoming them. They reply by hailing us.

When we are on visual, I see the strange image of a figure in a silver pressure suit. Not a pretty sight.

"This is the USS..." I start to say

"You should not be functioning!" the figure shouts loudly, "I am Commander Falas of the Breen race. We sent this poison cloud across this sector."

I am about to tell him I am a hologram, but Fontaine jumps up and tells him we are impervious to it. Despite the Breen Commander wearing a pressure suit, I can tell when someone is frustrated.

"We have superior weapons capability, Doctor." Fontaine tells me.

"Very well." I say smugly, as if I am about to assign bedpan duty to Beverly Crusher, "Use a torpedo to take out their weapons array."

We do so, and leave them stranded.

We both sing The Toreador Song, followed by I've Got You Under my Skin!


Some hours later, we have gone through the gas cloud. All the crew come out of stasis, and I tell the Captain what happened.

"We may have to watch out for the Breen in future." he tells me, "There aren't that many presssure suited aliens around. Well done, Doctor. Time to change you back."

I think I may like the times I'm ECH. Red looks so much better than blue!

Tuesday, February 03, 2009

Emergency Command Hologram (Part Two)

Guest Poster: The Doctor

Anyone seeing my picture above will note a distinct difference. The red in it means I am now an Emergency Command Hologram, and can start being in control.

What has happened is that Picard and the other solids have to pass through a poison gas cloud in the Enterprise so that they can deliver medical supplies to Vasilon IV. They will all have to be placed in stasis pods for the journey. Even the android Data has to go in one. I'll be running the ship when that happens!


"Well, that's it, Doctor." Picard tells me as he stands next to his stasis pod, "Once I get in, you'll be in charge of the Enterprise. I'll see you on the other side of the gas cloud."

He jumps in, and looks and Beverly Crusher's pod. I think he wishes the pods were made for two. As it slides shut, the mist goes over, and the Captain falls asleep.

"Right." I say to myself, "Now we have a decent person running the ship, I'll make sure it's running properly.

I go up to the Bridge, and find the Captain's seat already occupied.

"Hiya, Doc." Vic Fontaine says cheerily, "How are things?"

"You're in my seat, Mr Fontaine!" I point out sharply, "I'm the Emergency Command Hologram. See the red uniform? It means I'm in charge. You're around in case I need anything doing. Is that clear?"

"Whoah, Doc." Fontaine replies, "Keep your hair on...I mean stay calm. I was just keeping the place running until you got here."

"All right." I tell him, "As long as you understand that."

"Yeah, sure. Boy, this voyage in the cloud is gonna seem like an eternity." he says to himself sarcastically.


We have been travelling a while in the poison cloud. I'm in the Captain's Chair, and Fontaine is on the Com. He starts humming I've Got You Under My Skin before eventually singing it.

"Do you mind?" I tell him, "You are getting under MY skin singing that. Kindly keep quiet!"

"And I'm supposed to keep quiet while you sing out The Toreador Song?" Fontaine answers, "Frankly I find opera very boring."

"BORING?" I say aghast, "Clearly when you were programmed, taste wasn't included. Opera is one of the most beautiful forms of..."

"Hold on!" interrupts Fontaine, "There is something on the sensors. An alien ship is approaching us in the poison gas cloud."

To be continued...

Sunday, February 01, 2009

Emergency Command Hologram (Part One)

Guest Poster: The Doctor

I am summoned to the Ready Room of Captain Picard.

On the way there, I think to myself whether Beverly Crusher has been reporting me for anything I've done with the bedpans, or have been singing too loudly.

Surely my recital of that part from Turandot didn't disturb the patients. I know it was the middle of the night, but a little opera will do them a lot of good.

"Ah, Doctor." Picard exclaims, as I enter. "Do come in and sit down. I have decided to entrust you with a most important mission."

What will it be? I say to myself. Checking patients who have particularly unpleasant illnesses that solid lifeforms would not want to do?

"A huge poison gas cloud is on it's way here." Picard goes on, "It's so vast that any attempt to go round would put days on our journey. We have to go through it, and it means the entire crew having to be put into stasis until we get out the other side. We have to arrive soon as we are delivering vital medical equipment to Vasilon IV."

"What does it mean to me?" I ask.

"We want to make you an Emergency Command Hologram for the duration, Doctor." he answers, "Vic Fontaine will give you any back-up."

Back-up from a nightclub singer? Still, I'm elated at this promotion.

"Err...what about the robo....I mean Commander Data?" I ask, "The gas would not affect him."

"We have done some tests." Picard answers, "It seems the gas could burn into his positronic brain, so he will have to go into stasis like everyone else."

I'm eager to start, but Picard lifts up his hand.

"Just a moment, Doctor." he says, "I just have to switch your setting with this watchamacallit."

He gets out a small box and starts twiddling with it.

"Now Doctor Zimmerman told me what to do." he mumbles to himself, "Do I turn this switch left or right?"

Does the man know what he is doing? Sussenly I start to change...

That's more like it!

To be continued...