Getting Old

Guest Poster: Worf

 "The indignity of it!" I angrily say as I storm back into the quarters that my wife Jadzia Dax and I share.

"Whatever has happened, Worfie?" she asks me, and gently rubs the bruises that I have.

"For the first time, I have been defeated by a WOMAN in a skilled competition. The Enterprise martial arts tournament was taking place and I was drawn against Jennifer Baxter."

"Oh dear..." Jadzia says quietly.

"Yes, well I thought she might be slightly tougher than the average woman, but still an easy victory." I tell her, "Anyway, before I know it, I was on the floor and Jennifer was victorious.."

"Oh dear..."she repeats,  "Well, Jenny is a trained fighter, and works out every day. She is toned, muscular and has taken on many in the past."


"Granted." I answer, "But she still should have been defeated by me!"

"Maybe err..." Jadzia hesitantly suggests, "Maybe you're getting a little old for that sort of thing? Jenny is young and fit, while you have been doing it for a while."

I am livid.

"Jadzia!" I exclaim, "I am a Klingon warrior, trained to fight the hardest of opponents right until old age. Klingons do NOT get old for fighting!"

"Sorry, Worfie." she answers, "Do you think you are hurt because you underestimated Jenny, and planned to gently defeat her? It sounds like she went for the quick flourish, hoping the surprise would defeat you."

"You may be right, Jadzia." I say, thinking carefully "Had we fought normally, I would have defeated Jenny easily. It is not an honourable way to win. Klingons have a Code of Honour which they abide by. Jenny does not."

I walk out again, satisfied that it was not a fair match I lost in, but think I can still hear the sound of my wife giggling as I do.

Starfleet Redundancies (Part Four)

Alyssa Ogawa, T'Pol, Lieutenant Britney, Jennifer Baxter, Jadzia Dax, Deanna Troi, Seven of Nine and myself are all in the Ready Room, holding a crisis meeting.

We have all been made redundant by Starfleet's chief Evaluator, Shredder Smith!

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"They can't do it!" Deanna shouts, "We are being persecuted."

"It's Brit and I who are being persecuted because we are gay!" comments an angry T'Pol.

"They think they are getting rid of all the dead wood." Alyssa chips in, "But we all do a vital job on the Enterprise, though some are not recognised."



"We can't let it happen." Jennifer tells us, "We have relationships with others on the ship, which would split us up. I have my Data, Jadzia has Worf, the Captain has Bev and Deanna has Will."

A lot of head nodding goes on at this.

"Look." I say, "We know the situation, but there is nothing we can do."

"How about if we take a starship and start as an independent outfit?" suggests Britney, "We could have a skull and crossbones as our emblem. You wouldn't need to have an eyepatch or have your leg off, Captain."

"Thanks!" I say drily, "However, I think you're delving into the realms of fantasy there. We can all find jobs to do when we leave Starfleet."




"As a mind reader, I suppose!" Deanna suggests.

"I should have guessed why you always win at poker, Deanna." Jadzia sarcastically adds.

Annika, currently in her Seven of Nine consiousness suddenly gets up, says "Enough!" and walks out of the room.

"What is that all about, Brit?" asks T'Pol.

"Search me." Britney answers, "We have more important things to sort out."

For the next fifteen minutes, we go through all solutions, such as looking through the JobGalaxy website, or opening a restaurant together, or signing on the dole.

Suddenly the door opens and Shredder Smith appears.

"Errr..." he stutteringly starts, "There has been a change of policy at Starfleet. It has been decided that no redundancies will be made at all. You will all remain in your current positions. Sorry for any difficulties that arose."

He turns around and quickly leaves. We all look puzzled. Seven of Nine/Annika returns to the room.

"Did YOU have something to do with this?" I ask.



"Seven did." she answers in her Annika voice, "She contacted the Borg Queen, who then told the President of the United Federation of Planets that the truce they had with the Borg would be torn up if the redundancies took place."

Everyone breathes a sigh of relief.

"We all owe Queenie a big favour." Deanna says to me as we leave the room.

"It worries me what she will want in return when we meet next!" I say.

Starfleet Redundancies (Part Two)

My whole ready room is filled with noise and shouting, every member of the senior staff trying to talk above the other.

Ever since Starfleet put the word out that there are likely to be redundancies across the board, the crew have been thrown into a panic

I try to call order, but my voice cannot be heard. Bev gets a dreinking close and taps it loudly on the table. The noise goes over everything.

