Second Blogaversary!

Two years ago, on 30th April 2005, I first sent 'Captain Picard's Journal' to my intern in the 21st Century, starting with Waking Up

The last 12 months have been as eventful as the first, such as meeting a parallel universe version on Beverly in Captain Beverly (Part One)



a weird race help up by string in Stringworld (Part One)



and a group of characters who came to the Enterprise when the barrier between the real and unreal world started falling apart in The Reality Barrier(Part One)



Bev's son, who seems to save the ship, when he's on board (although he might be the cause!) has got problems of his own, as he has an amazonian girlfriend (Karena)



from the planet Wondawowman whom he needs to serve, seen in Wesley's Girlfriend and other stories.

The Enterprise has some additional staff, notably Seven Of Nine,



who has been placed on the ship by the Borg Queen to study human methods. She was first seen in Seven Of Nine (Part One) .

Also on board is the self-aware hologram Vic Fontaine.



He is a nightclub singer who performs in The Sands, a holodeck set up for the crew to visit. He is in Vic Fontaine .

Lastly, we have the troublesome Ensign Britney from the planet Delta.



who seems to spend most of her time in the brig!

My Journal, though used by myself seems to have been used by all crew members, and also others like Karena, and The Borg Queen. Look in the Categories in my Sidebar for a list of their writings, or stories that involve them primarily.

-----------------------

Author's Note:

Thanks to each and every one of you for reading my Journal. It's encouraged me to keep on going with this. Your comments, together with my Awards for beings one of the Blogger 'Blogs Of Note' and Yahoo 'Pick Of The Day' (April 20th 2007) spur me even more.

To meet such a fine group is a big plus in itself, many I've known for as long as the Journal has been running. Nic is a very dear blogfriend, as is Ciera . Many others are new friends, such as Mistress Of The Dark , Table For Five and Tricia, some of which have helped me with HTML problems. I'm sorry I can't list everyone, but each on my bloglist is a friend. They are not just there to fill the screen!

Just as a bonus, here, from Syari is a singing session by Captain Picard. Be prepared! You haven't seen anything like it...



Here's to the next twelve months. I hope you enjoy whatever will come this way.

TWQ: Three Book Questions

This week, TWQ (The Weekend Question) opens the pages of your book collection with three questions.

1: What is the most overrrated book you've ever read and why?

2: What are you reading right now?

3: Have you ever bought a book purely because you like the cover?


My answers are:

1: 'The Time Traveller's Wife' by Audrey Niffenegger. Though popular with many, I found the characters extremely unlikeable, especially Henry the time traveller. If I couldn't warm to the characters, the purpose of reading it was lost.

2: 'Faithless' by Karin Slaughter. One of the Sara Linton crime novels.

3: I bought 'Voyage of the Jerle Shannara Book 1: Ilse Witch' because of the attractive cover. It was a good story as well.

Now it's over to you...

But before you go....

Don't forget that Monday 30th April will be my Second Blogaversary! Hope you'll be there!

Broken Viewer

I must admit it can drive us crazy looking at the viewer all the time, but it keeps us up to date with what is going on around the Enterprise.



"What's going on with the Viewer?" says Riker suddenly.

We all look up and see it is completely black.

"Have we entered a spacial anomoly, Mr Data?" I ask. It's one of the standard questions I fire at times like this.

"No, sir." he replies, "Sensors show that everything is normal outside the ship. A diagnostic tells me that there is a fault somewhere with the viewer."

"Can't you tell me what it is?" I ask, "It's only a simple viewer!"

"Negative." Data tells me, "It seems the problem is more advanced than it appears. We shall have to try and get to the nearest Starbase."

I groan. It looks like we will be limping there, unable to see where we are going, guided only by sensors.

Who said technology was improving?

-------------

Several hours later, we are escorted into Starbase 162, and an engineer beams on to repair the problem.

It's Sid.

Why does he always seem the one who fixes our problems or installs new equipment? With his workmanlike appearance and 20th century outlook one everything, he is hardly suitable.

"Morning, mate." he tells be as he steps off the transporter pad with his bag of tools. He is asked by Worf to put his cigarette out, So Sid throws it on the floor and treads on it.

We head to the Bridge where the Viewer. Sid looks at it.

"We've been having problems with these all the time, mate." he tells me, "When did you have it fitted?"

I tell him, and Sid nods sadly.

"That's no surprise." he continues, "All the models were defective then. I'm surprised it's lasted this long. You've been lucky, mate. It could easily have blown up. I'll take a look at it."

Sid puts his bag on the floor, takes out a hammer and screwdriver and goes round the back of the Viewer. Soon, we hear a loud banging and a few circuits drop on the floor. Geordi is looking distressed as he doesn't like Enterprise technology being examined by others. As no one knew the answers we had no choice.

Sid returns from behind the Viewer, his cap slightly askew. He is carrying two separate circuits with him.

"These are your main problems, guv'nor" he tells me, "This thingy controls the rate of transmission to your screen, and this watchamacallit controls the picture. When one blew out, the other went at the same time. Only natural, innit?"

"What about the circuits on the floor?" protests Geordi.

Sid looks down on them.

"They might need replacing as well, mate" he tells Geordi, who is looking very neurotic, "But if you ask me, it's impossible to get the parts nowadays. This model is past it. I can get you a new top of the range Viewer, though. State of the art, latest on the market, at a good discount."

Reluctantly I agree.

Sid brings it in, fits it, and the picture looks perfect.

"Well done, Sid." I tell him, "I'll write and commend you to your superiors for analysing the problem and providing the Enterprise with a new Viewer.

Sid looks alarmed.

"Err...do me a favour, guv'nor. Don't mention the new Viewer. I kind of got it er...off the back of a lorry, so to speak...."

