Tuesday, April 17, 2007

The Klingon Homeworld (Part Two)

Guest Poster: Worf

As Captain Picard and I beamed down to the area where the faction was likely to be, I had worries.

The Captain was wearing a cloak that covered his face; it seemed to me that he was too scared to be surgically altered to a Klingon, so just had the Theatrical Department treat him. If he was seen, people would think that he was suffering from Cheapmakeuponitis, the disease that ravaged the Klingons nearly a century ago.

Naturally, we never talk about it.

The two of us had gone down to infiltrate a rebel faction of Klingons who want to wreck the treaty between the Klingon Empire and the Federation. The ringleader was a troublemaker called Morbus.


It was dark, and I could tell we were in the right area. There were many gruff people eyeing us suspiciously, and looked as if they felt like hitting us just for the fun of it.

Naturally, it was not wise to ask them if they knew where Morbus was, as they would happily slit our throats first. This I was not prepared to do. Although the Captain would never admit it, he was out of his depth here, and I had to protect him.

"What can we do to find the way, Mr Worf?" the Captain whispered a little too loudly.

"You must be careful, Sir." I advised, "Should these people find out our true identities, our lives would come to a swift end. I suggest we use false names."

"Very good" the Captain agreed, "There are two known troublemakers currently in a Klingon offworld prison. As they haven't reached this planet, they won't know what they look like. You be Zartec, and I'll be Talan. The latter has a bad scar. I'll tell them I want to keep it hidden."

I roll my eyes. Why didn't the Captain just agree to be surgically altered?

"Very well....Talan." I tell him.

We suddenly see a group of Klingons quietly converge on a building.

"That might be it." says the Captain.

"Indeed." I reply, "They are acting in a very furtive and suspicious manner. We must remember to do the same."

We approach the building; the Captain, unfortunately looks far too furtive, and draws attention to us.

"What is your friend doing?" says one Klingon to me who is going in the building.

"Err....it's his first meeting." I tell them, "He is very nervous."

He incredibly seem to accept this, and goes in; we follow.

The doorman asks for our names.

"Zartec and Talan." I tell them, "We have just escaped from Klingon prison."

The doorman eyes us suspiciously, whispers to a friend and tells us we can enter.

In the room there is a large gathering of Klingons. We recognise some known agitators and also some supposedly peaceful ones. It's those we need to inform the High Council and the Federation about.

Two Klingons are in a position of authority with Morbus; he stands up and introduces them.

"Fellow agitators." he begins, "I want to introduce two heroes to the Cause, they are Zartec and Talan. They escaped from Klingon prison."

That is unfortunate. Why didn't we pick two other names?

"Two here have tried to get in and impersonate them; they are over there."

He points in our direction and we are seized.

To be continued...


Editors Note:

The wonderful Eastcoastlife has given me this awful meme to fill in, so here goes...

Layer One:On The Outside
Name : Jean Luc Picard
Birth Date : er.. ah... January... coming soon!
Current status : unattached
Eye Colour : Greeny
Hair Colour : Greyish dark
Righty or Lefty : Lefty

Layer Two :On The Inside
Your Heritage : English
Your Fears : The unknown
Your Weakness : lasagna
Your Perfect Pizza : I don't like pizza

Layer Three :Yesterday, Today , Tomorrow
Your Thoughts First thing when I wake up : Who am I?
Your Bedtime : early
Your Most Missed Memory : Mother

Layer Four : Your Pick
Pepsi or Coke : Neither
McDonald’s or Burger King : Neither
Single or Group Dates : Single (romantic and then .......)
Adidas or Nike : Never
Tea or Nestea : Coffee
Chocolate or Vanilla : Strawberry!
Cappucino or Coffee : Coffee

Layer Five : Do You..
Smoke : No way.
Curse: No way
Take a shower : Do you think I'm filthy?
Have a crush : Oh yes...
Think you’ve been in love: Yes..
Go to school : I'm a little old for that!
Want to get married : With the right girl
Believe in yourself : A person needs to
Think you’re a health freak : No way...'experts' keep saying things are bad for you!

Layer Six : In The Past Month
Drank alcohol : Never
Gone to the mall : Occasionally
Been on stage : Nope
Eaten sushi : No
Dyed your hair : No, but it might be a good idea with the grey in it!

Layer Seven : Have You Ever..
Played A Stripping Game : No....er, how do you play?

Changed Who You Were To Fit In : No, they take me as I am!

Layer Eight : Age
You’re Hoping To Be Married : At my age, before I crumble to dust!

