Ensign Britney Undercover (Part Six)

Guest Poster: Ensign Britney

Can things get much worse than they are right now?

Here I am, working undercover as a member of the Dregs of Society, a counterculture threatening to overthrow the Federation, and I've just been given a phaser disruptor to disintegrate the prisoner we have..my best friend and soulsistah, T'Pol.

If I don't do it, then I am going to be exposed as a Federation sympathiser, and I'll be next for the disruptor.

I must admit, I did have some sympathies for the Dreg lifestyle, as I'm no fan of authority myself. To be generous, Captain Picard has always makes sure I have the same brig when I am sent there, to make me feel at home.

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"Do it!" shouts Desdemona, leader of the Dregs, "Once we get this Federation snooper out of the way, we'll go and break my brother out of the penal colony."

An idea occurs to me, like it did when T'Pol and I didn't have enough money for the entrance fee to the Disco AGoGo Nightclub.

"Give me another disruptor, Desdemona." I command, "I want to finish her off in style!"

"Very impressive, Britney." comments Desdemona, "You have true Dreg authority."

I aim both guns at T'Pol, who looks horrified.

Carefully, I set one gun at a low setting and aim for her handcuffs. The disruptor shatters them.

I throw the other disruptor at T'Pol.



"Come on, sistah!" I shout, "Let's put this group away!"

"Britney!" exclaims Desdemona, "You're one of the Federation! You traitor!"

The door bursts open, and Worf, his security team and the senior staff enters, as we point our disruptors at the Dregs, keeping them at bay in the corner.

"It seems that our presence was not required, Captain." Data declares.

"Indeed, Mr Data." the Captain replies.

I tell him what happened, the plot to break Dirk Dreg out, and also hand him the computer chip with all the Dreg members on it.

"Very well done, Ensign Britney." Picard tells me.

That's a sentence I thought I'd never hear.

T'Pol and I hug each other as Desdemona is led away in chains. She stops to look at me in hatred.


"Don't think this is the end of the Dregs, Ensign Britney." she sneers, "Some of us will get out and be around. You will be top of our hit list for revenge. Admit it, you were a natural Dreg, and you sold us out to those you dislike conforming to."

Her comments hit a few sore points, but I did what I had to do. I can see that I can forget about getting a Christmas card from Desdemona.

"Good to have you back, sistah!" T'Pol tells me happily.

"Likewise." I reply, "I think this calls for an all-night session at the Disco AGoGo Nightclub!"

"Absolutely!"

Ensign Britney Undercover (Part Five)

Guest Poster: Ensign Britney

Things don't seem to be going well on my undercover mission, infiltrating the counterculture group The Dregs of Society.

One of the members, Vyla, is very suspicious of me, though I am liked by Tamara, who bought me in to the group and by Desdemona Dreg, their leader.

She has revealed that the Dregs' plan is to break Dirk Dreg out of the penal colony. I can't get this information out, as my life would be worth less than a Ferengi's 'money back guarantee'.

Besides that, I like the anarchic lifestyle they have. However, I have to put that aside and try and complete the mission.

----------

Desdemona approaches me, as we all wait for the signal to start to break-out mission.

"Britney, honey." she says, "I want to get your details on on the Dreg database, so that you are established as a fully fledged Dreg."

"Sure." I reply, and take out some chewing gum and sit back.

"You've got a great laid-back style, Britney." she comments, "I'm sure you'll be one of the top Dregs within a short time. Ones like Vyla are not leadership material. Now I'll just switch on the computer."



"Now then." Desdemona continues, "Name, Britney. Planet of Origin, Delta. Have you ever been in jail?"

"Oh, sure, lots of times." I reply.

Considering the amount of times I've been in the Enterprise brig, that's no lie.

"That's super." she comments, "What were you put in jail for?"

"Not conforming to rules, anarchic behaviour, annoying other people, refusal to obey orders."

"That is just great!" says Desdemona as she types the information in, "You sound like the Ideal Dreg."

I wouldn't have thought telling the absolute truth would be so handy.

Suddenly, she is called away from the computer, as another member wants her for something.

I see my opportunity. I take a computer chip from the heel of my Dr Marten boots, slip it into the computer and take a copy of the entire Dreg database.

