Jennifer & Data Go Out With Britney & T'Pol (Part One)

Guest Poster: Jennifer Baxter

"Well, Data, darling." I tell him, "I can't see why we ever agreed to go on this with them. It's as hardly as if they are in our circle."

"That is true, Jenny." replies Data, "But I think we ought to extend the hand of friendship more to Ensign Britney and T'Pol. They stay with each other and do not mix. Therefore by being friendlier towards them, it will break down barriers."

I sigh. "I suppose you're right. Where are we meeting them?"

"Right here in the Starfleet Plaza of San Francisco." he answers, "The two of them should be here any moment. Please be kind to them."

"I will, I will!"

Sure enough, after not too long, I hear the familiar sound of two steps, one of them a Dr Martens boots.



"Hi Jen!" says Britney, "Hi Data! Lets have a fabbo time tonight! Whaddayasay, soulsistah?""



"I'm with you, Brit, honey." T'Pol exclaims, "The four of us will paint the town red."

The only red I'm seeing are the red flags that appearing after seeing those two. Nonetheless, Data carries on.

"I have reserved a place for us at Le Grande Restaurante, the top French eating establishment in San Francisco." he tells them.

Britney and T'Pol, listen, then swap glances at each other.

"BOR---ING!!" they both exclaim together.

"But it is our favourite place to eat, isn't it, Jennifer?" Data tells them, "Every time we return to Earth, we come here."

"It's not for US, Data." T'Pol tells him, "Britney and I have a different idea of a good night out."

"Give this a try." I plead to them. Eventually they relent and decide to come.

--------

We approach the doorway of Le Grande Restaurante.

I've a feeling our troubles are only just beginning!

Worf's Weight: A Good Day To Diet?

Guest Poster: Jadzia Dax

"It took you a while to get away from those monsters." I say to Worfie, as we emerge from the holodeck, "That Chieftain nearly caught you. It's a good job that we had the safety protocols on."

"Nonsense." Worf answers gruffily, "He must have been programmed at a faster than usual speed. I never need these protocols."

"Say what you like." I tell him, "I've noticed that you are getting slower. Why was it that you had to order a new uniform at a larger size last week? You're getting fat, Worfie."



Worf gives me a look as if I have insulted his whole family line. Nevertheless, I press on. His rants don't bother me.

"Look, Worf." I tell him, "How many true Klingon warriors do you see overweight? The only ones eating too much we see are those in bars reminiscing about the good old days with Bloodwine. You don't want to be like them?"

He ponders for a while. I think I've struck a chord. Worf sees himself as fit rather than overweight.

"Very well, Jadzia." he declares, "I shall be carefl what I eat. It is a good day to diet."

I'm not sure whether that was what he thought or an example of Klingon humour. They are not known for their joke-telling.

------------

A few hours later, we are ready for lunch, and I give this to Worf.



"What is this, Jadzia?" he asks, "It looks awful."

"I thought we'd start your dietry program off with a Greek Salad. They are very popular with..."

"A Klingon does not eat salad!" barks Worf, "Imagine how my fellow warriors would act if I told them that I had a salad before going into battle?"

"At least you would have a better chance of surviving in the battle." I tell him, "They would probably get killed."

Worf reluctantly starts to eat his Greek Salad. Though he moans and curses, he eats it all. He gets up and marches to the holodeck.

"I have a few holographic monsters to kill."

Getting Worf to shed weight will be a long process. Any monsters, real or otherwise had better watch out in the process. It's the only way he lets off steam!

TWQ: Non-Ambitions

I mentioned in an earlier TWQ (The Weekend Question) about ambitions that you had to do or had accomplished. The one this week asks about things you never intend to do.

What ambitions or tasks are there that you never want to do? List as many as you wish, or be as humourous as you wish.

My answers are:

1: Walk on a tightrope.

2: See anything with Ricky Gervais, Hugh Grant or Catherine Zeta Jones in.

3: Walk in icy weather.

4: See The Sound of Music again. I did in the 1960's and never wanted to again.

Now it's over to you...

A Princess On The USS Rhode Island

Guest Poster: Karena

"Isn't it exciting, honeybunch?" my hubby and Life Servant Wesley says to me, "We are actually having a princess on board the USS Rhode Island."

This irritates me somewhat.

"In case you forgot, pumpkin." I reply sharply, "There is already a princess on board. I am a princess of the amazons on the planet Wondawowman."

"Err..well, yes." Wes hurriedly answers, "What I meant was besides yourself. We are escorting the Princess Talia to her home planet of Qualena."

"I don't like her." I tell Wes, "She does not behave how a princess should. She is rude and shouts at people. Besides that, Commander Hathaway is paying far too much attention to her."



