1100th Post!

Who can believe this is the 1100th post on my Journal? It doesn't seem that long since I put my first words down. Since then, me, the Enterprise and it's crew have come through an unforgettable series of adventures, weddings, births and all manner of events.

In fact I can remember when,.....

"Oh liven it up, Jean-Luc!"

What's that?  I turn round, then continue...

I wonder if anyone remembers the time three years ago.....

"Come on, Jean-Luc, you'll have everybody leaving in droves!"

I turn round again; this time a figure appears.



"Go away, Q!" I snap," I'm trying to do this. It's my 1100th post, and can hardly do this if you blink and make my clothes disappear, like you usually do."

"Now that WOULD make this post interesting and give everybody a good laugh." Q comments, "But I know what you're doing, so Im here to contribute some ideas to our post.."

"You can contribute by vanishing into thin air, Q" I tell him, "This is certainly not YOUR post."

"Well, so far, your speech is very dull, Jean-Luc" Q observes, "I remember that lecture you did at Starbase Academy for the Cadets. It was all about 17th century archaeology digs in the Loire Valley region of France. Not exactly a crowd-puller, was it? The Cadets started leaving, claiming they were late for another class!"

I grumble, as I recall the incident. Some people just don't appreciate archaeology.

"Let's liven the Post up!", Jean-Luc, "This will get more watching."



"Q!" I exclaim, "This is meant to be a serious relection on my my previous posts!"

"Well, wasn't this woman in a recent post when you and Beverly visited Santa Claus in a holodeck program?" asks Q.

"I suppose so." I grudgingly admit.

"So it is a reflection on your past posts?" he tells me with a laugh.

Bev comes in.



"Hello, Jean-Luc" she asks, then sees Q, "What is HE doing here?"

"Being an annoyance." I tell her, "I'm trying to do my 1100th post, but he has just been trouble."

"Hello Beverly" Q says with a smile, "You do look starchy in that official uniform. Let me change it for you."

There is a sudden flash, and Bev reappears looking very different.



"Thank you, Q" Bev says, "It saves me getting ready for my date with Jean-Luc tonight in the French restaurant holodeck program."

"Yes, well.." I grudgingly say, "You do look gorgeous, Bev. Thank you, Q."

I turn around and Q has gone.

"Now I can do the 1100th post." I say.

"Space almost complete" the computer warns.

"Oh, well that's it, then" I comment.

"Come on and let's get in early to the French restaurant, Jean-Luc." Bev laughs, "We can celebrate your 1100th post with a bottle of Arkan '24."

Q & Y (Part Three)

Guest Poster: Q

I musr admit, at this moment, I'd rather be in the cinema cuddling my girlfriend Q.

Instead, I find myself doing battle with a member of the Y Continuum. If I lose, the Q Continuum, plus those in the carbon universe, where Picard and the others come from will be obliterated.

So no pressure there, then.

-------------------

Y and I appear on the plain of a bare planet. We face each other.



"COMMENCE!" Y commands boldly.

Promptly I turn myself into a giant waterpipe and douse the flames emitting from Y. In a second, all the flames are restored.

"IS THAT THE BEST YOU CAN DO?" Y laughs mockingly, "DISPOSING OF YOU WILL BE EVEN EASIER THAN I IMAGINED."

It looks like I've got to stop being Mr Charming. All these years with Jean-Luc and Kathryn must have softened me up.

"I can take anything you throw at me." I tell Y firmly, although inside my knees are quaking like coconut shells being put together. Y marces forward, waving his sword, about to split me in two.

I sidestep quickly and change shape.



"NOT VERY ORIGINAL." Y comments to me.

"Maybe not." I reply, "But it will put paid to you, "I learned how to swordfight when taking part in the All-Comers Gladiator competition in the days of the Roman Empire on Earth. The winner doesn't get fed to the lions."

I lunge forward with my sword, but Y sweeps it aside with his. I run over to grab it. Y towers over me, but I grab the sword andquickly lunge my blade into his body.

"ARRRGHHH!!!!" Y screams, as he totters around. I have to be careful he doesn't fall on top of me. That would do enough damage by itself.

Y continues to totter around, holding on to his wound, like a ham actor in a bad movie making sure his dying sequence will be remembered.