With this, Starfleet will be able to track and jail every Dreg there is. I feel a tang of regret for having to do this, but it will ensure the success of my mission.

Desdemona returns, with an excited look on her face, as if she has got the winning ticket in her box of Galaxy Corn Flakes.

"Britney!" she exclaims, "You'll never believe who we've captured! An actual member of Starfleet!"

She indicates to Tamara to bring the prisoner in.



I look in horror as I see it is my soulsistah T'Pol!

The two of us exchange glances, but say nothing to indicate that we already know each other.

"We've talked to her a lot, Britney" says Desdemona, "But this one is a tough one, saying something like members of the Terran Empire never talk."

Desdemona places a disruptor in my hand.

"For your first mission, Britney." she says, "You can disintegrate this Starfleet lackey."

T'Pol and I look at each other in mutual horror at hearing this.

I have never so panic stricken since the day I was told that Delta Gum, my favourite chewing gum was ceasing production.

To be continued...

Ensign Britney Undercover (Part Four)

It's been nearly a week since I sent Ensign Britney undercover to infiltrate the Dregs of Society. I haven't heard a word from her.

The idea was for her to find out as much information as she could, and come straight out, but that hasn't happened. As she is so erratic and unpredictable, I don't know what to think.

Britney is about as reliable as a timepiece sold by a Ferengi dealer.

-----------

Deanna Troi and Beverly enter my Ready Room, where I am about to have a stress pill.

"Captain." says Deanna, "We'd like to talk to you about Ensign Britney."

At the sound of that, I decide to have two stress pills instead.

"What is it, Counselor?" I ask.

"We have been studying Ensign Britney's behavioral patterns." Deanna continues, "It seems she has a lot of the qualities that are also inherant in Dreg behaviour. Reluctance to accept rules, bad discipline, never one to conform."

"So what are you two saying?" I ask.



"We think that Britney could easily be a victim of Stockholm Syndrome, or the modern equivilant FourLight Fever, where the captor, or person with them can start to believe or sympathise with their beliefs." Bev tells me.

I put my head in my hands.

"She could reveal a lot of Starfleet secrets!" I say in despair.

"That will not happen!" exclaims a third voice in the room.



"T'Pol." Deanna says, "I know you're friends with Britney, but..."

"My soulsistah friend Britney may be unorthodox." T'Pol declares, "I agree, she may have sympathies with the Dregs, but she is a good Starfleet member and will carry out her mission."

Riker enters the room.

"I hope you're right, T'Pol." he says, "We've had word from sources around the main Dreg neighbourhood that the leader now is a Desdemona Dreg, sister of the imprisoned Dirk Dreg. Not only that, she has a new recruit who is in her favour and will soon rise high in their circles."

I groan.

"We've got to get her out now, Captain." Deanna says, "Before it is too late. She may be either trapped in there and is playing along until she sees her chance, or has turned into a Dreg."

"Send me." T'Pol asks, "I was top at the sneakiness and break in group in the Terran Empire Qualifying Exam."

An idea comes to me.

"Very well, T'Pol." I say, "You can go down and locate her. We'll tell you where the top Dreg areas are."

Satisfied, T'Pol leaves the Ready Room.

Deanna, Bev and Riker look amazed.

"Why did you send her alone, Captain." asks Riker, "She'll get captured."

"And lead us right to their Headquarters, Number One." I say, "We'll place a tracker on her before she beams down. Mr Worf his full security team and us all will be close behind."

"You may have a good idea, Jean-Luc." Bev tells me after the others have left, "Let's hope we are not to late to save Britney from the Dregs."

To be continued...

TWQ: To Do List For This Week

This week's TWQ (The Weekend Question) asks about the tasks you have to do.

What tasks have you pencilled in to do during the next seven days? Are there some you might find hard to find the time for? List as many as you wish.

My answers are:

1: This weekend (Saturday 8th) I shall go to the cinema to see 'The Other Boleyn Girl'. This is a definate intention!

2: I want to try and read the essay on Shakespeare's 'The Tempest' from The Complete Works which I just bought. This is prior to reading the play then seeing the DVD on the BBC Shakespeare Collection. I hope to read the essay at least!

