Wednesday, December 30, 2009

New Year's Eve Party

"Are you looking forward to the New Year's Eve Party, Captain?" Riker asks me as we the two of us walk to the Bridge.

"Another party?" I reply, "It seems that's all we have lately on this vessel, Number One. If we're not careful, the Admirals will start investigating us and insist we explore space more, like our directive tells us to."

"I don't think that's likely, sir." he laughs, "Starfleet Headquarters has been closed for two weeks while the Admirals go on a round of parties, such as the pre-Christmas, Christmas, Admiral's and now New Year Party. I think they've had the idea of combining it into one whole event."

"You're right." I say, "Let's enjoy ourselves."


In Ten Forward, we are all gathered, with Guinan serving out drink, telling everybody to form an orderly queue.

"Look!" she shouts, "I'll tell you for the last time. Either wait for your drink or get a substandard one from the replicator machine. It's your choice!"

"Time for a dance, Jean-Luc?" says Beverly's voice behind me, "My dancecard is full, and it has your name on every one." She had been keeping her choice of party outfit from me for some time.

Bev looks ravishing with her red hair in curls, and wearing a very low cut dress that would suitable in an Arthurian setting.

"You look great, Bev." I say, "Let's catch that waltz. It's particularly smoochy."

All of us get on the floor for this, as Vic Fontaine does his Strangers In The Night song. At the end of it, everybody kisses then heads to get some Klingon bloodwine. If anything loosens inhibitions and gets people in the mood it's that.

"Go, Brit!" I hear T'Pol shouting from the edge of the dancefloor as her girlfriend Britney attempts to do a breakdance routine, while wearing a black lace outfit and six inch heels.

I politely applaud as everyone cheers when she finishes. It gets the evening in a real party atmosphere as the troublesome two attempt the drink the Andorian Brandy punchbowl dry between themselves.

After a couple of hours, the time approaches for twelve midnight.

"All right, everybody!" Vic says, "It's nearly time. Get your partners ready and welcome in the New Year....ten, nine, eight, seven, six, five, four, three, two, one....HAPPY NEW YEAR!"

Should auld acquaintance be forgot,
And never brought to mind?
Should auld acquaintance be forgot,
And auld lang syne!

For auld lang syne, my dear,
For auld lang syne.
We'll tak a cup o' kindness yet,
For auld lang syne.

"Happy New Year, Jean-Luc" Bev says with a smile as she kisses me.

"Happy New Year, Bev." I reply.

Here's to another year of alien invasions, conspiracies, arguments, undercover missions and love matches!


Editor's Note:

May I wish you all a very Happy New Year!

Monday, December 28, 2009

Recovering From Christmas

It's not easy having Christmas Day  on the Enterprise.

Sure, it's fun unwrapping the pressies. The ship is virtually silent while the crew unwrap the gifts from their loved ones, but we still have to keep an eye open for any hostile forces. It's not like any aliens are going to turn round and say they will invade tomorrow instead when they learn it is Christmas Day.

Bev and I exchanged presents. I must admit that my favourite was the negligee that she bought for herself. We both enjoyed that, but err....I think that's all I need to say about that!

When the time was automatically announced that Christmas Day was over, Bev and I came our of where we lived. Everyone seemed a lot more happier, if not very tired.. Even Data had a big smile, as he held hands with Jenny. I think Data must have his emotion chip on.

"Uh...hi Captain." says Jenny.

"Good morning Ensign." I say, "Have you not slept well?"

Jennifer Baxter looks somewhat embarassed, as if sleep is the last thing she and Data have been doing.

I must admit that Bev and I are somewhat tired as well. I may have to forego my usual drink of Earl Grey tea and settle for black coffee instead.

On the way to the Bridge, we meet Riker and Deanna, then Worf and Jadzia, who all seem like they are competing for an awake endurance marathon. Even Britney and T'Pol come out of their quarters propping each other up.

Eventually I get to the Bridge and sit in the welcoming arms of the Command Chair.

"Urrr....Where are we, Mr Data?"

"At position 3.27 in thr Epsilom Sector heading towards Starbase16." he promptly replies. I wish he would fall asleep sometimes. Maybe I'll just switch him off and let the others think that.

Christmas Day is one of the best days of the year, but the after effects can be devastating on the body. One of these times we'll come out of our Quarters and find ourselves enslaved and the Enterprise being sold for scrap because some aliens boarded.