Eventually he slumps to the ground, dead, and the whole planet starts to shake.

--------------

I appear back on the Bridge of the Enterprise.



"Well done, Q." Picard says, "You've saved the universe, and your own Continuum. Thank you."

"Did my ears hear that correctly, Jean-Luc?" I say, "Did you actually thank me? This is indeed a red-letter day. As much as I'd like to stay around, I have a girlfriend to date in the back row of the Q Continuum cinema. Bye for now."

With that, I vanish, leaving the Bridge crew weating Mexican sombreros...and nothing else!

Q & Y (Part Two)

Editors Note:

The universe has been invaded by a being from the Y Continuum, who intends to destroy it completely as it prefers it to be an empty void.  Captain Picard, knowing he cannot win against such a creature has called out for Q to intervene.

------------------



Guest Poster: Q

"Q!" shouts another member of the Continuum to me, "You'll never guess what has happened. Captain Picard needs your help!"

I nearly choke on the drink I ham having with my girlfriend Q.

"I thought I heard something." I mention, "But as Picard has never asked me for anything in the past, I assumed I was mistaken. In fact I was going to arrange an appointment at the Continuum ear clinic."

"Well, it's true."

"In that case, I'd better get down there." I say, "This sort of thing happens rarely."

---------------

The next moment I appear on the Bridge of the Enterprise.

"Greetings mon Capitano!" I say in my usual cheery voice, "What can Q do for you?"

I look at all the Bridge crew, and instead of them looking at me, they all have their eyes affixed to the large video screen behind me. Slowly I look round.



"Oh." I say quietly.

"Q, YOU PATHETIC INDIVIDUAL" Y says to me, "YOUR MISERABLE CONTINUUM SHALL BE ERASED FROM EXISTANCE ALONG WITH THIS UNIVERSE."



"You two know each other then?" Riker comments somewhat sarcastically.

"Yes." I reply, "The Q and Y Continuums have always been opposed to each other. While the Qs are all warm and cuddly like me, the Ys are vicious and nasty. Not the type you want to meet on a dark night...or at all for that matter."

Picard laughs.

"The Q's warm and cuddly?" he comments, "I hardly think so. That Continuum has been more trouble..."

"Compared to the Ys, mon Capitano." I reply, then turn to Y.

"Shall we settle this over a friendly game of poker, Y?" I ask.

"NO." he replies firmly, "EVERYONE KNOWS HOW YOU CHEAT AT CARDS."

"Oh." I say, some what disappointed, "I hope you hadn't heard about that."

"HOWEVER." Y says with a laugh, "WE COULD DO BATTLE. IF YOU WIN I SHALL LEAVE YOU, THIS UNIVERSE AND THE CONTINUUM ALONE. IF I WIN, IT WILL ALL BE DESTROYED."

"That is high stakes." I say, "I suppose I have no choice."

To be continued...

Fifth Blogaversary!

Are the doors closed?

Good, I can begin recording this important milestone. 

I can hardly believe that I've been telling the tales of what happens on the Enterprise for five while years now, Do you realise that's the same length of time as James Tiberius Kirk was given to explore strange new worlds etc. here's a picture of him:



He's the Captain who managed to get a different girl every week. Some silly woman would innocently ask "What is love?" and he'd promptly show them. Nowadays, anyone doing that would get a sexual harassment charge on their record and be dispatched to the nearest penal colony before being checked to see whether he 'caught something' in his actions.

I'm sorry. I've strayed completely off my train of thought. I'd better begin my speech. I have it written here over several pages, so here it is:

"It was five years ago, on April 30th, when Captain Picard's Journal was born. Firstly it started as small entries, but gradually developed into what you see today. I remember an occasion when..."

"BOR-ING!!!"

"What?" I say suddenly.

"BOR-ING!!" repeats the voice, "You'll have the viewers switching off in droves if you're going to tell drivel like that!"



"Q!" I sigh, "I should have guessed it was you! Go and bother someone else, I've got an impoertant job here."

"I realise that, Mon Capitano." he answers, "You can't possibly do a Fifth Blogaversary speech like that. Don't you recall that when you did the speech at the Admiral's Conference, more than three quarters of them had got out to go to the bar before you were a third of the way through."

Q's right, although I had forgotten about that.