After translation by Mr Data telling me that he obtained the Viewer by illegal means, I reluctantly have to accept the work he has done.

Sid leaves by transporter.

That's great! Now the Enterprise has to travel the universe with a hot Viewer!

Annual Borg Queen Conference

Guest Poster: The Borg Queen

This is always a tough time for the Borg; the Queens who rule particular areas and cubes are having their annual conference.

There are those that always want to say more than they want to, and others who think we should be more friendly towards other races and not just assimilate them.

We have no time for those type. The Borg are supreme! Assimilation is the answer!

Sorry, I think I was getting carried away there. This tends to happen just as the thrill of getting another race on our books gives me an excited feeling.

And then there is the Troi Borg Queen...



She is always the talk of the Conference water coolers. She is loud, disruptive, and wants to do things her own way. Now the Queen of cube Unimatrix 02, she comes from an alternate universe where the Borg rule everywhere. As a result, she is even more controlling than we are. Naturally, her primary target of assimilation is Deanna Troi.

We all sit down to discuss matters; this year, the Unimatrix10 Queen is Chairborg. Troi looks like she is waiting with a list of things to say.

"Article One is about the current state of Borg race assimilation." says the Chairborg.

Troi jumps in.

"Well, I say we are not doing enough!" she quickly speaks, "We need to take over the universe quickly and efficiently. Too many races are starting to fight back."

A few of the others nod their heads in agreement, however I rebuke her.

"BorgQueen Troi," I tell her, "You will address your remarks through the Chairborg. Do not have sudden outbursts, otherwise you will be ejected from the chamber."

She grumbles and quietens down. The Chairborg continues.

"While I do not welcome Troi's noisy interruption" she tells us, "She is in essence correct. The Race Assimilation Report shows we are 20% down on the previous year. More must be done with recruitment, persuasion and assimilation."

All nod their heads. Troi interrupts again.

"What about the Enterprise?" she asks, "Why are we not allowed to assimilate that? Locutus would be a great asset to our cause. We were even helping them with their Christmas party and lending our resident group The Strolling Drones to them for cabaret!"

"You will be silent!" the Chairborg tells Troi.

"If I may speak, Madam Chairborg?" I say.

"The Chair recognises the Queen of Unimatrix o1." she states.

"The Enterprise is not being touched," I tell the conference, "Because we have placed our agent Seven of Nine on board to learn aboard human ways. This will help us greatly in the future. Observing their party techniques has benifited the Collective greatly. In due course, Seven of Nine will be placed on the Federation ship that is lost in the Delta Quadrant."

"Thank you." says the Chairborg, all whisper sounds of approval, except Troi.

"What of Species 8472?" shouts Troi with annoyance.

"I would have removed you now." the Chairborg tells her, "Except that is the next item on the Agenda. What is the Report on how we are progressing against them?"

The Queen of Unimatrix 14 stands up. She is looking unusually nervous. The news is looking bad.

"I h-have to report." she stammers, "T-that at t-this moment in time, we are l-losing!"

She sits down slowly.

A shock goes round the room.

"How have we allowed this to happen?" says the Chairborg in a demanding voice.

"I guess they are better than us tactically, with stronger firepower" suggests the Queen of Unimatrix 05, "Besides that, we did start the war against them."

The Chairborg looks livid, snaps her fingers, and four drones come in and escort the Unimatrix 05 Queen away.

I think there may be a vacancy in that cube very soon.

"Meeting is over!" the Chairborg announces, "Carry on assimilating!"

----

Before we head off to our cubes, Troi and I have a drink of coffee together.

"Mark my words." the Troi Borg Queen tells me, "Sooner or later, I'll get the Enterprise, especially that Deanna Troi!"

Cardassian Meeting

There's a feeling of universal groan over the ship, according to Deanna.

It's no surprise as Gul Buket, one of the Cardassian architects of the Treaty between themselves and the Federation have come to talk with us. That should probably be talk TO us, as he always have an air of superiority over us. He knows that we are bound by the Treaty and he knows all the loopholes.

At present, the Enterprise is at the Federation/Cardassian border, awaiting Buket to beam on; it's a good thing that Ro Laren is on a short vacation, otherwise she would be seething now. I suspect Ro is secretly at a 'Getting to know you' break for new Maquis members. She always likes playing host there.

Gul Buket beams on.



He carries a briefcase with him and hands it to me.

"Will you take that for me into the meeting room?" he tells me, and then walks off.

I am fuming, but Deanna and Beverly are there to stop me doing something I wouldn't regret.

"Captain." urges Deanna, "Stay calm, he is trying to goad you into looking bad."

"Deanna is right, Jean-Luc." Bev tells me quietly, as we walk to the meeting room, "Have one of your stress pills and count to ten if you get angry."

"I may need to count to a far higher figure than ten, Beverly."

--------------

We are in the meeting room, and Buket tells me what he wants.

"The planet Narva has changed it's orbit slightly recently, and is a mile within Cardassian space, so we are occupying that planet." he says, "The presents occupants must be evicted."

"They have been there always" I try to say, "The Narvans are the first and only occupants of the planet. We know little of them, but they have lived in peace for thousands of years."

Buket gets starchy.

"Nevertheless" Buket tells me, "Under Rule 4, Subsection C, Paragraph 3, we are within our rights to expel these people. They can go to nearby Tamos."

"That is a lava-filled world that would kill them off in a month." I protest, and reach for a sress pill.

"Gul Duket is quite right." Data informs me, "The Treaty clearly states that the Cardassians can enforce this."

Data is no help; will someone switch him off?

---------------

Two hours later, I, the senior staff, Gul Buket and some of his minions beam down to the surface to give the Narvans their eviction notice. Why do I feel like a landlord?