"Quiet for the Captain!!!" she yells out next to my ear.

I stand up and address them all when the ringing has gone from my ears.

"Now I know that you are all concerned." I start, "At this moment, we don't who what will be happening...."

"Too right!" says a female voice from the back that sounds very much like Lieutenant Britney. Others start making various complaining points.



"What about me?" protests Alyssa Orgawa, "I haven't been here that long. Is it going to be 'last in, first out'? I'm too young to be on the galactic dole queue.."

"I suppose they will be switching me off to save money!" grumbles the holographic doctor.

"There is a chance I may not be required also." Data calmly comments.



"What if Worfie gets the push?" Jadzia points out, "What will I do? There are a lot of couples here whose lives will be disrupted because of this."

A huge amount of talking ensues at this comment.

"You have a good point there, Jadzia." I say, "We need to be sure that the lives of couples and familes are not broken down as a result. I'm sure the person who comes to do the one-to-one with us will take that into account"

All of a sudden, I get a message, which I pass on to the others.

"I have just had word that the interviewer from Starfleet has arrived, and is now on board,"

To be continued after the TWQ........

Jadzia & The Borg Queen Run The Ship (Part Two)

Guest Poster: Jadzia Dax

While I was commanding the ship during the 'graveyard shift', an irate Borg Queen decided to visit to complain about how Seven was treated. This triviality coincided with a complete power failure  on the Enterprise, with only a basic life support remaining. Queenie and I are sealed on the Bridge, and are the only ones who can possibly restore things to order.

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"I wonder what happened?" I say to myself.

"More than likely someone put too many plugs in a power point." Queenie sarcastically comments, before sitting in the Captain's chair.

"What do you think you're doing?" I shout, "I'm the only member of Starfleet here, and therefore am senior to you. I'm sitting there!"



The Queen rolls her eyes and starts to explain slowly, as if to a naughty child.

"The Borg have assimilated many Starfleet personel in nthe past. Captains, Admirals, Engineers...and of course, Jean-Luc himself." she says, "As a result I can call from the Borg Hive Mind all I need to restore this ship."

I'm annoyed at her logic, and grudgingly I relinquish the seat, muttering a few choice comments about the Borg under my breath.

Queenie smiles as she sits in her seat of power.

"All right, Jadzia.", she orders, "Are there any computers that are working?"

"Only this one that monitors life support." I answer.

"Well convert it to a Power Grid Enhancer." Queenie dictates.



 "Will it affect Life Support?" I enquire.

"Probably not." Queenie muses, "But it will only be for a few moments."

I shake my head at her attitude, but carry on with her instructions. The screen continues until a REBOOT message flashes upon it.

"That's good." the Queen comments, as she walks up to me, "Just press return."

I do that and the screen starts on a 10-9-8-7 cycle.

"That's annoying." Queenie says to herself, and gives the screen a whack with her fist. It stops as it reaches 3. All the lights and computers come on, and the doors open. Captain Picard and the other senior staff walk through.

"What would have happened if the cycle had reached 0?" I quietly ask the Borg Queen.

"Oh, the ship would have exploded."  she answers casually, and goes over to hug the Captain in her flirty way, who thanks us both for rescuing the ship from the power outage.

I think I'll keep the information about the ship nearly exploding to myself!

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Editor's Note:

The next post will be the 1200th Be there!

Jadzia & The Borg Queen Run The Ship (Part One)

Guest Poster: Jadzia Dax

This is a rare treat..

Having obtained Commander status, I have been given the opportunity to look after thship and run it from the Captain's chair during the graveyard shift, when most of the crew is sleeping.

All right, I know it's at a time no one else wants to do it, but out there in space, there is no such thing as day and night. We artificially create it here so that people can live naturally. I guess we've been lucky that we have most problems with aliens during the day period. I wonder why that is?



I look upon the video screen whie eating some potato chips; suddenly the sensors spring into life. A Borg Cube is upon us. I alert Captain Picard, who sounds very dozy. Inh the background, I hear Beverly Crusher complaining.

As I wait, a figure beams on to the Bridge,



"Now see here, Locutus.." the Borg Queen begins, "I've had a complaint from Seven that her consiousness isn't being given enough time to......where  is Jean-Luc?"