"You don't want all the readers to have moved on to another blog before finishing this one, do you, Jean-Luc?" he asks, "You want them to put a Comment?"

"Of course, but..."

"Make the speech livelier!" Q insists, "Otherise I could do the speech for you, threaten the readers by turning them into Ilvinian Toads if they do not leave a sparkling comment."

"You can't do that, Q!" I protest.

"Of course I can, Jean-Luc."

I sigh.

"Please don't" I ask, "I'm sure they wouldn't appreciate the action."

"All right, Jean-Luc." Q says, "How about if we put this picture of a girl in a bikini on?"

"No!"

"How about a picture of Beverly Crusher in a bikini?"

"Deinately not!" I say firmly.

"You're hard to please, Mon Capitano." Q says, "I can't stay anyway, as my girlfriend Q have a date. Are you sure about the Ilvinian Toads?"

"Absolutely." I reply.

"And Beverly in the bikini?"

"Even more so,"

"Very well, then. Happy Blogaversary, Jean-Luc."

Q vanishes.

Now where was I in my speech? I look thtough the pages and realise it's too much for the readers to endure.

"I think that will do nicely." I say with a smile.

------------------------

Editor's Note:

Thanks to all those who have read my blog in the last five years. It's been a pleasure doing them. Look out very soon for the 1000th post in the next couple of weeks.

Twas The Night Before Christmas...

I'm exhausted.

After all the weeks of preparation, the Enterprise Christmas Party, dressing up as Santa, and all the "Have a great time." missives via videoviewer, it's finally here.

It's Christmas Eve.

Everyone has gone to bed. I'm just looking at the Bridge, monitoring it for a few hours before Data comes in to mind the store until the early morn.

Even just travelling through space at warp speed it feels like it's Christmas Eve, Everything seems so quiet, as if they are waiting for Santa to appear.



A party hat suddenly appears on my head. I groan. I think I know what's coming.

"Ho, ho, ho, Jean-Luc." says a familiar voice.



I groan.

"Go away, Q" I tell him, "I'm too tired to be dealing with you."

"Is that any way to talk to Santa Claus?" says Q, "I might not bring you any presents."

"Yeah, sure." I say sarcastically.

"....Or I could take them away." he comments, "That Doctor Crusher has got some super treats in line for you. Firstly she has..."

"I don't want to know!" I snap back, "Now what do you want?"

"That's better." Q smiles, and transforms himself to his familiar self.



"I just want to get to bed in a short time." I complain, "So I say again, what do you want."

"It's very brief." he says, "I know you don't want to keep Doctor Crusher waiting he adds slyly with a wink. I just wanted to say Happy Christmas."

"Is that it?" I reply, slightly puzzled.

"It sure is." he tells me, "Don't think you're the only one who has to enjoy Christmas. I've got my Q girlfriend and I've been getting presents for her. Us in the Continuum might not recognise the laws of time and space, but we do know when those in this universe celebrate Christmas. We're not going to miss out on that."

"Well it's nearly Christmas Day..." I remind him.

"Is it?" he muses, and looks at a timepiece he is wearing, "My Continuum watch must be running slow. I'll have to get it mended after the holiday. Well goodbye for now, Jean-Luc. I'll see you another time."

"Happy Christmas, Q." I reply.

With that, he transforms back into Santa Claus, and has a chariot with reindeer in the front. It rises up and passes through the ship hull. I hear echoes of "Ho, ho, ho!" in the distance.

Christmas time is here!

----------------------

Editor's Note:

I wish all my readers a wonderful Christmas and a very Happy New Year.

Rebranding The Q Continuum (Part Two)

Guest Poster: Q

Has the Head Q lost his mind?

Our leader has told the Continiuum that he has been listening to focus groups and all those types who have suggested that we need to update our image to appeal to younger people. As a result, we have been renamed the Jive Continuum, our leader is the Head Jiver, and we are supposed to called each other 'Jive' from now on.

What a farce!

------------



"Our leader has been under the influence of those focus groups too much." my girlfriend Q tells me, as a group of us meet after the announcement, "We have been Qs since the year dot."

"That's true." says another, "I positively refuse to tell anyone my name is Jive. Instead of being powerful beings, we shall be seen as laughing stocks."

