Enterprise Valentine Ball

Now that it is February 14th, all the crew are decked out in their best clothes, ready to attend the Enterprise Valentine Ball in the Sands nightclub.

We all approach the entrance, I have my best tuxedo on. I am escorting Beverly as she wears a stunning red dress, together with a rose.



I know she wore this at the Christmas Party, but any man who values their life does not remind the woman they are with of this fact.

Besides that, she looks good in it.

"Looking forward to it, Jean-Luc?" she asks, as she kisses me on the cheek.

"Yes, Bev." I reply, "I hear that Vic Fontaine has quite a romantic musical set for us tonight."

As we enter, I see all the couples are ready, and the music begins with 'We've Only Just Begun'

We've only just begun to live,
White lace and promises
A kiss for luck and we're on our way.
And yes, We've just begun.

Before the rising sun we fly,
So many roads to choose
We start our walking and learn to run.
And yes, We've just begun.

Sharing horizons that are new to us,
Watching the signs along the way,
Talking it over just the two of us,
Working together day to day
Together.

And when the evening comes we smile,
So much of life ahead
We'll find a place where there's room to grow,
And yes, We've just begun.

All the couples are chatting, but I notice that one person is on her own. Ro Laren.

"What's happened to Ro?" I ask Riker.

"She couldn't get a date, Captain." he replies, "Sometimes her abrasive attitude makes her a little unapproachable."

"But every one else has a date." I say, "Data is with Jennifer, Seven has got Reg Barclay with her, although I think she is just about tolerating him. As for T'Pol and Ensign Britney, they are happier dancing with each other. The men run off after approaching them."



"All right, you lovebirds." says Vic, "Here's another slow dance for you."

"Number One." I say, "I'm ordering all the male senior staff to have a turn in dancing with Ro Laren. Pass the word around. I'll start with this dance."

I approch Ro.

"Would you like to dance this one?"



"Sure, Captain." she replies.

We start, although unfortunatately, the song turns out to be 'Won't Somebody Dance With Me?'

And now the band is playing very slow
and once again, I'll get my coat and go
a lonely wallflower waiting by the wall
without the will power to face the music at all

Please, won't somebody dance with me
start up a romance with me
just someone somewhere
someone who dare take a chance with me

I feel so silly in my patent shoes
so many partners but one of them will choose
a lonely wall flower feeling rather tired
feeling undesired

Please, won't somebody dance with me
start up a romance with me
just someone somewhere
someone who dare take a chance with me

May I have the pleasure of this dance?

Doo doo doo doo doo
----

"Get together with your true love, folks." calls out Vic a few hours later, "Time to close the Ball. I need someone for this song to sing a duet with. Ro, come up here."

Surprised, she gets to the stage and they sing "Close To You."

Why do birds suddenly appear
Every time you are near?
Just like me, they long to be
Close to you.

Why do stars fall down from the sky
Every time you walk by?
Just like me, they long to be
Close to you.

On the day that you were born
The angels got together
And decided to create a dream come true
So they sprinkled moon dust in your hair of gold
And starlight in your eyes of blue.

That is why all the girls in town
Follow you all around.
Just like me, they long to be
Close to you.

On the day that you were born
The angels got together
And decided to create a dream come true
So they sprinkled moon dust in your hair of gold
And starlight in your eyes of blue.

That is why all the girls in town
Follow you all around.
Just like me, they long to be
Close to you.
Just like me (Just like me)
They long to be
Close to you.

Wahhhhhhhhhhh, close to you.
Wahhhhhhhhhhh, close to you.
Hahhhhhhhhhhh, close to you.
Lahhhhhhhhhhh, close to you.


A happy Ro Laren leaves the stage.

"Thanks, Vic." I say quietly.

"Anytime, Captain."

"Happy Valentine's Day, Jean-Luc." says Bev, and kisses me.

"Happy Valentine's Day, Beverly."

The Alpha Borg Queen (Part Two)

Guest Poster: The Borg Queen

Now that the leader of the entire Borg race, the Alpha Borg Queen has arrived at the Conference, I can see that excitement is beginning to mount.

She has assembled herself in that showy manner. Our leader always insists on making a flashy entrance, just to show that she's the Number One Borg.

Personally, I don't like sucking up to the leader. It's far too demeaning on oneself. It's pathetic to see these minor Queens trying to curry favour with "What can I do for you, your Majesty etc?"

