Sunday, March 02, 2008

Ensign Britney Undercover (Part One)

I am talking with Admiral Harriman on my videoviewer.

I only seem to get messages from him when there is trouble. One thing I'll have to try is see if I can block his messages like the 21st Century computers did with spam. His messages are about as welcome as ones promising wonder pills or from lawyers of African princes who perished in a plane crash and want to use my account to transfer money.

My mind is wandering.

"Captain Picard!" Harriman says, "Are you listening?"

"Of course, Admiral."

"Well, like I said." he continues, "The Federation is getting worried about the Dregs of Society. They seem to be on the rise again."

The Dregs were an underground counter-culture who were trying to destabilise the harmonious set-up that exist on Earth. Their leader, Dirk Dreg is currently in a penal colony.

"What evidence do you have?" I ask.

"Sources tell us that they are slowly gaining in numbers." Harriman tells me, "We need to get someone on the inside and find out just what is going on."

"I think the Dregs know myself, Riker, Doctor Crusher or Deanna Troi." I tell him.

"Not you!" Harriman laughs, "Any of you are far too old. The Dreg ringleaders would spot you in an instant. Besides that, you are too well known. However, you do have a member of the crew who would be able to infiltrate the Dregs without a problem. No one would suspect she was with Starfleet."

I give a look of horror and drop my cup of Earl Grey tea,

"Surely, Admiral." I croak, "You can't mean...?

"Yes, Picard." he confirms, "Ensign Britney will fit in perfectly with the Dregs."

So well, she'd probably be leader within half an hour.


A few moments later, Ensign Britney has been brought from the brig and is sitting in my Ready Room.

She takes a strip of chewing gum from inside her Dr Martens black boots and plays with Fido, her pet dog, while she listens to the assignment I am giving her from Admiral Harriman.

"Cool!" she exclaims, "Can I take my soulsistah T'Pol or my dog along for the ride?"

I sigh.

"No, Ensign." I reply, "This is a dangerous mission. They may recognise T'Pol as a non-Dreg, and Fido's safety may distract you from your objective."

"Yeah, I guess you're right." admits the Deltan.

"Now the Dregs will always dress in weird clothes that no normal person will use." I tell her, "We will give you a range of clothes for you to use so that you won't be detected."

"No need, Captain." Britney replies, "I'll just use my own clothes, "They will be wilder than anything you can provide."

Now why didn't I guess that?

Britney leaves the room the prepare for mission. Deanna comes in.

"I'm concerned, Captain." she informs me, "Do you think Britney will be safe from the Dregs?"

"Actually, Counselor." I reply, "I think we should consider whether the Dregs are safe from Britney."

To be continued...


Anonymous said...

"Now the Dregs will always dress in weird clothes that no normal person will use." I tell her.

You left out the "no underwear" rule. Slipshod work, Picard. Slipshod, indeed. That will go on your permanent record.

Via Michelle,


Lahdeedah said...

I think you've lost Britney for good.

The Dregs will have a new leader.


Gordon said...

Or they'll get wiped out when britney becomes leader and gets annoyed with 'em and starts shooting 'em or has them go do something Truly stupid...

The Mistress of the Dark said...

Poor Dregs! I can't wait for Part 2 :)

The Real Mother Hen said...

Me to Deanna, "it's Britney, even herself isn't safe from herself. Easy, the Dregs are no comparison when it comes to endangering oneself.."

And I'm off to read the previous posts while drinking my tea :)

Alien Insomniac said...


Cool blog!!!

pilgrimchick said...

A brilliant return for Ensign Britney. How we have missed her.

Cough, cough.

Dregs--great name!

Unknown said...

jean-luc-picard: "I give a look of horror and drop my cup of Earl Grey tea"...I almost spit my tea out from convulsive laughter! I swear to you, I was taking in a movie tonight and as I pulled into the parking lot I thought "I'll bet Ensign Britney" makes an appearance. When I returned home, my Norelco electric shaver ws missing. So, I rushed to your website and my worst fears were confirmed!!:D))

Anthony Stark Ironboy said...

The Dregs will be begging you to save then from her.

Linda said...

I believe that I am almost feeling sorry for the Dregs of Society!

Amanda said...

Captain, maybe you'll be rid of her soon. But, she might end up as the leader of the Dregs or something and that will definitely bring chaos.

The Curmudgeon said...

I don't think you need hope, uh, fear, that Ensign Britney will be lost to you as a result of this mission. She'd miss the food in the Brig too much to stay away for good.

Jean-Luc Picard said...

I'm sure Britney will be back before long. Be warned: this is a long story, possibly a six-part epic.

The Dregs are in trouble with Britney around. I hope you all like her outfit in Part Two.

Michael, glad it gave you a big smile!

Ellee Seymour said...

Nobody is safe from the Dregs, heaven help us all.

Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator said...

Britney may just bring the Dregs down singlehandedly without even trying.

Merlyn said...

Britney as a secret agent...are you crazy?

Tawnya Shields said...

Oh this mission I will have to stick around and see what happens. The Dregs! Ha ha ha ha ha! Ensign Britney should do fantastic!

Unknown said...

Come to think of it, the Dregs were what I left behind in Cincinnati! :D

Vegeta said...

This may be a disaster

Pat said...

Dregs, Earl Grey and Britney! Quelle melange!

Jean-Luc Picard said...

Pat, I couldn't have said it better myself. What a combination!

Jon, who knows what Britney can do?

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