Lwaxana's Chat

Guest Poster: Lwaxana Troi

Hi darlings!

Well, as I'm the Ambassador to the Federation for my home planet of Betazed, you can well imagine the red tape I have to go through.

What I usually do, is when the boxes of work come through it just takes me a few moments to sort out what I really need, which are the Party Invitations. The rest I just hand over to my Assistant. Jessica.

I must admit that I don't see too much of her once I give her the boring work. She takes them into her office and she usually next appears when more work is available. Occasionally I can hear some noise in her room.

That has happened ever since I bought her that electro-shredder. I'm not sure whether that was a good idea.

Anyway darlings, I'm detracting! Yes, I just love the parties that are given by Starfleet. So many hunky men willing to be friends with the visiting Ambassador.

And Expenses! It's such a thrill that I can waltz into a new dress shop and get a gown for a party. Being what I am, I can't be seen in the same outfit twice!

Jean-Luc told me a while ago that Starfleet could have built a Galaxy-Class Starship with the money that I have spent on dresses! that Captain Picard has got such a pleasant sense of humour.

Not that I would need a dress for my dear daughter Deanna's wedding, whenever that may be. As everyone knows, the bride, groom and all those attending have to be naked. It's a Betazed tradition.

That reminds me. It's time to call Deanna, and to try and persuade her to get married.

---------------



"Hello, mother." Deanna says over the video, "What is it you want?"

I pretend to look shocked.

"Can't a mother call her daughter to ask how she is anymore?" I tell her.

"Of course you can, mother." Deanna answers, "I'm sorry. As long as it's one of those messages in which you're trying to persuade me to get married to Will."

I try not too look guilty.

"Certainly not, my darling daughter." I say, "But now that you've bought the subject up, have you ever said lately to Will that you would like to be his wife?"

"Mother!" Deanna shouts at me angrily, "Will and I have agreed that we will consider marriage when the time is right."

"No grandchildren for me, it seems." I say, using the emotional blackmail system. Deanna rolls her eyes. I think she know me too well.

"End of discussion!" Deanna says firmly, "Now I hope you are keeping well. Will sends his regards. I'll have to go. I'm on duty in a few moments."

Deanna signs off.

Ah well. It looks like that wedding ceremony won't be for a while yet!

-----------------

Editor's Note:

Due to activities at home, the next post will be on Thursday 30th April, which is the
4th Blogaversary of this Journal! Look out for that!

Lwaxana's Mother-Daughter Chat

Guest Poster: Lwaxana Troi

It's time for me to have a little chat over the video viewer with my darling daughter, Deanna.

Sigh.

If I had been on the Enterprise, instead of the Betazed Ambassador, I would have ensured that she and Will Riker got married a long time ago. I'd have been dragging her up the aisle.

As Daughter of the Fifth House, Holder of the Sacred Chalice of Rixx, and Heir to the Holy Rings of Betazed, getting Deanna married is a prime ambition of mine.

The screen flickers on, and Deanna appears.

"Daughter!" I exclaim, "It is so wonderful to see you again, although you and that delightful Will Riker visited not too long ago."

"Hello Mother." Deanna says, somewhat irrritatingly, "Yes I remember that. I am still squirming with embarassment over what happened then. You never left poor Will alone, with all those less-than subtle hints of yours."

"Whatever do you mean, my darling?" I say innocently, although I know what she is talking about. I had hoped Deanna had overlooked it.



"You know very well what I mean, mother." she says firmly, "Following Will and humming I'm Getting Married In The Morning, Chapel of Love or the Betazed Wedding March."

"I have to help your romances along, dearest." I stress, "Otherwise you'll end up left on the shelf, like your Great Aunt Philip."

"Yes, well there were reasons for that we don't talk about." Deanna says dryly.

"I think there's more chance of that Borg copy of yours getting married before you do, daughter." I reply, "Besides, that young Wesley Crusher is getting wed to that amazon. He's far younger than you are!"

"Mother!" she exclaims in exasperation, "It's the way Will and I have chosen to be. Eventually, we may get married, but we're in no hurry."

I sigh in despair. "Do you know whether Wesley's wedding will be like the Betazed ones?"

"Of course not, mother." she answers, "Everyone will be wearing clothes."

"Such a pity." I say, "I think our traditional naked weddings, in which the bride and groom, plus all the familes have to attend without wearing anything is delightful. It certainly helps break the ice between families."

"Everyone will be in their wedding outfits, mother." Deanna tells me.

"In that case, I'd better find a new hat and a dress." I reply, "It seems so much cheaper to do it the Betazed way."