Layer Nine : In a Girl
Best Eye Colour : Hazel
Best Hair Colour : Black
Short Hair or Long Hair : long straight hair

Layer Ten : What Were You Doing
1 Min Ago : Still doing this!!
1 Hour Ago : Eating
4.5 Hours Ago : Working in office
1 Month Ago : How should I know?
1 Year Ago: I can't remember last year!

Layer Eleven : Finish The Sentence
I Love : blogging
I Feel : worn out
I Hate : tax
I Hide : if I told you it wouldn't be hidden, would it?
I Need : friends on the internet!

Layer Twelve : Tag five people.. I'm not doing that!


mrsmogul said...

Reminds me of when I was getting in through the velvet ropes at clubs.

I hate when people try to impersonate me!

The Curmudgeon said...

If Cheapmakeuponitis turns out to be contagious, the Captains decision not to be surgically altered may be your saving grace....

Mother Jones RN said...

I love reading this story. I'll looking forward to part 3.


Linda said...

Fascinating ... though using two known names was highly illogical, Captain. Can't wait to see how you and Mr. Worf get out of this one!

Anonymous said...

Here Captain, will it help to pray? Here's Psalm 23 translated into the Klingon language:

leghtaH vaD bom
[A] bom Sum [David]
joH'a' ghaH wIj DevwI'
jIH DIchDaq Hutlh pagh
ghaH chen jIH Qot bIng Daq SuD tI yotlh
ghaH Dev jIH retlh vIHHa' bIQmey
ghaH chenqa' wIj qa'
ghaH Dev jIH Daq [the] Hemey vo' QaQtaHghach vaD
[ his] [name’s] chIch
'ach 'a' jIH yIt vegh [the] ngech vo' [the]
[ shadow] vo' Hegh
jIH DichDaq taHvIp ghobe' mIghtaHghach vaD SoH 'oH tlhej jIH
lIj DevwI' naQ je lIj naQ chaH belmoH jIH
SoH ghuH [a] SopDaq qaSpa' jIH Daq [the] Daq
[ of] wIj jaghpu'
SoH [anoint] wIj nach tlhej Hergh
wIj HIvje' qettaH Dung
DIch QaQ je muSHa'taH pung DIchDaq tlha'
[ me] Hoch [the] jajmey vo' wIj yIn
je jIH DichDaq yIn Daq [Yahweh’s] tuq reH

Hope this helps...

Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator said...

Oh why didn't you just get the surgery Captain? You were altered to look like a Romulan once.

squirrel said...

Oh Captain!! Hurry with the rest of the story i'm much worried for you and Worf those Klingons are very mean!

Barbara said...

That Picard sure is fouling up this away mission.

Titania Starlight said...

That was awesome! You know what I am going to do next, the meme addict that I am? Thanks for sharing a part of yourself. :o)

eastcoastlife said...

Thanks Captain Picard,
I'm getting to know you a little more. :)

Lahdeedah said...

I am still confused why you always get sent to the Klingon homeworld.

Nothing good ever happens to Enterprise captains on the Klingon homeworld.

I am trying to think, nope, nothing good happening to a captain of the enterprise on teh Klingon home world comes to mind.

susan said...

Perhaps they'll just give you a pint of Blood Wine and send you on your way .............. but then again, may be not!

The Mistress of the Dark said...

Cheapmakeuponitis....everytime I see the word I laugh.

Ellee said...

It's another glorious day on Planet Earth, it made me wonder whether the weather changes much in space due to climate change, do you have any idea?

I agree with Layere 11, btw.

Kelly said...

ooooooo a cliff hanger!

...and thanks for not tagging all of us!lol

Jaime H. said...

If you get into trouble, Captain, you can always send for Jack.


Jean-Luc Picard said...

Jaime, you may have the answer.

Ellee, that is true about layer 11. We don't have a lot of weather in space.

Susan, I doubt we'll get bloodwine as well.

Eastcoastlife, glad you like my answers.

Titania, you're a real meme addict!

Barbara, it seems I'm not doing well on this mission!

WindWhisperer, you have a good Klingon knowledge. Perhaps you should have gone with Worf instead?

Curmudgeon, be sure to see Part 3.

Catherine said...

Jean-Luc! I had no idea you had a blog. So good to catch up with you.

Please tell Riker that whenever you yell "Fire at Will!" I always scream "noooooo!!!!!"

Yes, Treki geeks are sometimes just plain geeks.

Merlyn Gabriel said...

Captain! Wow, you sure know how to keep us hanging on the edge of our seats.

The meme was fun! I put it up on my LJ blog just for fun!

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