Waiting On Tables

Guest Poster: Lieutenant Britney 














"I'll have a double chocolate sundae and Will here will have a coffee and donut." Deanna Troi tells me as they sit in Ten Forward.

I am the waitress taking the orders today. The reason that came around is when a crewman said something insulting about me and T'Pol. I subsequently poured all my coffee over him. The crewman was reprimanded, of course, but Captain Picard thought that I can't just go around pouring drinks, so he made the punishment fit the crime, and I am helping Guinan for a week.

"Get a move on, Britney!"Guinan calls out, "You are without doubt, the slowest, most accident prone waitress I've ever had under my charge. In the few days you've been here, you've already broken more plates than a Greek restaurant on New Year's Eve."

I manage to carry Deanna's chocolate sundae to her without dropping it into her lap. It's a pity I had to do it with Captain Picard's cup of Earl Grey tea. It was boiling hot as well...

"Can I take your order please, miss?" I routinely ask the next customer before I realise it is my girlfriend, T'Pol, who smiles it me.



 "I'll have a kiss, followed by a Colombian coffee, you gorgeous looking waitress." she says with a smile.

I duly oblige with the first request, then go to get coffee. I bring it back without a hitch, and as it's my break, I sit with T'Pol to talk with her.

"How are you going with the waitressing, Brit?" she asks.

"It's not too much fun." I answer, "The replicators are going at full tilt making copies all all the plates I break."

"Hello babe, give us a kiss." says a tough crewman to T'Pol, when he walked up to us, then adds, "Oh, I forgot, you like the girls, don't you?"

T'Pol rolls her eyes then pours her Colombian coffee all over him.

"Can you get me another coffee please, Brit?" she asks, "I seem to have spilt mine."

"I think you'll be joining me as a waitress for a week, sweetie."

Guinan At The Bar

Guest Poster: Guinan









Anybody who thinks I just serve the drinks on the Enterprise is sadly mistaken. I have to listen to all the sob stories that the people want to give out.

I know what you are thinking. Haven't they got a Counselor to deal with that? Of course they have, but many people feel like pouring out their woes while under the influence of alcohol, rather than lying on the hard surface of Deanna Troi's sofa in her office.

I can't say I blame them. "I don't want to talk to him again."...."He is seeing another woman"...."I think my wife doesn't love mer any more."...."I don't think he wants to marry me."...yes, I've had things like that every night.

The worst thing is when the Counselor herself comes in spouting her problems! She, of all people should know better!

"I'm not sure if Will still loves me, Guinan." she starts, while eating her chocolate drink.

"I'm sure he does." I answer.

"Then why doesn't he put a ring on my hand?" she snaps back, "I want to be a married woman, I want to have children, I want..."

At this stage she bursts into tears, and I hand her a tissue. I tend to carry a box around with me nowadays for occasions such as these.

"Deanna." I say, consoling her, "He has an important role right now."

"You mean I'm secondary, and I'll never get married until he leaves Starfleet?" she wails.

Ooops. Wrong turning there.

"Not at all." I say quickly, "Hell soon be Captain of another ship, "Then he'll want to take you there as his new wife."

"You...you think so." she sniffs.

"Of course." I lie.

Deanna walks off, having ate her ice cream and satisfied with my answer.

Will Riker comes in ten minutes later.

"Guinan." he asks, "Have you seen Deanna?"

"Yes, she was having an ice cream here ten minutes ago." I say, not mentioned what she and I were talking about.

"Is she all right?" he asks, "She has seemed a little distant lately."

"Deanna will be all right." I tell him, "Get her a nice necklace and tell her that you are looking in the Starfleet Vacancies column in the Galactic Gazette. It might cheer her up."

Riker looks puzzled, but agrees, leaving Ten Forward.

Time to clean the bar before the next lot of problems arrive!

Section 31 Meeting (Part One)

Guest Poster: Luther Sloan

A meeting between key members of Section 31 is never easy to set up. Just how do you alert those in a Secret Group within Starfleet that they should attend? After all, we can hardly send it on printed notepaper with 'Section 31' emblazoned on the top.

No, it has to be whispered through word of mouth for the attendees to get there. Woe betide if any of them has hearing difficulties. Then they don't turn up and apologies are mentioned in the minutes.

Yes, we actually have someone take the minutes. After he does, he has to eat the paper with the words on, then then we kill him just to make sure. It's not a position that is particularly sought after.

"We are gathered here today." I begin to the group around the table, "To discuss the weak links of the USS Enterprise. It has come to our attention, particularly when our agents J and K infiltrated. The noticed a number of people whose actions could be seen to be qustionable. J?"

Agent J stands up to speak, while I have a drink and a sticky bun.