Well it won't be this year!

Saturday, December 26, 2009

TWQ: The Day After Christmas

Now that Christmas is over, TWQ (the Weekend Question) asks about the day after.

What will you be doing on the day after Christmas? Shopping, sleeping, trying to get over the day before? List as many as you wish.

My answers are:

*Trying out those pressies I didn't have the time for yesterday

* Lying in a little

* Enjoying the day!

Now it's over to you...

Thursday, December 24, 2009

Twas The Night Before Christmas...

I'm exhausted.

After all the weeks of preparation, the Enterprise Christmas Party, dressing up as Santa, and all the "Have a great time." missives via videoviewer, it's finally here.

It's Christmas Eve.

Everyone has gone to bed. I'm just looking at the Bridge, monitoring it for a few hours before Data comes in to mind the store until the early morn.

Even just travelling through space at warp speed it feels like it's Christmas Eve, Everything seems so quiet, as if they are waiting for Santa to appear.

A party hat suddenly appears on my head. I groan. I think I know what's coming.

"Ho, ho, ho, Jean-Luc." says a familiar voice.

I groan.

"Go away, Q" I tell him, "I'm too tired to be dealing with you."

"Is that any way to talk to Santa Claus?" says Q, "I might not bring you any presents."

"Yeah, sure." I say sarcastically.

"....Or I could take them away." he comments, "That Doctor Crusher has got some super treats in line for you. Firstly she has..."

"I don't want to know!" I snap back, "Now what do you want?"

"That's better." Q smiles, and transforms himself to his familiar self.

"I just want to get to bed in a short time." I complain, "So I say again, what do you want."

"It's very brief." he says, "I know you don't want to keep Doctor Crusher waiting he adds slyly with a wink. I just wanted to say Happy Christmas."

"Is that it?" I reply, slightly puzzled.

"It sure is." he tells me, "Don't think you're the only one who has to enjoy Christmas. I've got my Q girlfriend and I've been getting presents for her. Us in the Continuum might not recognise the laws of time and space, but we do know when those in this universe celebrate Christmas. We're not going to miss out on that."

"Well it's nearly Christmas Day..." I remind him.

"Is it?" he muses, and looks at a timepiece he is wearing, "My Continuum watch must be running slow. I'll have to get it mended after the holiday. Well goodbye for now, Jean-Luc. I'll see you another time."

"Happy Christmas, Q." I reply.

With that, he transforms back into Santa Claus, and has a chariot with reindeer in the front. It rises up and passes through the ship hull. I hear echoes of "Ho, ho, ho!" in the distance.

Christmas time is here!


Editor's Note:

I wish all my readers a wonderful Christmas and a very Happy New Year.

Tuesday, December 22, 2009

Last-Minute Christmas Shopping

Guest Poster: Deanna Troi

"This is madness!" complains Beverly as she, Jenny Baxter, Jadzia Dax, Britney, and I go through the streets of the Starfleet Mall, "We could just get so much of it on the replicator."

"Don't be such a downer, Bev." I reply, "Surely you know that there is so much fun in shopping? I just love doing it, even when it involves pushing and shoving."

"Things might have been a lot easier if we had bought Seven along with us." says Jadzia, "The last time we did, people were running from the streets in panic."

"That's true." Bev answers, "But we got into a lot of trouble over that. The Admirals wern't too happy over that....hey! I want that!"

Beverly quickly snatches the last on a pile of pretty camisoles on a pile before another woman can get it.

"Well I'm here to shop for an exotic negligee for Will." I tell the others.

"Cool!" Britney laughs, wearing her loose blue top, red shorts, torn stockings and boots, "He should look great in that!"

We all laugh.

"Naturally it's for me to wear, but a present for Will."

All the others agree, and decide to get something for them to wear that the Cappy, Worf, Data and T'Pol will like.


After we all come out of Negligee Heaven, we discuss where to go next.

"Well I need to go to the hardware store to get a new circuit for Data." Jenny tells us, "He'll be pleased at that, as the old one was showing a bit of wear and tear.

We all have supressed giggles, although fails to see the humour in it.

Later, we go into Gumbal's to look in the Ladies Section. We might be shopping for Christmas, but always look for goodies for ourselves! giggle!