The Narvans come up to us; they wear white robes with hoods on.

"Peace be with you, Captain Picard." says the leader, who identifies himself as Bala, "We welcome you to our world."

Buket pushes forward.

"Not for much longer." he tells them, "I am Gul Buket of the Cardassians. It's time for you lot to pack your bags and go."

Evidently Buket missed the Cardassian Diplomacy Class in training, assuming there ever was one in the first place.

"I don't understand." Bala tells me.

"I'm really sorry, Bala." I tell him, "But under the Federation/Cardassian treaty, these people can take charge of this world. I have tried to persuade them not to, but they insist."

Bala smiles at me, and talks to the Narvans who are with him. He then turns back to us.

"We don't blame you for this, Captain Picard." he informs me, and then looks at Buket with a sad expression.

"I'm sorry sir." Bala continues to the Cardassian, "We cannot comply to your wishes."

Buket looks astonished; so do we, as well. One rarely says 'no' to a Cardassian and get to tell their grandchildren.

"You don't have a choice here!" Gul Buket shouts, then signals to his henchman and looks at Bala, "Get your suitcases ready and prepare for a change of climate.....extra warm!"

As the Cardassians rush forward, Bala raises his hand and the Cardassians are lifted up into the air. One by one they are exploded!

Buket is the only Cardassian left; he starts to look worried, as if he is the only turkey left at Thanksgiving.

"Perhaps the Cardassians are being hasty?" he suggests, "In order to show our generosity, we will allow the Narvans to stay on this world."

"Peace be with you all." Bala tells us, and smiles at me.

Gul Buket turns to me as we beam up.

"I hope this will demonstrate the flexibility of Cardassian Diplomacy, Captain." he tells me, "We are always willing to take into account the wishes of others."

"It certainly does." I reply, and smile at Deanna and Bev at the same time.

TWQ: Tattoos

TWQ (The Weekend Question) this week looks at body art, or tattoos.

Do you have any tattoos? What are they? If you haven't and were tempted to have one, what would they be?

My answer is:

I don't have any, but I must admit I've always been tempted. Lots of colour would be very important, to make it unique, perhaps a snake or butterfly.

Now it's over to you...

But before you go..

Welcome to all those new visitors who have come from Yahoo Picks where Yahoo has chose me as their Blog of the Day for 20th April. Hope you'll put a comment and visit again in the future.

My friend Titania Starlight has kindly awarded me with a Thinking Blog

I am supposed to pass this and award 5 on my list, but it seems most already have it! Apologies if you haven't, as I can't be sure who has!

And also.....

Don't forget the Technorati Faves Train! It's still waiting for you in the post below...

The Klingon Homeworld (Part Three)

Worf and I were in the rebel faction meeting, and we had been discovered.

The two of us had gone undercover on the Klingon homeworld to find the names of those who wanted to threaten the treaty between the Klingon Empire and the Federation. We knew that Morbus was the leader, but we didn't know many others.

We went in, me wearing a cloak, assuming the names of two who had been in prison. What we didn't know is that they had escaped and were already in the meeting!

That's communication for you. If we had more up to date news, none of this would have happened, we would have got away, and I would be drinking Earl Grey tonight.

Now it looks like I can say goodbye to tea...and everything else.

------------

"So" said Morbus, "You have tried to infiltrate our Cause. You must be pro-Federation Klingons, which means you shall suffer a long, lingering end."

He doesn't make it sound pleasant, does he?

"This one." a minion of his said, pointing to Worf, "He looks familiar. He might be the traitor Worf who defected from the Empire to serve on a Starfleet vessel."

Gasps of astonishment are heard from the Klingons. They are an ugly lot, and I was referring to their mood, not their appearance. Shouts ring out with all manner of grisly devices to inflict on Worf, mostly which are sharp and very painful.

Worf does not bat an eyelid.

"It is a good day to die." he declares without any emotion.

How does Worf say that? I'm quaking here.

"What about the other one." shouts another in the meeting, "Let's see who he is."

The cloak is revealed, and the rebels see me.



There is a stunned look from all the rebels as they recoil in horror at what they see.

"He's got Cheapmakeuponitis!!" yells out one Klingon, "Run before we catch it!"

Morbus tries to control them all, as the faction run in all directions, like a D'Vornak Rooster with four of his legs cut off. However, he is looking worried as well.

Mayhem increases as they head for the exits; I run after them, which only gets them more frantic.

Outside, they are greeted by Security Officers from the Enterprise, who have been secretly tracking us, together with Klingon High Council guards.

Morbus and his group are rounded up, and look relieved to be taken away from me.

-------------

Later, on the Enterprise, I have the outfit off, and look like my normal self again.

"Tell me, Mr Worf." I ask him, "Why are Klingons so terrified of this disease?"

Worf hesitates; haltingly be begins to speak.

"It was a dark time of the Klingon Empire, sir." he says, "Cheapmakeuponitis appeared in the 23rd Century. It came on a mysterious planet on the outer rim of the galaxy where the boulders were made of papier mache. It took many years to erase this disease from the Empire and return to our normal selves. Whenever the Klingons do a sensor sweep of a planet, we check to see if it has paper mache. The whole period was a great time of shame in our history, as many of our distinctive features had been erased from some families. They were ostracised."

"Err...I see." I reply.

"Please do not speak of this to anyone else, Captain." says Worf, "We want it purged from our history."

It's interesting what will terrify a Klingon!

-------------------
Author' Note:

All Aboard The Technorati Fave Train!

Technorati is a massive search engine that makes it easy to find the blogs you want to. By listing them in Technorati Favourites. You can add mine to yours and all my recent posts are there for you to see. When you click me as a Favourite. It will inform you that 'Captain Picard's Journal' has been added to your Favourites. Then you MUST Click OK. Don't forget to add me on!