Deanna sighs in exasperation.

"Goodbye for now, mother." she says.

"Goodbye my darling." I reply, "Always a pleasure to talk to you."

Spock And Lwaxana (Part Three)

Guest Poster: Lwaxana Troi

Spock and I are imprisoned on the Kalaran Grel outpost planet. We were supposed to be attending Kalara as Ambassadors to oversee the peace initiative between the two civil war sides. The Grel are one of the sides, and want to keep us here to ensure the Peace Talks fail.

"Keeping us here is an act of agression against the Federation" Spock tells them in his official status.

The Kalarans take no notice. We are stiuck in a jail cell with a force field to prevent us escaping.

"Sit down, Spock, lovey" I tell him seductively, "They have told us they will release us as soon as the Peace Talks collapse. There must be something we can do while we wait for that to happen."


"Unhand me, Ambassador." Spock tells me firmly, "It is essential that we escape soon. We cannot allow the Talks to fail."

"I suppose you're right." I admit, "You're such a party pooper."

Spock gets up and looks at the force field control.

"Fascinating. This is a very complex mechanism" he tells me, "It has a reverse-loop quadrophonic phase adaptor. This is more advanced than what we are used to in the Federation. I fear we will be stuck in the cell until it is too late."

I push him aside. "Let's see what I can do. Sometimes a little bit of common sense can work wonders.

I get a hairpin and stick it into the controls. There is a buzz and a flash.

The forcefield is down.

"Fascinating." comments Spock.

"Men!" I exclaim, "They are so useless!"

We run into the corridors and encounter some guards. Spock quickly goes into them and uses his Vulcan nerve pinch.

I suppose some men aren't so useless after all.

After consulting the maps on the wall to the Cargo Bay, we find ourselves there. It's handy to have these maps around, otherwise we'd probably be in the Kalaran restaurant.

Alarm bells are sounding all over the base.

"That is not for a Fire Drill." Spock informs me. Perhaps Vulcans do have a sense of humour after all?

We soon find a small shuttle and get to the controls. Spock starts it off.

"Have you flown one of these before?" I ask.

"I have not, Ambassador" he informs me calmly, "However, all ships are basically the same..."

The ship jerks backward, then forward. Then we take off, managing to bump into a small rock as we head towards the sky.

"A few teething troubles there." Spock comments drily.

"There are some Kalaran battlecruisers catching up with us!" I tell him with all the nervousness I'd have if Deanna was on her wedding day.

"That is unfortunate." Spock says. I must admit that his method of understating dangers is seriously reducing his chances in the marriage stakes. Besides that, our survival stakes are going downhill very quickly.

Suddenly we see some photon torpedoes hit the battlecruisers, so we are able to go on our way.

"The Enterprise is here." I see on the sensors.
---------------

A few minutes later, Jean-Luc welcomes us on the ship.

"Are you all right Ambassador Lwaxana and Spock?" he asks, "We'll take you to Kalara so that you don't miss the Peace Talks."

"Of course we are all right, Jean-Luc!" I exclaim, giving him a big kiss, "Although we would have escaped anyway. I had plenty of hairpins."

Spock raises his eyebrow in his customary way. "Fascinating."

Spock And Lwaxana (Part One)

Guest Poster: Lwaxana Troi

Well, I'll tell you that these ambassadorial meetings I have to go are so boring! Those people who I meet have about as much personality as a block of wood.

I'm hoping this one won't be so bad. I'm going with Ambassador Spock to the planet Kalara to help sort out the civil war problems they have had over the years. Their addition would be good for the Federation.

Ah, there is always something in it for us!

I know what you're thinking, lovies. Ambassador Spock isn't the sort of man with a bright and breezy personality. Well, I've checked into his past, and being only a half Vulcan, I'm sure he can become very friendly.

Who knows. A Vulcan and a Betazoid could be a good match.

There I am, thinking ahead of myself! Why do I see everybody as a potential husband for myself. I guess it's because I've been urging my daughter Deanna to tie the knot with Will.

---------------

Anyway, the Ambassador and I are going in the shuttle Columbus to Kalara. I have met him many times, of course. Oddly enough, he always seem to shy away.

Hold on, here he comes now. Don't tell him what we've been talking about. Promise?



"Greetings, Ambassador Lwanana." he says in that formal manner of his, "I'm sure together, we will be able to have some positive results on Kalara."

"I'm hoping for some before that." I say slyly.

"I do not understand, Ambassador Lwaxana." Spock tells me with a puzzled look.

