Tuesday, April 03, 2007

Holodeck Cinema

Bev and I are going for a date in the holodeck. We have programmed it so that it looks like an authentic 20th century cinema.

We both enter the holodeck and pay at the box office with our money. The movie that we are scheduled to see is 'The Wizard Of Oz'.

The man in the box office gives us a sneer and sends us in.

It's a real flea-pit of a location; why can't we have a more tidier cinema? Even the holes in the carpets look like they have holes in them.

Bev treads in a few unmentionable things.

"Jean-Luc." she whispers, "This isn't exactly err...."

"I know" I reply, "Let's see how it goes, and I'll give some instructions for Data to tweak it up a little."

Suddenly there is a blinding flash; the usual sort we get when invaders are coming aboard. It looks like trouble.

We can't get out of the holodeck or communicate with the Bridge.

"What's happened, Jean-Luc?" Bev asks.

"I'll soon tell you my pretty!" barks a voice from the screen.

A green skinned figure looks at us. It's certainly not an Orion Slave Girl. Maybe it's what their mothers look like?

"You two are in REAL trouble now" she shouts, "That anomoly the Enterprise passed through has made me real and self-aware. From now on, I, the Wicked Witch of the West will be calling the orders."

"I'm the Captain!" I reply angrily.

"In name only!" she laughs with a mad cackle, as a winged monkey comes forward towards us both.

Bev screams and hides under the seat.

"I've locked the cinema doors while I tell you what will be happening now." the Witch tells me, "The Federation will be bowing to me when we get to a starbase.

This looks like trouble, until I remember the movie; I whisper to Beverly, who is still under the seat as the monkey is trying to attack her.

"Have you got the bottled water, Bev" I whisper. She points it out. As the Witch advances, I pour it all over.

She gives a horrendous scream, worse than the one Deanna gave when we saw an Elvarian mouse.

Gradually, the Witch disappears into nothingness; the holodeck doors open again.

"Beverly" I say with a smile, as we leave, "The next time we go one a date, a romantic film might be a good idea."


The Curmudgeon said...

Or you can make sure there are no subspace anomalies on your flight path when you go into the Holodeck. Have you thought perhaps of some shielding for the Holodeck? Maybe aluminum siding might work....

Anonymous said...

May I suggest one of my ramped up visions projected onto the holodeck screen?...Just not the one that's happening just right now, it's terribly sad.

sister celtic said...


Deathstroke said...

Evian Water, fresh mineral water from the French Alps because even Captains get thirsty.
Evian...live young.
Sponsered by the USS Enterprise.

Isn't it beautiful?

Titania Starlight said...

What a great ending. Beverly remebered the water. But how would she know that? Hmmmm? I guess the Wizard of Oz will always be a classic. :o)

Professor Xavier said...

I hope you kept your receipt for that holodeck. Seems like it malfunctions a lot.

Linda said...

Captain Picard to the rescue - what a classic! And just for the record, that is ONE witch that I wouldn't want to deal with in way, shape, or form! She's given me the heebie-geebies since I was a kid and still does!

Barbara said...

That was a heckuva date!

Gyrobo said...

I've always disagreed with the physics of the Wizard of Oz universe.

I mean, water allergies? Where's the evolutionary advantage there? Is she carbon based?

These questions should have been addressed by the author.

Merlyn Gabriel said...

Well, Captain, that sounds like a pretty rough date.

Next time I suggest your cabin and a holo projector...


The Mistress of the Dark said...

Lions and tigers and wicked witches, OH MY!

Jaime H. said...

Captain, you're just not having much luck in dealing with psychotic women who boot you from command.

squirrel said...

I had many a nightmares of that witch as a child!

Jean-Luc Picard said...

Jaime, you're right about the psychotic women!

MOTD, sorry that Norton could'nt allow me to use Haloscan. Barbara has kindly told me the solution.

Merlyn, you might be right there!

Gyrobo, this isn't a science lecture!

Linda, she scares me as well!

Professor, the holodeck does seem to go wrong a lot.

Titania, EVERYBODY knows about the effect water has on the Oz witches.

Deathstroke, a good ad there.

Sister Celtic, thanks for visiting. I will take a look.

Curmudgeon, if we knew where they were we wouldn't have anomoly problems.

Empress Bee (of the High Sea) said...

well jean luc did the concession stand at least have good chocolate?

smiles, bee

mrsmogul said...

This is not to sound mean at all but my mother-in-law looks like a witch! she's not green though just gray.

What does an Elvarian mouse look like?? I would freak!

Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator said...

Good job, Cap. The way I see it, youb could have splashed the witch with water or dropped a house on her. Water seems easier.

Michael Manning said...

Sounds like a lesson learned!

Summer Dawn O'Ciardha said...

Captain... You killed a witch... That's... That's terrible... Are we that expendable to you, that you just go around throwing water on people?

I'm hurt... Would you throw water on me, if I randomly popped out of a screen and said I was taking over?

(And don't bother saying you know me, and you know I would do the same...)

I'm so-hurt right now...

That poor witch... That poor green puddle of goo...

Jean-Luc Picard said...

Bee, good chocolate is worth finding.

Mrs M, you would scream if you were approached by an Elvaren mouse!

Jon, Beverly didn't happen to have a house with her, but she did have water.

Summer, many apologies. Witches should not be killed, but this one definately had an attitude problem.

You can be sure that you wouldn't get any water from me.

Paperback Writer said...

See? That's why people should always carry a bottle of water!

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Anonymous said...

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Anonymous said...

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