Captain Picard

Table For Five has a list of rules for joining the Technorati Faves Train, which will build up your Fave ranking! For more information, see Dosh Dosh’s Ultimate Technorati Favorites Exchange: An Interactive Experiment. Want to join in? Here are the rules:

1) Write a short introduction paragraph about how you found the list and include a link to the blog that referred you to the list–that would be me! You can also just leave me a comment with your URL and I will add you to my Technorati Faves.

2) COPY the Rules and ENTIRE List below and post it to your blog. To avoid duplicate content and increase the amount of keywords your site can accessible for, go ahead and change the titles of your blog. Just don’t change the links of the blog.

3) Take all of the “My New Faves” from the blog that linked you and add them to the “Original Faves” list.

4) Add up to 5 more faves to your “My New Faves” List along with a link to fave them. (You can just copy and replace a url from the other ones so you have the link and don’t have to hunt down the blogs on Technorati.)

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The Klingon Homeworld (Part Two)

Guest Poster: Worf

As Captain Picard and I beamed down to the area where the faction was likely to be, I had worries.

The Captain was wearing a cloak that covered his face; it seemed to me that he was too scared to be surgically altered to a Klingon, so just had the Theatrical Department treat him. If he was seen, people would think that he was suffering from Cheapmakeuponitis, the disease that ravaged the Klingons nearly a century ago.

Naturally, we never talk about it.

The two of us had gone down to infiltrate a rebel faction of Klingons who want to wreck the treaty between the Klingon Empire and the Federation. The ringleader was a troublemaker called Morbus.

-----------------

It was dark, and I could tell we were in the right area. There were many gruff people eyeing us suspiciously, and looked as if they felt like hitting us just for the fun of it.

Naturally, it was not wise to ask them if they knew where Morbus was, as they would happily slit our throats first. This I was not prepared to do. Although the Captain would never admit it, he was out of his depth here, and I had to protect him.

"What can we do to find the way, Mr Worf?" the Captain whispered a little too loudly.

"You must be careful, Sir." I advised, "Should these people find out our true identities, our lives would come to a swift end. I suggest we use false names."

"Very good" the Captain agreed, "There are two known troublemakers currently in a Klingon offworld prison. As they haven't reached this planet, they won't know what they look like. You be Zartec, and I'll be Talan. The latter has a bad scar. I'll tell them I want to keep it hidden."

I roll my eyes. Why didn't the Captain just agree to be surgically altered?

"Very well....Talan." I tell him.

We suddenly see a group of Klingons quietly converge on a building.

"That might be it." says the Captain.

"Indeed." I reply, "They are acting in a very furtive and suspicious manner. We must remember to do the same."

We approach the building; the Captain, unfortunately looks far too furtive, and draws attention to us.

"What is your friend doing?" says one Klingon to me who is going in the building.

"Err....it's his first meeting." I tell them, "He is very nervous."

He incredibly seem to accept this, and goes in; we follow.

The doorman asks for our names.

"Zartec and Talan." I tell them, "We have just escaped from Klingon prison."

The doorman eyes us suspiciously, whispers to a friend and tells us we can enter.

In the room there is a large gathering of Klingons. We recognise some known agitators and also some supposedly peaceful ones. It's those we need to inform the High Council and the Federation about.



Two Klingons are in a position of authority with Morbus; he stands up and introduces them.

"Fellow agitators." he begins, "I want to introduce two heroes to the Cause, they are Zartec and Talan. They escaped from Klingon prison."

That is unfortunate. Why didn't we pick two other names?

"Two here have tried to get in and impersonate them; they are over there."

He points in our direction and we are seized.

To be continued...

-----------------------------

Editors Note:

The wonderful Eastcoastlife has given me this awful meme to fill in, so here goes...


Layer One:On The Outside
Name : Jean Luc Picard
Birth Date : er.. ah... January... coming soon!
Current status : unattached
Eye Colour : Greeny
Hair Colour : Greyish dark
Righty or Lefty : Lefty

Layer Two :On The Inside
Your Heritage : English
Your Fears : The unknown
Your Weakness : lasagna
Your Perfect Pizza : I don't like pizza

Layer Three :Yesterday, Today , Tomorrow
Your Thoughts First thing when I wake up : Who am I?
Your Bedtime : early
Your Most Missed Memory : Mother

Layer Four : Your Pick
Pepsi or Coke : Neither
McDonald’s or Burger King : Neither
Single or Group Dates : Single (romantic and then .......)
Adidas or Nike : Never
Tea or Nestea : Coffee
Chocolate or Vanilla : Strawberry!
Cappucino or Coffee : Coffee

Layer Five : Do You..
Smoke : No way.
Curse: No way
Take a shower : Do you think I'm filthy?
Have a crush : Oh yes...
Think you’ve been in love: Yes..
Go to school : I'm a little old for that!
Want to get married : With the right girl
Believe in yourself : A person needs to
Think you’re a health freak : No way...'experts' keep saying things are bad for you!

Layer Six : In The Past Month
Drank alcohol : Never
Gone to the mall : Occasionally
Been on stage : Nope
Eaten sushi : No
Dyed your hair : No, but it might be a good idea with the grey in it!

Layer Seven : Have You Ever..
Played A Stripping Game : No....er, how do you play?

Changed Who You Were To Fit In : No, they take me as I am!

Layer Eight : Age
You’re Hoping To Be Married : At my age, before I crumble to dust!

Layer Nine : In a Girl
Best Eye Colour : Hazel
Best Hair Colour : Black
Short Hair or Long Hair : long straight hair

Layer Ten : What Were You Doing
1 Min Ago : Still doing this!!
1 Hour Ago : Eating
4.5 Hours Ago : Working in office
1 Month Ago : How should I know?
1 Year Ago: I can't remember last year!