Britney buys herself some new extra-tough Dr Martens boots, Bev buys an exotic dress, Jadzia buys two matching Klingon fighting outfits, I buy a blue mini-dress and Jenny buys a recharger for her multi-phase disruptor.

All in all, that's a good day's shopping! giggle!

Sunday, December 20, 2009

Picard As Santa

I know I only do it once a year, but this must be the time of year I dread. Dressing up as Santa Claus to listen to what that children on board the Enterprise want for Chrisrmas.

I'd rather be chairing a peace conference between the Vulcans and the Romulans.

As I sit in my outfit in Santa's Grotto, waiting for the first child, I think of all the disasters I've had in the past here. This year, I have Ro Laren and Jennifer Baxter as Elves. Ensign Britney and T'Pol wanted to do it, but the chances of disaster would be tenfold with those two doing it. I think I'm on safer ground with Ro & Jenny helping me out.

The noise of chattering starts to increase, and I see a little crowd of children queuiing in the distance, waiting to come in. The front is Jeremy, a known troublemaker in Miss Forrester's class.

"I saw Santa kissing Doctor Crusher this morning!" he pipes up, loud enough for all the other children to hear.

"Santa wouldn't do that." replies Georgina, a shy girl, "Everyone knows that Doctor Crusher is in love with Captain Picard."

"Yeah." replies Jeremy, "I wonder where is is right now?"

Jeremy comes up to me, and before I have a chance to start my "Ho, ho, ho, young man." spiel, he has something to say himself.

"Listen, Captain...or Santa if you want to call yourself that today." whispers Jeremy, "You either give me the best present you've got in this crummy place, or I blow the whistle to all the others who you really are and break their little hearts."

"Alright." I say grudgingly, "Take this and keep quiet."

"Nice doing business with you, Santa." Jeremy tells me sarcastically as he leaves. I motion to Jenny and Ro to get him out quickly

Georgina makes her way to me.

"Are you really Santa Claus?" she asks quietly.

"Err...yes." I answer carefully.

"That's odd." she continues, "Mommy took me to see Santa in the Starfleet Mall last week, and he looked nothing like you. Was he a crook?"

", Georgina." I answer, "He was one of my helpers I employ to do my job. He might not have been the real Santa, but he was employed by me."

Georgina beams, quite satisfied with my explanation.

"That's all right then." she comments, "You didn't kiss Doctor Crusher like Jeremy said, did you?"

"Santa wouldn't kiss Bev...I mean Doctor Crusher." I reply.

"Course not." Georgina says, "That's the Captain's job."

I cough at this remark, and Georgina skips off with the present she has received.

The children come and go for some time until the last one has left.

Ro and Jenny come in, wearing their Elf outfits.

"How did it all go, Captain?" asks Jenny the green elf.

"It was a record." I reply, "Just three children were sick on my outfit, and I was only blackmailed twice. Things must be getting better!"

Saturday, December 19, 2009

TWQ: Christmas Highlights

As ir's Christmas in a few days, TWQ (The Weekend Question) looks to see what we'll be looking forward to.

Over the Christmas holidays, what will YOU be looking forward to doing? List as many as you wish.

My answers are:

* Getting home on Christmas Eve from the office and closing the door.

* Cristmas morning....of course!

* Telephoning certain friends and thanking them for their pressies.

Now it's over to you...

Wednesday, December 16, 2009

Recovering From The Party

Every year it's the same thing.

I, and the rest of the crew wake up from the Enterprise Christmas Party with hangovers the size of the great Klingon rock of D'Taghh.

It always seems that we are trying to hold each other up as we stumble through the corridors towards the Bridge. Fortunately, right now, Commander Data is at the helm. If androids could get drunk, I don't know what we'd do.

Bev and I help each other towards the Bridge door. Just as we get there, her body gives up and she slumps to the floor. Right now, I can't do anything to help. When I'm in a state of consiousness, I might be able to do something.

I enter the Bridge and see that Riker is in his seat, but has slid to the floor. Deanna is groaning, holding her head. Data looks round.

"Greetings, Captain." Data says in a seemingly loud voice, "I hope you are all right. I have noticed that many of the Enterprise staff are not functioning at optimum efficiency. When Jenny woke this morning, I asked her how she was but chose to hide her head under the pillow."

"I can understand that, Data" I reply, "Do you think you can turn the volume of your voice down this morning. It seems rather loud."