"He WAS sleeping until you turned up, Queenie." I tartly answer, "It is night here on the. I have woken him up and he'll be with you shortly. I'm Jadzia Dax, and am commanding the ship at this time."

The Borg Queen shrugs her shoulders. "Day and night is irrelevent." she states, "Out here in space, there is no such thing."

Suddenly the ship grinds to a halt. All the lights and computers go off.

"What's happened?" asks Queenie.

"I don't know." I reply, "From what I can tell, there is a systems breakdown with only Life Support functioning. Communications are down, doors cannot be opened, and there is no way to control the ship, except perhaps in here, once we get things sorted out.

"Then that means...." Queenie trials...

"Yes...only we can fix the ship."

Groan. I could have done with a better helper than the Borg Queen!

To be continued after the TWQ.........

Bev & Jean-Luc On Vacation (Part Two)

Guest Poster: Beverly Crusher

Having been thrown out of the Hotel Paradiso on Risa because of a double booking that ended up with Jadzia and Worf getting our room, Jean-Luc and I are combing all the hotels trying to find somewhere to stay.

At this time, there is a peak season on Risa and every hotel is jam-packed. We started off by enquiring at all the five star places. Then the four. Right now, we are coming to the end of the one stars, and will soon be on to the no-stars then they 'stay at your own risk ones'.

"Let's go back to the Enterprise, Bev." suggests Jean-Luc, "We can go in the holodeck and stay in a copy of the Penthouse suite and see the same things."

"No!" I snap back, "I want a real vacation, "Not something out of a computer circuit."

So we continued walking on. As we started to exhaust them all all, many said, "The only likely place is Miss Wilkes', but I'm not sure you'd want to stay there."

This began to be a frequent phrase, so we asked a hotel owner for directions. He seemed amazed that we wanted to go there.

"You REALLY want to go to the Muncie Hotel?" he said, "Better you than me." He gave us the appropriate directions and we headed off. Right now, Jean-Luc and I were ready to stay anywhere.

Eventually we arrived.



"It looks rather sinister."mused Jean-Luc, "I think even the cockroaches and the rats have checked out."

"So it's not what we hoped for." I mutter, "Lets see if we can stay there."

When we approach the door I hear screams, and banging with a "Noo..! .....No....!"

We ring the bell and the noises stop. Eventually the door opens.



"Miss Annie Wilkes?" I ask tentatively.

"Yeah?" she answers, as she puts down a large hammer, "Whaadaya want?"

"Well.....err...my friend and I wondered if you had a room we could stay in."

Annie thinks. "If you come back in fifteen minutes, there is likely to be a room available once I persuade the current occupant to part with his money."

She slams the door. Jean-Luc and I look at each other and run away as fast as possible.

-----------

A few hours later, we are sitting on the beach, with still nowhere to stay.

"All right, I give up." I say, "Lets go back."

As I say this, my COM goes off. It is Jadzia.

"Beverly, Captain Picard?" she says, "If you want that Penthouse suite at the Hotel Paradiso, it's yours."

"Why, Jadzia?" I ask, "What happened?"

"It's Worf." she answers, "A few hours ago, he got drunk on Klingon bloodwine and trashed the hotel foyer. As a result, we are being evicted, and the hotel want to install the other couple who were double booked...that's you."

"Thanks, Jadzia." I answer, then turn to Jean-Luc, "It looks like we are going to have that vacation we wanted. Just steer clear of the mess in the foyer!"

Bev & Jean-Luc On Vacation (Part One)

Guest Poster: Beverly Crusher

"Well I hope things turn out better for us this year" I remark to Jean-Luc as we disembark off the Risa shuttle, "Last time the Borg Queen interrupted and tried to put that curvy body of hers between us."

"It won't happen this year, Bev." Jean-Luc, "If I see any Borg, we'll speed off in the opposite direction."

"The best way is to put the 'Do Not Disturb' sign outside our hotel door." I cheekily say.

"Oh, I think that can be arranged!" he slyly says. I think we're in for a good vacation!

We arrive at the Hotel Paradiso. It overlooks the Suraya Bay on this pleasure planet.



We decided to go there after Britney and T'Pol told us of it...before they were thrown off the planet, of course.

Suitably impressed with all we have seen so far, we check in.



The receptionists are all as oily as to creat a major slick on the ocean. How come hotels train them this way; the sort that instantly annoy you?

