Monday, July 13, 2009

Borg Cultural Exchange (Part One)

"Locutus." Seven of Nine says to me as she walks into my Ready Room, "I wish to speak with you."

Seven never knocks when entering a room. She just walks straight in, as if the people in the room are waiting to be addressed by her. It's a relief she has not barged in while Bev and I have had one of our kissing times. I think I'll have to get the door locked.

I'm getting distracted.

"What is it you want, Seven?" I enquire.

"While I have been regenerating in my alcove." she starts, "I have been talking to my leader, the Borg Queen. She has a request to ask of you."

The sounds ominous. The Borg Queen tends not to 'ask' anything, but do it, whether we like it or not.

"What is it?" I reply.

"As I have been on the Enterprise to learn about human methods of behaviour." she tells me, "The Queen has informed me that she thinks it only fair that a member of this starship should spend some time on a Borg Cube to see how we function."

I nearly drop my hot Earl Grey tea in my lap. I must learn not to drink whenever I am talking to someone, as I never know what they are going to say. This is the second uniform I've ruined in a month. The Enterprise Dry Cleaners are making a fortune out of me.

"That's out of the question!" I exclaim, "We can't allow one of our people to go on a Cube and get assimilated!"

"The Borg Queen has given her guarantee that this would not happen." Seven replies, "Whoever goes would just be there for a few days and be allowed to return to the Enterprise afterwards. You must decide who to send within 24 hours."

Seven strides out and I summon the rest of the senior staff.


The staff are all assembled and I explain the situation to them.

"You can't be serious!" Riker exclaims, "Who would want to go?"

"It could be a good thing, Number One." I tell him, "It would give us a chance to learn more about the Borg way of life than they've let on before. We've had to let Seven study us, now we can see them as they normally are."

Everyone looks around at each other, waiting for someone to volunteer

"All right." says a voice from the back, "I'll do it."

We all look to see who it is....

To be continued...


From the editor:

Mimi of The Queen's Meme has sent this in....

The Blog Outside The Box Meme
This meme is all about using your imagination. Free your inner blogginess. Step outside the proverbial blox (that's blog + box for all you non-blog speakers). Answer these ridiculous situational questions and post them on your own blog. Here's the situation for today. We won't tell a soul. And remember:
Don't end up in the dungeon.

1. You are in court. You are in deep doo-doo. What did you do? ('Cause if you want, I might could talk to the judge and get your sentence reduced to Bloggingham dungeon time.)

She wanted me to see the new warp conduit in Engineering...yes I know it was midnight.

2. Your blog just became a best-selling book . What is the title of your book ?

How to make masses of money.

3. It is midnight. The phone rings. It is Michael Jackson calling from the Great Beyond.
What would you like to ask him?

"Michael who?"

4. You are having your future told. The fortune teller looks in the crystal ball, screams and leaves the room in fright. What did they see?

Me doing a kareoke performance at the Enterprise Christmas Party.

5. You're blogging along minding your own blusiness (that's blog + know) when Google unexpectedly puts a Objectionable Content Warning on your blog. Your own mother is afraid to enter! What, pray tell, did you do to warrant it? How did this happen? Do you think you deserve it? Just how objectionable are you? Do tell.

The Enterprise destroyed the Google HQ as it was taken over by aliens.

6. You suddenly become God Of The Universe. What would your first Commandment be?

Let's get rid of the Q Continuum!

7. And finally, what secret would you like to tell the Queen?
Not to worry. What happens in Bloggingham, stays in Bloggingham.

"Well you know when I was supposed to be on duty with Bev on the Bridge during the night shift......?"


Belle Epoque said...

Let me be the first to wish you a VERY HAPPY BIRTHDAY Captain, Sir. (A little birdie told me today was the big day...and you thought it would be your little secret eh?) BTW, Captain, you don't look a day over 3,278 light years! Have a good one!

The Curmudgeon said...

I don't think I'd like to volunteer for this duty either -- even if they have redecorated.

Unknown said...

Happy Birthday Jean-Picard!

The Enterprise Dry Cleaners! A bit off subject, but I wondered if The Strolling Drones get their outfits cleaned there too!


Superman said...

Happy Birthday! Oh and it's too bad, Wesly 's still not on the ship he could save the entire galaxy from the Borg with this little accidents.

The Mistress of the Dark said...

Oh dear this can't be good.

Fly Girl said...

Happy Birthday! And whomever it is, I hope they are fortified with English Breakfast tea instead of that weak Earl Grey!

Ellee Seymour said...

Yes Captain, have a wonderful birthday. You deserve it.

Jean-Luc Picard said...

As far as I'm concerned, my birthday is January 14th!

Mimi Lenox said...

It's your birthday??!
Let me sing. Ahem.
Stepping up. Pencil Skirt blowing in the wind.
"Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday dear Jean-Luc Picard. Happy birthday to you."

Stepping down...

Mimi Lenox said...

I knew all along it was true about Beverly!

And "Michael who?" cracked me up.

Thank you for doing my very first meme!

Anonymous said...

Happy Birthday...glad the Queen let us know...and I'm here begging forgiveness from her. Loved the Michael who...LOL And #7 Excellent :)

Lady Jo said...

I never thought of The Captain as a Cancer... maybe a Capricorn, or perhaps a Scorpio.... must be in your Ascendant & Rising signs then!

Anyways, love your meme answers! love your blog!


Picard. Excellent! Excellent! Keep the Queen off-guard. And "Happy Birthday", my liege.

Mimi Lenox said...

It wasn't your birthday??!
I smell mutiny.