TWQ: Bookmarked Applications

This week, TWQ (The Weekend Question) asks you to take a close look at some of those bookmarks you have on your computer.

What interesting and unusual bookmarks are on your computer? List as many as you wish.

My answers are:

Diddit A great new application where you can tick off all the things you have done, want to do, and tell stories on what happened when you did. If you join let me know, as members can link to be friends.


Shelfari This is where you can build up a bookshelf of all the books that you have read, join groups of people with similar tastes and make friends with others there. I'm on there as well!

Now it's over to you...

A Letter From Picard To Bev

Dearest Bev,

We had a great time last night, didn't we? That date started well in Ten Forward, with Guinan placing us discreetly in the corner, out of the way from the prying eyes.



I know I love dressing up in my Dixon Hill outfit. I just love the 1940's outfit you use as well.

Why, oh why did Data have to march up though and inform us that the plasma warp conduits were malfunctioning just as I was about to pour the champagne? I must admit, I was so piqued, I could have stood up and used his 'off' button then and there. It was such a relief that Jennifer Baxter was with him so that she could rescue us and drag him off.

The dinner was beautiful, don't you think? I must admit that I've never had Bajoran oysters. They are supposed to be even more romantic than the ones we have on earth. I must apologise for kissing you right after the first one. It must have been an oyster, although you didn't seem to mind.

The movie at the Enterprise cinema was a real romantic one. I'm glad we were in the back seat. Though I liked the movie, I preferred concentrating on you. I must admit that I lost interest in the film completely when I overheard Ensign Britney tell T'Pol, who were a couple of seats to the right of me that the girl actually falls for his brother at the end when the lead character gets killed. This was after just watching ten minutes! Remind me to tell them both about cinema etiquette.



Right afterwards, I was all set to escort you to your quarters when Riker told me we were under attack from the Vtarans. To be honest, I would have let them come and board the night if they had gone away then.

So I must apologise for the unromantic ending last night. Next time, Riker can sort it out himself, and it will be just us two!

Yours, as always,

Jean-Luc

PS: Fortunately, this is a private letter and I haven't programmed it to go on my log....I think.

Feng Shui In The Borg Cube (Part Two)

Guest Poster: The Borg Queen.

With the drone interior designers One One and One Two on my Cube, they are currently showing me Feng Shui ideas to brighten the place up. I've thought for ages that black and green are hardly the designs for a happy Cube.

Naturally, the Troi Borg Queen, who has the 02 Cube opposes it, but has been overruled by our Leader the Alpha Borg Queen. She wants to see the plans in place here before ordering the other Cubes to follow suit.

------------

"All right." I say to the two drones, "Show me what other designs you have in mind for the Cube."

"Certainly your highness." One Two says with a grovelly voice, "Our brief is to make this the top Cube in the Borg fleet, one that will make the drones green with envy until their Cube gets the same treatment."

"Cut out the grovel and carry on." I tell him.



"Now this is a charming waiting room area." One One continues, "Before anyone enters the Assimilation Chamber, they can relax in this peaceful environment, read a magazine and chat to each other. We consider this a better approach than the rather intimidating way we've tried befre."

"I see you you mean." I answer, "Carry on."



"Now after a hard day of conquering planets and assimilation" One One continues, "What better than to relax in your own private Ready Room, away from the drone of the drones and switch to complete peace and quiet."

This appeals to me a lot. Already I am picturing myself sitting in those comfy seats.



"Now after a hard of ruling your Cube, what better than to relax and sleep in your bedroom? The bed itself is queen-size, of course, and has artificial soft light filter through in the morning."

I love it!

"All right, you two." I command, "Get everything installed into the Cube as soon as possible. We're going to turn the 01 into something special!"

They scurry off and I sit back with my martini, looking forward to the event in the near future when the Cube changes.

Feng Shui In The Borg Cube (Part One)

Guest Poster: The Borg Queen

I always think it's going to be a bad day when I don't get my boiled egg in the morning. After all, everybody likes to have their soldiers with them

"Where's my egg?!" I snap at the Borg waiter at my table as he gives me my cornflakes.



"Excuse me, your highness." he replies in that rather snobbish voice through his mouthpiece, "But the chef says he had forgotten to order a fresh supply from the Borg Chicken Farm."

"Then have him disconnected immediately!" I command, "These chefs seem to be ten a penny. Try and assimilate a few from good restaurants. That should improve the culinary taste of the Collective."

"Very well, your highness." he says, with his nose still stuck up in the air.