"GOOD afternoon!!" oozes the one with the out-of date tie, " I'm Jeff. Welcome to the Hotel Paradiso. How may we help you?"

"I'm Beverly Crusher, and this is Jean-Luc Picard." I tell him, "We have booked for the Penthouse suite at your hotel."

Jeff reddens slightly. "This week?" He looks around frantically at the computer and checks his records.

"Is there a problem?" Jean-Luc asks him. We can see there is.

Jeff dashes off and the woman comes out; clearly his supervisor and a stroppy sort.

"I'm afraid we have some difficulty." the woman, who I see has a namebadge with 'Marianne' on it, "It seems like the agency double-booked the Penthouse suite. The other couple are already here."

"Who are they? I ask angrily. "Those two." Marianne points to a couple sitting in the foyer.



"Captain Picard? Bev?" asks Jadzia Dax, "What are YOU doing here?" she asks while she and Worf share and Worf share a Klingon drink, "T'Pol and Britney told us about here and we..."

"So did we!" I retort, then turn to Marianne, "Do you have vany other rooms?"

"I'm sorry." she says, while registering a ten out of ten on the smugometer, "All our rooms are taken. You'll find most rooms in all hotels are taken here on Risa, as it's a peak vacation time. You might mind something in the .....lesser quality places." She says this with a sneer.

"Come on!" I tell Jean-Luc, "We'll find somewhere!"

To be continued......

A Cure For T'Pol (Part Four)

Guest Poster: Jadzia Dax

Deanna Troi, Ro Laren, Ensign Britney, Jennifer Baxter and myself are all in a small ship, deep in the heart of Romulan space. Captain Picard has sent us on an un official mission, which means that if we get caught, he'll say he doesn't know anything about it. The mission is to go to Tevalla, where the only antidote for Tevallian Fever is. Britney's girlfriend T'Pol has it, and isn't going to last much longer.

As a Romulan battlecruiser has just spotted us, it looks like we have had it. Deanna seems to have a moment of inspiration and gone round to the back of the ship.

------------

"Deanna!" I shout to her, "We need some help! It's no time to vanish!"

"Yeah." Ro calls in agreement, "We did a little action here. The ship is almost here. They are hailing us!"

Suddenly, we hear a hurried rush, and Deanna comes back, out of breath, wearing something very different.



We gasp in amazaement, but say nothing as Deanna answers the hail.,

As the face of the Romulan Commander comes on our screen and announces himself as Karola, Deanna calmly talks to him.

"This is Commander Selana of the Romulan Counmcil" she says without a flinch, "What is it you want?"

Karola is surprised to see what appears to be a Romulan and carries on.




"May I ask what you are doing on a Federation vessel, Commander Selana?" asks Karola.

"My ship caught these Federation spies around the Romulan border." Deanna calmly answers, "I took their ship and we are going to Tevalla, where they will be questioned and tortured. Our soldiers are at the back of the ship keeping them under control."

"Very good, Commander." Karola respond, "Would you like me to give you an escort to Tevella? Perhaps we could go out for dinner after you have delivered the spies?"

"I'm very flattered, Commander Karola" Deanna answers in a slightly nervous voice, "My husband would not approve. Thank you as well for the escort offer, but I think we'll be all right from here. I'll be sure to report on how dligent and careful you were when you saw a Federation vessel."

"Very well." Karola says, "Still, if I see you in the Romulan Bar, I'll buy you drink, Selana."

With that, the battlecruiser flies off. Deanna starts to sweat and her Romulan make-up begins to slide off.



"It's a good job that Romulan went when he did." Ro observes, "Or he might have wondered why the woman he fancied had a face that was starting to melt!

"You're ruight there, Ro." Britney remarks, "C'mon. Tevalla is just in front of us. Let's get that cure for my T'Pol."

To be continued after the TWQ...

A Cure For T'Pol (Part Three)

Guest Poster: Deanna Troi

After the squabbles between the other women on our secret mission that Captain Picard has sent us on, it was finally agreed that I should be the leader as I had the Rank of Commander on the Enterprise.

What uis happening is that we are going to the planet Tevalla deep in the heart of the Romulan Empire to get the antidote for Tevallian Fever, which T'Pol has, and may not last long. Federation ships are forbidden to enter Romulan space, so we are running a risk big time. With me on the ship are Jadzia Dax, Jennifer Baxter, Ro Laren and also T'Pol's girlfriend Ensign Britney. We're running a danger having Britney with us, as she is an emotional wreck and is terrified that she might lose the girl in her life.

