Sunday, October 08, 2006

Captain Beverly (Part One)

Riker, Data and myself are traveling back to the Enterprise in a shuttle after one of those interminable conferences.

The downside of having a commanding role is attending these awful meetings.

Suddenly a buzzer is going loudly; whatever it is telling us, it's not telling us to have a nice day.

"There is a giant ion storm approaching; It is heading right for us, Captain." says Data in a voice that is close that he can get to panic without actually being so.

"Turn round Data!" shouts Riker, "Get out of here!"

It is too late, and the storm hits us, rocking the ship, with all sorts of electrical buzzes; like the sort one sees in the old 'Frankenstein' movies.

Why is it, in the vast emptiness of space, are we so easily able to pick up anomalies and ion storms? I'm beginning to think Starfleet vessels must have a kind of magnetism.


Eventually, the shuttle limps it's way to the Enterprise; it looks a little odd from where I am, as it is a pinky colour. There also appears to be a badge of a man lying unconscious, with a woman standing triumphant over him.

It must be my imagination after the effects of the ion storm.


I wake up in SickBay, along with Riker, Data is there, but he is looking concerned. A woman is tending to our minor injuries, which are healed.

"Where's Beverly?" I ask her.

The woman looks shocked, as if I have told her to go in the airlock and leave the ship.

"You can't talk about the Captain like that!" she say, "Don't you realise that..."

"Why are these men in Command uniforms?" shouts a voice as she enters.

She is dressed in an all-red outfit, an had four buttons on, indicating a Captain's rank.

"Beverly" I say, "What is going ..."

She looks disgusted, and slaps me hard across the face. It seems I can't finish my senteces around here.

"You will address me as Captain Howard" she tells me. I recall that 'Howard' was her maiden name before she married Jack Crusher. He was killed later on.

"I think something happened in the ion storm, Bev...I mean Captain Howard; this does not seem to be the place we intended to be. I'm Captain Jean-Luc Picard, and this is Commander Riker and Lieutenant Commander Data."

"The brig is where you will end up if you keep making outrageous claims like that." Beverly tells me, "You will put on the uniforms of an ensign, as that is the only role a man is allowed to have on this ship."

Deanna walks in; she is in a red uniform as well; the three pips tell me she is is the Commander of this vessel.

Riker looks relieved.

"Deanna!" he exclaims, "Strange things have been happening late..."

"You will address me as Commander Troi!" she orders him, and Riker receives the customary slap on the face, and is not able to finish his sentence.

"Give these three men Ensign uniforms" Beverly tells Deanna, "And give them some menial job that is suitable for them; something especially derogatory,"

"Yes, Captain Howard" Deanna replies, and takes us out.

With no slight exaggeration, it looks like we have a few problems.

To be continued....


Authors note:

I have been sent this Meme by Nic, so will now (attempt) to complete it:

3 smells that I love:

fresh clothesl

3 smells that I hate:

filthy places
dirty wastebins
unclean beds

3 jobs that I have had in my life:

Helping my father when he was newsagent
Being a son

3 movies that I could watch over and over:

The Lord Of The Rings trilogy
The Hours
The Godfather trilogy

3 fond memories:

Looking at the Great Pyramids of Giza
My first day at work
Standing on top of the Empire State Building

3 jobs I would love to have:

Creative consultant

3 places I have lived:

West Bromwich
Great Barr

3 things I like to do:

Watch movies

3 of my favorite foods:

Mixed grill
Hamburger...the bigger the better!

3 places I would like to be right now:

On the Nile
Touring the USA
Meeting all my blogfriends

3 websites I visit daily:

Professor Xavier
(and many, many more!)

3 things that make me cry:

A weepy movie
The thought of anything bad happening to relatives and friends
Certain lyrics to songs that touch my heart and soul

3 friends that I am tagging:

I don't tag!


Maverick said...

lol, god I used to LOVE The Next Generation!

Saying hello from Michele's!

Paige said...

You are so kind to visit me. Have a good remainder of the weekend & hopefully a good week to follow.

Justice said...

oh looks like you are in a matriarch society i learned that in school

Anonymous said...

Holy sarlacc captain, I go away for the weekend and look what happens!

I can't imagine how you are gonna get out of this and right now my brain is too tired to try.... all ican say is the Empire sure knows how to party and I have been well taught!

cheers and waves

squirrel said...

Cool women ruling the universe! Make 'em mop too!

Darth Nepharia said...

Jean-Luc, looks as if you have your work cut out for you. Oh, and keep your eyes on the floor or you could be punished for insubordination.

Lahdeedah said...

Oh man,

They are going to have to arrange flowers, aren't they?

Summer Dawn O'Ciardha said...

Now that is a perfect world. Men are the lesser. We should have that nowadays.

Put him in his place Captain Howard. Don't take his back-sass (Sorry Captain Picard, but I have to pick the woman's side, if I don't all that will be left of me is some mumbling peasant speaking about how I was dragged off for betraying our sex.)

Nic said...

Oh dear. Looks like another fine mess there on the ship.


UngaMan said...

just hope you will not going to wear
those silly skirts again Captain...

you know... that episode were women... well... good luck

:: hidding inside a closet, trying to avoid those 3 red-shirt females walking on the corridor ::

Ellee said...

I hope the storm that hit you was nothing to do with a nuclear bomb being tested by N Korea?

Erifia Apoc said...

Just so you know, Captain. Its hard being the superior Sex. We've got to clean up after your mistakes all the time.

Sleepless Mama said...

Poor Ensign Picard...

You have a point about all those crazy anomalies. I wonder if all the electro-magnetic energy a starship outputs really does attract these things?

The Curmudgeon said...

Why is it, in the vast emptiness of space, are we so easily able to pick up anomalies and ion storms? I'm beginning to think Starfleet vessels must have a kind of magnetism.

Tornados always seem to his trailer parks, too, Captain, and I would have thought that by the 24th Century the scientific explanation for that phenomenon might have been established. My thought is that your recent experience is simply an interstellar manifestation of a similar principle.

mar said...

A pretty face can solve major problems...
No, wait, Helena of Troy had a pretty face and caused major problems...
Good luck, captain!!!

Jean-Luc Picard said...

That's just great! I'm in this mess and you are on Captain Howard's side!

Jana said...

Now if anybody can get Captain Howard to acknowledge her femininity, it's you Jean-Luc. Don't let her get away with this!

Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator said...

I can't believe that you're insinuating that just because it's an alternate reality run by women that they're running around painting everything pink. women like other colors too like rose and, uh, fuscia, and very. very light red.

Professor Xavier said...


When I saw my name there towards the end I was worried I had been tagged!

Thanks for sparing me, Captain.

Anonymous said...

Henchy here.

I think the ladies all need bubble baths and foot rubs.

Dental for all.

Dr.Polaris rules.

Florence said...

aww, Henchy is so sweet, he should be promoted.

But it seems you have shifted into the Slap lipstick alt. universe, Captain. I don't think slapping is appropriate though. My friends and I have often discussed why we put men first; we feel sorry for them, and a little embarrassed for them. If they can amuse us then we don't mind them so much. the terrible truth. So try to be charming but in a non-condescending way and someone might help.

Though I shouldn't wonder why you haven't garnered any viewer sympathies, lol.

as always xxx

Jean-Luc Picard said...

Florence, hopefully the next episode should espouse the thought of equality and all men and women shoukld be equal.

Osquer said...

Problems indeed, Captain! Turn on that charm!

I'm honored by the mention! Thank you!

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