Wednesday, September 29, 2010

The Borg Queen's Visit (Part Four)

I'm waking up in the alcove after a trip to Unimatrix Zero, the computer geberated world that Borg drones can visit as their former selves if they have the recessive gene. I was able to get there as the Enterprise computer tuned itself to the frequency required.

I met Annika Hansen, the human side of Seven of Nine. The Borg Queen suspected she might be here due to evidence that she found. The Queen will destroy Seven if she findfs out...


I groggily step out of the alcove, as if I have had one too many ales last night.

"Well?" says Bev eagerly, as she gives me a sedative to get over the dizziness, "Is she there?"

"Yes." I say graverly, "I met Annika Hansen and she burged me to help her. Can you believe she's the joint mayor of Unimatrix Zero? Did you do what I asked?"

"I gave both Seven and Queenie a deep sedative while they were regenerating." Beverly answers, "I also took that extract from the Queen.2

"Good." I say, "Hopefully we can lie ourselves convincingly enough to save Saven."

A few moments later, the Borg Queen steps out of her alcove. She notices the time.,

"I have been regenerating a long time!" she exclaims, "I must have needed it. The responsibility of running a Borg Cube can take it's toll."

She then looks squarly at me.

"Ah, Jean-Luc." the Queen chimes softly, "Have you visited Unimatrix Zero and found Seven's human counterpart there?"

"I did visit it." I tell her with a poker face, "But the residents said there was not, nor has there ever been anyone named Annika Hansen."

"Indeed?" Queenie answers, with a slightly menacing voice, "Now you wouldn't be trying to give me false information would you? I know we were lovers when you were assimilated, Jean-Luc, but I wouldn't be happy if I found out you were lying..."

I start to get very nervous inside, but Bev steps forward just before I am asbout to crumble.

"I have the evidence here, Queenie." Beverly tells her, "I took this sample from Seven's bloodstream as she was regenerating. As you see under the microcomputer, it shows the nanoprobes that make her a Borg, but a complete absence of the recessive gene."

"Very good." the Queen smiles, "It looks like the evidence was falsified. Agents of the Troi Borg Queen trying to cause trouble, no doubt. Well, I'm sorry for the intrusion, Bev and Jean-Luc. I have a Borg cube to look after."

We escort the Borg Queen to the departure point.

"Hope to see you soon, Jean-Luc." she whispers to me, and blows a kiss, as soon as she notices Beverly isn't looking or listening.

After she has gone, Bev and I heave a sigh of relief.

"I don't know how we got away with that!" I exclaim, "I thought at one moment that the Queen would spot something was going on."

"Relax, Jean-Luc" Beverly tells me, "Little does she realise that the blood sample actually came from the Queen's arm, and not from Seven."

Monday, September 27, 2010

The Borg Queen's Visit (Part Three)

Right now, I'm hooked in one of our Borg alcoves on the Enterprise. On one side is Seven of Nine, on the other is the Borg Queen. They are both currently regenerating. I am about to visit Unimatrix Zero, where Borg clones who have the recessive gene can visit. The Borg Queen has informed me that evidence has arisen thar Seven may have the gene, and her human alter-ego Annika Hansen may be there. If she is, the Queen will destroy her.


"Are you ready, Jean-Luc?" Bev asks me as I am about to go under.

"Yes." I reply, somewhat nervously, "I don't know what I'm going to find there, but don't forget what to do what I asked. Queenie is in an extra-long regeneration, and will be unaware."

As I'm connected up, I feel like I'm the Frankenstein monster, who's just had a big jolt of electricity.

Suddenly I wake up on a grassy meadow and look around me. There is a a forest nearby, and in the distance, the coast opens to a wide ocean.

This is a good place to come for a vacation, except that iot's all in the mind. I notice that the forest area has some barely concealed caves, and there is life about. As I approach, all sorts of races are living together. They look at me oddly, as they can tell I'm a newbie in town.

A young blonde-haired woman stares at me in shock from the distance, horrified to see me here. She rushes forward. Though I can bazrely recognise her from the metal-plated drone we have on the Enterprise, I'm pretty sure who this is..

"Hello, Captain Picard." she says, "I'm Annika Hansen, the human part of Seven of Nine. Welcome to Unimatrix Zero."