--------------



"I hope you know what we are going to do if a Romulan battlecruiser comes up to us." Ro asks me, "We haven't enough firepower to tap on their shields."

"That's the idea, Ro." I reply, "We are meant to adapt a diplomatic non-aggressive attitude. Possibly we can appeal to the Romulans sense of fair play?"

Jenny sneers at this remark.



"Listen." she starts, "The only way to get them is to blow them out of the sky. If any try to board our vessel, then this multiphase disruptor will disintegrate them for good."

"Put it down, Jenny!" I command, "We don't want you waving that around, otherwise it could go off at any time accidentally and make space dust of us all."

"Well someone had better do something soon." Jadzia warns, "Our long range sensors are picked up a Romulan battlecruiser heading this way. They have spotted us, and are obviously not coming for a cup of coffee and a chat. They have all weapons primed and ready to use."



"We're all gonna die!!" screams Britney, running around like a headless chicken, "Every one of us, and also my beloved T'Pol. I'm sorry we couldn't save you!"

"Not so fast." I answer, "We still have a chance. I've got to act fast, though."

With that, I run to the back of the ship to see if my idea will work.

To be continued....

A Cure For T'Pol (Part Two)

Guest Poster: Ensign Britney

With my lover and friend T'Pol not having long to live due to her having Tavellian Fever, Captain Picard has allowed a group of five to go on a secret mission to the planet Tavella, situated in the Romulan Empire to obtain the only antidote that will cure her. I am on board a small ship with Jennifer Baxter, Ro Laren, Jadzia Dax and Deanna Troi.

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We've only bean going a short time when the squabbles start, with arguments about who is leading the mission..

"Well I say Britney should lead it." says Jadzia, "After all, it is her girlfriend that we are trying to save!"



"She doesn't have any leadership skills." Jenny says, as she carries her traditional fighting leather outfit in one hand and her multiphase disruptor in another, "I need to lead this mission. We'll go in with all guns blazing and get the cure for T'Pol."

"And start a galaxy-wide war with the Romulans at the same time." Ro Laren tells her, "Look, the only person here with Commander rank is Deanna. She needs to be our leader."

All our eyes look towards Deanna, who up to now had been sitting in one of the back seats in the ship reading Galactic Fashion Monthly.



"What?" she exclaims, "You want me to be in charge? Oh all right."

Deanna puts down her magazine somewhat reluctantly, and looks at us all.

"Jenny." she starts, "I agree with Ro. We can't go in violently. We can only start if we face any form of aggression. Even then, diplomacy will always come first."

Jenny puts her gun down, looking somewhat disappointed.



"Then what are we gonna do, boss?" I ask Deanne is a tired, but slightly sarcastic tone, "Are we going to go to the Tavellian Pharmacy and ask them for the antidote?"

"Don't worry, Britney." Deanna says, "I think I have an idea..."

To be continued after the TWQ....

Jadzia & Worf's Honeymoon (Part Two)

Guest Poster: Jadzia Dax

After the initial difficulty of checking in at the Hotel Amour on the planet Lurrve, Worfie and I about to enjoy our honeymoon. He has told me that tonight, there is no need for me to break his clavicle again, and not to ever tell anyone that I did that, as he would never live it down on the Klingon homeworld.

------------

After a night of fun that befits a honeymoon couple, the two of us head down to the hotel pool, where I dive in.



"Come in Worfie!" I yell, when I emerge, "Put your swimming trunks on and get in. I'll  race you to the other end."

"Klingon warriors do not put on swimming trunks and frolic around in hotel pools." he replies, stuffily.

"Well take off all your clothes and jump in naked!" I answer quickly, "Loosen up and enjoy yourself!"



"Jadzia!" Worf replies in a shocked voice, "There are people listening!"

"So what!" I reply, "Most of the women around the pool are topless. I think I'll join them"

I undo my swimming costume and start to roll it down...

Worf runs to the nearest chair, grabs a towel and covers me with it. He takes me up to our room, and covers my mouth so that I can't protest.

"What was all that about, Worfie?" I say when we get there, "If I want to lie naked in the sun, I will, and you won't stop me."

"I agree, Jadzia" he says, "But we are one our honeymoon, and I won't want anyone else seeing you the way I will."

I smile.



