Wednesday, July 29, 2009

Admiral Application Form (Part Two)

Though a cloud of despair has fallen over me, I continue to fill out the Admiral Application Form. T'Pol says they are their own little club and like to keep Captains where they are. I think she may be right. If I do well, they want to keep me there!

Next question....

Do you have anydisabilities? I had a heart transplant and was given a parthenogenetic one. I have since had that replaced as well.

Are there any other things about you that we should be aware of? I was assimilated by the Borg, was called 'Locutus' by them, which caused the Starfleet massacre at Wolf 359. I am all right now, though.

I hate writing this part, as I always think it prejudices the job application panel against me.

"Remove it!" pipes up a voice.

I look to see Ensign Britney peering at my answers over my shoulder.

"I can't do that." I tell her, "We are required to tell the truth in all Application Forms."

"Yeah!" she laughs sarcastically, "No wonder you're still just the Captain. Why don't you just massage it and stretch the truth a little?"

Britney leaves, and I reconsider what I could put. Perhaps 'caught by the enemy and undergone severe torture.'?

Yes, that sounds more like it.

One last question.....

What is your ethnic origin? Mind your own business.

Right, now I'll just transmit the application form via my computer.

I'm glad to have finished that. It's always such a pain having to do these forms. Perhaps this time I'll have a chance

Ping! You have e mail.

What? A reply already?

Captain Picard,

Thank you for your application for the post of Admiral. After careful consideration, the findings of the board've GOT to be kidding!!!

Thank you for applying.

Starfleet Board of Selectors.

At least they let me down lightly!


Unknown said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Unknown said...

I've always been a leg man. But these days (as your experience here supports) I feel the need to be cautious of who the legs belong to. I see here it's Ensign Britney! Put up the force shields, Captain! :)

Ellee Seymour said...

Sounds like a wise decision. Have a lovely summer, captain.

Amanda said...

Well that was a shocker! Who wants to be Admiral anyway?!

The Mistress of the Dark said...

Poor Captain!

Miss Cellania said...

Cheer up, it will happen as soon as they decide to do another TNG movie.

Belle Epoque said...

I think Ensign Britney is stalking you Captain. Or maybe it's love. Or maybe, just maybe, she's connected to the powers that be in some important way...Either way, do follow her advice, she's come a long way since those weird weird days of hers, and she can not only make a comeback, she can out-do herself.

I see a promotion in your future Sir...

Linda said...

Well ... on a good note you didn't have to antagonize long over what their answer would be!

Heather Dugan ("Footsteps") said...

Linda has a point. Friends of mine would love to get ANY sort of response on sent applications.
~But we all feel your pain, of course...

isabella mori said...

uh - blush - uh are you REALLY jean luc picard? - giggle - blush - uh - can i have your autograph?

(hello, [michele] NetChick sent me)

Jeena R. Papaadi said...

Hmm... that seems to be the trouble with being honest. A few little lies never would hurt - may help too!

Here from Netchick's..

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