"Firstly," begins Agent J, "Captain Jean-Luc Picard is the most questionable of all. He gets assimilated a few years ago, is supposedly cured a few days later, yet establishes an intriuging realationship with Earth's mortal enemy the Borg Queen, and allows a drone called Seven of Nine to stay on the ship."

"He claims it's to preserve a truce." comments an Agent, sarcastically.

"Precisely." answers J, "Are we supposed to believe this, or just let a Starship Captain go into collusion with the Borg?"

Disapproving murmurs come from all around the table.

"I agree, Agent J" I tell her, "It is a most serious turn of events. Agent K, do you want to list another incident?"



The brunette stands up, and starts to read off her list.

"I find great concern with the woman in Ten Forward, named Guinan.." K tells us, "She is an El-Aurian, and many hundreds of years old. It appears that she has the ear of Captain Picard and advises him on a lot of crucial matters."



Agent K holds up her picture and a lot of glum sounds are made.

"She could well be an enemy of the Federation planted in to influence Picard to make bad decisions...if he is already doing that deliberately as an agent of the Borg!"

Cheers go up at this comment.

"Agent J and I have found others we are not happy about." K tells me."

"Very well." I say, "We'll have a recess for now to have coffee and a sticky bun, then we'll hear more from you two."

To be continued......

Guinan & Beverly In Ten Forward

Guest Poster: Guinan

The wedding ceremony of Jadzia Dax to Worf took place yesterday, and the reception, which was very noisy is over. A Klingon wedding ceremony is like that. Hardly a morning suit occasion. There was a lot of bloodwine flowing. The Captain had his fair share, and now I suspect he's nursing a massive hangover.

Woe betide if there is an alien invasion now.

I'm cleaning the glasses in the bar of Ten Forward during the early morning when Beverly Crusher walks in.

"Hi Bev!" I say, greeting her, "I didn't expect you to be up yet, expecially after last night's party."



"It was an emergency." the doctor tells me, "I was called into SickBay to heal a broken clavicle."

I laugh.

"I should have guessed that would happen." I tell her, "It is supposed to be good luck if the clavicle is broken on a Klingon wedding night. I hope Jadzia was all right and didn't suffer too much."

Beverly smiles at that comment.

"It's not like that at all." she replies, "It's WORF who broken his clavicle. He looked very annoyed, telling Jadzia, who was there with him, that this wasn't the way a wedding night was supposed to happen. Jadzia simply told him that it proves he has a good match for his marriage. Worf quietened down when he saw the logic in this. I'll have and Andorian Ale, please, Guinan."

I get the bottle from the shelf and offer to share it with her. Bev agrees.



"Mmm." I say, "This tastes good"

"I agree, Guinan." Bev answers, "You must have a good year there."

"It is." I answer, looking at the bottle label, "Would you believe it's 2316? The year of the Andorian rainstorms."

"We are lucky." Bev comments, "There aren't many of these bottles left. We need to savour every mouthful. Where did you get the bottle from?"

"I can never name my sources." I tell her with a smile, "Some of them fall of the back of a shuttlecraft, so to speak."

"I know what you mean, Guinan." Bev tells me with a knowing wink, "Din't worry, Jean-Luc will never find out. Even if he did, I'm sure he wouldn't care if class bottles like this keep appearing."

The bottle is now sadly empty, and Beverly puts down the class.

"Well I'd better get back to Sickbay." she tells me, "You never know when Worf and Jadzia might have resumed their wedding night and broken each other's clavicle!"

"Bye Bev." I say, and the doctir staggers slightly out of Ten Forward.

-----------------

Editor's Note:

Apologies for there being only one post this week, but I will be away for a couple of days, and I have also had my computer data transferred. I get my new Windows 7 on Thursday, and it may take a while to learn.

The Trouble With Donatra (Part Two)

Editor's Note:

This was due to go out on Wednesday, but Blogger never put it out. My apologies.




Guest Poster: Jadzia Dax

I'm livid!

Right now, I'm stomping through the corridors of the Enterprise after my encounter with Donatra, who just happened to be passing by. I gave her a right earful. It all started because my man Worf has being seeing too much of her while he educates her into Federation and Klingon life. Donatra is a Romulan who has defected to our side because there is a lot of Klingon blood in her ancestry and sees herself as more of that race than being a Romulan.

Call it jealousy if you like, but I'm keen to see it doesn't develop into anything else.

-----------

I arrive in the sanctuary of the Ten Forward bar, where Guinan is serving out drinks and giving advice at the same time. I think she is a better Counselor than Deanna Troi. All you get in her office is a glass of water.



"Hello Jadzia." Guinan says upon seeing me, "You look decidedly worse for wear. Has something being bothering you? Is it Donatra?"

 "How did you know?" I ask.