Layer Eleven : Finish The Sentence
I Love : blogging
I Feel : worn out
I Hate : tax
I Hide : if I told you it wouldn't be hidden, would it?
I Need : friends on the internet!

Layer Twelve : Tag five people.. I'm not doing that!

The Klingon Homeworld (Part One)

Starfleet must consider me an intergalactic James Bond with the missions I get sent on. Perhaps I should put myself forward as the film franchise are looking for someone as the 91st actor to play him.

I look in the mirror.

"The name's Bond...James Bond." I say to myself.

"Excuse me, Captain?" says Worf as he walks in.

"Ah, Mr Worf." I says hurriedly, "I needed to see you about an important mission that we have to do."

"'We', Captain?" he replied.

"Yes." I told him, "It seems there is a rogue faction on the Klingon homeworld who want to try and destroy the treaty between their world and the Federation, It is been led by Morbus."




"He is a known troublemaker" stated Worf, "The Klingon High Council has tried to get him banished for years."

"That is true" I continued, "Nonetheless, he is gathering support, and both the Council and the Federation are starting to get worried."

"What will we be doing, Captain? Worf asks.

"We shall be infiltrating the faction so that we know all the members" I tell him, "That way, they can be rounded up, and Morbus' power base is weakened."

Worf looks closely at me. I know what he is thinking, as I had the same thought myself.

"Err..what about you, Captain" he inquires, "You will hardly pass for a Klingon. Is Doctor Crusher going to surgically alter you?"

The very thought gives me the creeps, but I can hardly tell Worf that.

"I'll just have some light additions by the Enterprise Theatrical Department." I say, "After that, I will look like a sufferer of Cheapmakeuponitis, the illness that Klingons had in the 23rd Century, when Kirk was around."

"We never speak of those dark days." Worf mutters to himself.

"I'll wear a hooded cloak." I continue, "If anyone sees me, Klingons will run a mile in case they catch it."

----------

A few hours later, we arrive at the Klingon homeworld; I have the cloak that covers my made-up face, and Worf has a typical outfit on for an underground faction; all dark. We go to Transporter Room 3 and get ready to beam down to a known area where the pro-Morbus group are.

Jadzia comes in.

"Good luck, Worfie." she tells him, and kisses him.

Beverly comes in and whispers a quiet "Come back soon." and blows a kiss before anyone notices.

We beam down.

To be continued...

TWQ: Cooking Dishes

For this week's TWQ (The Weekjend Question), we take a trip into the kitchen...

What dishes can can cook? What is your 'speciality'? Write down as many as you like.

My answer is:

Sorry to say I barely know where the kitchen is! I could probably make something in a microwave if I tried, but to actually cook something from ingredients....time to visit a restaurant!

Now it's over to you...

But before you go...

Secret Squirrel has kindly nominated me in three categories in the Blogger's Choice Awards (see my sidebar). If you would like to vote, click the badge and head over.

Thanks!

Girls Night Out

Guest Poster: Jadzia Dax

With the Enterprise having an oil change at the moment, the girls have decided to go out for a night on the town. That's me, Beverly, Deanna, Ro, Jennifer, Trisha, Guinan and Seven.

We were a little reluctant to take Seven, but she insisted on coming.

"I demand to know what these female get-togethers achieve." she told me. "I insist that I come with you. If you do not take me, you will be assimilated."

Well, with a charming request like that, how could we turn it down?

------------

The eight of us all look around and decide to go in The Klingon's Cave, a known drinking establishment in the nightly circuit. We all order some Klingon Bloodwine.

Seven drinks it back without a moment's hesitation.

"This is rather weak." she says to the barman T'Leth, "Do you not have anything stronger? Bring it to me, otherwise you will be assimilated."

T'Leth goes away issuing a few Klingon curse words.

"Seven!" warns Guinan, "You can't speak to Klingons like that; they are a little touchy, and don't like being insulted."

"Their thoughts are irrelevant!" she replies.

I sigh; it seems we might not last long in this establishment.

Ten minutes later, we are all thrown out and decide to look for somewhere else.

"I think The Thirsty Ferengi is just there." Beverly comments, "Let's go and drink the place dry. Seven, be careful what you say."

We order lots more drink, such as Romulan Ale and more Klingon Bloodwine. As the night goes one, everyone starts getting more relaxed.

"Let's talk about the men we have." says Jennifer, "It'll be fun."

We shriek, although things were starting to get foggy for me. The Dax symbiant was telling me not to have any more.

"My Geordi is a super guy!" laughs Trisha, "He knows all the latest hit tunes; he always tells me he wanted to be a disc jockey."

"Is that to do with horses?" asks Seven, who is looking very much the worse for wear, as the drinks are catching up with her.

We explain it all to her as Guinan answers.



"Oh, I've had a few men in the hundreds of years I've been going. Some pretty famous ones. Can't tell, though"

Lots of screams and "do tell!" comments follow, but Guinan maintains a discreet silence.

"How about you, Bev?" we all ask, "We know you and Captain Picard are sweet for each other. Are you going to get hitched someday."

"We maintain a professional relationship" replies Beverly in her usually diplomatic voice, but she adds with a knowing smile, "We have been on a few dates together."

More loud shrieks follow, which results in the Ferengi waiter coming over and telling us that there have have been complaints about the noise from other customers.

"Blow it out of your ears!!" shouts Ro.

This causes us to be ejected again, and we head for The Bajoran Beerkeller.

Once inside, we resume what we were talking about.

"My Worfie is a great big hunk of a Klingon." I tell them as I consume more alcohol.