"Don't worry about it, Spock, honey." I tell him, "Let's drop the calling each other 'Ambassador' routine. We've got a long flight ahead of us to Kalara"

I give him a big kiss, to which he responds with in a typical Vulcan style.

He doesn't do anything.

--------------

Several hours later, Spock is still just as he was. I thought a little Klingon bloodwine might help, but it doesn't help.

Am I losing my man-magnet touch, or have I just picked the wrong one here?

Suddenly we hear the sound of a noise behind us. Three armed aliens appear behind us.

"You are Ambassadors Lwaxana and Spock?" the lead one says, "You were going to Kalara to forge a piece initiative? We cannot allow that to happen. We see ourselves as the victors in the civil war. The other side must lose."

"We are here to help." Spock says as he walks up to one before knocking the Kalaran out with a Vulcan nerve clench.

Too late, though, Spock gets knocked out for his troubles and we get beamed off.

Somehow, I don't think this is going to end in the way I hoped for!

To be continued...

Lwaxana & Deanna Have A Mother / Daughter Chat

Guest Poster: Lwaxana Troi

I'm meeting my blessed daughter Deanna at Starbase 12. I'm relaxing in my my private Ambassador suite.

One has all these perks in my position!

"Hello, mother." says Deanna as she enters, "It is good to see you again."

"As it is to see you, daughter." I reply.

I sigh.



"What is it, mother?" Deanna asks.

"I'm looking at the third finger of your left hand, my darling daughter." I tell her, "As yet, it is bare."

"MOTHER!" exclaims Deanna in frustration.

"That Will Riker still hasn't given you an engagement ring." I continue, "I was hoping that you would be married soon, and you would present me with you first child."

"Eventually." she replies.



"Well, daughter," I lecture her, "You're not getting any younger, and if you don't start insisting to Will that you want to get married, he may look elsewhere."

"What are you suggesting?" says Deanna.

"There are plenty of young women on the Enterprise." I tell her honestly, "They would all like to be married to the handsome Commander of a galaxy-class starship. If you're not careful, before long, the only person who might be attracted to you is Boothby is Academy gardener."

"Is that all you want to talk to me about, mother?" Deanna asks with impatience.

"Of course not, my darling." I tell her, "I just want to tell you about the wedding arrangements."
"WHAT wedding arrangements?" she replies.

"You, of course, my sweetest." I continue, "I have spoken to Florzil the Florist, and she will provide the flowers at a good discount rate. Davak the Vulcan Caterer will do an excellent buffet if we book early enough. I happen to know his sister, so I know we could get a discount there as well. Not only that, I can get a discou..."

"Stop it mother!" shouts Deanna, "There will not be a wedding until Will and I agree."

"Does this mean I have to cancel the bookings with Florzil and Davak?" I ask.

"Yes!" Deanna replies flatly.

"....and the disco?"

"YES!" Deanna answers.

"I tell you what I'll do, my darling." I tell her, "I'll keep the bookings on standby, just in case you decide to get married. You never know when he'll ask."

"Goodbye for now, mother." Deanna says with a sigh, and leaves.

Ah, my darling daughter; when am I going to get a grandchild?

Mother And Daughter

I think it's time to visit my darling daughter on the Enterprise again.

I've used my role as Betazed Ambassador to request an important meeting with the Captain; it'll make him nervous, but Jean-Luc doesn't have to be concerned this time.

-----------------

Beaming on to the Enterprise Transporter, the Captain is all ready to receive me, along with the rest of the staff, including Deanna. He has that nervous look that I always seem to see.

"Ambassador Troi" he starts, "Welcome aboard the Enterprise. I am concerned to know what was so important."

"Oh, stop fussing, Jean-Luc" I lightly tell him, "There is nothing here for my Ambassadorial role; I just need to have a little chat with Deanna."

Jean-Luc looks amazed.

"Mother!" exclaims Deanna, "The Enterprise had to be diverted off an important mission in order to come to Betazed and collect you!"

"Don't be so uptight, Deanna" I reply, "It's time for a friendly mother-daughter chat. Jean-Luc, can we borrow your Ready Room? Commander Riker, I need you to come as well."

Jean-Luc nods his head in agreement, as if he is too stunned to speak.

----------------------

In the Ready Room, I invite Will Riker and Deanna to sit down.

"What is this, mother?" says Deanna angrily, "And don't talk telepathically; Will is a part of this, so don't cut him out."

"So he is" I tell them, "The question is when are you two going to get married?"

The two look at each other, with slightly red faces.

"That's between us, mother; Will and I have chatted about it."

"With all due respect, Mrs Troi.." Will hesitantly continues.