"I have ran my daily diagnostic." Data declares, "I am perfectly all right. Tou may well be suffering from the after effects of the party."

"You don't say?"  I comment somewhat sarcastically.

"Captain." Worf tells me as he holds his head achingly, "I am receiving a hail from the Borg Cube in orbit."

I groan and accept the hail.

 "Hello, Locutus." the Borg Queen says with a smile. She is still wearing her mini dress from the party and looking like she has a hangover as well..

"What can I do for you?" I ask worryingly.

"I found the party most invigorating." she tells me, "Learning how to do the Hokey Cokey will go into the Hive Mind. I will remember when to put my left foot in and when to shake it all about."

"Indeed." I comment drily.

"But I digress, Locutus." the Borg Queen says, "When I returned to my Cube, I found that the Troi Borg Queen was waiting for me."

This sets my brain to 'wide awake' phase, as my body alarms go off.

"What did she want?" I ask.

"She came to warn me that she and other hardliners are growing in strength." the Queen tells me, "It looks like there could be a problem with the Borg in the coming months. If the Troi Borg Queen gains power and becomes leader, there will be no mercy. The galaxy will be overrun."

"But you're one as well...." I start to say.

"You know nothing of Borg politics, Locutus." she snorts, "Our Leader, the Alpha Borg Queen and I are moderates, as are most of the Queens. However, there are some who are demanding, merciless,clinical action. They are gradually growing. I am warning you of the situation, Locutus. Eventually, we may need to offset the danger...together."

I wince. That news is a real party pooper gem of information.

"It won't be for a while, Locutus." the Queen tells me, "But be warned, it will happen."

With that the screen goes blank. I see that Riker and Deanna have woken, and are looking anxious.

"Let's hope we can celebrate Christmas first." Riker gloomily says.

Monday, December 14, 2009

Returning From The Party

Guest Poster: The Borg Queen

Helped by Seven, I stagger to the beaming up point on Wondawowman, so that I can return to the Borg Cube. I've had SO much to drink, my head feels as if an anvil has dropped on it.

"Goodbye for a while, my Queen." Seven says, "It has been pleasing to see you."

"It has been as good to see you, Seven." I reply, "Keep up the observing work on the Enterprise."

With that, I beam up and appear on the Cube transporter. I am greeted by two of my minions, who seem keen to tell me something, but my head is splitting. I can barely hear what they say, except something about someone being here.

I'll work it out later. Right now I need some strong black coffee and a cold shower. There are some things that us Borg have learnt from humans!

I walk along to the Bridge Room of the Cube, holding my head, in case it falls off. Since I am built of different parts, that is highly probable right now.

As I enter the room, I am aware of another figure sitting in my Command Chair, who gets up when she sees me.

You!" I say, my mind instantly alert. It seems like the presence of this wretched creature has removed my hangover faster than coffee or shower could have done.

"So you've finally decided to honour the drones with your appearance, 01?" sneers the Troi Borg Queen, "You seemed to be enjoying yourself so much with the humans at their silly party, I thought you were going to stay there for good!"

"What are you doing here, 02?" I ask her, "Where is your Cube?"

"That's in orbit around this planet, just as yours is." she replies, "I must admit I had thought at one stage of taking all my drones down and assimilating everyone there, but that would have annoyed that weakling leader of ours, the Alpha Borg Queen."

"She gave her backing for the party." I snap back.

"So I'm aware." the Troi Borg Queen comments in a tired voice, "But the hardliners in the Borg race are growing, 01. before long, our leader will be swept from power and replaced by a tough regime who will assimilate everything in sight without mercy. All the supporters of the current Alpha Borg Queen will be terminated...anyd that means YOU will be first on the list, my dear 01!"

"And you'll be putting yourself forward as the new Alpha Borg Queen?" I ask, knowing the answer.

"Of course!" she chuckles.

"Get off my Cube." I warn her, "Your approach won't work, The Alpha Borg Queen will not tolerate troublemakers like you. You could plunge the Borg into civil war."

"Better that than you galavanting to parties given by humans while wearing a black minidress with plunging neckline" she sneers.

I think that her plastic outfit outfit that shows every curve is more revealing than anything I could wear.

The Troi Borg Queen heads towards the exit. I can see my drones slowly eying her outfit as she walks.

"Goodbye for now, 01" she says, "But mark my words. The hardliners will achieve victory over the Borg moderates. Then the galaxy will be ruled over us for evermore."