"You're right there, Karena." concedes Wes, "But the Commander pay attention to any woman on ship. I know you had to use your spear to fend him off when you first came on board. Still, as a princess, you ought to talk to her."

"Perhaps you are right, pumpkin." I say, "Let's go to Talia's quarters and talk to her. As a princess, she will welcome my company."

The two of us walk towards the VIP area, and enter her room. We find Talia and Commander Hathaway in a very compromising position.

"What is going on?" I ask, although from the image I can see in front of me, it's very clear.

"Steady on, Ensign Karena." Hathaway says to me, "It's not what you think it is."

What an old adage. It IS what I think it is!



"The Commander is doing me a favour." explains Talia, "On my world, all people are created artificially in laboratories. We have no concept of love. When I said this to the Commander, he offered to show me what love is."

"This is against regulations!" I say, gripping my spear firmly, "I must report this to Captain Hernandez."

"Ensign." Hathaway tells me, in a pleading voice, "Please do not. I know it was wrong, but she IS a princess, and she did want to know. No harm has been done."

Wes and I consider this.

"Honeybunch." Wes whispers, "Just remember that if we ever get in trouble, and the Commander is about to reprimand us, we could just say Talia and he'll back down."

I consider this. Wesley may be smarter than he looks.

"Very well, Commander." I say, as if I am the Captain, "I'll overlook it this time."

Hathaway looks annoyed, as he knows he will owe us one for this.

Wesley and I walk away from this back to our quarters.

"Well done, pumpkin." I say to him with a smile.

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Editor's Note:

Mimi Pencilskirt has imposed this meme on me, in which I have to write ten honest things about myself.

Here goes...

1: I love foreign language movies, my favourite being The Lives Of Others.

2: I love bacon, eggs, mushroom, fried bread etc.

3: I do my best to finish a book, and it is very rare when I give up on one.

4: I never watch movies with Hugh Grant in.

5: I also never watch anything with Ricky Gervais in.

6: I do my best to remember the words to American Pie.

7: I like spiders and snakes, or anything in the reptile house in a zoo.

8: If I'm not sure I've done something, like set the tv recorder, I have to come down at night and check, otherwise I won't sleep.

9: I can't sleep on trains or planes.

10: I dislike any Indian food. It makes me very ill.

At this point I'm supposed to name seven blogs outstanding for content and design and impose this meme on them. However, I will ask that if anyone wishes to do it, please do, and let me know.

Bev & Picard At Romantica (Part Three)

Guest Poster: Beverly Crusher

My stay on the planet Romantica with Jean-Luc hasn't all been moonlight and roses. All right, there have been quite a few private moments between us that I'd prefer not to talk about right here there that let's say we both enjoyed a lot.

I am digressing, though. After catching Admiral Bullock with his personal secretary Felicity (all residents are called Mr & Mrs Smith here, the two of us went down to the beach so that we can watch the sunset.

Instead, I scream the loudest I ever had done when a foul creature emerges from the ocean.



"What is it?" I ask desperately.

"It's some kind of Sea Devil." summises Jean-Luc, "As we don't have a phaser or disruptor with us, we'll have to go back to the hotel to seek help."

As we run back, we see a second creature emerge, carrying a large box. The first Sea Devil helps with it.

----------

The two of us run into the hotel foyer, breathless.

"We're being invaded!!" I shout out, "Everybody run for their lives! Women and children first!"

Naturally, this incites panic amongst all the residents. Those readinging the Galactic Gazette and a sleepy manner are suddenly roused as if they have been electrocuted.

The Hotel Manager comes towards us in his usual calm and concilatory manner.



"Now then, Mrs & Mrs Smith." he says to us, "What appears to be the problem?"

"The PROBLEM." Jean-Luc replies, "Is that two alien creatures have emerged from the ocean and are heading this way, about to invade us."

"Are you sure, sir?" asks the Manager.

"Of course I am, you idiot." Jean-Luc snaps, "Now where is your supply of weapons? Do you have some phasers?"

"We don't have anything like that, Mr Smith." replies the Manager quietly.

Everybody turns round, and the two Sea Devils walk into the foyer. Quietly, they walk up to the main Reception Area, where Jean-Luc and I are standing.

"We are here to stay a week at your Hotel." says the one Sea Devil to the Manager, "Here is our Confirmation Form."

"Thank you sir, madam." the Manager says to them, "You will be Mr & Mrs Smith during your stay, in order to maintain discretion."

A porter takes the luggage of the Sea Devils, while Jean-Luc and I look at the floor, trying not to notice the stern gaze of the Hotel Manager."

"Mr Picard, Ms Crusher." he says, no longer calling us Smith, "I think it would be best if you vacated these premises. We do not want rabble rousers like yourselves here. This is a quality hotel."