"Worfie." I tell him, "You can be so stuffy, yet such a romantic as well."

I kiss him.

"Now what was I going to do while down at the pool...?" I teasingly ask.

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Editor's Note: Apologies...this should have been published last|Wednesday

Jadzia & Worf's Honeymoon (Part One)

Guest Poster: Worf

Jadzia and I have arrived at the Hotel Amour on the planet Lurrve for our honeymoon. We are both looking forward to it. My shoulder is still aching a little from Jadzia having broken my clavicle on our wedding night. She did not ralise that the man is supposed to break the woman's bone for good luck. 

Still, as long as a clavicle is broken, then that is all right. Both of us go up to the Reception.



"Err...hello." says the weird looking receptionist, as he glares at me, "I'm Alan, what can I do for you?"

Jadzia does her best to stop laughing at the fact that an alien has such a name. Obviously given to him by the hotel, as his real name is probably unpronouncable.

"Well...errr....Alan." giggles Jadzia, "I am Jadzia Dax, and this is my new husband, Worf. We booked the Honeymoon Suite some time ago, so can..."

Alan looks panic stricken and hastily bsays, without looking at the list, "Err....we're full up...go somewhere else."

I am about to go into Klingon Warrior mode, but Jadzia beats me to it.



"Now listen, flatface!" she shouts, pulling him across the reception desk, "My husband and I booked this room through through GlobalWeb Hotel Bookings. I have the receipt right here."

"Yes." Alan replies, "But you did not say that one of the guests would be a Klingon."

"So?" we both ask.

"Well." he explains, "We have had to impose a policy because Klingon guests in the past have got up to raucuous behaviour in the past, and often trashed the rooms."

"If you let us in." I tell him angrily, "I won't trash the hotel room....and I won't tear up the reception, either!"

"Very well." he says reluctantly, "You may stay."

After the two of us have our room keys we head to the elevator.

"Are you sure you won't trash the room, Worfie?" she asks me.

"I won't." I reply, "But after a few bottles of wine, I can see YOU doing it, Jadzia!"

To be continued......

The Wedding Of Jadzia And Worf (Part Six)

Bev and I are sitting in the front row in the holodeck, where the Klingon wedding ceremonial building has been programmed.

Worf and Jadzia Dax is standing by the altar, about to be married. The ceremony is being conducted by Deanna Troi, who has that role as she was Worf's former lover.

  

I hand Bev another tissue. She tells me she always cries at weddings. Fortunately, I've got a whole stock stuffed in my pockets.

As Worf have just completed their bat'leth fight, which all have to go through at a Klingon wedding ceremony, we are now ready to get through to the 'main event of the evening', as Riker whispers to me.

"Let's hope Deanna's remembered her Klingon words for the ceremony." Riker whispers, ""She was up all last nght memorising it. I had to give her three chocolate sundaes to help her stay awake."

I turn round, and Deanna is poised, ready to start. I've added the translation fir the benefit of all readers who haven't been to a Klingon wedding before.

"Hovmey So'Ha' bIngDaq Qam SuvwI',  

The warrior stands beneath the naked stars  

poSDaq jaghpu', 

nIHDaq jaghpu'

 Enemies to the left, enemies to the right

	Dat chaHtaH they are everywhere.

SuvtaH SuvwI  The warrior fights continuously.

	batlh Suv nIteb Suv He fights with honor. He fights alone.

SuvlaHchu' 'ach Heghbej He can fight perfectly but he will certainly die

vaj mamuvchuq  thus, we join one another

cha' moj wa'  one becomes two

tuq moj cha'  two becomes a household

mangghom moj tuqmey  houses become armies

wo' chen mangghommey

armies build the empire

Deanna looks relieved after that marathon spell. She turns to Worf.

"Worf....bISawrup'a'?"......"Worf, do you marry her?"

Worf replies "Hija."  "Yes" (did you really need a translation there?")

Deanna then look at Jadzia.

"Jadzia..bInayrup'a'?...."Jadzia, do you marry him?"

Jadzia replies with a "Hija." as well.

Deanna then finds a dagger that she has hidden in some part of that skimpy dress, though I don't see where it was, and continues. Jadzia and Worf stand back as Deanna holds the dagger up high; they both attempt to reach the dagger. As they hold on to it, the dagger comes to waist level.

"bInayrup'a'?  Today, you are un-alone.

