I am talking in my Ready Room with Admiral Newman, head of Starfleet Recruitment.
"So what is the new recruit to the Enterprise like, Admiral?" I ask.
He appears appears unwilling to answer.
"Err, ahh, Captain." he attempts to say, "You must understand that the Federation have been eager to recruit a Deltan into Starfleet. There hasn't been one on a starship since the 23rd Century. We're hoping to make amends for that unfortunate mishap."
"What do you mean, Admiral?" I enquire. I know he's holding something back.
"The Academy has been somewhat...errr....over lenient with the new recruit." he continues, "Normally, she would have got expelled for her wild behaviour, but we have tended to let her have her own way. We're hoping that a spell on a starship will reform her."
I groan. More problems for me and the crew to handle. The Admiral signals for the recruit to be bought in.
"Captain" he announces, "This is Ensign Britney."
She walks in grudgingly, wearing baggy clothes and slumps in the chair, looking bored.
"Ensign!" I say sharply to her, "Why aren't you in uniform?"
Ensign Britney looks bored and takes the chewing gum out of her mouth and puts it under the chair, then shrugs her shoulders.
Admiral Newman coughs discreetly in my direction and whispers "Leeway, Captain."
He then rises and heads for the door quickly.
"I'll leave Ensign Britney in your care, Captain Picard." Newman says, and walks out, as if he can't wait to leave the ship. I then turn to talk to Britney.
"Now then, Ensign." I start, then look closely, "Were you not one of the women in that 'Dial-A-Deltan' commercial on my computer last week?"
"Yeah." she replies, after getting the chewing gum and putting it back in her mouth, "Were you looking for Deltans to date?"
"Certainly not!" I tell her, "It came by me
as some spam, besides I don't have to explain myself to you, Ensign."
"Yeah, I believe you." she laughs, "Although a few wouldn't, I should think!"
This young girl is in danger of being shown the fast way out of the Enterprise via the nearest airlock.
"Don't forget there is discipline on board this ship." I remind Britney, "And although I have been instructed by the Admiral to give you a little leeway, you may end up in the brig for insubordination. Do I make myself clear."
"Ok," she says, "Keep your hair on, Captain; I'll do my best."
A few hours later, I'm getting a call from Guinan.
"Come down her, Captain." she says, "That new Ensign is driving me crazy!"
I go down there; as I enter, I hear noisy music and see a figure dancing on one of the tables.
A lot of crewmembers are clapping along as Britney dances around, wearing tight jeans and a red bra.
I wince; order seems to have broken down already, and she has only been here a short time.
"ENSIGN!" I shout loudly, but no one hears me, as the noise is so loud. Eventually I get the music turned off, and everybody groans, as if I'm spoiling the party.
"What's up, Captain?" asks Britney, "We were just having a good time."
I get an off-duty member of security to escort Ensign Britney to the brig. I have the idea that this troublesome Deltan will spend more time there than in her regulation quarters!