I start to read The Borg Bugle. I know it might seem pointless as we all have a hive mind anyway, but it can be interesting to read what the well-dressed Queen should be wearing this season, and whether I'm in the scandal section.

Another drone comes up to me just after I've finished my cornflakes and am about to start on my toast. Nothing irks me more than an interrupted breakfast.

"Excuse me your highness." it says, just like the other one did, "But One One and One Two are here to see you."

I sigh. The drone is right. I had booked this appointment some time ago, so I have no grounds to complain.

One One and One Two are Borg interior designer drones, who are redoing the Cube in a set of relaxed colours, with feng shui laid out and a relaxation area like Ten Forward on the human ship Enterprise. The Troi Borg Queen despises it, of course, but the plans were sent to our glorious Leader, the Alpha Borg Queen, and she has given the go-ahead for our Cube to be used as a trial for the new design.

When they come, I ask about the plans.

"Oh they were SO last season, wern't they darling?" One One says.

"Indeed they were, darling." One Two answers, "Fortunately, we have the right designs to make your Cube the most fashionable one in the Galaxy. Before long, everybody will want to be assimilated just for a chance to be a drone on it."

One One opens the book he is carrying.



"Here is a most charming rock garden." he says with pride, "Fully decorated in a feng shui style, it leads from the Assimilation Chamber to a perfect place for the tired drone to relax."

"Very good." I comment, "What else do you have?"

"Just turn the page, your highness." One Two replies.

To be continued...

TWQ: New Academy Award Categories

With the Academy Awards being presented on Sunday night, TWQ (The Weekend Question) looks at some missing categories.

Can you name some new Academy Award Categories that ought to be included, and maybe some likely recipicants of them?

My answers are:

Biggest Loss of Money Picture.....Awarded to the movie that has lost the most money. Previous recipicants would have have Ishtar, Heaven's Gate etc

Worst Award Acceptance Speech in The Last Twelve Months....hot contender is Kate Winslet....well done Kate!

Now it's over to you...

The Starfleet Official

"We are ordered to accept the person just arriving, sir" Data tells me from the Com, "Starfleet has said he should be treated like a visiting dignitary."

"Does that mean I can't put him in the airlock, Number One?" I say to Riker quietly.

"At least not for 24 hours, Captain." he answers with a smile.

"I think I can wait until then." I say, "Although frankly with some of the visitors we've had in the past, I've felt like putting them in an airlock or straight in the photon torpedo tube and firing them into the nearest sun."



"That's not a very productive attitude, Captain." lectures Deanna, "If you ever feel stressed about some of our visitors, then perhaps I need to book you in for a session in my clinic where you can talk..."

"I don't need that, Counselor." I tell her, "It's just that some of these guests are enough to drive anybody crazy."

-----------

We wait for the guest to beam himself over.



The guest appears to have 50% more teeth than the average human.

"Greetings, Captain Picard." he says, "I am Merrick, the Starfleet Log Official."

"What can I do for you?" I ask.

"Well, we've received reports that some Logs may be used to record their own thoughts, instead of official listings of actual happenings."

"I'm a little confused Mr Merrick." I tell him, "I thought that Personal Logs were meant to record the individual thoughts of the person who owns the log."

Merrick laughs.

"Whatever gave you that idea, Captain?" he answers, "No, Logs are going to be handed in to Starfleet so that we can check your activities. It's a new directive that we are trying out."

"But they are private!" I protest, "Some of them may contain some err...very personal thoughts."

Merrick's eyes brighten up.

"Then I'll look forward to reading them!" he answers.

Deanna Troi and Beverly Crusher overhear this conversation, and both look aghast.

"I can't have my relationship with Will Riker known to every little pen-pusher in Starfleet." Deanna wails.

"We all have personal lives that are recorded in our Logs, Mr Merrick." I tell him in a manner just below tolerance, "We can't have everybody knowing all the facets of what we do. We have to have some privacy. Is there anything we can do?"

"Well you can always protest to Starfleet." Merrick answers offhandedly.

"Maybe I can persuade you to change you mind?" Deanna says, "Come this way and I'll show you around the ship."

--------------

An hour later, Merrick has beamed off the ship, but hasn't taken the personal logs.

"You did very well in convincing Merrick not to take the Logs, Counselor." I say to Deanna, "What did you say?"

"Oh, nothing much." she replies calmly, "But my tour of the ship did include a visit to an airlock and a photon torpedo tube."

Q's Valentine Date (Part Two)

Guest Poster: Q

Well I know when I'm not wanted!