"He certainly is!" agrees Deanna.

"What does that mean?" I reply.

"Well, we've both known him haven't we?"

Tempers start to rise.

"Calm down, Deanna and Jadzia" warns Guinan, "We're just on a fun night out. Now, Jenny, what do you like about Data?"

"Oh, he's a great guy!" answers Jennifer Baxter, "He's always so caring and kind."

"Do you ever switch him off if he bores you?" Ro asks.

We all laugh as Jenny says she's been tempted once or twice.

"I wish I could do that with Will." Deanna comments drily, as all the women agree.

"How about you, Ro?" I ask, "You haven't got a boyfriend have you. That Lieutentant Tyler has an eye for you. He looks cute."

Ro looks red faced as we decide to get matchmaking for her later on.

"What about Seven" Deanna comments, "She hasn't got a boyfriend either."

"Romance is irrelevant" replies Seven, "It is strictly forbidden by the Borg Queen on the cubes."
"You're not on a cube now, Seven." says Deanna, "You might like it."

"Any date I did not like would be assimilated." Seven states coldly.

"Well that's one way to end a romance!" Bev answers.

We all shriek hysterically; again we are ejected by one of the waiters and stagger to the beam up point to go back to the Enterprise.

I think there will be a lot in SickBay looking for a hangover cure.

400th Post!

Authors Note: This is my 400th post; it all started on 30th April 2005, and ever since then, the Enterprise has been trawling through space encountering all sorts of people and problems.

To celebrate this event, we will have an imaginary story, away from the regular sphere of things.

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On 15th March, I was asked to name five bloggers who I would take along on a desert island. Those I chose were: Ciera Nic Miss Cellania Nurse Ratched and Secret Squirrel

Ciera is a friend who I've really got to know in the time I've had my Journal. Nic is one of my closest blogfriends. She and I must write in tandem as she is celebrating her 400th post as well. Say congrats to her as well!

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In the imaginary story that follows, Captain Picard and the above are stranded on the island....

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"Well don't look at me" said Secret Squirrel, "I haven't a clue what to do!"

"I thought you might have a few suggestions" I asked her, "You seem a very practical person."

"Hardly!" she replied with a hint of sarcasm. Everyone seemed to be looking towards me.

"You're the Captain." Ciera reminded me, "You are supposed to get us off this island."

I noticed that I had a cut finger; this must have occured when we arrived. I indicated this to Nurse Ratched. She sighed and put a band-aid on it.

"You big baby!" she commented quietly.

I groaned. This wouldn't have happened had Beverly been here with me.

"So what are we going to do?" asked Nic, "We have no food and water. There's hardly going to be a McDonald's here."

"Why not?" replied Miss Cellania with a laugh, "They are everywhere else."

Ciera walked up to me and led me away from the others.

"Look, Jean-Luc" she said quietly, "The rest of the women are looking to you for leadership. You need to give them tasks."

I agreed, and went back to them.

"Ladies." I started, "If we want to get off the island, we are each going to have to work. Nurse Ratched, you will be looking after medical supplies, Squirrel, you will collect any debris or items we need, Nic, you set up camp with anything they pick, Ciera, you can hunt for food, and Miss.."

"Can I be the Morale Officer?" jumped in Miss Cellania, "This duck goes into a bar and..."

"No." I reply quickly, "Perhaps after we've set up camp; you can help Ciera with the hunting."

"What are YOU going to be doing, Captain?" asks Nurse Ratched sharply.

"Err.." I reply, "I shall be overseeing and co-ordinating the operation from a central viewpoint to make sure it has an optimum effect."

"In other words, nothing" says Nic quietly to Ciera. Everybody laughs.

"Just before you go." Miss Cellania pipes up, "Three women apply for a job, a brunette, a redhead and a blonde..."

"Later!" I tell her.

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After a few hours, the women start returning.

"I've assessed all the medical equipment we have." says Nurse Ratched, "We have six band-aids and one bandage. Try not to hurt your finger again."

"There are a few planks of wood." Squirrel lets us know, "We might be able to build a small raft, or a good camp. We found an old axe, so we can chop trees as well."

"That looks great." comments Nic, "We should do really well once those trees are chopped."

Why is she looking at me?

Ciera and Miss Cellania run back excitedly.

"There's someone else on this island!" Ciera mentions almost breathlessly.

"Yes" continues Miss Cellania, "It looks like there are Others on the island. A whole group!"

"Where are The Others?" asks Nic.

"I think they heard us." Ciera tells us, "They could be coming this way."

"Stand by to defend yourselves!" I say, "We don't know how hostile they may be."

We hear the forest twigs cracking, and a group of figures emerge from the trees.



Now I KNOW we are Lost!

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I'd like to thank everyone who has visited my Journal over the last 400 posts, those who have commented, especially those in my bloglist. Besides the above, they are: Tammy Linda A True Jersey Girl Bernard Chan Better Safe Than Sorry Black Widow Dari Donovan Craziequeen Curmudgeon Darth Nepharia Dragonflyfilly Eastcoastlife Ellee Seymour Empress Bee Erifia Apoc Fickin Chingers Five Minutes For Mom Florence Friday's Child Heather Nicole InterstellarLass Is Anything Truly Random? Jaime H Jana Jen's Horde Jim McKee Jon, Intergalactic Gladiator J Ranae Oneida Kellyology Lady Wyntir Lahdeedah Lois Lane Lori Mimi Meow Merlyn Gabriel Michele Minerva Mistress Of The Dark Mrs Mogul Nettie Nightingale Osquer Padme Amidala Pantha Panthergirl Paperback Writer Petite Anglaise Petroville Professor Xavier Raehan Ribbiticus SciFiChick Shelley Siskenyon Sqt Summer Dawn O'Ciardha Table For Five Susan Tara Lynn Johnson Terminatrix Titania Starlight TNChick Trying To Catch Up Vampirella Windwhisperer

Easter Bunny Hunt

Deanna Troi is looking delighted; well she might, as the chocolate Easter eggs are about to be handed out.