Yuk. Still I have to do it somewhat, otherwise with one sweep of her hand, I could be either in the Borg dole queue or taken apart for a science exam.

The Alpha Borg Queen notices me, and walks over, with her entourage following close behind.



"Greetings, 01." she says politely, "How are activities on your Cube?"

"They are fine, thank you, your Majesty?" I reply meeky, "We managed to assimilate three races last week."

"Well done." she says, and moves on to the Troi Borg Queen, who looks like she is itching to say something.

"And how are you doing, 02?" she asks, "You are the Troi Queen from the other universe?"

"I am, your Majesty." she says sharply, "Our Cube assimilated nine races last week, which is a lot better than the human-loving 01 here, who is going soft!"

The air is suddenly filled with tension. This is not the sort of behaviour that usually happens in front of the Alpha Borg Queen.

"Go on, 02" our leader says.

"01 here." Troi says, as I look with a sneer, "Placed one of her drones, named Seven of Nine on the Enterprise starship instead of assimilating them. She has attended their Christmas parties, used her drones as waiters, piloted their ship, and is even thinking of redecorating her Cube in pastel colours and feng shui two drone designers named One of Two and Two of Two!"

"Indeed!" the Alpha Borg Queen says, but her face reveals no facial change.

"Yes." Troi continues, "I believe the 01 Cube Queen has gone too far in her relationship with humans, and that she is a friend of them. She forgets that the Borg are all conquering, unstoppable. We are Borg, resistance is futile."

"Quite so." our leader says to herself, then turns to me. "01, what do you have to say in reply to Troi's allegations?"

A bead of sweat appears on my brow. That doesn't usually happen.

"We can know our enemy best by researching them, your Majesty." I answer, "By putting my best drone, Seven of Nine on the Enterprise, I am gathering facts, secrets and information that it would be impossible to obtain by simply conquering them. Of corse we will assimilate them eventually, but only when we know all we need to, and their usefullness has ended."

"And the parties?" The Alpha Borg Queen inquires.

"It is all part of learning the habits of the humans. In this case, I decided to experience it myself, rather than wait for Seven's report."

A disgusted "Pah!" comes from the direction of the Troi Queen.

"You will be silent while I talk to 01!" The Alpha Borg Queen says to her. Everybody shivers, as they usually do when addressed firmly by her.

"Why are you designing your Cube in a different way to the standard set-up the the Borg use." she asks.

"Well, your Majesty." I reply, "The drones One One and One Two believe that those in the Cube will work at optimum efficiency if the workplace is more relaxing. A rest area for talking between shifts will also help."

"They are very interesting ideas." the Alpha Borg Queen says to herself, "Send the blueprints and design plans to my office. If I approve them, I may get all Cubes to have them fitted."

"I refuse to have them on my Cube!" the Troi Queen shouts.

"We can easily arrange for you not to have a Cube at all, 02!" our leader snaps back at her, "Is that what you want?"

"No, your Majesty." she replies demurely.

"Then be silent!"

The Alpha Borg Queen starts to walk away, then returns back to me.

"01" she asks, "Do you think you could get me a ticket for the next Enterprise Christmas party?"
"I'm sure that can be arranged, your Majesty." I reply.

"Excellent!" she answers, and walks off.

The Troi Borg Queen is in a sulk, and I'm a happy bunny!

The Alpha Borg Queen (Part One)

Guest Poster: The Borg Queen

This Conference of the Borg Queens is bound to cause a few ructions between the representatives. For one, the Alpha Borg Queen is attending.

When this was announced, it sent a few shivers up the spines of the various Cube representatives, including myself. The Alpha Borg Queen is the head of us all. The entire Borg race is governed by what she says.

Naturally, there are certain ones who are always circling around her, trying to get her favour. These 'Yes-Queens', as I call them, want to be selected for succession by her to the Borg Throne when the Alpha Queen decides to retire and enjoy her index-linked Borg pension.

In contrast, there are also the rebels. These are the ones who stand alone and shout, acting like a loose cannon. An example of this is the Troi Borg Queen of Unimatrix Cube 02. She was in a parallel universe that was dominated by the Borg, but came through to this one.



All right, she might well be the pinup girl amongst the male drones. I know all of mine have a picture of her in their alcoves, but I don't like her. She is too wild. What really bugs me is that as soon as a drone is aware that she is the Queen of Cube 02, they want to request a transfer there!