All I wanted to do was take my date, a rather attractive female Q to the Enterprise Valentine Party. Would't you know it, Jean-Luc was on guard, making sure I didn't cause any mischief.

To tell the truth, I was more interested in having a slow dance with my date than causing mayhem on the Enterprise. The stuffy Captain throws us off.

Yes, I know what you're thinking. As we are beings from the Q Continuum, we could do anything to create a little havoc in retaliation. I didn't feel like it tonight.



"Oh, Q, sweetie." says my date, "We just aren't welcome anywhere."

"I can't think why." I reply, "It's not as if we're any trouble. Some people just can't take a joke. When we went to the restaurant, it was fun to make the waiters walk backwards."

"That's true." the female Q answers, "And when we made the waiter's clothes vanish, we did give him a menu to cover his embarrassment. Not everybody would do that."

"Of course not, dear Q." I continue, "But the question still remains. What shall we do with our date. Wwe could always go in for some serious lip-locking."

"A little later." she answers, "I want to have some fun on the Enterprise first. I can see that in their cinema they are showing Casablanca in the late-night screening. Why don't we go their and change things a little?"

My date explains what she means and I laugh. Why had I never thought of this?

-------------

Looking into the cinema, we see the senior staff watching the screen. Picard and Beverly Crusher are only seeing parts of it as they are more interested in kissing each other.

The female Q and I merge ourselves into the screen so that we control what Humphrey Bogart and Ingrid Bergman are saying....it's coming up to the big scene...



Rick: I'm saying it because it's true. Inside of us, we both know you belong with Victor. You're part of his work, the thing that keeps him going. If that plane leaves the ground and you're not with him, you'll regret it. Maybe not today. Maybe not tomorrow, but soon and for the rest of your life.

Ilsa: But what about us?

Rick: Yeah, maybe you're right, we'll send your husband packing on the plane, while you and I make sweet music together here in Casablanca.

Ilsa: Oh, Rick, I love you!

Rick: Ilsa, I think this is going to be the start of a beautiful friendship!

(they kiss and the movie ends...)

-----------

The senior staff all wake up from a semi-slumber, realising the movie hasn't ended the same way.

"What's going on?" Picard demands to know, as he stands up, Beverly falling on the floor as he does."

"You should have let my Q into the Dance." my date says, "Now you have two Q's to pester you."

We vanish back to the Continuum. I'm so proud of my Q. What a woman!

Q's Valentine Date (Part One)

Guest Poster: Q

I'm really nervous.

Even though I'm a superbeing from the Q Continuum, where everybody lives indefinately, I'm still nervous. The butterflies in my stomach are reaching a crescendo.

Why? I'm about to ask Q out for a date.

Yes, I know it's confusing when every being in the Continuum has the same name, but I assure you, I'm crazy about the woman! When she wears that Essence of Andromeda perfume, I'm hers.

I know what you're thinking. We can both adapt ourselves to look like any creature in the universe, so how can I be attracted to just one female Q?

Well, both she and I have a penchant for looking like humans. They are both our favourite creatures. After all, what other sort can you get maximum satisfaction from playing gags on?

Hold on. Here she comes...



Isn't she a stunner? Even far away, I can tell she's wearing that perfume again. I can tell what Jean-Luc sees in redheads.

"Hiya, Q" she says cheerily, "Great to see you again. Did you say on the Continuum Phone that you wanted to ask me something?"

I start gibbering, like a young human about to ask a girl on his first ever date.

"Err...ahhh" I start, "Well, err, I was kind of wondering, if you err, like wanted to go on a date with me?"

This is ridiculous! What a relief Jean-Luc can't see this. I'd never live it down.

"Sure I would, Q" she replies, "I've always wanted to. You seem such an attractive being in the Continuum. Much more bravado than the other beings."

I can hardly believe it.

"Shall we go to the Enterprise Valentine Party?" I ask.

"I'd love to!"

------------

We both appear on the Enterprise. All the crew are there in besy evening outfits. Jean-Luc sees me and looks in horror.



"Q!" he exclaims, "We don't want any trouble from you."

"Jean-Luc." I answer, "I'm just here to attend the party. See, Q here is my date."

"Well I feel sorry for her." the Captain answers sarcastically, "Why don't you find another place to go. Just not here."

"Come on, Q" my date tells me, "We are clearly not wanted here. Let's go somewhere else."

We are about to vanish when my date snaps her fingers. The Captain's clothes vanish just as all the senior staff are coming in.

Ah, my date is a Q after my own heart!

To be continued...