"Especially by Jean-Luc and Kathryn." I point out, "One of the great pleasures I have is needling those two whenever I visit. Imagine their reaction when I tell them what my new name is?"

"What can we do, sweetie?" says my girl to me, "It looks like it's too late to do anything. The Jive Continuum has been created."

"It can be un-created as well." I reply, "The Head Q might well change his mind if the right directive comes along."

Everybody laughs. They know how my mind works.

-----------

Later on, while the Head Q's secretary is on her lunch break, I sneak in and add an official directive, forged by me, but appearing to come from the focus group. It states that the instruction MUST be carried out.



"That'll shake him!" I think to myself.

----------------

A few hours later, there is another Emergency Meeting called by the Head Q. We all go to hear it.



"I have had a change of mind." declares the Head Q, "The Q Continuum will be continued to be called that, and things will be as they were before. I have fired those in the focus groups, as I believe their information was innaccurate."

He walks off and my girlfriend smiles at me.

"That's amazing!" she says, laughing, "What did you do, darling?"

"Oh, it's very easy." I said slyly, "That forged document from the focus groups said the Head Q should resign and make way for a person that appealed to the younger Q-wannabees."

"I'm sure he'd love to do that!" she concurs.

Now I can hold my head up high and pester Jean-Luc without calling myself Jive!

---------------

Editors Note:

Look out for the next post, which will be the 900th of this Journal.

Rebranding The Q Continuum (Part One)

Guest Poster: Q

My girlfriend Q and all the others in the Q Continuum have all been invited to an Address given by our Leader, the Head Q. From the rumours I've heard, ity's going to be a major announcement.



"I wonder what it will be?" Q asks, as she sprays on her Essence of Andromeda perfume, "Maybe he will be retiring?"

"I doubt that sweetheart." I reply, "The Continuum has been in existence as long as the universe, and he has always been in charge. I hardly think he is going to retire to a house in the country and put on his pipe and slippers."

The bell sounds, and all of us make our way to the Hall of Q, where important proclamations are made. I don't always hear all of them as I tend to fall asleep halfway through

With us all assembled, there is a hush when the Head Q steps forward.



As always, I can't show you his face. He is too important for the likes of you to see.

"Fellow members of the Continuum." he begins, "I have disturbing news to impart. There has been a distinct lack of new members in the last 500,000 years. We think this may be the result of the image we are portraying as omniscient beings. After consultation with focus groups, brand image experts and various media experts, I have come to the conclusion that the Continuum needs a facelift, and rebranding to a bright new image that's sellable in today's markets."

There is a gasp of astonishment around the Hall. Things have been cosy for the last......well as long as I can remember.

"The first thing we must do." continues the Head Q is rename the Continuum. From now on it will be known as the Jive Continuum, and you will all be known as Jive."

I wince. Q next to me winces as well.

"I shall be the Head Jiver." says the Head Q, "We shall also have an attractive catchprase..."Geet in tune with the Jivers and dominate the universe."

"It really rolls off the tongue!" says another Q sarcastically.

"What are we gonna do?" My girl asks me, "Everybody will laugh at us!"

"That's true." I reply, "I would never live it down if Jean-Luc found out about it."

To be continued....

Q's Romance (Part Two)

Guest Poster: Q

My girlfriend Q and I are heading for a meeting with the leader of the Continuum after being summoned there by one of the flunkeys.

"What do you think he wants, Q?" my girl asks me, "If you ask me, we ought to be worried."

"Don't worry, sweetie." I reply, "He probably just wants my advice on something. After all, I've never seen the Head Q with a female. Perhaps he wants to know my technique.



She laughs. "Oh, Q. you're incorrigable!"

--------

We enter the Great Hall and approach our Leader.



"Q and Q." he bellows, "You may both come forward."

We walk towards him. He's got a fearsome front, hasn't he? It kind of reminds me of Dorothy approaching the Wizard of Oz.

"I have heard rumblings of your behaviour." the Head Q continues, "You are carrying out disruptive behaviour together."

"Err...yes sir." I say quietly, "But we do say sorry afterwards."

"Indeed?" our leader comments, "Am I also led to believe that you two Qs are in love?"

My girl steps forward.

"That is right, Great Leader." she confirms.

"This is most unusual." he booms, "The Q Continuum is eternal. It does not allow for romance between it's members."

