Waiting On Tables

Guest Poster: Lieutenant Britney 














"I'll have a double chocolate sundae and Will here will have a coffee and donut." Deanna Troi tells me as they sit in Ten Forward.

I am the waitress taking the orders today. The reason that came around is when a crewman said something insulting about me and T'Pol. I subsequently poured all my coffee over him. The crewman was reprimanded, of course, but Captain Picard thought that I can't just go around pouring drinks, so he made the punishment fit the crime, and I am helping Guinan for a week.

"Get a move on, Britney!"Guinan calls out, "You are without doubt, the slowest, most accident prone waitress I've ever had under my charge. In the few days you've been here, you've already broken more plates than a Greek restaurant on New Year's Eve."

I manage to carry Deanna's chocolate sundae to her without dropping it into her lap. It's a pity I had to do it with Captain Picard's cup of Earl Grey tea. It was boiling hot as well...

"Can I take your order please, miss?" I routinely ask the next customer before I realise it is my girlfriend, T'Pol, who smiles it me.



 "I'll have a kiss, followed by a Colombian coffee, you gorgeous looking waitress." she says with a smile.

I duly oblige with the first request, then go to get coffee. I bring it back without a hitch, and as it's my break, I sit with T'Pol to talk with her.

"How are you going with the waitressing, Brit?" she asks.

"It's not too much fun." I answer, "The replicators are going at full tilt making copies all all the plates I break."

"Hello babe, give us a kiss." says a tough crewman to T'Pol, when he walked up to us, then adds, "Oh, I forgot, you like the girls, don't you?"

T'Pol rolls her eyes then pours her Colombian coffee all over him.

"Can you get me another coffee please, Brit?" she asks, "I seem to have spilt mine."

"I think you'll be joining me as a waitress for a week, sweetie."

Bar Crawl

Guest Poster: Lieutenant Britney














My girlfriend T'Pol and I are doing a gay bar crawl around San Francisco. We are seeing if we can visit them all before we pass out. The trouble is that here in the 24th century, virtually every bar is a gay one. Nowadays, it is harder to see a a 'straight' one!

"We are going to behave ourselves aren't we, Brit?" T'Pol asks, "After all, we can't go in every one if they just throw us out."

Relax, sweetie." I tell her, "We're just gonna have a couple of jars and move on."

We go in the Degeneres Bar and get our drink. As we sip them, a tall blonde approaches, ignores me and starts speaking softkly to T'Pol.

"Hi lover girl." she huskily says, "I'm Maxine. How about we quit this joint and make sweet music together?"

"Thank you." T'Pol says politely, "But I'm drinking here with my girlfriend Britney.

 Maxine looks down on me as if I am something unpleasant she has trodden in.

"Surely you can't be serious?" she sneers, "I'll show you how a woman really can be."

That's enough for me. I get iout my umbrella and whack her.

A few moments later, we are walking to the next bar.

"I KNEW we'd end up getting thrown out!"complains T'Pol. "Relax." I reply, we did drink something there. Let's move on."

Our next stop is The Lesbos Lounge. We order two drinks and relax.


"Let's see how long we can stay in this one." T'Pol comments drily.

A figure comes up to us with dyed red hair. It takes me time to recognise her. It is Daisy, who appeared at the Christmas Party when it was held at Annette and Amanda's gay bar.

"Hi there." she says, "You two still together?"

"Stronger than ever." I answer firmly, just in case she was thinking of cutting in.

"Mmmm...pity." she says, "You two are admired on the circuit for being gay Starfleet Officers. You're the pin up girls for all the customers here."

T'Pol and I slowly look round. We see all the women in the bar are looking admiringly at us, some with cameras.

"So much for a quiet drink!" exclaims T'Pol, "The only place we are going to drink peacefully until we pass out is at Ten Forward on the Enterprise."

"I agree, sweetie." I tell her, then call into my ComLink. "Two to beam up."