This chocolate-mad Betazoid always goes for the extra-yummy GigaEgg.

"The ship has stopped." says Data, just as I am bringing in the bag of eggs, with Deanna already in pole position to grab the big egg.

"What is the reason, Mr Data." I ask.

"It would seem that a few vital components have gone missing from Engineering" he replies.

Suddenly there is a flash and I notice our uniforms have changed; we are all wearing yellow rabbit costumes. There is only one answer to this.

"Q!!!" I shout.



"You called, Jean-Luc?" Q answers as he appears, "My, oh, my, Starfleet uniforms do appear to have changed. Do you think you will charm you enemies wearing those?"

"You're responsible for these aren't you?" I reply angrily.

"Oh, go on, Jean-Luc, I confess." Q laughs, "It was me that put these charming bunny costumes on you. Don't forget it is Easter."

"I refuse to be dressed as an Easter Bunny!" declares Worf, "A Klingon warrior should not be seen like this."

"Nor should a Borg drone!" says Seven of Nine, "The Borg Queen shall hear of this!"

"Don't be party poopers you two!" teases Q, "Just enjoy the Easter celebrations."

I must admit inwardly I smiled at seeing Worf and Seven in yellow Easter Bunny outfits, though I would never tell Q that!

"Get us out of these uniforms right now, Q" I demand.

"Not before we have an Easter Treasure Hunt." he replies, "I've scattered the eggs around the ship and put a component in them. Take the eggs to Engineering and then the Enterprise engines will work again. You won't be able to go or get your uniforms back until you complete the task."

Q vanishes.

"What do we do now, Captain?" asks Geordi, who is carrying an egg basket with him.

"If we go out there, the crew will see us and we'll get laughed at." Riker reasons, "We'll never live it down."

"Perhaps we can confiine the crew to quarters?" suggests Bev.

"That's a good idea." I tell her, and begin to speak to the others in the ship on the intercom.

Nothing works.

"Q has even thought of that." Geordi says to himself, "We're going to have to go out there."

"I agree, Mr La Forge." I say, "Let's get it over with."

For the next half an hour, we are running around the ship carrying a basket each and looking for eggs. The crew stand by watching, with poorly suppressed giggles as I carry my Easter basket around. I find one in my sonic shower; Beverly finds one behind her monitor in the SickBay, Seven locates an egg in her alcove, Riker finds one in the donut machine, Deanna in Ten Forward, Geordi in The Sands.

Eventually all the others are found and Q reappears,

"Well done, Jean-Luc!" Q smiles, "You have a staff with a keen nose for chocolate, especially Counselor Troi."

Our uniforms appear back on.

"You've all done very well." Q continues, "As a little reward, you can all have three GigaEggs each."

They appear, much to the delight of Deanna, who seems to have forgotten everything around her, and has her eyes just on the GigaEggs.

"Until the next time, Jean-Luc..." Q says with a teasing smile....

Time to close this entry; I've got three eggs that need my attention.

Happy Easter!

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Author's note: Don't forget that the next post will be my 400th. It will also include a special imaginary story! Be sure to drop in!

TWQ: You And Your Blog

As my Journal will be reaching it's 400th post on Tuesday night English time (this is #398), TWQ (The Weekend Question) asks about blogs.

What made you decide to start writing a blog? How has yours changed from the time you first started it?

My answer is:

Initially, I wanted to write a daily one about life in my office, and wrote it for a couple of days. I soon found it was going to be too dull, and decided to change to something I knew a lot about. From the time I started, I now write from the points of view of other characters (over 20) as well as Captain Picard, and have also introduced new characters of my own. It has a smart header; seeking to improve my Journal is always a main consideration.

Now it's over to you...

Reclassification

I'm calling a meeting of the Senior Staff as we've had one of those awful messages from Starfleet. One would think they would just send us where no man has gone before, like Kirk used to do, instead of administering red tape.

"What is this one, Captain?" asks Riker, "Are we going to have to say please before we attack anyone?"

I check the form just in case; fortunately it doesn't say that, but with the weird messages that Starfleet give out, it was wise to check.

In front of the staff, I read the following:

"Certain items in starships will be reclassified. From now on they will be known by their new titles. The items to be changed are:

Planetary Sensor: now known as:

World Occupational Territorial Scout Installation Target

Annual Planetary Sensor: now known as:

Televisual Help Informing New Growth Yearly

"Have you got that right, Captain?" asks Deanna

"What do you mean?" I enquire, as the rest as the staff are giggling away.



"Well, Captain" she replies, "Both would be known by their acronyms. the Planetary Sensor would be a WOTSIT and the Annual Planetary Sensor would be a THINGY,"

I feel slightly embarassed that I didn't spot this before. Do Starfleet always have to make these sort of directives?

"I'm sure they hadn't realised this, Deanna" I tell her, "I'll inform them, and they will be bound to retract them.

Seven looks like she is ready to say something...unfortunately.

"Locutus" she enquires, "What is the relevance of a WOTSIT or a THINGY to the humans? I have heard this term often amongst the humans on the Enterprise. The Borg Queen would be most interested in hearing what they mean before we assimilate you all."

Everybody rolls their eyes; Seven has a distinct way of charming people in a staff meeting. If I suggested she write a book before she assimilated us, I think she would!

We leave the meeting and I get in touch with Admiral Foster, who sent me that directive. He smiles and looks a little embarassed.

