Today, I've got an unpleasant task ahead of me; I have to visit the Enterprise classroom.
As you may be aware, I've never been comfortable around children; they always make me very nervous. It's hard to talk to them. Give me an angry alien to fight any day!
I approach the classroom, and can hear Miss Parrish, the schoolteacher talking to the children.
"Now today is an important day," she says, "Captain Picard will be making a personal visit to this classroom, so I want you to be on your best behaviour."
A rousing cheer goes up as I enter the room.
Miss Parrish, who is looking a little pale, comes up to me and smiles.
"The children have been looking forward to your visit, Captain. They are keen to ask you questions."
As I get ready, I notice that Miss Parrish looks very ill.
"Are you all right?" I ask. Why I say that, I don't know, when I can see she looks like she's been to a blood bank and couldn't say "no".
"I'm going to have to leave, Captain." she replies, "There is no other teacher around today, but don't worry, the children will be fine under your care."
With that, she runs out, holding her mouth.
Suddenly I'm faced with 2o children looking at me.
"Errr...hello." I say to them.
"Good morning, Captain Picard." they all say in unison.
Well they seem trained enough. I was going to call Deanna for help, bit these look easy enough handle.
"What lesson was Miss Parrish going to talk to you about, today?" I ask them.
"The human reproductive system." says one young boy, as everyone else giggles. I can see he will be trouble in this classroom.
"Err...I think we'll move on another subject." I reply, "What is your name?"
"Let's look at mathematics; what stage are you at?
"Quadratic equations and trigonomic theories as expressed with warp drive engines."
What's that mean?
"Err...I think we'll leave that until Miss Parrish returns." I tell them, "And rather than encroach on her skills, we'll go back to the question and answer session that we were meant to have before Miss Parrish left us. Put your hand up, tell me your name and the question you have, and I'll do my best to answer it."
Lots of hands go up, including Jeremy's. As I know I won't like his question, I do my best to avoid him.
"Amy. Do you like being Captain?" "Yes I do."
"Jessica. Have you killed scary aliens?" "Yes I have."
"Kevin. Does Commander Data have a spare battery in case he runs out of energy?". "His positronic brain takes care of all that."
And so it goes on. Jeremy is still putting his hand up, while I answer everyone else. Eventually, there is no alternative. I have to let him ask.
"Jeremy. My mom says you have the hots for Doctor Beverly Crusher. Is that right?"
I groan, but the school bell rings, and they all run out faster than the Engineering Section would if there were a Warp Core breach.
Talk about being saved by the bell.
I'll find out who Jeremy's mother is; she will be going on some unpleasant duty rosters.