Starfleet Redundancies (Part Four)

Alyssa Ogawa, T'Pol, Lieutenant Britney, Jennifer Baxter, Jadzia Dax, Deanna Troi, Seven of Nine and myself are all in the Ready Room, holding a crisis meeting.

We have all been made redundant by Starfleet's chief Evaluator, Shredder Smith!

-----

"They can't do it!" Deanna shouts, "We are being persecuted."

"It's Brit and I who are being persecuted because we are gay!" comments an angry T'Pol.

"They think they are getting rid of all the dead wood." Alyssa chips in, "But we all do a vital job on the Enterprise, though some are not recognised."



"We can't let it happen." Jennifer tells us, "We have relationships with others on the ship, which would split us up. I have my Data, Jadzia has Worf, the Captain has Bev and Deanna has Will."

A lot of head nodding goes on at this.

"Look." I say, "We know the situation, but there is nothing we can do."

"How about if we take a starship and start as an independent outfit?" suggests Britney, "We could have a skull and crossbones as our emblem. You wouldn't need to have an eyepatch or have your leg off, Captain."

"Thanks!" I say drily, "However, I think you're delving into the realms of fantasy there. We can all find jobs to do when we leave Starfleet."




"As a mind reader, I suppose!" Deanna suggests.

"I should have guessed why you always win at poker, Deanna." Jadzia sarcastically adds.

Annika, currently in her Seven of Nine consiousness suddenly gets up, says "Enough!" and walks out of the room.

"What is that all about, Brit?" asks T'Pol.

"Search me." Britney answers, "We have more important things to sort out."

For the next fifteen minutes, we go through all solutions, such as looking through the JobGalaxy website, or opening a restaurant together, or signing on the dole.

Suddenly the door opens and Shredder Smith appears.

"Errr..." he stutteringly starts, "There has been a change of policy at Starfleet. It has been decided that no redundancies will be made at all. You will all remain in your current positions. Sorry for any difficulties that arose."

He turns around and quickly leaves. We all look puzzled. Seven of Nine/Annika returns to the room.

"Did YOU have something to do with this?" I ask.



"Seven did." she answers in her Annika voice, "She contacted the Borg Queen, who then told the President of the United Federation of Planets that the truce they had with the Borg would be torn up if the redundancies took place."

Everyone breathes a sigh of relief.

"We all owe Queenie a big favour." Deanna says to me as we leave the room.

"It worries me what she will want in return when we meet next!" I say.

Starfleet Redundancies (Part Two)

My whole ready room is filled with noise and shouting, every member of the senior staff trying to talk above the other.

Ever since Starfleet put the word out that there are likely to be redundancies across the board, the crew have been thrown into a panic

I try to call order, but my voice cannot be heard. Bev gets a dreinking close and taps it loudly on the table. The noise goes over everything.

"Quiet for the Captain!!!" she yells out next to my ear.

I stand up and address them all when the ringing has gone from my ears.

"Now I know that you are all concerned." I start, "At this moment, we don't who what will be happening...."

"Too right!" says a female voice from the back that sounds very much like Lieutenant Britney. Others start making various complaining points.



"What about me?" protests Alyssa Orgawa, "I haven't been here that long. Is it going to be 'last in, first out'? I'm too young to be on the galactic dole queue.."

"I suppose they will be switching me off to save money!" grumbles the holographic doctor.

"There is a chance I may not be required also." Data calmly comments.



"What if Worfie gets the push?" Jadzia points out, "What will I do? There are a lot of couples here whose lives will be disrupted because of this."

A huge amount of talking ensues at this comment.

"You have a good point there, Jadzia." I say, "We need to be sure that the lives of couples and familes are not broken down as a result. I'm sure the person who comes to do the one-to-one with us will take that into account"

All of a sudden, I get a message, which I pass on to the others.

"I have just had word that the interviewer from Starfleet has arrived, and is now on board,"

To be continued after the TWQ........

The Enterprise Christmas Party (Part One)

"What are THEY doing here." I ask Riker, as the Party is about to begin.

Before Riker can answer, Annika butts in with her Seven Of Nine consiousness.