"I'm really sorry about that, Captain Picard." he tells me, "You can abandon all those plans we had to change the names, and the one I just sent ten minutes ago."

"What was that one?" I reply.

"The one where Warp Drive was changed to Speed Octane Monitor Extra To High Induction New Guide."

Or SOMETHING like that!

Holodeck Cinema

Bev and I are going for a date in the holodeck. We have programmed it so that it looks like an authentic 20th century cinema.

We both enter the holodeck and pay at the box office with our money. The movie that we are scheduled to see is 'The Wizard Of Oz'.

The man in the box office gives us a sneer and sends us in.

It's a real flea-pit of a location; why can't we have a more tidier cinema? Even the holes in the carpets look like they have holes in them.

Bev treads in a few unmentionable things.

"Jean-Luc." she whispers, "This isn't exactly err...."

"I know" I reply, "Let's see how it goes, and I'll give some instructions for Data to tweak it up a little."

Suddenly there is a blinding flash; the usual sort we get when invaders are coming aboard. It looks like trouble.

We can't get out of the holodeck or communicate with the Bridge.

"What's happened, Jean-Luc?" Bev asks.

"I'll soon tell you my pretty!" barks a voice from the screen.




A green skinned figure looks at us. It's certainly not an Orion Slave Girl. Maybe it's what their mothers look like?

"You two are in REAL trouble now" she shouts, "That anomoly the Enterprise passed through has made me real and self-aware. From now on, I, the Wicked Witch of the West will be calling the orders."

"I'm the Captain!" I reply angrily.

"In name only!" she laughs with a mad cackle, as a winged monkey comes forward towards us both.

Bev screams and hides under the seat.

"I've locked the cinema doors while I tell you what will be happening now." the Witch tells me, "The Federation will be bowing to me when we get to a starbase.

This looks like trouble, until I remember the movie; I whisper to Beverly, who is still under the seat as the monkey is trying to attack her.

"Have you got the bottled water, Bev" I whisper. She points it out. As the Witch advances, I pour it all over.

She gives a horrendous scream, worse than the one Deanna gave when we saw an Elvarian mouse.

Gradually, the Witch disappears into nothingness; the holodeck doors open again.

"Beverly" I say with a smile, as we leave, "The next time we go one a date, a romantic film might be a good idea."

Q And Janeway

Guest Poster: Q

With things so boring around the Continuuum right now, I need something to occupy my mind. It no good being told by the other Qs that playing billiards with planets is not really a good thing, and doesn't do well for harmony between the Continuum and the universe.

Ho hum...

I could go the the Enterprise, but I'd get an icy reception from Jean-Luc. That's part of the fun, I suppose, but he's busy right now; I could look elsewhere.

There is always my favourite female human: Kathryn Janeway of Voyager, Now I know she would be delighted to see me, and will welcome me with open arms and a big kiss.

All right, that last sentance was a slight exagerration on my part; in fact very much so.

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I materialise on a ship that has a lot of internal damage; it is interesting how Voyager always seems wrecked, yet they manage to repair it so well. Humans are very resourceful on this point.



Kathryn comes round with a phaser gun shooting the alien creatures that have invaded the gun; I smile at her. Isn't she pretty?

"Hello Kathryn." I say in my cheery way, "Good to drop in on you. Hope you're not too busy right now."

She looks amazed at seeing me; perhaps I came at a bad time?

"Oh, sorry." I tell her, "Do you want me to get these out of the way?"

"If you wouldn't mind!" she replies with that steely sarcasm that I like so much, and carries blasting away at the aliens.

In an instant they are all gone, and Kathryn turns round to me.

"Thanks for your help, Q" she say, "Now why have you come to bother us? Unless you are going to get us to the Alpha Quadrant, which I know you can, I'll just say goodbye."

"That's gratitude, Kathryn!" I tell her in my slightly hurt voice, "You know that you have the ability to get home by yourself. Just be patient. All good things come to those that wait. I just wanted to drop in to ask how my favourite female Captain was."

"I don't need a cliche, Q" she tells me, as she puts the gun down and moves some wreckage, "You know how I am without visiting; you know everything."

Chakotay comes in, and looks at me with any icy stare.

"Be careful, Kathryn!" I warn her, "You might need a gun to defend yourself against this Maquis leader. You never know when he might want to take over the ship."

Chakotay looks incensed and rushes towards me; the Captain stops him.

"Easy, Commander." she warns, "Q is just trying to provoke you; it's the sort of thing he loves to do. It keeps him amused."

Neelix and Kes approach. I ask if they are still together, which upsets the poor Ocampan. I then mention the number Seven a few times to Kathryn. This puzzles her. We in the Continuum have no need for time, so can see into their future.

Quite fun really! It would help in the Federation Lottery, but would end up as very boring.

"I could always stay on as a crew member, Kathryn." I offer to her, and whisper quietly "I could be the Commander; this untrustworthy one can stay in the brig."

Chakotay must have good hearing as he gets mad again; no wonder he was a member of the Maquis.

B'Elanna Torres turns up; she is a really fiery one; not one for patience. I think Kathryn has her work cut out with those two!

"Q!" exclaims Torres, "Can we destroy this mad creature, Captain?"

She's worse than I thought!

"Be careful, B'Elanna" warns Kathyn, "Q could send us even further away from home than we are."

Kathryn has a wise head on her shoulders; I just wish she liked me more.

"I think I'll take my leave of you for now, my dear." I playfully tell Kathryn, "The Continuum is holding a kareoke contest tonight, and my Sinatra singing is well known there. I'll be singing 'I've Got You Under My Skin'".

"Well you get under ours! she replies with her sharp wit.

"Look out for 8472!" I call out to tease her about the future.

Quite an eventful day in the Delta Quadrant!