"You don't get to be barmaid on the Enterprise without knowing the lives of those on board, and picking up a few choice remarks that some say." Guinan answers with a slight smile.



"So what did Donatra say?" I ask, while downing my fourth drink in two minutes.

"She was with her circle of friends, Jadzia." Guinan mentioned, "I didn't hear much, as Captain Picard and Beverly were drinking together at the same time. However, I did hear Donatra mention "She's only a Trill." and also "Worf and I are much more suited together." and things like that."

"Oh really?" my Trill blood getting hotter.

"Jadzia." Guinan advises, "Don't do anything Worf won't like. That may well be just what Donatra wants."

I consider this carefully, and thank Guinan for her useful tip.

As I head back to the quarters Worf and I share, Donatra appears again.



Donatra is about to speak, but I interrupt her.

"Don't bother calling Worf again." I say decisively, "You won't be so important soon."

I stride off into the living quarters where Worf and Alexander are talking.

"Here's a Credit, Alexander." I say, handing it to him, "Go see Alien V Predator XXXIII at the Enterprise Cinema. Your father and I have got something to discuss."

Alexander eagerly leaves, and Worf asks what is it we need to talk about.

"It's not so muich talk, Worfie." I say with a smile, as I unzip my dress, "I just need to remind you why Donatra is not that important, and can get by with learning on her own..."

-------------

A few hours later, Worf is talking to Donatra on his COM.

"No, Donatra." he says, "I can't come and help you with your indoctrination. I think you have learnt enough to do it by yourself from now on. Good luck."

He puts the phone down and resumes kissing me.

Ah, sometimes a woman's persuasiveness can be very powerful!

Jean-Luc's Birthday Party

Guest Poster: Beverly Crusher

Though I must admit I've been thinking of the birth of my grandaughter in March, I haven't let the fact that it is Jean-Luc's birthday on the 14th escape me.

All right. Dreanna DID remind me yesterday as I was looking through the Babyclothes for an Amazon website. Don't tell the Captain, please. Our secret?

Quick as a flash, I went to Guinan to see if she could rustle up some sort of occasion in Ten Forward.



"All sorted out, Beverly" she says in that slightly sarcastic tone, "My, the human female mind to turn forgetful when babies are in the air."

---------------

Well, it's all sorted out now. Guinan has got the canapes and vol-au-vants. Jean-Luc will be visiting on the pretext of meeting me here, not knowing the entire crew is here for a birthday speech and singalong..

"Hey, Worf." Guinan calls out to the Security Officer, "Start passing out the canapes."

He looks indignant.



"A Klingon warrior does not hand out canapes!" he declares.

"Pipe down, Worf." Guinan replies, "And get serving, otherwise those bottles of Klingon bloodwine are going to make themselves scarce."

It looks like I've been put as the mastermind behind this soiree. Everybody is coming to me to ask what do do and where to go, and I am directing them like a Gdarian traffic policeman.

T'Pol and Britney come up to me, carrying a parcel.



"Beverly." asks Britney, "Do you think the Captain will like this present T'Pol and I bought him."

I open the box and look in horror.

"Britney!" I exclaim. "That's completely tasteless. Why did you get something like that?"

"Well, there was this website..." she starts..

"You'll have to get something else!" I tell them, "See if you can replicate some old Shakespeare play. There's one made in 2009 with David Tennant and some other actor. He might like that."

"See, Brit." T'Pol says to her friend, "I knew it wasn't right. The Captain is so square. Let's get this boring play."

They scuttle off, and Deanna appears at the door.



"The birthday boy is one his way!" she says quietly, "Ro Laren and Will Riker are just delaying him by showing him some pointless statistics while we get ready."

"All right!" I call out, "Everybody in position."

------

"Number One and Ro." Jean-Luc says in a tired voice, "For the last time, I DO NOT want to see the Starfleet figures of the Great Nebula as viewd by the USS Orion. Everybody has already see..."

"HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!"



Jean-Luc groans slightly, but maintains his diplomatic smile. The Captain has never been one for excessive crowds.

Comes over and kisses me on the cheek.

"I thought we were going to have a quiet get-together for my birthday?" he whispers.



"We shall, at our quarters tonight, Jean-Luc." I tell him quietly, "This is for the crew's behalf, so enjoy it with them. Look forward to later on!"

He smiles conspiratorily as Vic Fontaine leads the crew into a "Happy birthday" chorus.

"Happy Birthday, Jean-Luc." I add quietly when it finishes, "It will be for us both."

New Year's Eve Party

"Are you looking forward to the New Year's Eve Party, Captain?" Riker asks me as we the two of us walk to the Bridge.

"Another party?" I reply, "It seems that's all we have lately on this vessel, Number One. If we're not careful, the Admirals will start investigating us and insist we explore space more, like our directive tells us to."