"How do you know who I am, Annika?" I ask.

"Oh, I know what Seven knows." she laughs, "Fortunately she doesn't know about me, otherwise there would be trouble from the Borg Queen. What brings you here?"

"There IS trouble from the Borg Queen!" I exclaim, and tell her that she has evidernce that Seven is in Unimatrix Zero, and I have been sent to see."

Annika goes whiter that a shirt ironed by washing up liquid in a galactic tv advert.

"You're not going to tell on me are you?" she asks, "The Queen would destroy both Seven and I. Here, I'm the joint mayor of this realm along with my hated ex-lover."

I look amazed at this fact, but continue.


"No, Annika." I tell her, "But I needed to know if you were here before knowing how to proceed. Don't worry; you'll be safe. It's time for me to leave."

"Good luck, Captain." Annika says, "I hope you'll visit again soon. Unimatrix Zero has many holiday caves for the discerning visitor."

I feel myself coming back to the Enterprise alcove.

Now to deceive a Queen...

To be continued.....

Saturday, September 25, 2010

TWQ: How To Deal With King Kong

A while back, TWQ (the Weekend Question) asked you what to do if a plague of zombies struck. This time, it's monkey business!

What five things would you need to help you get away from King Kong, who has just invaded the city? Be as silly as you like!

My answers are:

* A bunch of bananas

* A man's suit (he only picks up women!)

* The song 'I Wanna Be Like You' from 'The Jungle Book'. This will make him dance away!

* A full size cardboard cut out of Fay Wray, the actress from the 1933 movie

* A hard hat (in case he falls on to your head)

Now it's over to you...

Wednesday, September 22, 2010

The Borg Queen's Visit (Part Two)

The Borg Queen is visiting the Enterprise. However, rather than chasing after me, as she usually does, she has told Bev and I that there is evidence that Seven of Nine may be linked with Unimatrix Zero, the area that drones go to when they have thev recessive gene and are regenerating.


Bev and I are both stunned at this news.

"Surely there must be some mistake, Queenie?" Bev tells her, "Seven is a dedicated Borg. There is no way she would be part of Unimatrix Zero. She reads every copy of Borg News thouroughly"

"Not deliberately, Beverly." the Queen answers, "But her unconcious human self would be free to enter the realm when regenerating if she has the gene. The Borg cannot allow it to spread. If she has it, Seven will have to be destroyed."

"You can't do that!" I exclaim, "She is a member of my crew. I can't have you killing them off."

"May I remind you, Jean-Luc" says the Queen, "That I placed Seven on this ship to observe you all as part of our truce agreement? I can just as easily remove her and have her terminated."

I sigh, as reluctantly, I concede that she is right.

"Well, what is the evidence?" Bev asks, "Perhaps we can see if there is some way it is incorrect?"

"Cerrtainly, Bev." Queenie tells her, I have here a document from the Borg medical library. We are gradually going through all the billions of Borg drones in the galaxy. When it came to Seven, we looked through, and saw that her internal body make-up contains the recessive gene."

"I that case, we need to do another medical on Seven." I say, "The evidence could have been planted by someone out to cause trouble, like the Troi Borg Queen."

"I had considered that." the Queen replies, "Beverly, will you do the medical for me?"

"Err...very well, though I won't be happy if Seven has to..." Bev trails off.

"It's either that or I get the Borg drones to carry it out." Queenie answers, "Believe me, that will be A LOT more unpleasant. Now excuse me, I shall regenerate in Seven's guest alcove."

The Queen strides out. Bev and I look at each other.

"What are we gonna do, Jean-Luc?" Bev asks desperately, "We can't let Seven be killed. I know she's a humourless drone, but she is one of the crew."

"We've got to find out the truth about the gene, Bev." I tell her, "We know the computer pitch that matches the gene. If I get in the other alcove while the Queen and Seven are both regenerating, and get connected up to the computer, it should take me to Unimatrix Zero. I need to talk to Annika Hansen, who is Seven before she got assimilated, if she is there."

"What good will that do, Jean-Luc?" Bev asks.

"We'll know the truth." I answer, "In the meantime, I want you to do something that will satisfy the Queen."

I tell her what it is, then get hooked up to the alcove.

"Here we go." I tell her, "Next stop, Unimatrix Zero!"