"The Borg Queen prefers her resident band The Strolling Drones to play in the holographic nightclub, rather than one put together by a computer." she says sniffily.

"Now see here, Seven...." Riker starts to complain.

"It's all right, Will." I tell him, "A live band probably is better, even if they are just Borg drones. If it will keep Queenie placated, then we will go along with it."

The drones set up their instruments. I must say, they look smart in their bow ties and black suits, despite being covered in metal and having an implant over one eye.

------------

Not long after, the guests are starting to pour in. Bev is standing next to me by the piano.



"You look a little tense, Bev." I say to her, "Anything wrong?"

 "No, Jean-Luc." she answers, "I'm just wondering what trick the Borg Queen is going to use to get you away from me so you two can dance all evening."

"Relax, Bev." I tell her, "You and I both have our dance cards full throughout the entire Party...and our names are one each other's"

"Oh, Jean-Luc." see says before kissing me, "You always know what to say."

Worf comes up to me, wearing an evening suit, but still sporting a phaser.

"Excuse me, Captain." he warns me, "I have had warning that the Borg Queen has arrived and will be making her entrance shortly."

"Thank you, Mr Worf." I answer, but before he can say anything, his wife Jadzia Dax whisks him on to the dancefloor where the Okey Cokey is just starting up. Worf looks annoyed at this, and I can lip read his protest to Jadzia that "A Klingon warrior does not do the Okey Cokey!"

Our gay crew officers Lieuternant Britney and T'Pol go over to meet their friends Annette and Amanda, who they met last year. They were the proprieters of the gay bar where the last Enterprise Christmas Party was held.



I do my best not to listen in, but the four of them all talk very loud.

"It's so good to see you two again." Annette says, hugging them, "Thank you for inviting us."

"Well I tried to get the party at your place again, but you-know-who wouldn't let us." Britney answers.

I feel my ears burning at that one.

"The four of us don't get together very often." Amanda adds, "I'm glad you did, "We can get in some serious drinking and dancing done here"

"Absolutely, let's head to the bar." T'Pol comments, "The first round is on us."



"Yeah, what's your favourite?" asks Britney as their voices go out of earshot. Bev nudges me in the ribs as a way of telling me not to eaversdrop.

Suddenly, The Strolling Drones stop their music and play a fanfare of music. Obviously it is to herald the arrival of their leader.

The Borg Queen whisks her way into the holographic nightclub, flanked by two drone guards. She looks around, sees me and heads my way.

The Queen walks up and smiles, ignoring Bev after a cursory greeting and glance. The bodyguards position themselves between me and Bev.





"I'm looking forward to dancing and smooching with you ALL night, Jean-Luc." she quietly says in my ear. As we were lovers when I was assimilated, the Borg Queen has always had designs on me.

"Sorry, Queenie." I answer, "I'm with Bev.".

The Queen looks around, and as Bev is stuck behind the drones, she is not visible. "I see no Bev." Queenie teasingly says, and drags me towards the dancefloor.

While the two of us dance a smoochy number, I see Bev storm off outside, and hear her tell Deanna that she is going to put on an outfit that will put that Queen in the shade.

To be continued.....

Christmas Party Planning

With the senior staff all gathered in my Ready Room, we are all assembled for the most important meeting of the year. To discuss plans for the Enterprise Christmas Party.

"Would anyone like to put their suggestions to where it should be held this year?" I ask. This is a neat way of passing the buck to the others as I haven't an idea myself.

"Definitely not in a gay bar like we did last year!" Worf gruffly barks out.



"Why not!!" yell out Lieutenant Britney and her girlfriend T'Pol almost together.

"I was approached by a young man named Nigel." answers a reddening Worf, as his wife Jadzia laughs next to him, "He suggested that I go outside and see his phaser gun. Naturally, I declined, but he still occasionally sends me messages."

Somehow, I resist the urge to laugh out loud, and see Annika Hansen is about to stand. I wonder which consiousness is dominating her?