She strides out and beams back to her Cube.

What a thing to return to after a good Christmas party!

Saturday, December 12, 2009

TWQ: Best Movies Of The 21st Century

Now that we are coming to the end of 2009, ten years of the 21st century will have passed. There have been a lot of great movies released in that period. TWQ (The Weekend Question) asks for your favourites.

What are your favourite  movies released over the last ten years? List as many as you wish.

My answers are as follows:

* The Hours: ...a homage to the Mrs Dalloway novel set in three timezones.

* The Lives Of Others:...a German thriller about the Stasi in the East Germany of the 1980's.

* The Lord Of The Rings: (Extended Editions)..the vast trilogy of movies set in Middle Earth

* Pan's Labyrinth: ..the Spanish adult fairytale that is DEFINATELY not for children.

* The Mist:...A classic tale of people trapped in a supermarket by mist as monsters close in.

* The Others:...a woman and two children are plagued in a house by noises...has a spectacular twist.

* Let The Right On In:...a Swedish vampire movie. Very memorable.

*Sophie Scholl: The Final Days: ..German true story about the trial of  the White Rose girl by the Nazis

Now it's over to you...

Thursday, December 10, 2009

Enterprise Christmas Party (Part Three)

Now I can be telling what happened to me on the Enterprise Christmas Party on Wondawowman, home of the amazons...oh...hold on a moment.

"Captain." says Lieutenant Worf, "We have found a gatecrasher."

"Really?" I answer, "Who is it?"

"A person from the 21st century, who appeared at the party on previous years, He calles himself Curmudgeon "

"Oh, yes, I remember him. I chatted to him about this." I comment rather red-faced, as I remember what happened just a little earlier., "Let's hear what he has to say"

Personal log, stardate unknown. I never did get the hang of those stardates.

I owe an apology to Captain Picard, but I’m not really sure he'll accept it in light of what happened.

First of all, the Captain was extremely kind to visit me in the Guest Quarters to let me know I couldn’t come to the party on Wondawoman this year. “It’s a matter of diplomacy, Curmy,” he explained, straightening his jacket with that little tug like he always does when he’s trying to choose his words carefully. “Guests from the 21st Century are hard enough to explain when we have our Christmas parties on board the Enterprise but on a planet like Wondawoman, and particularly for male guests from the 21st Century – Curmy, it simply won’t do.”

I said I understood and I wished him well and I really meant it but, doggone it, I wanted to attend, invited or not. I resolved to crash the party. But how?

I thought about this for quite awhile. I realized that visiting three centuries in the future is a rather liberating thing. I mean, there’s nothing I can do to screw up my own timeline and there’s no guarantee that I’ll have any descendants in this timeline to be embarrassed by anything I’ve done here. So – while I’m a rather straitlaced person in my own time – it occurred to me, finally, to do something rather out of character. I decided to go in disguise. And, given what I’ve read about Wondawoman, it occurred to me that I should choose a particular sort of disguise. Well, see for yourself:

With all the commotion going on after we arrived in orbit over Wondawoman, it was not difficult to find an unmonitored transporter room. I beamed down to the party entrance where I was confronted by a large, spear-carrying security guard. “Where is your invitation, Mother?” she asked, not unkindly.

I patted my dress and fumbled in the sleeves. (I had no idea they’d issued some sort of invitation document!) “Oh, silly me,” I improvised, “I must have left it in the transporter room.” I fidgeted and fanned myself a bit. “Do I really need to go back?”

“Don’t get excited, Mother,” the guard said. “Who are you?” With the hand that wasn’t holding that rather vicious-looking spear, she picked up a pad and started thumbing across what I presumed was an invitation list.

“My name is Babbs,” I lied. “I’m Charlie’s Aunt.”

The guard bristled. “Charlie? That’s a man’s name.” She made a sour face as she said the word “man.” I snuck a look at her spear. It looked very sharp.

“Did I say Charlie?” I asked, “Well, that’s what we call her in the family. Short for Charlotte, you know.” I prayed there’d be a Charlotte somewhere on that list she was looking at. “It’s sort of an inside joke in the family,” I said and began to fan and flutter again, harder this time.

The guard put the pad aside and gestured me through. “It’s alright, Mother,” she said, “you just have a nice time and don’t stress yourself too much.”