"I don't think that's likely, sir." he laughs, "Starfleet Headquarters has been closed for two weeks while the Admirals go on a round of parties, such as the pre-Christmas, Christmas, Admiral's and now New Year Party. I think they've had the idea of combining it into one whole event."

"You're right." I say, "Let's enjoy ourselves."

-------------

In Ten Forward, we are all gathered, with Guinan serving out drink, telling everybody to form an orderly queue.



"Look!" she shouts, "I'll tell you for the last time. Either wait for your drink or get a substandard one from the replicator machine. It's your choice!"

"Time for a dance, Jean-Luc?" says Beverly's voice behind me, "My dancecard is full, and it has your name on every one." She had been keeping her choice of party outfit from me for some time.



Bev looks ravishing with her red hair in curls, and wearing a very low cut dress that would suitable in an Arthurian setting.

"You look great, Bev." I say, "Let's catch that waltz. It's particularly smoochy."

All of us get on the floor for this, as Vic Fontaine does his Strangers In The Night song. At the end of it, everybody kisses then heads to get some Klingon bloodwine. If anything loosens inhibitions and gets people in the mood it's that.

"Go, Brit!" I hear T'Pol shouting from the edge of the dancefloor as her girlfriend Britney attempts to do a breakdance routine, while wearing a black lace outfit and six inch heels.



I politely applaud as everyone cheers when she finishes. It gets the evening in a real party atmosphere as the troublesome two attempt the drink the Andorian Brandy punchbowl dry between themselves.

After a couple of hours, the time approaches for twelve midnight.

"All right, everybody!" Vic says, "It's nearly time. Get your partners ready and welcome in the New Year....ten, nine, eight, seven, six, five, four, three, two, one....HAPPY NEW YEAR!"

Should auld acquaintance be forgot,
And never brought to mind?
Should auld acquaintance be forgot,
And auld lang syne!


For auld lang syne, my dear,
For auld lang syne.
We'll tak a cup o' kindness yet,
For auld lang syne.


"Happy New Year, Jean-Luc" Bev says with a smile as she kisses me.

"Happy New Year, Bev." I reply.

Here's to another year of alien invasions, conspiracies, arguments, undercover missions and love matches!

----------------

Editor's Note:

May I wish you all a very Happy New Year!

Body Swap (Part Five)

This is Jean-Luc Picard...STILL in the body of Deanna Troi!



The holographic doctor has patched me together after I was beaten to a pulp by Bev. She thought Deanna and I were having an affair, while in truth we were discussing what to do about the body-swap that happened on Arkos IV. Deanna and I descovered an artifact that transferred our minds. It said we could not talk about it except to each other.

As a result, Bev has thumped me while I'm in Troi's body, accusing me of having an affair with Jean-Luc!

What a mess.

"Let's go to Ten Forward." I say to Deanna, "Bev has a duty shift on SickBay, so she won't be there."

The two of us arrive there. I order a Klingon Ale. Guinan raises an eyebrow and looks surprised.



"That's a little strong for you, isn't it, Deanna." Guinan says to me, "You don't usually have that...except for that incident last Christmas which you asked me not to mention."

I look at Deanna, who is in my body, and she blushes.

"Hold on, honey." Guinan comments, "Something isn't right here. I can feel it. My El-Aurian senses detect that your aura isn't right."

Then she turns to Deanna.

"And YOU, Jean-Luc." she continues, "Your aura is different as well. In fact, I think you have one another's....you're in different bodies!"

"We can't say, Guinan." Deanna tells her.



Bev comes in angrily.

"I've left the holographic doctor in charge of the SickBay." she shout, "This time BOTH of you are going to get thumped!"

I start to get very warm and overheat....then I fall to the ground. The last thing I see is Deanna doing the same.

---------

I wake up shortly after to see Bev kissing me....and Deanna back in her own body!

"Guinan and Deanna have told me what happened." she says, "I saw a shimmer between the two of you cross over when you fainted. It must have been your auras swapping back."

"Bev, I'm so sorry, I couldn't tell you." I say, "We would have been locked in each other's bodies."

"Well now that you're back in this one." Bev laughs, "We'll have that long-awaited date."

"And I'll let Will catch me tonight, instead of running away like you did." adds Deanna.

The Doctor On Night Shift

Guest Poster: The Doctor

It's a wonder I ever get to put anything on a computer log.

What with all the mundane duties that Crusher gives me to do, such as cleaning out the electronic bedpans, the only brief time I get to sneak an entry on is when there are few patients around and Crusher and the Captain are on one of their assignations.

Of course, the medical staff never mention where she goes, but occasionally I like to say a few choice comments like "Had a good time while I've been working away?"

That usually gets me switched off for a few hours, but I don't mind. It's fun seeing the expression on Crusher's face when it reddens.