"It must take place in a Borg Cube or at the very least a holographic representation of it ." she answers in her firm Seven voice, "The Borg Queen will expect an invitation, so it is rightful you maker her seem at home, especially as we Borg have extended a truce..."

She stops, sits down and starts talking to herself. It's clear that her Annika consiousness is having a few things to say about her suggestions.

"Can't we just have it in a holographic night club?" Will Riker suggests, "After all, it is the Enterprise Christmas Party. Visitors will just have to accept it the way it is."

"I agree, Will." pipes up Deanna, plus a few other individuals.

"Very well." I decide, "We will have the party on Monday 5th November in a holographic nightclub."

"The Queen will not like this." mumbles Annika in her Seven voice.

"Yes she will, Seven." I retort, "I think the Borg Queen knows how to enjoy a party a lot more than you do. If you don't like it, loosen up and let Annika enjoy it. This will be her first Enterprise Christmas Party."

Seven goes out in a huff.

I'm sure I'm sowing the seeds for more Party disasters.

Jenny & The Baroness (Part Three)

Guest Poster: Lieutenant Britney

With Jennifer Baxter badly injured from a laser blast, and T'Pol tending to her wounds, it's up to me to stop and capture The Baroness, the notorious jewel thief, who has eluded capture so far. She fired on Jenny while raiding a wealthy house while here on Minos III. I've got to stop her.

As I have a blueprint of the house with me, I make my way to the likeliest place she will be. The room where the safe containing all the jewels will be.



I make my way there quickly, but trying not to make a noise, as if I am sneaking back home after a late night with a hot date.



When I reach trhere, I finda black leather figure about to open the safe door.

"Hold it right there, Baroness!" I call out, "I', arresting you for multiple jewel thefts around the galaxy, and also for attempting to kill Jennifer Baxter."

The Baroness turns round and gives me a beaming smile.



"Hello, Britney, I'm so glad you came." she comments, "Have you decided to leave that lover T'Pol and join me? I hope so. You would have a much better time with me than with her, whether we are robbing jewels or alone together."

"I've come to stop you, Baroness." I remind her.

"Don't be a spoilsport." she cheerily says, "Hold this bag while I pour the jewels in them."

I throw the bag on the floor. She getsa up and kicks my Umbrella Disruptor away. Drawing her gun quickly, I manage to pull it out of her hand and throw it to the other side of the room. The Baroness runs after it, but my Disruptor is nearer.



"Hold it there, Baroness."I say, "It's the end of the line."  She stops, and surrenders.

---------------

A few hours later, the three of us witness The Baroness in chains, being taken on board a prison ship. Jenny has her leg well bandaged, but is all right.

"No prison can hold me." the prisoner boasts, "I'll be out shortly. Jenny, I'm so glad I didn't kill you. I look forward to our meetings. I also enjoyed seeing you, Britney. Kiss, kiss."

"We won't see her for a long time." T'Pol comments in disgust.

"Don't be too sure." Jenny replies, "That woman is a master manipulator. If anyone can get out, then she can."

"In which case, We'll be ready." I smile.

Jenny & The Baroness (Part Two)

Guest Poster: Jennifer Baxter

I am in a shuttle heading for Minos III, where the notorious criminal The Baroness is carrying out a series of daring jewel robberies. Also with me are Britney and T'Pol who volunteered to help me. So far, all they have been doing is playing strip poker in the back while I pilot the ship!

-------------

"Put your clothes back on, you two!" I call out, "We are approaching Minos III and will be landing shortly."

I can hear the pair of them trying to sort out which articles of clothing belong to which woman. Eventually, they get it right and come forward, just as we are landing.

"Right then." I say, "I have heard that there is a big party going on tonight, attended by all the rich people of this world. The Baroness is bound to bee there, so let's intervene and catch her in the act."



"Well let's get ready then!" declares T'Pol, who is carrying a fearful looking Distorter. Britney has her Umbrella set to 'kill' and I have my multiphase disruptor. Wearing my leather outfit, so I won't be seen easily in the dark, I'm ready to go.