	DaHjaj tagh wo'  Today the Empire begins."

The blade is withdrawn, leaving Jadzia and Worf holding hands.

"pItlh.  Finished."

We all standup and shout "QAPLA!", which means 'success'.

The couple pose for the wedding photographs, which will appear in The Galactic Gazette this week.

The wedding is over. We toast the couple by saying the traditional message "May you find a blood worm in your glass.". Personally, I think 'Congratulations." would have been more in order!

The Wedding Of Jadzia And Worf (Part Five)

The crew is all assembled in the holodeck, which haa been programmed to represent a typical Klingon wedding location. Bev is sitting next to me, with a tissue to her eye.

"I love a good wedding, Jean-Luc." she tells me, "I had to get a new hat for this event."

Sitting next to me on the other side is Worf, who is looking anxiously around in his red wedding outfit, awaiting his bride to be, Jadzia Dax, and for the woman who will officiate the wedding, his former lover, Deanna Troi. I have been Worf's Tawi'Yan, which is a kind of Best Man.

A weird form of music, which I can only assume is a build-up to the main event. Bev tells me it is called Hill Of The Skull. A charming title!



Deanna enters in one of her most revealing outfits to officiate the ceremony. A rather cheeky way of telling Worf what he has given up by going with Jadzia. About as subtle as being hit with a lead brick.

"We are here to witness the betrothal of Jadzia Dax to Worf. May the bride step out, please?"

Jadzia comes out in her matching bridal outfit, and momentarily raises an eyebrow when she sees what Deanna is wearing.

Worf gives a smile when he sees the bride, and they both step up to where Deanna is standing.

I then stand up and present the two of them with bat'leths. Worf and Jadzia will now stage a mock battle before the ceremony. Perhaps all humans should do this to save from the battles they have later on in marriage?

They stand ready, and draw their bat'leths.

"There's a betting pool on the Enterprise that says I'm gonna beat you, Worf!" calls out Jadzia, as the two of them parry.

"Jadzia" Worf replies, "This is merely a friendly contest. It is traditional that the male wins, so that he can display his superiority as a warrior to those gathered here."

"The only problem there." Jadzia answers, "Is that I'm a warrior as well.May the best one win!"

The two combat intensely, both determined not to let their honour slip. After ten minutes, each are battlling intensely."

Deanna bravely steps in between them, hoping that one of the bat'leths doesn't chop her in two.

"Wo!!!!" she exclaims, "I think we'll call that part of the ceremony a draw. Let's move on."

"That's why we're well matched." Jadzia tells Worf, "We are both strong warriors."

Worf contemplates this.

"You are correct, Jadzia, "It is why I love you. Now let's continue with the ceremony and get married."

To be continued...

The Wedding Of Jadzia And Worf (Part Four)

Guest Poster: Jadzia Dax

I enter Deanna’s office slowly to find her waiting for me.

“Hello Jadzia!” she says cheerily, “This won’t take long. It’s merely a formality.”

I bet it is. I’m here to be approved by Deanna, a former partner of Worf, to see if I am a suitable marriage partner for him. I’ll have to answer some questions about his family. Although she is officiating, Deanna has the power to cancel the wedding as well.

Will our old rivalry prevent the marriage?

“Sit down, Jadzia” Deanna tells me, “We’re just going to have a little chat about your favourite Klingon, then it will be all systems go for the wedding itself.”

“All right.” I answer tentatively, “Where do we begin?”

“Well.”  She says with a slight smile, “As you’re marrying into Worf’s family, Let’s see what you know about them. Go back ten generations and say who the fathers were.”

I nearly choke on the tea that I was casually drinking.

 “Ten generations!” I exclaim, “Usually it’s only five!”

“Yes.” Answers the Counselor, “But you are getting someone who is worth knowing a lot about.”

I quickly reel off “Worf, son of Mogh” etc until I get to the end. Deanna looks surprised.

“Well done, Jadzia” she says, “You did it all in thirty seconds.”

“That’s because I agree with you.” I reply with a sly smile, “He is a Klingon worth knowing a lot about. I did my homework.”

“Very good.” Deanna tells me, “Do you think you can sing Worf’s favourite battle song?”

“No problemo!” I tell her, and quickly go into a wailing dirge about Kahless, the Plains of Victory. After eighteen verses, Deanna steps in.

“That’s fine, Jadzia.” She tells me, “You can stop now.”