Tonight, none of the medical staff are in. They are all at the Enterprise cinema watching the new science fiction that has just come out. Naturally, they didn't ask me.

"I'm sure you'll do well at the Sick Bay, Doctor." she had said to me, "Just don't sing any opera to them. You know it disturbs them."

Pah! What does she know? The woman has no class. All she knows is how to tapdance. It's no use doing that, like she was the other week, and a patient was suffering from Dyrellian Fever with his skin falling off.

I sang a burst from La Boheme this morning. The patients seemed to relax a lot from it. At least until one of them keeled over. I'm sure the incidents are unrelated.

I hear a sound behind me.



"Hiya Doc." asks Guinan, "Is everything running smoothly?"

"Yes, it is." I reply, "I thought you'd be at the cinema with the others seeing the new film."

"No." she answers, "I've seen it before."

I look puzzled.

"I thought it was a Premiere tonight?"

"So it is." Guinan answers, "It just so happens I was the Executive Producer."

"A neat sideline from running Ten Forward."

"I guess it is, Doc" she says, "Let's hear some more opera."

"Well, Doctor Crusher asked me not to." I tell her.

"Do you always do what she says, Doctor?" Guinan asks with a knowing glance.

"Err....not always." I laugh.

"Great!" Guinan tells me, "Let's start with some Bizet".

I swing into The Toreador Song as Guinan puts cotton wool in the ears of the patients.

Tonight won't be so bad after all!

Karena's Hen Night

Guest Poster: Karena

As I'm getting married next week to my pumpkin, Wesley Crusher, Ensign Crusher and her friend T'Pol has taken open themselves to organise something called a 'Hen Night', also known as a Bachelorette Party.

It is a ceremony where female friends take to woman out for one last evening before she weds. The event all seems very pointless, but decide to go along with it. After all, nothing will change when I get married. I'll still be ruling over Wesley.

All of the group, which comprises of myself, Britney, T'Pol, Seven of Nine, Deanna Troi, Jadzia Dax, Ro Laren, Jennifer Baxter, and Guinan. Beverly thought it best not to come, as she was Wesley's mother.

We are in the Starfleet Mall.

"Where are we going, Britney?" I ask.



"To one of T'Pol & myself's favourite hang-outs." she replies, "It's one of the few places that let us in. It's called the Cafe Sordid."

Some of the women shiver slightly. I hope it's the weather and not that they could have heard of it before.

"It's a groovy place." T'Pol adds, "Brit and I tried to get in two nights ago, as our favourite act, Joy Delight was playing. It turns out some people had booked before we did. We'll have to settle for the male act tonight."

"The male act?" I say in puzzlement.

"You'll see!" Britney answers with a laugh. Some of the other women are looking at each other as if they're not sure it's been a good idea to come.

-------

Inside, the room is all dark, the occupants are mostly women, and looking very eager for the show to start. However, they take a look at the spear I am holding, and decide to move their chairs a little further away.

"I'm not too sure that this was a good idea, Jadzia." Ro whispers to her.

"Don't be sure." Guinan interrupts, "Let's see the show first."

"If the show fails to come up to expectations." declares Seven, "I shall assimilate those responsible."

The stage lights come up, and a voice announces that Rex Platinum is on the stage.

The other women in the audience rush forward, screaming "Rex!"

He then procedes to remove his clothing by starting with his shirt.



Rampant screaming ensues all around. The Enterprise women maintain a dignified stance, until Guinan shouts and rushes forward.



"Oh yeah, honey!!" she shout, and starts throwing Credits on the stage.

After that, we all proceed to do the same thing. The place goes crazy, as Rex is forced to flee the stage as the surge of women increases.

-----------------

A little later, we leave the Cafe Sordid. Deanna takes me aside.

"Listen, Karena." she starts, "I've talked with the other women, and they've decided that the show we saw there should be forgotten about. Don't tell Wesley. I don't intend to tell Will. They might not quite understand why we went there."

"Sure, Deanna." I answer with a smile, "We went for a very quiet night out."

"Absolutely!" she answers with a smile, "That's what all Hen Nights are like."

Ro Laren's Boyfriend (Part One)

Guest Poster: Ro Laren

I'm having to be very careful and discreet about my new boyfriend.

He's a Cardassian.

Yes, I know that I'm a Bajoran, and we are supposed to be mortal enemies of them. My race is also supporting the Maquis, who are against them as well.

But love produces some strange alliances. Ever since Vorak and I met in the Superdeluxe Starfleet Restaurant a few months ago, as a result of being matched by the Interstellar Love Dating Agency, the two of us have being seeing each other very slyly.

As yet, I haven't told anyone. If they found out, I would be ostracised by my fellow Bajoran people, and the Maquis would not send me their yearly calendar.