------

A few hours later, we are there at the country house, patrolling the grounds from different points. I know I could do with some hot coffee in this line of work.

Suddenly I see a leather-skinned figure jumping around the roof. I know it isn't me or Batgirl.

"Baxter to Britney and T'Pol." I call on my COM, "Target is on the roof. Meet me there!"

It only takes a few moments to climb a drainpipe, jump on to a lower roof, then on to the higher one.

"Stop right there, Baroness!" I yell, "I've got you this time!"



"Well, well." sneers The Baroness, in her best evil villainess tone, "If it isn't my friend Jennifer Baxter. Have you come to join me in the robbery? I'll split the takings 50-50. You know we'd make a great team. We are both the same type. Daring adventuresses with a liking for black leather."

"I've come for YOU." tell her coldly, "You're going to jail."

The Baroness sighs. "Last chance to join me?" I shake my head.

"What a pity." she says, and pulls out a gun before I can move. A searing heat from it hits my leg and I go down screaming. The Baroness leaps away, entering the house.

In a few moments, Britney and T'Pol come upon me, looking horrified.

"She's losing blood rapidly." diagnoses T'Pol quickly, "Jenny won't last much longer. Fortunately, I have some first aid with me and should be able to stem the bleeding. Britney...you go after The Baroness...but be careful!"

To be continued.....

Jenny & The Baroness (Part One)

Guest Poster: Jennifer Baxter

"I must say." Data informs me in our quarters, "That you have become rather obsessive about catching the female criminal known as The Baroness."

"No one is going to get away from me, Data." I reply, "I had almost caught her on that planet. No leather-clad crook is going to get away from me."



"I have noticed you looking through the computer files and copies of The Galactic Gazette for any clues as to her whereabouts." he informs me.

"So what if I have?" I retort, "I'm not going to let here beat me! What's this?"

I suddenly see a headline: 'Daring jewelry robbery on Minos III. Priceless diamonds and emeralds stolen. No clues as to thief, but witnesses saw a figure in black leather jumping from the rooftops.'

"That's The Baroness!" I yell out, "I'm coming to nab you, honey!"

When I explain the situation to Captain Picard, his reaction is predictable.

"There are no positive sightings of The Baroness, Lieutenant." he says, "So we cannot divert the Enterprise to Minos III on a suspicion."

"Well send me out in a shuttle." I say in frustration, "She's one of the most wanted criminals there is."

The Captain sighs and agrees. At this moment, Britney and T'Pol burst in, who had obviously been listening at the door, as they fell on the floor, and were both holding glass cups.



"Can we come too?" they both say, "You'll need us to catch The Baroness."

"No!" I reply, "You'll cramp my style. I work better alone"

"I think it might be better if Britney and T'Pol go with you, Lieutenant." the Captain decides, "It's just too dangerous for you to go on your own."

"Yay!" Britney shouts, and I roll my eyes.

---------

Half an hour later, I am in my leather outfit, piloting the shuttle, bound for Minos III. Behind me are an assortment of weapons, including my multiphase disruptor. Britney and T'Pol are playing strip poker.

They are supposed to protect me?

To be continued after the TWQ...

T'Pol & Britney On Risa (Part Three)

Editor's Note:

Apologies for there being no TWQ and only one story this week. I've had a lot of trouble in getting a new cell phone like you would not believe. Anyway, onward we go....

------------



Guest Poster: Lieutenant Britney

"I thought you two had been banned from coming on Risa." Deanna Troi asks me and my girlfriend T'Pol. We've met her on the Risa beach, where the Enterprise counselor was lying in the sun.

"So we have." I tell her, "But we disguised ourselves and had false passpoers under the names of Beverly Crusher and Jennifer Baxter."



"Britney & T'Pol!" Deanna exclaims, "That is identity fraud. If the Risa authorities find out you will both be hauled in a penal colony for a very long time!"

T'Pol and I look at each other quickly. "Are you sure, Deanna?" asks my Vulcan friend.

"Absolutely." Deanna tells us, "You both need to get off Risa fast."