"It can always happen." I say, looking at my sweetie, who approaches and holds my hand, then kisses me,"

"I did not bring a sick bag." the Head Q comments, "However I am all for the raising of morale in the Continuum, so you may continue your romance."

"Thank you!" we both shout, and leave when we are directed out.

---------

"That's wonderful, sweetie." I say to her, "Our romance has been blessed by the Head Q."

"Delightful, my darling Q-sy woozie." she replies, "Let's go to Voyager and make it travel the wrong way again."

"Perfect!"

Q's Romance (Part One)

Guest Poster: Q

Times have been very interesting recently, since I started my romance with the female Q.

Not that we in the Continuum can measure time, of course. It's just a figure of speech. But all in all, it has been a good time.

Naturally, that doesn't mean I haven't been terrorising people in the universe. Of course I have, but my love has joined me in doing it, and seems to have that wicked sense of humour that I do. Poor Jean-Luc and his merry minions were left dazed when she swapped the warp engine and put that of a 1950's Chevrolet there instead. Kathrn didn't know what to do when Q rearranged all the sensor calibrations. Voyager didn't know if it was coming or going!

"Darling!" says a charming voice behind me.



"Q!" I exclaim, "How are you, my sweety weety?"

"All the better for seeing you, Q-sy woozy!" she replies in a playful way, "Whose life shall we make a misery now?"

"Well, I don't know." I say in a slight twinkle., "How about if...

"Q and Q" a voice says behind me.




I look, and can see it's the Q who is our Leader's head flunkey. He has adopted the appearance of a Vulcan as he thinks it makes him look more officious.


Snob.


"Listen you two." he sneers, "The Head Q wants to see you right away. He's not happy, I can tell you that."


He smirks, as he knows the two of us are in for it. The Head Q's flunkey is disliked more than the police did Internal Affairs or the Feds in the 20th and 21st century.


"Come on, sweetie." I say to my love, "Let's see what the Head Honcho wants."


To be continued...

Q's Valentine Date (Part Two)

Guest Poster: Q

Well I know when I'm not wanted!

All I wanted to do was take my date, a rather attractive female Q to the Enterprise Valentine Party. Would't you know it, Jean-Luc was on guard, making sure I didn't cause any mischief.

To tell the truth, I was more interested in having a slow dance with my date than causing mayhem on the Enterprise. The stuffy Captain throws us off.

Yes, I know what you're thinking. As we are beings from the Q Continuum, we could do anything to create a little havoc in retaliation. I didn't feel like it tonight.



"Oh, Q, sweetie." says my date, "We just aren't welcome anywhere."

"I can't think why." I reply, "It's not as if we're any trouble. Some people just can't take a joke. When we went to the restaurant, it was fun to make the waiters walk backwards."

"That's true." the female Q answers, "And when we made the waiter's clothes vanish, we did give him a menu to cover his embarrassment. Not everybody would do that."

"Of course not, dear Q." I continue, "But the question still remains. What shall we do with our date. Wwe could always go in for some serious lip-locking."

"A little later." she answers, "I want to have some fun on the Enterprise first. I can see that in their cinema they are showing Casablanca in the late-night screening. Why don't we go their and change things a little?"

My date explains what she means and I laugh. Why had I never thought of this?

-------------

Looking into the cinema, we see the senior staff watching the screen. Picard and Beverly Crusher are only seeing parts of it as they are more interested in kissing each other.

The female Q and I merge ourselves into the screen so that we control what Humphrey Bogart and Ingrid Bergman are saying....it's coming up to the big scene...



Rick: I'm saying it because it's true. Inside of us, we both know you belong with Victor. You're part of his work, the thing that keeps him going. If that plane leaves the ground and you're not with him, you'll regret it. Maybe not today. Maybe not tomorrow, but soon and for the rest of your life.

Ilsa: But what about us?

Rick: Yeah, maybe you're right, we'll send your husband packing on the plane, while you and I make sweet music together here in Casablanca.

Ilsa: Oh, Rick, I love you!

Rick: Ilsa, I think this is going to be the start of a beautiful friendship!

(they kiss and the movie ends...)

-----------

The senior staff all wake up from a semi-slumber, realising the movie hasn't ended the same way.

"What's going on?" Picard demands to know, as he stands up, Beverly falling on the floor as he does."