That’s a relief, as it was giving me a headache, and I would have had to start humming by the time I got to verse 20.

"You've really exceeded my expectations." Deanna tells me. She gets up and hugs me.

"See you at the wedding, Jadzia." she laughs, "I give you and Worf my blessings, and shall be happy to officiate at the ceremony."

I go out, feeling very pleased, and happy that I studied the book Everything You Need To Know About Klingons.

The wedding takes place after the TWQ...

The Wedding Of Jadzia And Worf (Part Two)

Author's Note:

Captain Picard has been asked to be the Tawi'Yan at Worf and Jadzia's wedding, which is the equivilant of the Best Man position. He has also discovered that the marriage has to be approved and carried out by The Mistress, a title given to the previous sexual partner of the groom, which was Deanna.  He has just told her.



Guest Poster: Deanna Troi

The male senior officers will soon be going for their Kal'Hayah, a pre-wedding Klingon ceremony for males.

I can't believe it. My title is now The Mistress. I hope that doesn't stick.

Naturally, I was shocked at first, but I'm gonna have a lot of fun having to vent my approval and carry out the wedding. Jadzia and I had a lot of rivalry when we were both with Worf, having the occasional fight and tearing teach other's hair out was quite commonplace. I'll make that Jadzia nervous when it comes to the part where approval is given.

Maybe I'll toss a coin.

A knock on the door. It won't take many guesses to see who this will be.




"Hello Deanna." Jadzia says carefully, as she steps in, "Is it okay if I jusr drop in for a little chat?" She speaks and walk hesitantly, as if she is crossing a fieldful of Dvorak explosives.

"Sure, Jadzia." I say with a smile as sincere as a holiday home salersman, "Dit down and tell me what's troubling you."

"Well I'm sure you've heard from Jean-Luc about the role he has asked you to play in the wedding, that of The Mistress?"


"Indeed I have." I tell her, with barely the hint of a smile.

"Well." Jadzia continues quietly, "We are friends now, aren't we, Deanna. I know he had some difficulties when both you and I were competing for Worf."

"Personally I found the fights a lot of fun." I say with a laugh, which depresses Jadzia.

"Perhaps they were, Deanna." she tells me, "But we've grown up. You have Will Riker, and I'm about to marry Worf.  You WILL approve the marriage, won't you? And officiate it?"

"We'll all have to wait and see, Jadzia" I say teasingly, and usher her out of my study.

As she goes, I whisper quietly in her ear "Everything will go fine."

To be continued after the TWQ..

Jadzia's Wedding Dress (Part Two)

Guest Poster: Jadzia Dax

I'm currently in the the Starfleet Mall shop Wedding Dresses by Alanis with my friend Ro Laren. We are trying to find a suitable dress that I can wear for my forthcoming marriage to Worf. So far, we've had little success, with the range varying from the boring to the downright outrageous.



"We're not going to get anything here, Jadzia." Ro gloomily tells me, "Let's look elsewhere."

"Just a moment, ladies." Alanis says desperately, "I've never had a customer leave here without one of my dresses, and you're not going to be the first. Stay a little while, as I'm sure we'll find you something suitable, Miss Dax."

We agree, and a model comes in, wearing another dress.



"This one isn't bad." muses Ro.

"I agree." I tell her, "It woild be fime if I were marrying a prince in his vastle, but it's Worf I'm getting hitched to, and we want everything to be in a Klingon design. I'm looking forward to Worf breaking my clavicle on our wedding night. It's a sign of good luck for the marriage,"

Ro looks at me oddly, and Alanis approaches.



"I'm sorry, Miss Dax." she says, "I couldn't help overhearing. Is it true that you are marrying a Klingon, and want rhe ceremony to be in the proper Klingon manner?"

"That's right."

"Ah, well I have the answer to your problems!" Alanis smiles, as she brings us a huge book with the Klingon symbol on it. The book says Klingon Wedding Dresses

I smile, and open the book.



"Now THIS is  more like it!" I exclaim to Ro as I leaf through the pages. Suddenly I stop.

"This is it!" I say, "I want to get married in this dress."

"It's a good one, Jadzia." Ro agrees.

"Excellent, Miss Dax." Alanis beams, somewhat relieved that I have at last found a dress that I like, "I'll measure you and have it made."

-------

Ro and I leave the shop, both happy that a major choice in my wedding has been decided.