"How?" I ask.

"By revealing yourselves." suggests Deanna.

"You mean taking our clothes off?" I puzzlingly ask.

"No!" sighs an exasperated Deanna, "Tell the Risa securirty who you are. They will know you are banned, and deport you, unaware you came under false identities."

"We only just got here!" I sigh.



"We've got to do it, Brit." T'Pol, "Otherwise will be chipping boulders and sharing a cell with huge women who want to know us a lot more for the next twenty five years.."

After leaving Deanna to sun on the beach, we gather our cases and head for the shuttleport. Instead of going in the entrance to board a shuttle, the two of us head to departures, to give the impression we have just arrived. This time we aren't wearing disguises. I wear an outfit to attract attention.



Security come running up to us.

"Britney and T'Pol!" the Head of Security grins, "You've been told that you are not welcome on Risa. You must be deluded if you thought you were going to get past our rigorous security system, which is the envy of the galaxy. You will both be put on the next shuttle out. Now go and don't come back!"

T'Pol and I pretend to look dejected, but once we are in our shuttle seats, we are both laughing away.."

"That's the first time I've been glad to be kicked off a planet." I tell her.

"I agree, Brit." T'Pol tells me, "I suggest we go back to the Enterprise and spend our vacation on a holographic Risa, where we won't be bothered by anyone."

"You're on, sweetie." I laugh, as we kiss.

T'Pol & Britney On Risa (Part Two)

Guest Poster: Lieutenant Britney

Having sneaked through Customs in disguise, my girlfriend T'Pol and I are now on Risa the pleasure planet for our vacation. We had been banned from visiting there again after the rowdiness we caused on ouir last visit. People can be such spoilsports at times!

-----------

"Now we have got trhrough." I say cheerily to T'Pol, "It's bikinis on, and raucous parties from now on!"

"Not so fast, Brit." T'Pol warns me, "We still have to check in at the hotel, so let's keep our disguises on a while longer and check in with our false names."

After a taxi ride that takes us past the same landmarks at least three times, we arrive at our destination, the Hotel Paradiso. The porter takes our cases to the reception area. When he has completed this, he discreetly holds his hand out. I reach out and shake it, saying "Thanks very much.".

The porter stalks off, mumbling somthing unprintable. We turn to the hotel receptionist.



He looks at us both suspiciously.

"Why are you wearing dark glasses?" he asks, "I can't see your faces."

"It's sunny outside, d'oh!" I exclaim, "Why else would anyone wear dark glasses?"

The receptionist glumly has to accept this answer, "Welcome to the Hotel Paradiso, Ms Baxter and Ms Crusher. I hope you haver a pleasant stay. May I remind you that neither the hotel nor Risa itself tolerates any rowdiness? Two women some time ago were banned from ever setting foot on this planet. I wouldn't want you to join the blacklist."

"We've got the message." T'Pol quickly says, and we go up to our room. When we get there, we see the stupendous view.



"Suraya Bay looks fantastic, Brit."  T'Pol tells me as we hug, "I'm glad now you persuaded me to come, despite the elaborate things we had to do to get here."

"Let's get down there!" I enthuse, "Maybe it's a nudist beach! That would be great fun!"

"Brit!"  my Vulcan girlfriend tells me, "We want to stay here and have a good time, and not bring ourselves to attention at all. We can't go to a nudist beach. People would recognise us right away, especially after the incident in the hotel foyer that got us barred from the planet."

"Sorry." I say, "Bikinis it is."

About half an hour later, we are on Suraya Bay beach.



My dark glasses serve the dual purpose of keeping the sun out and keeping the security police away..

We go and get some ice cream and find a good place to lie in the sun. Eventually, we find a quiet little place by the rocks.

"Hello T'Pol! Hello Britney!" says a familiar voice, "What are you doing here"



Looking at us from her beach chair is Deanna Troi.

To be continued after the TWQ.....

T'Pol & Britney On Risa (Part One)

Guest Poster: Mirror T'Pol

"So where are we going for our annual vacation this year, sweetie?" Britney asks me as we lie in bed.