“Thank you,” I said. “You’re very kind.”

I really did have a nice time at the party. I got to meet Queen Diana – who turns out to be even better looking in person than in her pictures. I said hello to Nexa, who was kind of brooding over in a corner. She was barely polite. I tried the cucumber sandwiches and immediately remembered why men in my own time avoid wedding showers (and similar female-centric gatherings) like the plague.

I tried to avoid the Enterprise personnel because I didn’t want to be recognized. I thought Counselor Troi shot me an odd look, but I guess you don’t really have to be a half-Betazoid empath to know what went through my mind when I looked at her gown. I did say hello to Ensign Karena; she seemed to be having a marvelous time. Captain Hernandez from the Rhode Island also seemed to be enjoying herself. When I saw her, she was leading Commander Hathaway around on a choke collar. The Amazons seemed to approve.

As the evening wore on the Starfleet women began dancing – and pulling men out of the little pen where they had been kept so that they wouldn’t ruin the party for everyone else. The Amazons stomped off the dance floor in disgust.

I was sitting between two of them, both sniffing their disapproval, when Jean-Luc came over to ask me to dance. I’m sure he thought he was being gallant to an older, unescorted Earthwoman. As he led me to the dance floor, though, I watched his eyes widen with recognition.

“Curmy,” he expostulated, “what are you doing here?” But he had committed himself; there was no way he could graciously push aside someone that everyone else assumed was an old woman. So we danced. In a concession to Amazonian custom, he let me lead. Someone snapped our picture as the dance ended.

Picard put on his best ambassador voice. “Well, Madam,” he boomed, “it’s getting rather late. I will escort you back to the beam-down coordinates.” Then, sotto-voce, he hissed at me, “If that picture gets put up on Facebook, Curmy, you’re in big trouble.”

So I have to apologize to the Captain. But I’m not quite sure how.


Now that Curmy has been safely dispatched back to the 21st century, I can begin my account.

Bev decided to show up in a sundress and wore dark glasses. She had clearly been spending too much time on the Enterprise sun bed

"I've got my dance card all full up, Jean-Luc." Bev whispers playfully, "And it's your name on every occasion."

"That's good, Bev." I reply, "But if  Queen Diana asks me to dance, I can't turn her down."

"There's little chance of that happening." Bev tells me, "It would belittle her standing amongst her fellow amazons to dance with you. She would probably prefer Captain Hernandez or the Borg Queen."

I look around to see Seven of Nine getting the Borg Queen another Klingon bloodwine. She seems to be drinking them like there is no tomorrow. She staggers over to me.

"Ah, Locutus...hic..." she starts, "Just the man I wanted. Do you fancy grooving to some hot music on the..."

Before she finishes, The Borg Queen collapses on the floor. Seven picks her up and tells me she will get some black coffee.

I hear a few giggly screams, and see T'Pol and Ensign Britney on the dancefloor in outrageous costumes, both singing away...

"Are you ready for this action
Does it give you satisfaction
Are you hip to what I'm sayin
If you are then let's start swayin
The answer better be (yes, yes)
That pleases me"

"How is the party going, Number One?" I ask Riker.

"Fine sir," he replies, "I'm just waiting for Deanna to show up."

"Here I am Will." says an approaching female voice.

I nearly choke on my vol-au-vant. Riker's eyes indicate their approval, and the two head off to the dancefloor as a smoochy number comes on. Bev grabs me to follow.
"Come on Captain, my Captain." she giggles.

As we get there, everybody seems to have their intended with them. I have Bev, Riker has Deanna, Data has Jenny, Britney has T'Pol, Erika has Hathaway, Wes has Karena, Jadzia has Worf. The Borg Queen has to make do with Seven, although she looks jealously at Bev. Queen Diana prounces the party a great success and orders the band to play.

I know I stand in line until you think
You have the time to spend an evening with me
And if we go someplace to dance
I know that there's a chance you won't be leaving with me
And afterwards we drop into a quiet little place
And have a drink or two......
And then I go and spoil it all by saying
Something stupid like I love you

I can see it in your eyes that you despise
The same old lines you heard the night before......
And though it's just a line to you for me it's true......
And never seemed so right before
I practice everyday to find some clever lines
To say to make the meaning come true......
But then I think I'll wait until the evening gets late
And I'm alone with you
The time is right your perfume fills my head......
The stars get red and on the nights so blue......
And then I go and spoil it all by saying
Something stupid like I love you

As the music fades, Bev finds some mistletoe and we kiss.