I'm talking with the others by the Refreshment Area, getting a coffee and donut, chatting to the others and having a laugh about some of the races we have assimilated when I notice that familar silver suit in the corner of my eye. She is looking at me.

Troi strides up to me, as if she is modelling on a catwalk.

"Well, 01." she says in a sneering manner, "Do you think you'll still be in charge of that Cube of yours when the Alpha Queen hears about how soft you've been with the humans? All of them deserve to be eliminated."

"You just don't belong, Troi." I reply icily, "You were never one of us, and never will be. You're an outsider, not a true Borg of this universe."

"I'm more of a Borg then you ever are, were." she answers with rising fury, and in a second, the two of us are scrapping on the floor, tearing at each other. Two other Cube Queens separate us.

"01." says the 09 Queen, "It's no time for that, the Alpha Borg Queen is about to enter."

Troi and I get ourselves in order and march off in different directions to our places in the Hall.

A fanfare of trumpets is heard all around and one the stage we see her coming together.



The Alpha Borg Queen always likes to make a flashy entrance.

I'm a little concerned, though. What will she think of any of the allegations that Troi makes? I'd best be on my guard, otherwise I could get relegated to being some drone's implant.

To be continued....

TWQ: Autobiography Title

This week, TWQ (The Weekend Question) we look at possible titles for your, and other people's autobiographies.

What title would you give to your autobiography? Be as serious or as funny as you wish. Also, think of some good titles for other people's autobiographies.

My answers are:

"See If You Bother To Read Past Page 2."

"My Ghostwritten Autobiography Published So That I can Make A Lot Of Money Now That I Am A Faded Star By Trashing Other People."

Beverly Crusher: "I Lost My Heart To A Starship Captain" (apologies to Sarah Brightman)

Sherlock Holmes: "An Elementary Life."

Now it's over to you...

T'Pol & Britney In The Mirror Universe (Part Three)

Guest Poster: Ensign Britney

Boy, my soulsistah T'Pol and I have made a mistake big time! I haven't been this sad since the Enterprise replicator failed to issue my favourite brand of chewing gum.

When T'Pol and I saw there was a spatial rift that led to the mirror universe, which is where she comes from, and is the home of the Terran Empire, she grabbed a shuttlecraft and hightailed it out before Captain Picard could say anything. Naturally, as her friend, I came along. I'm always getting locked in the brig as we Deltans like free expression.

We got a surprise when we found out that T'Pol is a wanted fugitive, due to a two hundred year Order given by Empress Sato. We are both going to be executed.

And that really spoiled my day. The brig menu at the Enterprise I escaped from would be having fish and chips tonight.

----------------

T'Pol and I are handcuffed, and are about to be taken to the execution chamber.



A smiling Captain Picard looks at us.

"This is a great day for the Empire." he gloats, then turns to Riker, "Make sure you inform the Emperor of who we have, and that the traitor T'Pol has been executed. I'll get a promotion for sure."

"...And then I can be Captain without trying to kill you." answers the one-eyed Riker.

"Don't be too sure." Picard snarls, "A new Captain would need to have my recommendation. Someone who tries to kill me and left me with a scar doesn't have a good CV."

Then the two of us are taken by two hefty security guards. T'Pol asks if it will all be painful.

"Oh yes." replies a guard with a sadistic laugh, "We make them as painful as possible. After all, the Terran Empire has a reputation to uphold."

Suddenly as we approach a corner, one of the guards is dazed as someone lashes out at him with a green stick.

It's Syra, the Orion Slave Girl. She swiftly unfastens the handcuffs, throws me a stick and we hit at the other guards. I whack him with the stick, and get him rolling on the floor when I kick him with my extra-heavy Dr Martens boots.



I high five T'Pol in congratulations.

"Way to go, sistah!!" we both say, then do the same with Syra.

"Why are you helping us?" T'Pol asks, I thought you were one of the Captain's Women?"

"Crusher is the Captain's main Woman." she answers, "I am there for him when they argue or he tires of her. What Picard is unaware of is that I am a spy for an anti-Terran Empire faction, and am working undercover. If you and your friend escape, it may destabilise the Leadership when they find the top fugitive has managed to get away."

Let's go, honey!" T'Pol urges to me.

"Good luck." Syra calls out.

We find the shuttlecraft and manage to release the bay doors. As it starts to leave, we see the lights flashing.