"I don't know, Brit." I reply, "Is there anythere in the galaxy that hasn't banned us due to our rowdy behaviour?"

"Then that should make the choosing easier." laughs the Deltan, "Howsabout if we go to Risa?"

I sigh, "That is the first planet that ever banned us; they put a warning out to all the other planets not to let us on."

"Maybe they've forgotten about us?" Britney offers, "We could always go in dark glasses."

As my girlfriend seems keen on going, I agree, although warn her that we may not last on there long before we are thrown off.

"Yay!" she yells, and hugs me.

--------------

Not long after, we are in the Risa shuttle, going through customs. I can see photos of the two of us on the board of people not to be let in under any circumstances. I make Britney aware of this, and she puts on her dark glasses.



"Galactic Passports, please." barks out the customs official, and we hand over our doctored documents.

"Miss....Jennifer Baxter?" he says, looking at Brit carefully, thinking he may have seen her somewhere before.

Then I move forward.



With dark glasses on, dyed hair and my ears having some make up to disguise the shape, I look convincing.

"Miss....Beverly Crusher?" he asks. I nod.

He stamps our passports and we are officially on Risa, the pleasure planet.

Britney gives me a big hug.

"I told you we'd make it, T'Pol!" she exclaims, "Now is the time for some real fun!"

"Shhhh!"  I warn her, "We don't want to get deported two minutes after we get through. Let's try and have a good time without being found out."

To be continued.....

Queenie's Warning

"Borg Cube on sensors." Data tells me, "A message is incoming. The Borg Queen wants to talk to us."

I roll my eyes. Is she chasing me? I know Queenie has the hots for me, but this is ridiculous.

Her image comes on the screen.



"Locutus." she says firmly, "It is urgent that I speak with your senior staff as soon as possible. A matter has come up that is of grave consequence."

I tell her to beam on board right away.

"I wonder what she wants this time."  Riker asks me.

"I don't know, Number One." I reply, "But when she wants to speak to all of us, it's not good news. When she is just chasing me, at least I know where I am!"

About fifteen minutes later, the senior staff are assembled in my Ready Room. All eyes are on the Borg Queen, as we are curious about what she is going to say.

"A few days ago." she begins, "My Cube was on a routine assimilation mission outside Federation space. We locked on a small transportation vessel. Though there were only a few humans on it, we assimilated them to keep our monthly quota up for the report we give to the Alpha Borg Queen."



"I seem to have lost the thread." Deanna comments, "What is all this leading to?"

"Be patient, Deanna." Queenie answers, "It will all become clear. Now where was I? Oh yes. We were assimilating this small group. One person in particular wasn't keen on it. After his consiousness entered the Hive Mind, we knew why. He was Agent R from Section 31."

Suddenly I look up, alerted to the name of the secret group that operates within Starfleet. "Them? What did he know."

"Apparently, none of them know each other's name except that of Luther Sloan." Queenie answered, "They only get invited to meetings through whispers and notes with invisible ink slid under the door. They even do that for the Section 31 Christmas Dinner & Dance."



"Come on!" urges Lieutenant Britney, "I've forgotten the start of the story already!"

Queenie glares at Britnery and carries on.

"What we ascertained." she tellsa us, "Is recently there had been a meeting of Section 31 top staff. They were looking at suspect people here on the Enterprise who could be trouble to the Starfleet if not dealt with. Those discussed were Locutus, Guinan, Data, Lieutenant Britney, T'Pol and Seven of Nine. In principal, they were very disdainful of the Federation/Borg peace treaty that you and I had set up, Locutus."

Britney almost chokes on her chewing gum when her name is mentioned.

"What do they plan to do?" I ask.

"They want to restart a human/Borg war, Locutus." Queenie answers, "They think as we supposedly don't know they will wipe us out."

"But you DO know." I tell her, "And that will mean the annihilation of billions."

"Precisely." smiles the Queen, "That;'s why I'm here, "Section 31 need to be stopped."