"You should have let my Q into the Dance." my date says, "Now you have two Q's to pester you."

We vanish back to the Continuum. I'm so proud of my Q. What a woman!

Q's Valentine Date (Part One)

Guest Poster: Q

I'm really nervous.

Even though I'm a superbeing from the Q Continuum, where everybody lives indefinately, I'm still nervous. The butterflies in my stomach are reaching a crescendo.

Why? I'm about to ask Q out for a date.

Yes, I know it's confusing when every being in the Continuum has the same name, but I assure you, I'm crazy about the woman! When she wears that Essence of Andromeda perfume, I'm hers.

I know what you're thinking. We can both adapt ourselves to look like any creature in the universe, so how can I be attracted to just one female Q?

Well, both she and I have a penchant for looking like humans. They are both our favourite creatures. After all, what other sort can you get maximum satisfaction from playing gags on?

Hold on. Here she comes...



Isn't she a stunner? Even far away, I can tell she's wearing that perfume again. I can tell what Jean-Luc sees in redheads.

"Hiya, Q" she says cheerily, "Great to see you again. Did you say on the Continuum Phone that you wanted to ask me something?"

I start gibbering, like a young human about to ask a girl on his first ever date.

"Err...ahhh" I start, "Well, err, I was kind of wondering, if you err, like wanted to go on a date with me?"

This is ridiculous! What a relief Jean-Luc can't see this. I'd never live it down.

"Sure I would, Q" she replies, "I've always wanted to. You seem such an attractive being in the Continuum. Much more bravado than the other beings."

I can hardly believe it.

"Shall we go to the Enterprise Valentine Party?" I ask.

"I'd love to!"

------------

We both appear on the Enterprise. All the crew are there in besy evening outfits. Jean-Luc sees me and looks in horror.



"Q!" he exclaims, "We don't want any trouble from you."

"Jean-Luc." I answer, "I'm just here to attend the party. See, Q here is my date."

"Well I feel sorry for her." the Captain answers sarcastically, "Why don't you find another place to go. Just not here."

"Come on, Q" my date tells me, "We are clearly not wanted here. Let's go somewhere else."

We are about to vanish when my date snaps her fingers. The Captain's clothes vanish just as all the senior staff are coming in.

Ah, my date is a Q after my own heart!

To be continued...

Q In The Continuum (Part Two)

Guest Poster : Q

Now that we are all assembled in the Hall of Q in the Continuum, we all have to listen to whatever our leader has to drone on about.

The trouble is, as there is no concept of time and space in this enviroment, a speech can last the equivilant of several eons in human terms. Imagine that? It's not an endearing thought, is it?

Still, it hasn't been bad so far, while we've been waiting, I did manage to get the phone number of a female Q that I fancied. Pretty good going!

Hold on...the Head Q is here.....



Naturally, I can't show you his face. I hope you understand.

"Fellow Q's" he starts, "I think it is necessary to gather you all together in this Assembly, as I have something important to say."

This sounds ominous. Are we getting a pay cut?

"It has come to my attention." the Head Q continues, "That many of you are spending too much time outside the Continuum and interfering in the running of the universe outside it."

I start to feel looked at by him. Is Q referring to me by any chance? Just because I pay a few friendly visits to Jean-Luc and Kathryn occasionally can't consitute as interfering. All right I DID play pool with a star system last week, but was that really so bad?

"Penalties will be incurred if Qs persist in this action." our leader says, "And you must not ...."

"What about me?" says the voice of a young female Q.



"If it had not been for that Q there" she says, pointing to me, "My Q potential would not have been recognised when I served on the Enterprise. Q bought me here to the Continuum."

The Head Q looks a little embarrased at this.

"Well." he says, "There are occasions when we have to go out into the universe to seek individuals with potential. That does NOT involve playing pranks on them."

He looks at me again at the mention of this.

"You are all dismissed." our leader says, and we file away.

"You'll have to watch what you do." one Q says to me.

"Nonsense." I reply, "He says that sort of thing every so often as an indicator that he's still in his job. He then retires to the Ivory Tower and we don't see him for an Age."

I go back to my Quarters.

Now what's the phone number of that female Q I saw earlier on?