"They know we've escaped, sistah!" I exclaim.

The shuttlecraft speeds out. We see the rift is still there, but a lot smaller. With a boost of power, we approach, noticing that the ISS Enterprise is following, trying to retrieve us with it's tractor beam.

"We'll find you sometime, traitor!" shouts an angry Picard on an audio signal. I switch it off.

"The rift is too small for them to get through." T'Pol tells me, "We'll just make it!"

We flash through the rift, and a few moments later, it has closed. Ahead of us is the familar shape of the USS Enterprise.

"Well I guess we're both for the high jump now, T'Pol."

-----------

".....Desertion is a major offence." Captain Picard is telling us in his office, "We ought to throw the book at you both. I think you've both learnt that the grass is not greener on the other side, and that the Terran Empire of today is not suitable for you."

"It was two hundred years ago, though." starts T'Pol, but wisely decides not to say anymore.

"Well, you'll both have plenty of time to chat together over your exploits in the brig." sighs Picard.

"Are we still having fish and chips on the brig menu, Captain?" I ask.

"Yes." he answers with a puzzled look.

"Great!" I answer, "Lead the way. The chips are delicious there. Crisp and crunchy!"

T'Pol & Britney In The Mirror Universe (Part Two)

Guest Poster: Mirror T'Pol

At last! After all these months of waiting, I've made it back into the universe where I came from!
A spatial rift opened up in front of the Enterprise, so I escaped in a shuttlecraft, and have taken my best friend Ensign Britney along with me. She wanted to come as she felt hard done by in the universe she came from.

Besides, we're friends!

-----------

"We've made it, sistah!" exclaims Britney, looking at the controls, "Sensors show we are now in the other universe."

"The Terran Empire!" I say triumphantly.

"Hold on." she says, "It looks like the Enterprise is up ahead. I thought we had escaped."

"Take a closer look, Britney." I instruct her, and we see the Terran Empire symbol of a dagger through the world, and the name ISS Enterprise.

"Home!" I say to myself.

A tractor beam draws our shuttlecraft in. After we touchdown in the landing bay, the two os us disembark and I tell them who we are.

"The Captain is going to be VERY interested in seeing you!" says a scarred Chief O'Brien.

"I don't think he got that scar shaving." whispers Britney, as we walk through the corridors.

------

A few moments later, we are taken to the Bridge, and Captain Picard turns round. He looks very different, with a long savage scar on his cheek. Riker is next to the Captain. The Commander has only one eye.



An Orion Slave Girl, who had been kissing the Captain, gets up and looks at us.

"You can leave now, Syra" Picard orders. She gets up off his lap in a sudden huff.

Syra marches out, with an insolent stare at both me and Britney, as if we are the lowest form of life.

"Greetings, Captain Picard." I announce, "I am Lieutenant Commander T'Pol of the 22nd Century starship ISS Enterprise. This is my friend Ensign Britney. We are seeking asylum on your vessel."

"Oh you are, are you?" Picard laughs, as does Riker and the rest of the Bridge crew.

Deanna Troi and Beverly Crusher walk on the Bridge. Crusher sits on the lap of Picard, and Troi on the lap of Riker. Both couples kiss as I tell them my story of how I was frozen for two hundred years and woken up in the other universe.

"How did you lose your eye, Commander Riker?" asks Britney.

"I'll answer that." Picard interrupts, "Riker tried to kill me so that he could become Captain. I got this cheek scar, and he lost an eye. I said to him that if he tried anything like that again, he knows what would happen."

"Scary." whispers Britney.

"Nonetheless." Picard declares, "This is a great day for the Terran Empire. The most sought-after fugitive in our history has finally been captured."

"Who's that?" I ask.

"You!" Picard laughs, "Ever since you escaped during the mutiny you staged with Commander Archer, Empress Sato made it a law that the rebel T'Pol would be hunted down. And now, after two hundred years, we have finally caught you."

I can't believe it.

"EMPRESS Sato!" I say in amazement, "But Hoshi Sato was just a lowly Officer. How could she get to such a position?"

I look on the wall and see her portrait, with the lettering 'Sato the Supreme' written underneath.



"She poisoned Archer, the traitor you collaborated with, and took control of the Defiant" Picard tells us, "She declared herself Empress. When the Empire agreed, she ruled, and became our greatest ever Leader, speading our control over much of the Alpha Quadrant. Her first Order was the capture of you, and has stood for all time."