"We have the upper hand." Riker says, "We know they are planning something."

"Yes, Number One, but we don't know what. Queenie, both our forces need to be on alert for any wrongdoing. By the way, should you catch them, you have my permission to assimilate them all."

"Thank you, Locutus." the Queen answers, "But I don't think we want their sort in the Hive Mind. They are far to despicable. We do have standards, after all. Instead, we'll just vaporise them."

"Fair enough" I laugh, as Queenie turns to walk out, back to her Cube.

"Can't have anything disrupting our alliance, can we Jean-Luc?" she whispers huskily out of earshot from the others.

Sigh. She never misses an opportunity.

Deanna Abducted (Part Four)

Editors Note:

Deanna Troi has been abducted by an all-female group of mobsters named The SisterHood. These gangsters secretly control crininal activity in the city and in many other places, even into space. They have Deanna in order to replace the stripper that they liquidated as she tried to get away. Deanna has been practising in the club, The Girly GoGoBar, and is about to do her first performance as DeeDee Delmar. The Starfleet officers are trying to find the Counselor, but so far, no luck.



Guest Poster: Lieutenant Britney

"What are we doing around here., Brit?" asks T'Pol, "Deanna is hardly likely to be here, is she?"

"I know that, sweetie." I answer, "But Starfleet has hundreds of officers around. They won't miss a couple of us for half an hour."



"This must be the seediest part of San Francisco." my girlfriend complains, "Anyone wearing a flower in their hair would find it dead in seconds. Even the rats have moved out in pursuit of better accommodation."

We walk on till I find I building with a photo of a semi-naked dancer in front of it. The words 'THE GIRLY GO-GO BAR" are emblazoned on the front.

"I know we like it here, Brit." T'Pol points out, but why are we going here now?"

"Because I looked on my SpaceBook, and I read a message that a hot new dancer named DeeDee Delmar was starting tonight." I answer.

"Really?" T'Pol asks, "Then I guess we ought to be there to give her our support."

"Just what I was thinking!"" I smile, "Come on, let's go in."



The large auditorium is dark and smoky. There are many men and women all waiting for the first appearance of the new female performer.

"Ladies and gentlemen." announces a husky woman's voice over the intercom system, "The Girly GoGo Bar is proud to announce the first performance by our new artist, Miss DeeDee Delmar!"

We all cheer; being late arrivals, we are somewhat at the back. A statuesque brunette in a black dress comes on. She also has black stockings and long black gloves.

"She looks a hot one, Brit." laughs T'Pol. I agree. DeeDee effortlessly slides her gloves off and casts them away. The slow seductive music helps with the effect..

"Actually." remarks my friend, "She looks vaguely like someone we've met before. I can't place her. Let's get nearer the stage."



"Good grief!" I exclaim, "It's Deanna!". We rush forward. The Counselor is about to climb the pole wearing her underwear and stockings when she sees us. She gives us the deaf language sign of  'HELP ME'. Two burly heavies rush forward to intercept., but we kick the stage steps down and they fall. We grasp Deanna. I activate my Com. "This is Britney. Three to beam up!"

--------------

A few hours later, we are all talking with Casptain Picard.

"What I don't understand." asks the Captain to T'Pol and myself, "Is how you knew Deanna would be there in that club."

"Err..."  begins T'Pol.

"What she means, Captain." I interrupt, "Is that we err...shown her picture to a group around that area and they said she had been seen practising in the club."

"I see, most interesting." Picard comments, in a way that he doesn't believe our story, but is glad to have Deanna back.

"What about the SisterHood, Captain." Riker asks.

"They all scattered as soon as Deanna was taken., Number One." the Captain tells him, "The Girly GoGo Bar was empty when we investigated. They will reappear sometime. We need to destroy their crime syndicate."

"Come on, Will." says a tired Deanna, "Take me back to our quarters so I can sleep. Before I do, though, I want to show you a new dance I've learnt."

The two live the Ready Room. Picard raises his eyebrows, while T'Pol and I laugh out loud.