Q In The Continuum (Part One)

Guest Poster: Q

"All the Qs are having an assembly." I am suddenly informed, while having a peaceful doze in the Q Continuum.

"What." I reply, "When is it?"

"Now says the Q talking to me, "You'd better get out of that sleeping position and hurry along. You might miss the start."

There's not much chance of that happening. Those in charge at the Continuum always make sure I hear it.

Such a pity really. I was just going to go and wish Jean-Luc and his minions a Happy New Year then make their clothes vanish. I know that they always like that, although they pretend not to.

Not that we in the Continuum have any worries about time and space. Being who we are, we can appear anywhere, anytime and do anything. I kind of like the look I have when I torment Jean-Luc, though. Mainly because it annoys him.

I'm digressing again. Maybe I'm getting old?

I appear in the Hall of Q to appear while the big boss gets ready to make his speech.

"Hiya, Q. I was missing you." says a female voice from behind.



"Oh, hello Q" I say. "You look lovely. A new perfume?"

"Yes, Q" she replies, "It's Essence of Andromeda."

"Well it's beautiful." I tell her, "Hope I can see you after the speech."

"Sure, Q." she answers, "Here's my phone number."

Q definately has the hots for me!

Phone books are a little curious in the Continuum. With every being having the same name, it can be a problem looking for someone's number.

A good point is that a male and female Q can never accidentally say the name of a former admirer and arouse suspicion in the throes of passion. Whoever thought of giving all in the Continuum the same name must have thinking of this!

"Here's our leader!" whispers one Q to another, "I wonder what he's going to say?"

Christmas Greetings From...

It's Christmas.

Time to hear some special Yuletide messages....

Alexander...my father has given me permission to wish you a Happy Christmas.

Beverly Crusher....goodwill to all people....Jean-Luc...I've got some mistletoe here.

Boothby...oh yeah, Happy Christmas. Just stay off the grass and no crushing the flowers.

Data...to you all and especially Jenny, I wish you a most enjoyable Chrstmas.

William Riker.....Have a great time. If you see any donuts anywhere, will you let me know?

Guinan....peace to all the creatures in the universe.



Kathryn Janeway.....Happy Christmas to those in the USS Voyager. Am I wasting my time in sending this across the universe? Will anyone hear us?

Deanna Troi...Happy Christmas, Will and mother....stay stress free...but not TOO stress free otherwise I'll be out of a job!

Lwaxana Troi...oodles of love to you all at Christmas!

Jadzia Dax...special Christmas Wishes to you all, especially my Worfie.

James T Kirk....has anyone seen the woman I'm supposed to fall in love with this week? Anyway, Happy Christmas.

Jennifer Baxter..Have a special, Christmas, Data, my darling . Hugs and kisses from your Jenny.

Lieutenant Worf....make sure you do not partake in too much alcohol consumption, otherwise my Security Team will be forced to put you in the brig.



Lore.....have a thoroughly miserable time, humans.

Karena....A Christmas greeting to all women, and also to my Life Servant husband, Wesley.

Erika Hernandez...I send you all greetings from the USS Rhode Island and...notnow, Mark, I'm trying to send this message.

Mark Hatherway...Have a really cool Yule...c'mon, Erika, here's the mistletoe.

Nexa...have a great time...except Karena, of course.

Elizabeth Shelby....I wish good health and happiness to all, except those who are blocking my promotions to the top.

Geordi La Forge....have a fab time...from me and Trisha.

Luthor Sloan...watch what you do over Christmas, because Section 31 will be watching you.

Captain Beverly Howard...may all those on the Enterprise have a terrible year, especially that copy of me.

Ro Laren....special secret kisses to my love, Gul Vorak.

Gul Vorak....an encrypted message of Christmas love to Ro Laren.

Seven of Nine....Enjoy this human festivity.

Wesley...our first Christmas married, Karena!

Ensign Britney....kiss kiss to you all, and special hugs to my soulsistah T'Pol.



Mirror T'Pol....Have a great time everybody, especially my number one girl, Brit.

Borg Queen...enjoy yourself in a reasonable manner or be assimilated.

Alpha Borg Queen....this is all very fascinating. What does one do with this mistletoe?

Ambassador Spock....I wish you a logical Christmas.

Thomas Riker...I wish you a Maquis Christmas.