However, I don't think I can keep all this inside me any longer. I've got to tell someone. The only person I can confide in is Guinan in Ten Forward.

---------



"Are you crazy, honey?" is Guinan's response when I tell her the whole story during a time when she has a break from serving, "Do you know what sort of problems that will cause?"

To be honest, I expected a little more understanding!

"Look, Ro." she continues in a softer tone, "You've got to tread carefully in this situation. A lot of people from various races would keen to exploit the situation if they found out. Can you be sure that Vorak isn't just trying to establish a relationship to get information from you?"

"I'm sure." I reply to Guinan, "I just needed to share my secret with someone else. Promise you won't tell anyone?"

"I promise, Ro." she answers, "Though no one is too fond of Cardassians, this friend of yours sounds alright. As the Representative to Earth, I think he has sympathies towards the Federation."

"I think so, too." I tell her, "Anyway, Vorak and I are going for a dinner date at the Galaxy Restaurant Italiano tonight.

------------

A few hours later, I am in a discreet corner of the restaurant. It's the part where people usually go when they are there with someone they shouldn't be. Nowadays, they have a whole section cordoned off for that. It's called the IMA, or Illicit Meetings Area. People go in there and a holoscreen protects others from seeing them, even those in the next table.

------------

After a half an hour, I'm still waiting for Vorak.

If he's stood me up, he'll be for the high jump. That's nothing to do with the Galactic Olympics, either.

The waiter comes up with some wine that I have ordered.



He looks pityingly at me, as he thinks I have been jilted.

"Err...have you seen a Mr Vorak." I ask.

"Is he a Cardassian, madam?" he replies.

"Yes he is?" I answer quickly, "Have you seen him?"

"Yes, madam." he answers, "I regret to inform you that a Cardassian entered these premises about fort minutes ago, but was apphrended by the group of people known as the Maquis. I believe they were taking him in for questioning."

I wince.

Now I've got a problem. How do I release my boyfriend out of the clutches of my friends in the Maquis?

To be continued.....

Authors Note:

As I'm going to Oxford and then Royal Ascot racecourse, the second part of this story will not be published until Wednesday...that is if the Scheduled Posts work!

Guinan At The Milliner

Guest Poster: Guinan

Deanna Troi knows how to annoy the crew.

In between having her chocolate sundaes, she is parading around Ten Forward like a model in those new outfits that Captain Picard let her buy on that budget.

"Why did you let her buy so much?" I ask him as he has another drink. Clearly he is annoyed that Deanna managed to get so much, then saying the shop has a ' no return policy' on goods.

"I just hope the Admiral doesn't find out." Jean-Luc continues, "He will think the cash is for a fleet of shuttlecraft."

Still, if Deanna can do it, so can I.

"Captain, I need new outfits as well, and in particular new hats."

Jean-Luc groans and almost chokes on the salted peanuts he was eating.

"Not you as well, Guinan!" he exclaims.

"It's only fair." I tell him, "I have to be here for the crew all the time in Ten Forward. I need to look smart."

---------------

A few hours later, I am in the Starfleet Mall after I got the budget from Captain Picard, who was mumbling about Starfleet won't be able to afford to build any starships for the next year now.

I head straight for Millicent the Milliner, the leading hat specialist of the Federation. I get all of my headwear from them.

In fact, I probably keep them in business.

When I enter the shop, Millicent moves forward.



"Guinan!" she tells me happily, "I'm so glad you came, The accountants said we needed to get some extra money this month. With you here, I'm sure we'll be able to."

"What new hats do you have for me, Millicent?" I ask.

"Oh, we have some super original designs." she replies, "Many that no one else would wear...I mean no one else has worn. Really eyecatching."

I think I hear Millicent's assistant laugh slightly at this remark.

She urges one of her assisants to bring out a large red hat.



"Now this model is called 'The Starship', Guinan." Millicent explains, "I'm sure you'll love it."

I hear one shop assistant whisper to the other, "It's called that because you can land a starship on it!"

Millicent rebukes them for it, Despite their remarks, I decide to order it. There's nothing like an enormous hat!"

-----------

I order a few other hats, and she arranges to have them sent to the Enterprise. A few hours later, I am in Jean-Luc's Ready Room with Deanna.

"You two realise what you've done with your clothes buying over the last few days?" he says, "Starfleet can't afford all this."

Beverly enters, wearing a beautiful new Starfleet outfit. She fails to see Deanna and myself.



"Thanks for this fab new outfit, Jean-Luc." she says, "You're so generous in letting it come out of Enterprise expenses."

The Captain keeps urging her not to say anything, but it is too late, and we both know.

"Yes, thank you, Captain!" Deanna and I both say with a smile, as we leave the Ready Room.