3: Complete a tiresome job on Monday the boss of my office gave me. Whether I find the time for, or whether there aren't enough hours in the day, it has to be done!

Now it's over to you

Ensign Britney Undercover (Part Three)

Guest Poster: Ensign Britney

Yay! I love it when a mission is going well, like mine appears to be.

Tamara, the member of the Dregs of Society that I've met is taking me to the Dreg HQ. My mission is to infiltrate this counter-culture movement, which is gathering pace in the Federation, and is planning to overthrow the peaceful society on Earth.

I am taken to a secret underground chamber within an office building. No one would suspect the Dregs are here. The elevator opens up and the two of us go forward, where a group of strangely dressed individuals are around.

I say strangely dressed in the eyes of regular people, but to me they look perfectly normal. I could be dancing with them and my soulsistah T'Pol at the Cafe AGoGo Nightclub.

"Look who I have here!" exclaims Tamara, "This is Britney; she's a Deltan and wants to join the Dregs. She looks like she'll be a fab asset to the group."

"Well I don't like her!" says a sour voice.



"You never like anyone, Vyla!" snaps Tamara, "Britney is one of us, now."

I start to feel a little guilty, as if the teacher in class is declaring that someone has done something naughty.

"Well I DO like her!" says another voice from the rear of the room. A figure steps from the shadows and approaches me.



"Hello, Britney, honey." she says, "I'm Desdemona Dreg, leader of this group. It's a pleasure to welcome you to us. We need more Deltans. They are so good at their anti-Federation operations."

"Don't be too sure about it, Desdemona." Vyla warns, "There's something about this Deltan that I don't like. Are you really one of us, Britney?"

"Err...yeah..sure." I reply hastily.

"Vyla!" Desdemona shouts, "You should be grateful for the members we get. We didn't have very many for the Christmas Dreg Dinner Dance last December. Fortunately, membership has quadrupled since. Britney is one of us and is now my friend. We'll all be going on the big mission soon. That includes her."

My ears lift up at the sound of the words 'big mission' like those of a rabbit when they hear something...or a Vulcan or Ferengi."

"Err...what 'big mission' is that, Desdemona?"

"We're going to the penal colony, sweetie." she replies, "We're gonna break my brother Dirk Dreg out of there so that he can lead us all to a triumphant Dreg victory."

I go and look outside. My heart is sinking.



The Dregs' clothing and lifestyle are my kinda people, but their criminal activities are not. Am I betraying them if I can lead them into a trap at the penal colony? Anyway, I can't get any information out to the Enterprise. The Dregs are watching me closer than a three-eyed walachi bird.

These sort of choices are harder for me than picking what style of Dr Martens boot to wear.

To be continued after the weekend TWQ...

Ensign Britney Undercover (Part Two)

Guest Poster: Ensign Britney

This is cool!

I'm on a solo undercover mission to save the Federation from the destablising influence given by the Dregs of Society.

This group are resurfacing, and Captain Picard needs someone to go undercover into their organisation in order to find out what is going on. Apparently, they thought that none of the Dregs would know I was from Starfleet.

---------------

The Enterprise has beamed me down to Earth.

I've put my dark wig on, got dressed in my best outfit and have decided to walk around the area in San Fransisco where Dreg counter-culture is at it's highest.



I get mixed reactions from certain people; some think I'm naturally one of the Dreg group, some others look disgusted, as if I am an alien.

Actually, I AM an alien. I'm from the planet Delta.

How am I going to get anywhere? This undercover lark isn't going to help unless I can't get under someone's cover. I'll have to start taking a few chances, like I did when I bought that new flavour chewing gum.

Approaching me is a woman who has the air of a Dreg.



Actually, I love that outfit she is wearing. I'll have to remember to ask her where she got it from if I can get into the organisation. Come to think of it, it might be a good way opening line.

"Cool threads, sistah." I tell her with a smile, "I'd love to wear some outfits like that."

"No problem, honey." she replies, "We have plenty at the little group I'm in."

"Which one's that?" I ask hopefully.