"Happy Christmas, Jean-Luc." she says.

"Happy Christmas, Bev."


Wednesday, December 09, 2009

Enterprise Christmas Party (Part Two)

Guest Poster: Karena

The crew of the Rhode Island beam down with Wes and myself to my home planet of Wondawowman for the Enterprise Christmas Party, to be hosted by the amazons here.

"I don't see why we can't have our own party." moans Commander Mark Hathaway, "It would have been a lot more fun."

"That's as maybe, Mark." Captain Erika Hernandez tells him, "But we are invited guests, so let's enjoy the fun."

"I'll enjoy the fun the two of us have when we beam back to the ship." he whispers to her, not knowing I hear him well enough"

"That's true." she laughs, " comes Queen Diana!"

My mother steps forward, dressed in the official regalia of her role as Queen of the amazons.

"Hello, Captain Hernandez." she says, "Welcome to Wondawowman. It's a pleasure to have all these women here who are in charge as guests on our planet. Such a pity Captain Picard is a man."

"Err..yes." the Captain replies somewhat haltingly, not sure what to say. Then my mother looks at me.

"Ah, my daughter." she smiles, "Such a pleasure to see you again. Welcome too, Wesley. May I ask if you are both blessed yet?"

"What do you mean, your highness?" Wes enquires.

"I mean is my daughter having a daughter of her own yet? If not, you are clearly failing in your duty."

"Mother!" I exclaim, "That matter is being Wes and I!"

"Very well." she answers, "I just wanted to know how things were getting along."

The Queen escorts us to where the party is taking place. Wes and I see some of our old friends from the Enterprise and meet up. Captain Picard talks away to Erika Hernandez, while Mark Hathaway dances with my mother-in-law Beverly. Both are keeping an eye on the Commander, as they know what a womaniser he is.

As if by imstinct, both Picard and Hernandez move forward to the dancing pair and split them so that Beverly is with Captain Picard and Hathaway is with Hernandez. I hear her saying to Hathaway, "I'm watching you, Mark. I know there are a lot of skimpily dressed amazons around, but they are not for you."

The party progresses on. All of us dance the hokey cokey at one stage, which must have looked a strange sight when the Borg Queen joined in. She was wearing a small black dress and a red paper hat.


Beverly corners me as I go to get something from the punchbowl.

"Karena." Beverly says to me, "I love seeing my daughter in law, "You are a fine woman for Wes. You didn't have to bring your spear with you."

I explain to her that where I go, my spear goes.

"Whatever." Beverly continues, "I just wanted to ask if you and Wes had thought about children at all. You know both Queen Diana and I would be so happy if you could..."

"In our own time!" I screech, as I run for cover by grabbing Wes as the band plays Moon River.

To be continued...

Monday, December 07, 2009

Enterprise Christmas Party (Part One)

Guest Poster: The Borg Queen

The Borg Cube Unimatrix Zero 01 arrives at the planet Wondawowman, home of the amazons. I've got my party dress on and am all ready to have a good time at the Enterprise Christmas Party.

Naturally I had a few moans via videoscreen from the Troi Borg Queen, saying I am a disgrace to the Borg race. She's just jealous. Besides, I had full backing from our Leader, the Alpha Borg Queen, who was dissapointed she couldn't come herself.

I beam down to the surface, and am greeted by two formidable amazons. They would make good drones on my Cube, but I remind myself that I am here for the Christmas Party.

They take me to Queen Diana, leader of the amazons, who greets me warmly.

"Welcome to Wondawowman." she says, "Please call me Diana. It's a pleasure to meet a Queen leader such as yourself. I think we'll have a lot to chat about. Please have a vol-au-vant."

One of her amazons walks up to me and carries a tray full of various goodies.

"Thank you." I say to Diana, "All my friends call me Queenie. Please do."

As the two of us walk up to the main party area, I see people from the Enterprise and Rhode Island all gathered together chatting. Locutus is there talking to his redhead girlfriend. A slight grimace appears on his face but he recovers enough.

"Welcome to the party." Locutus says diplomatically, "That is a smart dress you have."

"Thank you, Locurtus." I reply, "This little black mini-dress I find quite suitable."

