Friday, April 30, 2010
Are the doors closed?
Good, I can begin recording this important milestone.
I can hardly believe that I've been telling the tales of what happens on the Enterprise for five while years now, Do you realise that's the same length of time as James Tiberius Kirk was given to explore strange new worlds etc. here's a picture of him:
He's the Captain who managed to get a different girl every week. Some silly woman would innocently ask "What is love?" and he'd promptly show them. Nowadays, anyone doing that would get a sexual harassment charge on their record and be dispatched to the nearest penal colony before being checked to see whether he 'caught something' in his actions.
I'm sorry. I've strayed completely off my train of thought. I'd better begin my speech. I have it written here over several pages, so here it is:
"It was five years ago, on April 30th, when Captain Picard's Journal was born. Firstly it started as small entries, but gradually developed into what you see today. I remember an occasion when..."
"What?" I say suddenly.
"BOR-ING!!" repeats the voice, "You'll have the viewers switching off in droves if you're going to tell drivel like that!"
"Q!" I sigh, "I should have guessed it was you! Go and bother someone else, I've got an impoertant job here."
"I realise that, Mon Capitano." he answers, "You can't possibly do a Fifth Blogaversary speech like that. Don't you recall that when you did the speech at the Admiral's Conference, more than three quarters of them had got out to go to the bar before you were a third of the way through."
Q's right, although I had forgotten about that.
"You don't want all the readers to have moved on to another blog before finishing this one, do you, Jean-Luc?" he asks, "You want them to put a Comment?"
"Of course, but..."
"Make the speech livelier!" Q insists, "Otherise I could do the speech for you, threaten the readers by turning them into Ilvinian Toads if they do not leave a sparkling comment."
"You can't do that, Q!" I protest.
"Of course I can, Jean-Luc."
"Please don't" I ask, "I'm sure they wouldn't appreciate the action."
"All right, Jean-Luc." Q says, "How about if we put this picture of a girl in a bikini on?"
"How about a picture of Beverly Crusher in a bikini?"
"Deinately not!" I say firmly.
"You're hard to please, Mon Capitano." Q says, "I can't stay anyway, as my girlfriend Q have a date. Are you sure about the Ilvinian Toads?"
"Absolutely." I reply.
"And Beverly in the bikini?"
"Even more so,"
"Very well, then. Happy Blogaversary, Jean-Luc."
Now where was I in my speech? I look thtough the pages and realise it's too much for the readers to endure.
"I think that will do nicely." I say with a smile.
Thanks to all those who have read my blog in the last five years. It's been a pleasure doing them. Look out very soon for the 1000th post in the next couple of weeks.