To be continued after the TWQ....

Monday, September 20, 2010

The Borg Queen's Visit (Part One)

I am resting in my Ready Room, drinking a soothing cup of Earl Grey whilst  reading the latest celebrity news in The Galactic Gazette behind some official papers, in case anyone catches me.

Seven of Nine marches in. One human trait she has yet to learn is how to knock.

"Captain Picard." she states in her usual all-too-serious manner, "You will prepare the Enterprise for a visit from the Borg Queen in two hours. She has a matter that she wishes to discuss with you."

"What does she want, Seven?" I enquire, keen to get myself ready for any potential problems.

"She did not inform me." Seven replies, "I was only instructed to tell you so that you couild get the ship ready."  Seven turns around, as if on a pulley and strides back out again.

I roll my eyes at this. The Borg Queen, when we last met, told me that we were lovers when I was assimilated and becvame Locutus of Borg. Though afterwards, I tried to keep this news from Bev, I eventually confessed to Bev, who told me that she had always known, but erased my short term memory years ago.

I hope it's nothing to do with that. I decide to go to SickBay and tell Bev about the impending visit.

"Queenie's coming for a visit!" I tell her, when we are alone, and she is preparing hyposprays.

Bev turns round quickly.

"What does she want?" Bev asks quickly, "Is she trying to get her claws into you again?"

"I don't know." I say, "Although if it were something like that, I thgink she would be more subtle. You ought to be with me when I greet her."


Soon after, the Borg Cube has pulled up alongside us. Bev and I wait at the transporter room for the Borg Queen to appear.

When she does, she first looks elated to see me, then disappointed that Bev is with me.

"Hello, Locutus, hello Beverly" she says to us formally, then talks to me, "I had hoped to talk to you in private, Jean-Luc."

"You may speak to me about anything with beverly here, Queenie." I tell her, " She knows all about our relationship on the Cube."

"Indeed?" the Queen says with a smile, "My, Jean-Luc, you are a sly one.". She then gives me an unsubtle sexy wink with her eye. Bev looks annoyed.

"Look, Queenie." Bev tells her, "What DO you want?"

"The matter does not concern Jean-Luc." she answers, "I've had evidence put to me that Seven of Nine may be visiting Unimatrix Zero when regenerating."

Saturday, September 18, 2010

Jadzia & Worf's Honeymoon (Part Two)

Guest Poster: Jadzia Dax

After the initial difficulty of checking in at the Hotel Amour on the planet Lurrve, Worfie and I about to enjoy our honeymoon. He has told me that tonight, there is no need for me to break his clavicle again, and not to ever tell anyone that I did that, as he would never live it down on the Klingon homeworld.


After a night of fun that befits a honeymoon couple, the two of us head down to the hotel pool, where I dive in.

"Come in Worfie!" I yell, when I emerge, "Put your swimming trunks on and get in. I'll  race you to the other end."

"Klingon warriors do not put on swimming trunks and frolic around in hotel pools." he replies, stuffily.

"Well take off all your clothes and jump in naked!" I answer quickly, "Loosen up and enjoy yourself!"

"Jadzia!" Worf replies in a shocked voice, "There are people listening!"

"So what!" I reply, "Most of the women around the pool are topless. I think I'll join them"

I undo my swimming costume and start to roll it down...

Worf runs to the nearest chair, grabs a towel and covers me with it. He takes me up to our room, and covers my mouth so that I can't protest.

"What was all that about, Worfie?" I say when we get there, "If I want to lie naked in the sun, I will, and you won't stop me."

"I agree, Jadzia" he says, "But we are one our honeymoon, and I won't want anyone else seeing you the way I will."

I smile.

"Worfie." I tell him, "You can be so stuffy, yet such a romantic as well."

I kiss him.

"Now what was I going to do while down at the pool...?" I teasingly ask.


Editor's Note: Apologies...this should have been published last|Wednesday

TWQ: Lesser Known Favourite Films

Today, TWQ (the Weekend Question) asks you to choose a few of your favourite films that are not ones that people choose regularly.

Can you list some of your favourite films that are not regularly chosen by others as ones they like? List as many as you wish.

