The two of us had gone undercover on the Klingon homeworld to find the names of those who wanted to threaten the treaty between the Klingon Empire and the Federation. We knew that Morbus was the leader, but we didn't know many others.
We went in, me wearing a cloak, assuming the names of two who had been in prison. What we didn't know is that they had escaped and were already in the meeting!
That's communication for you. If we had more up to date news, none of this would have happened, we would have got away, and I would be drinking Earl Grey tonight.
Now it looks like I can say goodbye to tea...and everything else.
"So" said Morbus, "You have tried to infiltrate our Cause. You must be pro-Federation Klingons, which means you shall suffer a long, lingering end."
He doesn't make it sound pleasant, does he?
"This one." a minion of his said, pointing to Worf, "He looks familiar. He might be the traitor Worf who defected from the Empire to serve on a Starfleet vessel."
Gasps of astonishment are heard from the Klingons. They are an ugly lot, and I was referring to their mood, not their appearance. Shouts ring out with all manner of grisly devices to inflict on Worf, mostly which are sharp and very painful.
Worf does not bat an eyelid.
"It is a good day to die." he declares without any emotion.
How does Worf say that? I'm quaking here.
"What about the other one." shouts another in the meeting, "Let's see who he is."
The cloak is revealed, and the rebels see me.
There is a stunned look from all the rebels as they recoil in horror at what they see.
"He's got Cheapmakeuponitis!!" yells out one Klingon, "Run before we catch it!"
Morbus tries to control them all, as the faction run in all directions, like a D'Vornak Rooster with four of his legs cut off. However, he is looking worried as well.
Mayhem increases as they head for the exits; I run after them, which only gets them more frantic.
Outside, they are greeted by Security Officers from the Enterprise, who have been secretly tracking us, together with Klingon High Council guards.
Morbus and his group are rounded up, and look relieved to be taken away from me.
Later, on the Enterprise, I have the outfit off, and look like my normal self again.
"Tell me, Mr Worf." I ask him, "Why are Klingons so terrified of this disease?"
Worf hesitates; haltingly be begins to speak.
"It was a dark time of the Klingon Empire, sir." he says, "Cheapmakeuponitis appeared in the 23rd Century. It came on a mysterious planet on the outer rim of the galaxy where the boulders were made of papier mache. It took many years to erase this disease from the Empire and return to our normal selves. Whenever the Klingons do a sensor sweep of a planet, we check to see if it has paper mache. The whole period was a great time of shame in our history, as many of our distinctive features had been erased from some families. They were ostracised."
"Err...I see." I reply.
"Please do not speak of this to anyone else, Captain." says Worf, "We want it purged from our history."
It's interesting what will terrify a Klingon!
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