Annika Hansen....special greetings from Unimatrix Zero

Borg Queen Troi....I wish you doom and destruction, which I shall happily bestow, especially on the Enterprise.

Holographic Doctor...I would sing you a suitable operatic medley, but instead shall wish you compliments of the season.

Vic Fontaine...I can sing an excellent White Christmas if you like....what? Just a message? Oh, have a good time then.

Well I think that's it. All that remains is for me to...



"Hold on, Mon Capitano. You're leaving me out again."

"Not now, Q"

"I want to be included. Don't you know your readers love me?"

"I can't think why. Very well, Q. Make it brief."

"Of course. Well on this most happy occasion, I feel honoured to be able to give this special Yuletide greeting to all those in the universe. After all that have gone before it seems that the best is last. You may remember that earlier, I said...."

"Q!!!"

"Oh very well, Jean-Luc. May you all have a most wonderful Christmas and a prosperous New Year"

He's gone. What a relief.

And after that, I extend my Christmas good wishes to you all, and the hope for a peaceful and Happy New Year.

Christmas Destinations (Part Two)

Now that I've had my cup of Earl Grey, I can resume my talk with the Senior Staff about what they will be doing over the Christmas vacation. We all reassemble in my Ready Room.

"What about you. Ro?" I ask, "Will you be visiting anyone on Bajor during the holidays?"

At this question, the young Bajoran becomes very shy, as if she is reluctant to say anything.



"Err...well..." she stutters, "I'm not sure. I might do, I'm not sure."

It's all very secretive. Prising anything out of Ro Laren is a very tough thing to do.

"Ro's got a boyfriend!" sings Ensign Britney over and over again. Ro goes red-faced, like a young schoolgirl. Has Britney hit upon the answer?

"Well, what about you, Ensign Britney?" Riker asks, "You've been teasing Ro. What about you?"



"Hey, I've got nothing to hide." answers the trouble-prone Ensign, "My soulsistah T'Pol and I will be heading to the new supernightclub Eternal on the planet Salavan. The are having a multi-night-all-you-can-eat and and dance spectacular. Days of non-stop jiving."

I raise my eyebrow, but not really surprised. It's just the sort of thing they would do.

"How about you, Geordi?" Deanna asks, "What will you be doing for Christmas?"

"Not much." he answers, "My girl Trisha and I are going skiing on the ice planet Chiili. I've always wanted to try it for real. It's not the same in the holodeck."

"Just remember that there are no safety protocols in place." I warn, "We want you back in one piece, not pieces."

We turn to Seven of Nine.

"What about you, Seven?" Bev asks, "How will you be enjoying Christmas?"



"Enjoyment is irrelevant!" says Seven, "We are the Borg, resistan..."

"Put a sock in it, Seven." Riker says, "You know the Borg Queen enjoyed her visit at the Party, and even her superior, the leader of the Borg race did, so loosen a few implants and have a good time."

"I will consider this." she says "When I visit the Borg Queen on Cube 01. I shall give her my report as to the current events."

"Then take her this Klingon bloodwine." I say, "I know it will go down well on the Cube."

She takes it.

"Well that was fun, finding out what you are doing."

"Hold on, Captain." Riker says, "You haven't mentioned what you and Doctor Crusher will be doing."

Bev and I start to go red, like Ro did earlier.

"Well, of course." starts Bev, "We will be visiting Wesley and Karena on Wondwowman, as they are staying with Queen Diana."

"That confirmation for the Bideaway Hotel must have been a mistake that I saw come in on the computer." Data states, "I shall cancel that."

"Don't do that!" Bev and I both say, "We'll sort it out."

I'll have Data's rewired for that!

Another voice pops up from behind.

"Hey! What about me?"



Q!

"You never ask what I'm doing, Mon Kapitano!" he exclaims, "Consider my feelings hurt."

I sigh.

"Very well, Q" I ask, "What ARE you doing this Christmas?"

"Oh, it's so BORING in the Continuum." he moans, "As there is no concept of time or space, everyday is the same. Here, pull this Christmas cracker."

He gives me a cracker to pull. He wins, and as the explosion goes off, all the clothes of the Senior Staff vanish.

"Now I've had a good Christmas, Jean-Luc." Q says as she vanishes, "Have a super time!"

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And to all Journal readers......Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!