My answers are:

* The Mist

* 30 Days Of Night

* Sophie Scholl  (German film)

* Same Time, Next Year

* Pleasantville

* The Others

* Went The Day Well (British film made in 1942 about German inmfiltration in a small village)

Now it's over to you...

Monday, September 13, 2010

Jadzia & Worf's Honeymoon (Part One)

Guest Poster: Worf

Jadzia and I have arrived at the Hotel Amour on the planet Lurrve for our honeymoon. We are both looking forward to it. My shoulder is still aching a little from Jadzia having broken my clavicle on our wedding night. She did not ralise that the man is supposed to break the woman's bone for good luck. 

Still, as long as a clavicle is broken, then that is all right. Both of us go up to the Reception.

"Err...hello." says the weird looking receptionist, as he glares at me, "I'm Alan, what can I do for you?"

Jadzia does her best to stop laughing at the fact that an alien has such a name. Obviously given to him by the hotel, as his real name is probably unpronouncable.

"Well...errr....Alan." giggles Jadzia, "I am Jadzia Dax, and this is my new husband, Worf. We booked the Honeymoon Suite some time ago, so can..."

Alan looks panic stricken and hastily bsays, without looking at the list, "Err....we're full up...go somewhere else."

I am about to go into Klingon Warrior mode, but Jadzia beats me to it.

"Now listen, flatface!" she shouts, pulling him across the reception desk, "My husband and I booked this room through through GlobalWeb Hotel Bookings. I have the receipt right here."

"Yes." Alan replies, "But you did not say that one of the guests would be a Klingon."

"So?" we both ask.

"Well." he explains, "We have had to impose a policy because Klingon guests in the past have got up to raucuous behaviour in the past, and often trashed the rooms."

"If you let us in." I tell him angrily, "I won't trash the hotel room....and I won't tear up the reception, either!"

"Very well." he says reluctantly, "You may stay."

After the two of us have our room keys we head to the elevator.

"Are you sure you won't trash the room, Worfie?" she asks me.

"I won't." I reply, "But after a few bottles of wine, I can see YOU doing it, Jadzia!"

To be continued......

Saturday, September 11, 2010

TWQ: Hard To Understand

Today, TWQ (the Weekend Question) asks what you find hard to understand.

What problems in life do youi find very hard to understand the solution, or why it happens? List as many as you wish.

My answers are:

*A new system computer (I've just had Windows 7)

* A complex television or camera. The books are a real challenge.

* Why celebrities always seem it get off with easier or are let off for crimes that the regular public would be thrown in jail for. 

* Why rich people who declare themselves 'bankrupt' still manage to live in the same lifestyle as before.

Now it's over to you..

Monday, September 06, 2010

Guinan & Beverly In Ten Forward

Guest Poster: Guinan

The wedding ceremony of Jadzia Dax to Worf took place yesterday, and the reception, which was very noisy is over. A Klingon wedding ceremony is like that. Hardly a morning suit occasion. There was a lot of bloodwine flowing. The Captain had his fair share, and now I suspect he's nursing a massive hangover.

Woe betide if there is an alien invasion now.

I'm cleaning the glasses in the bar of Ten Forward during the early morning when Beverly Crusher walks in.

"Hi Bev!" I say, greeting her, "I didn't expect you to be up yet, expecially after last night's party."


"It was an emergency." the doctor tells me, "I was called into SickBay to heal a broken clavicle."

I laugh.

"I should have guessed that would happen." I tell her, "It is supposed to be good luck if the clavicle is broken on a Klingon wedding night. I hope Jadzia was all right and didn't suffer too much."

Beverly smiles at that comment.

"It's not like that at all." she replies, "It's WORF who broken his clavicle. He looked very annoyed, telling Jadzia, who was there with him, that this wasn't the way a wedding night was supposed to happen. Jadzia simply told him that it proves he has a good match for his marriage. Worf quietened down when he saw the logic in this. I'll have and Andorian Ale, please, Guinan."

I get the bottle from the shelf and offer to share it with her. Bev agrees.

"Mmm." I say, "This tastes good"

"I agree, Guinan." Bev answers, "You must have a good year there."

"It is." I answer, looking at the bottle label, "Would you believe it's 2316? The year of the Andorian rainstorms."

"We are lucky." Bev comments, "There aren't many of these bottles left. We need to savour every mouthful. Where did you get the bottle from?"