Data Comes To Dinner (Part Three)

Guest Poster: Data

The dinner seems to be going well in Ten Forward.

My girlfriend Jennifer Baxter and I are entertaining her parents George and Miriam. They have never met me before, and are a little doubtful about my suitability for Jennifer.

However, I believe I am starting to win them over.

--------------------

We are seated at one of the best tables. Guinan has bought over the menu.

"Would any of you people like you to see the menu?" she asks.

"Aye, I would." replies Mr Baxter.

When it comes, he scans the pages and looks disappointed.

"Haven't you got any tripe?" he asks, "I could just do with some of that!"

Guinan smiles.

"Well, it's an unusual request, sir, "But we can get some if you wish."

"Aye, that would suit me fine."

"George!" whispers Mrs Baxter, "I thought we were going to have more modern dishes. After all, this is the 24th Century,"

"There's nothing like good, honest, Yorkshire tripe." George Baxter states proudly, "I'll have none of that Klingon food."

"There's a lot of tripe around in Yorkshire, Daddy." says Jennifer with a giggle. She and her mother both laugh. Her father looks disgusted.

Perhaps I should have had my emotion chip turned on?

As we wait for our meals, we start to talk. Mr Baxter turns to me.

"Now then, young man" he starts, "I want to know what your intentions are towards my daughter?"

"I am sorry, Mr Baxter, I do not understand."

"I mean are you going to make an honest woman of her?"

Jennifer starts to blush.




"Oh, Daddy!" she exclaims, "You're embarassing me and Data."

"Never mind that!" he continues, "What's your answer?"

My positrinic brain processes the question until I understand it's meaning.

"Are you asking if I wish to marry your daughter, sir?" I say.

"Aye, Data, that I am."

"Well, sir." I say carefully, "Jennifer and I have not discussed that in depth, but she is a wonderful woman."

"Oh Data!" sighs Jennifer, and kisses me on the cheek and holds my hand."

"Hey lass, be careful what you're doing there!" warns Mr Baxter.

"Oh, George!" says his wife, "They are only young. We used to do that once,"

"Aye." he replies, "But I wasn't a robot that needed oiling every week!"

"George!" continues his wife, "Give the couple a chance. Think of your daughter's happiness. She has a handsome Lieutenant Commander who loves her. Not many young girls could say that."

"Aye, you're right." he admits, "Very well Mr Data, you and Jennifer have our blessing to continue your relationship. However, you must try some of the tripe I get served."

"Very well, sir" I reply.

"Remember, Data." he says, "Call me George."

Behind him, Guinan is hovering, ready to serve our meals. She smiles and winks at me.

"Give Data some of my tripe!" Mr Baxter orders. It is placed in front of me and Jennifer laughs while I look confused.

I really should have bought my emotion chip with me.

------------------
Author's note: This is an additional part to the story. It was meant to be a two-part one, but when many comments said they were looking forward to Part Three, I decided to expand it. I'm glad that I did.

Girls Night Out

Guest Poster: Jadzia Dax

With the Enterprise having an oil change at the moment, the girls have decided to go out for a night on the town. That's me, Beverly, Deanna, Ro, Jennifer, Trisha, Guinan and Seven.

We were a little reluctant to take Seven, but she insisted on coming.

"I demand to know what these female get-togethers achieve." she told me. "I insist that I come with you. If you do not take me, you will be assimilated."

Well, with a charming request like that, how could we turn it down?

------------

The eight of us all look around and decide to go in The Klingon's Cave, a known drinking establishment in the nightly circuit. We all order some Klingon Bloodwine.

Seven drinks it back without a moment's hesitation.

"This is rather weak." she says to the barman T'Leth, "Do you not have anything stronger? Bring it to me, otherwise you will be assimilated."

T'Leth goes away issuing a few Klingon curse words.

"Seven!" warns Guinan, "You can't speak to Klingons like that; they are a little touchy, and don't like being insulted."

"Their thoughts are irrelevant!" she replies.

I sigh; it seems we might not last long in this establishment.

Ten minutes later, we are all thrown out and decide to look for somewhere else.

"I think The Thirsty Ferengi is just there." Beverly comments, "Let's go and drink the place dry. Seven, be careful what you say."

We order lots more drink, such as Romulan Ale and more Klingon Bloodwine. As the night goes one, everyone starts getting more relaxed.

"Let's talk about the men we have." says Jennifer, "It'll be fun."

We shriek, although things were starting to get foggy for me. The Dax symbiant was telling me not to have any more.

"My Geordi is a super guy!" laughs Trisha, "He knows all the latest hit tunes; he always tells me he wanted to be a disc jockey."

"Is that to do with horses?" asks Seven, who is looking very much the worse for wear, as the drinks are catching up with her.

We explain it all to her as Guinan answers.



