Wednesday, July 06, 2005

Performance Development Review

What tougher time can there be when it's time for a Starfleet Officer's Performance Development Review (PDR)?

Every so often, some Admiral from Starfleet will come and grill me about my role, and afterwards I feel like I need an extra bottle of stress pills.

This time, it's Admiral Karchov, known as the 'Screwdriver of Starfleet' for the way he pushes people into the wall verbally.

Karchov arrives with a heavy folder filled with facts and figures.

"Hello, Captain Picard" he says, "Or should I call you Locutus of Borg?"

"Excuse me?"

"Well, you were assimilated by them a while ago; you caused the battle of Wolf 359 to take place. We lost many men and ships because of you."

"That wasn't my fault, it was..."

"Still hearing any voices?"

"What voices?"

"The voices of the Collective telling you what to do? Do you think a member of the Borg should Captain a starship....Captain?"

"I'm completely cured from that, Admiral, I assure you of that."

Karchov writes a few things down in his book and looks at me.

"How often have you broken the Prime Directive this year, Captain Picard?"

"I haven't done that."

"Really? What about stardate 53326.5? On that occasion, you rescued a group of aliens and put them on another planet."

"Their civilisation would have perished otherwise."

"That is not the Federation's concern; and what about the Temporal Prime Directive?"

"What about it?"

"How many times have you been time travelling, changing history and knowing about future events?"

"All of these occasions were very necessary, and some saved humanity from destruction."

"Do you think that was a good excuse, Captain?" He writes more in his notebook and shakes his head, adding, "That will be all for now. Starfleet will be monitoring your performance from now on. There have been some comments from some of the Admirals. Watch what you do."

I stagger out of the room and go to SickBay. I order a case of stress pills for the next week.

There's a strong possiblity I might need them.


Robin said...

How about a bottle of wine? Works for me! ;)

Unknown said...


David said...

Hum... Bad day, we see?

One of this days i took the wrong schuttle and end up here. Quite nice. Did you enjoy my country? Of course, it´s hot in this time of the year, eheheh!

Best regards from Portugal

Nic said...

Maybe you could have Deanna go by for a "visit" to Admiral Karchov to make him "understand" that you really are ok. Or maybe an "accident" with a malfunctioning bay door might befall him as he gets sucked into the vast regions of Space. Those pesky doors.

True Jersey Girl said...

I used to work in HR so I know those reviews can be killer. Take a few pills and r-e-l-a-x. It'll all be ok.

Diego said...

Hello, Captain, I hope you had a good time in Portugal. I have been busy and haven't seen your journal in some time.

I hope that the Admiral isn't too bad on you, and just remember that it could always be worse. You could have Nechayev. *shudder*

Jamie said...

Go to the holosuits, create a program where you can kick his ass. That's what I'd do!

Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator said...

Dude, how rough was that review anyway?

Trinity13 said...

Why don't you relax with Beverly? She could be better for you than the pills.

Anonymous said...

This Blog is incredible and hillarious. Glad i stumbled accross it.

Jean-Luc Picard said...

Robin, it would have to be a big bottle of wine.

David, Portugal was a great place.

Nic, your methods are err...exteme, to say the least.

JerseyGirl, stress pills are regular here for me.

Jamie & Trinity, I like you solutions most of all.

Defiant, welcome aboard!

InterstellarLass said...


True Jersey Girl said...

Glad to see your comment on my blog and know that you are ok - I guess I always think of you as being in space and not in the UK. Stay safe, please.

Pirate Princess said...

Skip the wine. Go straight to the Romulan ale. Cheers Captain!

Kimberly said...

Can you order a few for me too ;-)

Glad you are okay over there. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator said...

Ooops, looks like the link inmy above comment doesn't work so well anymore. You can see it by clicking below thusly:

Jean-Luc Picard said...

Interstellarlass, I agree with what you say completely.

JerseyGirl & MommaK, thanks for the thoughts. Much appreciated.

Angelofmusic, that's a good tip.

Jon, that's a great post. I hope others see it!

RenaSherwood said...

Captain, I highly recommed medicines like Percoset. They won't take the stressful thing itself away, but suddenly everything seems covered in soft cute bunny fuzz. Anyway, good luck!

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