"Errr...yes." he answers, but before he can say more, the redhead drags him away.

Seven sees me and greets me.

"Hello, my Queen." she says, "It is good to see you after so long."

"Likewise, Seven." I reply, "Is that a cracker you have there?"

"Yes." she answers, "It will contain a plastic toy, a joke and a paper hat. Shall we pull the cracker?"

I agree, and we pull, Seven carefully making sure that I win. Seven always was the sort of drone to let the boss win.

I get a red paper hat, a plastic Borg Cube. Remaining is a small piece of paper with some writing on.

"This must be the joke." I say, "I'll read it out.....'Why did the Starfleet chicken cross the road? Answer: To go where no chicken has gone before."

"I do not understand that." Seven comments flatly.

"Neither do I." I tell her, "It's a good job that humour is irrelevant."

"Let's go and enjoy the party." Seven tells me, "I have observed that Lieutenant Worf has been having several Klingon bloodwines and is already the worse for wear. Jadzia Dax is telling him off."

"The redhead has also had a few" I point out as well., "I'll be able to grab a dance with Locutus once she gets more involved with the drink than keeping an eye on him."

To be continued...

Saturday, December 05, 2009

TWQ: When Is It Christmas?

How people perceive it is almost Christmas can be viewed differently by everyone. TWQ (The Weekend Question) asks that this week.

What makes you know when Christmas is almost here? Be as truthful or sarcastic as you wish, and list as many as you wish.

My answers are:

* The Easter eggs are in the shops
* Adverts for next year's vacations are running on the tv
* Christmas cards start arriving in the post.

Now it's over to you...

Wednesday, December 02, 2009

What To Wear?

Guest Poster: The Borg Queen

Naturally, a being with such a powerful responsibility such as myself has to make some difficult decisions. It can be hard to decide whether to assimilate this race or the other.

However, I have an even harder choice to make: what dress do I wear when attending the Enterprise Christmas Party next week?

Naturally, I want to look impressive. It doesn't do any good just to assimilate anyone who has a better dress on than I do. Admittedly, it would solve a lot of problems, but I have agreed with Locutus to leave that side of myself at the door and come and have fun, wearing a paper hat, pulling crackers and dancing to such musical pieces like I Wish It Could Be Christmas Everyday.

One One and One Two, the drone interior designers have come to assist me in this matter.

"Oh you can't you wrong with a little black dress." One One begins, "They are always so timeless and classical."

"Surely you want something different?" One Two counters, "Many women wear black dresses. The latest fashion is deep red, I suggest a long dress of that colour, slashed to the thigh"

"So predictable." One Two retaliates, "Red is indeed outstanding, but is very common. If you do not wish black, choose a lilac colour, with a jewel necklace. The dress should have a deep v-neck at the front so everybody can see your..."

"Enough!" I shout. I can see I'm not getting anywhere with these two, who are just making wild guesses, and send them out.

There's only one thing to do. get in contact with Seven. She should be regenerating in her alcove at this time on the Enterprise.


"Seven." I call out, using the Hive Mind, "This is the Borg Queen. Is it alright to talk now?

"Yes, my Queen." she replies, "I have just reached my alcove after listening to a most unpleasant health and safety lecture from Mr La Forge. It was my job to nudge anyone who fell asleep. I was very busy."

"Indeed." I comment, "Seven, I have a problem. As I am attending the Enterprise Christmas Party on Wondawowman next week, I need you to tell me what is currently in fashion, and what the females on the Enterprise will be wearing."

"That is very difficult, my Queen." replies Seven, "The females on this ship guard their party dresses with their lives. I believe Beverly Crusher has hers locked away in a high security vault with an electric forcefield surrounding it. Locutus had to be treated for shock when he tried to get a look without her knowing. Thwe other females have much the same sort of protection."

"That is unfortunate." I comment.

"Indeed." Seven continues, "However I do know that the women to wish to outdo each other. Their outfits are bound to be as revealing as possible. The Deltan female known as Britney has no scruples and does not bother with such competition, and could come in just about anything."

"That is enlightening, Seven." I answer, "It would seem that I have some tough competition should I wish to win in the fashion stakes."

"I'm sure that you will, my Queen." Seven tells me, "We have assimilated many fashion designers in the past. I'm sure the Hive Mind will come up with a gown to satisfy you."

"A good thought, Seven." I reply, "I will see you next week."