"Oh, I've had a few men in the hundreds of years I've been going. Some pretty famous ones. Can't tell, though"

Lots of screams and "do tell!" comments follow, but Guinan maintains a discreet silence.

"How about you, Bev?" we all ask, "We know you and Captain Picard are sweet for each other. Are you going to get hitched someday."

"We maintain a professional relationship" replies Beverly in her usually diplomatic voice, but she adds with a knowing smile, "We have been on a few dates together."

More loud shrieks follow, which results in the Ferengi waiter coming over and telling us that there have have been complaints about the noise from other customers.

"Blow it out of your ears!!" shouts Ro.

This causes us to be ejected again, and we head for The Bajoran Beerkeller.

Once inside, we resume what we were talking about.

"My Worfie is a great big hunk of a Klingon." I tell them as I consume more alcohol.

"He certainly is!" agrees Deanna.

"What does that mean?" I reply.

"Well, we've both known him haven't we?"

Tempers start to rise.

"Calm down, Deanna and Jadzia" warns Guinan, "We're just on a fun night out. Now, Jenny, what do you like about Data?"

"Oh, he's a great guy!" answers Jennifer Baxter, "He's always so caring and kind."

"Do you ever switch him off if he bores you?" Ro asks.

We all laugh as Jenny says she's been tempted once or twice.

"I wish I could do that with Will." Deanna comments drily, as all the women agree.

"How about you, Ro?" I ask, "You haven't got a boyfriend have you. That Lieutentant Tyler has an eye for you. He looks cute."

Ro looks red faced as we decide to get matchmaking for her later on.

"What about Seven" Deanna comments, "She hasn't got a boyfriend either."

"Romance is irrelevant" replies Seven, "It is strictly forbidden by the Borg Queen on the cubes."
"You're not on a cube now, Seven." says Deanna, "You might like it."

"Any date I did not like would be assimilated." Seven states coldly.

"Well that's one way to end a romance!" Bev answers.

We all shriek hysterically; again we are ejected by one of the waiters and stagger to the beam up point to go back to the Enterprise.

I think there will be a lot in SickBay looking for a hangover cure.

Ten Forward & The Sands

Guest Poster: Guinan

I'm getting a little worried about business here in Ten Forward. Over the last couple of days, the place has become very quiet. It used to be a very active place, but now it's more like people were expecting Data to give a poetry recital.

That's not it, of course; the real reason is Vic Fontaine and the Sands nightclub.

Ever since that continually running program was installed in Holodeck 6, people have flocked to see Fontaine and his nightly shows. As a result, Ten Forward is very empty.

It's no use going to Jean-Luc. He will just say that the crew need a place to relax and enjoy when their shift is over. They have a choice of where to go.

Besides that, he and Beverly go and get the best seats in The Sands every night.

The only way to tackle this is to talk to Fontaine himself.

-----------------

As I step in, Fontaine and his band have just finished rehearsing a number. He sees me, smiles and walks over.



"Guinan!" he says with a smile, as he takes me hand and kisses it, "I've heard so much about you; I had no idea you were so beautiful."

This sure disarms someone who was about to complain about their business being taken away!

"Look, Mr Fontaine..." I start, "I need to talk to you about.."

"Call me Vic, I insist." he replies, "Come over here and we'll chat for a while." He calls to his band that they should take a break for ten minutes.

I tell Vic about the problem I am having, and he looks very apologetic.

"Guinan." he tells me, "I had no idea this situation would occur; if I knew, I would have set up another arrangement. Perhaps we can work together at this."

"How do you mean?"

"Well." he replies, "How would you like to be co-owner of the Sands as well as Ten Forward?"

I smile; Vic is a shrewd businessman. He would have done well in the 20th century; better than that guy named Gates.

"I like how you think, Vic." I tell him, "We could promote each other's business."

"Exactly!" Vic says with a smile, "The holographic bands could guest in Ten Forward, and any solid artists could come to The Sands."

"Quid Pro Quo." we say together, and seal the deal with a kiss.

"Careful." I say, "I am well over 500 years old."

"...and I'm a hologram!" Vic replies, "There are some unusual couples in the universe."

Vic goes up to the band, tells them something and they start singing.

That old black magic has me in its spell
That old black magic that you weave so well
Icy fingers up
and down my spine
The same old witchcraft when your eyes meet mine

The same old tingle that I feel
inside
When that elevator starts its ride
Down and down I go, round and round I go
Like a leaf that's
caught in the tide

I should stay away but what can I do
I hear your name, and I'm aflame
Aflame with
such a burning desire
That only your kiss can put out the fire

You are the lover that I've waited for

The mate that fate had me created for
And every time your lips meet mine....

I smile, and leave the club. Even a 500 year old can still charm them!

This visit of complaint didn't turn out too bad after all!