"Hey, we're the Dregs of Society!" she tells me triumphantly, "We're gonna take this 'perfect' world apart with our secret goings-on!"

"That's cool." I say, "I've always wanted to be in that gang. I'm a Deltan, and as you know we're real free-thinkers and don't like things to be 'normal'. whatever that is."

"A Deltan?" she exclaims, "That's brill! We always need them in the Dregs, as they are our most efficient members. I'm Tamara. Who are you?"

"I'm Britney." I tell her.

"Good." answers Tamara, "Come with me and I'll take you to our secret Dreg HQ, where you'll meet a lot of cool people. I'm going to get some bonus points in my salary this month for recruiting a new Dreg member."

I go along with her. Though I'm getting well in, I can't help feeling that she is a little like me. I hope I'll be able to accomplish my mission. Maybe I have a hint of Dreg in my heart?

To be continued...

Ensign Britney Undercover (Part One)

I am talking with Admiral Harriman on my videoviewer.

I only seem to get messages from him when there is trouble. One thing I'll have to try is see if I can block his messages like the 21st Century computers did with spam. His messages are about as welcome as ones promising wonder pills or from lawyers of African princes who perished in a plane crash and want to use my account to transfer money.

My mind is wandering.

"Captain Picard!" Harriman says, "Are you listening?"

"Of course, Admiral."

"Well, like I said." he continues, "The Federation is getting worried about the Dregs of Society. They seem to be on the rise again."

The Dregs were an underground counter-culture who were trying to destabilise the harmonious set-up that exist on Earth. Their leader, Dirk Dreg is currently in a penal colony.

"What evidence do you have?" I ask.

"Sources tell us that they are slowly gaining in numbers." Harriman tells me, "We need to get someone on the inside and find out just what is going on."

"I think the Dregs know myself, Riker, Doctor Crusher or Deanna Troi." I tell him.

"Not you!" Harriman laughs, "Any of you are far too old. The Dreg ringleaders would spot you in an instant. Besides that, you are too well known. However, you do have a member of the crew who would be able to infiltrate the Dregs without a problem. No one would suspect she was with Starfleet."

I give a look of horror and drop my cup of Earl Grey tea,

"Surely, Admiral." I croak, "You can't mean...?

"Yes, Picard." he confirms, "Ensign Britney will fit in perfectly with the Dregs."

So well, she'd probably be leader within half an hour.

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A few moments later, Ensign Britney has been brought from the brig and is sitting in my Ready Room.



She takes a strip of chewing gum from inside her Dr Martens black boots and plays with Fido, her pet dog, while she listens to the assignment I am giving her from Admiral Harriman.

"Cool!" she exclaims, "Can I take my soulsistah T'Pol or my dog along for the ride?"

I sigh.

"No, Ensign." I reply, "This is a dangerous mission. They may recognise T'Pol as a non-Dreg, and Fido's safety may distract you from your objective."

"Yeah, I guess you're right." admits the Deltan.

"Now the Dregs will always dress in weird clothes that no normal person will use." I tell her, "We will give you a range of clothes for you to use so that you won't be detected."

"No need, Captain." Britney replies, "I'll just use my own clothes, "They will be wilder than anything you can provide."

Now why didn't I guess that?

Britney leaves the room the prepare for mission. Deanna comes in.



"I'm concerned, Captain." she informs me, "Do you think Britney will be safe from the Dregs?"

"Actually, Counselor." I reply, "I think we should consider whether the Dregs are safe from Britney."

To be continued...

TWQ: TV Series Romances

This week, TWQ (The Weekend Question) takes a look at those romances that have always existed between characters in comedy and drama series in television.

What romances can you recall, unfulfilled or otherwise, can you recall on television between characters? List as many as you like.

My answers are:

Jack O'Neill and Samantha Carter (Stargate SG1)
Richie Cunningham and Lori Beth (Happy Days)
Del Boy Trotter and Raquel Turner (Only Fools & Horses)
David Addison and Maddie Hayes (Moonlighting)
Mork and Mindy (Mork and Mindy)
Gil Grissom and Sara Sidle (CSI)

and to save anyone adding....

Jean-Luc Picard and Beverly Crusher (Star Trek: The Next Generation)

Now it's over to you...