"Oh tosh!" I tell them, "I want you going down that Betazed aisle very soon and a grandchild soon after!"

They both go even redder in the face.

"Mother!" exclaims Deanna, "You can't go embarasssing poor Will and myself by talking about children yet; it's not something we've...."

"Well you'd better do so soon; the Betazoid biological clock doesn't tick all day" I tell them.

"But..." she protests.

"You want to look your best on your wedding day; you know the wedding photographer won't miss anything."

"What does that mean?" Will asks Deanna.

"Have you forgotten" I remind him, "That Betazoid weddings are done without clothes? Now I suggests that you and I, Deanna, visit the Betazed Spa before the wedding, so that..."

"Mother" Deanna tell me slowly, "Will hasn't even asked me to marry him, yet you're getting the wedding ceremony planned and the children's nursery decorated!"

"I'm sorry, Deanna," I say to her, "I'm being too forward. Will, why don't you ask Deanna to marry you right now, so that we can press on?"

"I hardly think it's the right moment, Mrs Troi." protests Will.

"Oh, call me Lwaxana" I tell him, "Or Mom; after all, you're practically family now"

The two look in despair.

"Now you two think about it" I say, "And, Will, I want to see a ring on my daughter's finger. You understand?"

"Yes, Mrs Troi...I mean Lwaxana"

-------------------------

I return to the Transporter Room, where Jean-Luc is still there.

"I'm beaming back down again, Jean-Luc." I cheerily say, "Thanks for having me here. By the way, you might be at a wedding soon as Best Man. Don't bother measuring yourself for a suit. Byeeee!"

Like Mother, Like Daughter

.

Being Ambassador for Betazed is a wonderful position; after all, one meets so many interesting men people that it is fascinating to, er, get to know them.

A lot of people tend to think I flirt a lot, but really, darlings, it's just the effervescent way I am. There is nothing wrong with being friendly towards people.

I know a few get nervous about this; Jean-Luc's face is such a picture of neurotic nervousness whenever I visit the Enterprise, it's a joy to behold. Admittedly, I have found him a rather attractive man, but frankly, darlings, a nervous man is a bit of a turn-off, don't you think? I do like to worry him when I visit,though.

My daughter Deanna is growing up fast, don't you think? She has an attractive boyfriend in Riker, and also that Worf to keep her occupied when Will is away.

That's my girl! She's a true Betazoid. Never one to feel lonely.

Deanna also put paid to that Trill called Jadzia. I told her when she visited, "Daughter, a Betazoid isn't going let any of her men be taken away by another woman. Go to her and tell her you mean business!"

That she did, and the Trill now supports a black eye and multiple bruises.

I'm really proud of my daughter. Just like me, she is, darlings!

I wonder what will happen if Deanna marries Will? The ceremony would have to take place here on Betazed, and of course, no one at a ceremony on our planet wears clothes.

Poor Jean-Luc! I would dearly love to see the look on his face! The wedding invitation would have to add 'Clothing not required!'

That thought has really made me smile!

I'll have to encourage Deanna to marry Will for that reason alone, darlings!

Lwaxana Troi

.

The day seemed to start off so well.

For once, it didn't begin with a headache, but I developed one soon after Counselor Troi informed me we would be picking her mother up and taking her to her home planet of Betazed.

Oh no, not her?

Lwaxana Troi has always been a problem ever since she boards the vessel. The first time she did, she eyed me as a possible husband.

Let's just hope it's a trouble-free journey this time.

I take an extra aspirin and go down to Transporter Room 2 with Deanna Troi to welcome her.

Lwaxana Troi beams aboard and instantly sees me. I go all tense.

"Welcome aboard, Mrs Troi. Its a pleas....."

"Jean-Luc!" she exclaims, and runs towards me, and grabs me in a vice-like grip and kisses me on both cheeks, "It's been so long since we last talked!"

She turns to her daughter.

"How are you, my dear? Why haven't you got married, yet? Aren't there enough men on the ship?"

"Mother!" she exclaims and turns a bright red.

The two of them then have a heated telepathic exchange of words. They both look at me occasionally as if I am intruding.

After a while, Mrs Troi grabs my arm.

"Come on, Jean-Luc, you can personally escort me to my quarters."

I notice her giving a wink to Deanna, who looks disgustedly on. Quickly, I send a message to Riker on the way.

"Get the Enterprise on Warp Factor 9.5 to Betazed."

"We'll be there in two hours, Captain, instead of the scheduled three days at that speed."

"I know that, Number One. Just do it! Picard out."

Sometimes, desperate measures have to be undertaken when a person is in dire straits.