----------

As we load our luggage on to the shuttlecraft, I ask Jean-Luc what are we going to do now.

"Not to worry, Bev." he answers, "I saw a quiet hilltop hotel, well inland on the way here. That will be a lot better. Well out of the way of Starfleet Admirals and Sea Devils."

"Let's go!" I say, "But let's not tell those in the Enterprise this little story. They would never stop laughing."

Bev & Picard At Romantica (Part Two)

Bev and I have been enjoying our time on Romantica. It's a couples-only planetary resort that I have gone on with her as a result of my 50th birthday present from the crew of the Enterprise.

I think Bev and I will agree that it's an ideal present!

The odd thing is that all the residents are called Mr & Mrs Smith, in order to preserve anonymity. The only ones who aren't are those whose names are actually Smith!

The two of us are walking to the breakfast table when I see a familiar figure.



"Bev!" I whisper quickly, "It's Admiral Bullock. Let's hide!"

It's too late, and he sees us. Bullock is accompanied by a young 19 year old girl who I recognise as Felicity, his secretary. They walk towards us.



"Hello Admiral." I say, "You're looking well, Felicity." She giggles.

The Admiral is a little lost for words. Though he looks disapprovingly at Bev and myself being together.

"Is your wife not with you, Admiral?" Bev asks in a sarcastic manner.

"Err, no, Doctor Crusher." he replies, "She has backache. Besides, my secretary are here on a fact-finding mission on behalf of Starfleet."

"Of course you are." Bev comments.

The four of us walk away in two different directions. The Admiral hurries back and quietly whispers to me.

"Look, Picard. I won't say anything about you consorting with your ship's Doctor if you keep quiet about me and Felicity."

"Agreed, Admiral." I answer, "I mean Mr Smith."

Beverly and I continue walking away, while I hear Felicity shouting away, "I thought you told me you were divorced!"

"I think we'll be all right here, Jean-Luc." Beverly says with a laugh, holding my arm, "Let's go for a walk on the beach. There's a beautiful sunset here tonight."

-----------

A little later, we are sitting on the beach, and I am getting ready to start the Great Seduction when Bev emits a horrendous scream that rattles my eardrums. The sound is worse than the sort heard in the type of nightclubs Ensign Britney goes to.

"Something is coming out of the sea!" she shouts, "It looks awful!"



To be continued...

TWQ: Things That We Wanted To Do

TWQ (The Weekend Question) asks about those pleasures that we have always dreamed of achieving. How many have you actually done?

What things have you always dreamt of doing have you actually done? Were they as good as you imagined they would be or a bit of a let down? List as many as you wish.

My answer is:

I had always dreamt of riding on the back of a Harley Davidson (it would only be a passenger as I couldn't drive). When I found someone who had one, he offered to give me a spin on it. I loved every moment of it, and was elated with the buzz it gave me during and afterwards. Sadly, I have never had the opportunity to ride one again.

Now it's over to you...

But before you go....

As Patrick McGoohan passed away this week, here is a treat...an extended intro to the best opening sequence of any tv series...The Prisoner.

Bev & Picard At Romantica (Part One)

Here we are.

Bev and I have just landed our shuttle on the planet Romantica. It's a couples-only vacation paradise. The members of the crew gave me this as a present for my 50th birthday on the 14th of January.

"It looks lovely, Jean-Luc." Bev says to me, as we make our way to the Hotel Deux, where we are booked to stay.

I think Bev and I are really going to enjoy it here.

All the couples are walking around holding and and kissing. The twin moons plus the quiet beach make for a wonderfully romantic setting.

"Let's check in, Bev."



We are greeted by an oversmiling hotel clerk.

"Hello." I say, "I'm Jean-Luc Pica.."

"Ah, Mr & Mrs Smith." says the clerk, "I am Michael, welcome to the Hotel Deux. I hope your stay will be a pleasant one."

"You're mistaken." Bev corrects him, "We are not Mr & Mrs Smith, but are..."

"ALL guests are called Smith in this hotel." Michael tells us cheerily, "It helps preserve that anonymity that some guests ask for. Many married couples come here, but not necessarily to each other."



"What about the guests that ARE called Smith." Beverly asks, trying to catch the clerk out.

"That is an exception." Michael answers, "We call them Mr & Mrs Jones."

I sigh, but smile at the same time.

Michael rings the bell the fetch the porter, instructing him to take Mr & Mrs Smith and their luggage to Room 911.

-------

When we get there, we see the room has a balcony. Together we see the setting sun and the twin moons in the east.

"I like it here, Mrs Smith." I say to Bev.

"So do I, Mr Smith." she replies, "So do I."

To be continued after the TWQ....