"I can never name my sources." I tell her with a smile, "Some of them fall of the back of a shuttlecraft, so to speak."

"I know what you mean, Guinan." Bev tells me with a knowing wink, "Din't worry, Jean-Luc will never find out. Even if he did, I'm sure he wouldn't care if class bottles like this keep appearing."

The bottle is now sadly empty, and Beverly puts down the class.

"Well I'd better get back to Sickbay." she tells me, "You never know when Worf and Jadzia might have resumed their wedding night and broken each other's clavicle!"

"Bye Bev." I say, and the doctir staggers slightly out of Ten Forward.


Editor's Note:

Apologies for there being only one post this week, but I will be away for a couple of days, and I have also had my computer data transferred. I get my new Windows 7 on Thursday, and it may take a while to learn.

Saturday, September 04, 2010

TWQ: More Pet Peeves

A while ago, TWQ (the Weekend Question) asked about things that annoy you. As there seemed to be a long list that people had, here's a chance to think of even more.

What are your pet peeves, that really make you mad? List as many as you wish.
My answers are:

* like "the whole country is watching, everybody is talking about." I'm hardly ever in the list, and don't go around talking about.

* Roadsigns that say 'route improvement', when in truth for months ahead the entire road system is up, and we are in endless traffic queues!

* Office reorganisations that say "will make us a leader over our competitors in the markets" when what it actually is is a return to the structure that we had a couple of reorganisations earlier.

Now it's over to you...

Wednesday, September 01, 2010

The Wedding Of Jadzia And Worf (Part Six)

Bev and I are sitting in the front row in the holodeck, where the Klingon wedding ceremonial building has been programmed.

Worf and Jadzia Dax is standing by the altar, about to be married. The ceremony is being conducted by Deanna Troi, who has that role as she was Worf's former lover.
I hand Bev another tissue. She tells me she always cries at weddings. Fortunately, I've got a whole stock stuffed in my pockets.

As Worf have just completed their bat'leth fight, which all have to go through at a Klingon wedding ceremony, we are now ready to get through to the 'main event of the evening', as Riker whispers to me.

"Let's hope Deanna's remembered her Klingon words for the ceremony." Riker whispers, ""She was up all last nght memorising it. I had to give her three chocolate sundaes to help her stay awake."

I turn round, and Deanna is poised, ready to start. I've added the translation fir the benefit of all readers who haven't been to a Klingon wedding before.

"Hovmey So'Ha' bIngDaq Qam SuvwI',  
The warrior stands beneath the naked stars  
poSDaq jaghpu', 
nIHDaq jaghpu'
 Enemies to the left, enemies to the right

Dat chaHtaH they are everywhere.
SuvtaH SuvwI  The warrior fights continuously.

batlh Suv nIteb Suv He fights with honor. He fights alone.
SuvlaHchu' 'ach Heghbej He can fight perfectly but he will certainly die
vaj mamuvchuq  thus, we join one another
cha' moj wa'  one becomes two         

tuq moj cha'  two becomes a household
mangghom moj tuqmey  houses become armies
wo' chen mangghommey

armies build the empire

Deanna looks relieved after that marathon spell. She turns to Worf.

"Worf....bISawrup'a'?"......"Worf, do you marry her?"

Worf replies "Hija."  "Yes" (did you really need a translation there?")

Deanna then look at Jadzia.

"Jadzia..bInayrup'a'?...."Jadzia, do you marry him?"

Jadzia replies with a "Hija." as well.

Deanna then finds a dagger that she has hidden in some part of that skimpy dress, though I don't see where it was, and continues. Jadzia and Worf stand back as Deanna holds the dagger up high; they both attempt to reach the dagger. As they hold on to it, the dagger comes to waist level.

"bInayrup'a'?  Today, you are un-alone.

DaHjaj tagh wo'  Today the Empire begins."

The blade is withdrawn, leaving Jadzia and Worf holding hands.



We all standup and shout "QAPLA!", which means 'success'.

The couple pose for the wedding photographs, which will appear in The Galactic Gazette this week.

The wedding is over. We toast the couple by saying the traditional message "May you find a blood worm in your glass.". Personally, I think 'Congratulations." would have been more in order!