Things are looking grim.

"Look, Captain." I say, "Can't we just forgive and forget. Tell you what, Just let us get to the shuttlecraft and we'll leave. Forget you ever saw us."

"Yeah, Captain." Britney pleads, "We never did you any harm. That rift won't last much longer."

"Take them both to the execution chamber!" orders Picard, "I shall be along shortly to witness this great event."

"What about me?" wails Britney, "I just came along with my friend!"

"Any friend of the traitor T'Pol is her accomplice!" Picard answers, "Take them away!"

All of a sudden, my desire to remain in the Terran Empire is fading fast, as are our chances of survival.

To be continued...

T'Pol & Britney In The Mirror Universe (Part One)

"Turbulence in the spatial balance, Captain." Data reports in that overly-scientific jargon of his.

"What does that mean in English, Data?" I ask him, "Even the Universal Translator can't get around that one."

"There is a rift between this dimension and another coming up, sir." he clarifies.

I think it might be wise to turn 180 degrees round and go at Warp Nine in the opposite direction. We have enough trouble with rifts . Why do they always turn up where we go? Can't they appear about an hour after we have left or something like that.

"We could send a probe to check it out, Captain." chips in Riker. I reluctantly agree, although the action will keep us around here.

"All right, Number One." I sigh, "Send it quickly, so we can get out of here."

"We are explorers, Captain." Deanna says calmly, "Who knows what we might find?"

"That's true." I reply, but we don't want to be dead explorers."

Shortly the probe is sent, and the results come back. Data reads out the details.

"The signature of the universe show that it is identical to that of Lieutenant Commander T'Pol" he informs us.

"So it's the home of the notorious Terran Empire." Riker exclaims, "The Federation have had so much trouble in previous crossovers."

"That is true, Number One." I say, "Don't let T'Pol know of this opening or she will..."

"Too late!" I hear a voice from behind.



I groan. It looks like T'Pol has been listening, and has heard everything that has been going on. She should have the post of Official Eavesdropper for the ship.

"I demand to be able to go to my own universe!" she barks, "It is my natural home and you are keeping me here against my will."

"It's too dangerous, T'Pol." I warn her, "The Federation has visited the Terran Empire, and it's a very violent place. If you go in there, the rift may close up, and you would be unable to get back."
"I would not wish to come back!" she shouts, "Let me go!"

There don't seem to be any winners here, like a fixed roulette table. Reluctantly, I have to get Security to confine her to quarters.

"Perhaps we should let her go." advises Deanna.

"I thought of doing it." I reply, "But she is over two hundred years out of her time. What would be their reaction to her? They may see her as an escaped criminal. I'm trying to protect her."

Sensors inform us a shuttlecraft has left; at the same time I hear that T'Pol managed to knock the guards unconsious and escaped in the small ship with another woman.

No prizes for guessing who that other woman is. That Deltan, Ensign Britney is always trouble. Why can't we get better guards? They are as bad as those redshirts that Kirk used to have.

I get a transmission from the shuttlecraft.

"Don't try to follow us, Captain!" T'Pol calls out, "Britney and I are escaping to a better life in the Terran Empire."



"Yeah." adds Ensign Britney, while getting out some more chewing gum, "I figured that I go where my sistah goes. After all, all I do is stay in the brig on the Enterprise. It's gonna be a blast in the Terran Empire!"

With that, the transmission is cut, and the small ship disappears into the rift, vanishing from sight in a flash of light.

"What do we do now?" Riker asks, "Do we follow them?"

"No, Number One." I answer, "I did everything I could to stop them. They must see for themselves what life is really like in the Terran Empire. I think they will find it is not as welcoming as they imagine. We'll stop a distance away from the rift for a while. Once it closes, though, they will be trapped for good."

To be continued...

------------------

Author's Note:

Across The Universe Day 4th February

NASA is beaming The Beatles' 'Across The Universe' to the Star Polaris 431 light years away. "NASA has invited people around the world to play “Across the Universe” on their audio systems at the same time NASA beams its mp3 version into outer space. The idea was hatched by Beatles’ historian Martin Lewis, who encourages all Beatles fans to play the track as it is being beamed to the distant star. Additionally, this date will be known as “Across the Universe Day”. The event marks the first time a radio song has been beamed into deep space."


Go to here for more details on how to play two versions. Thank you Nina for telling me. You are all invited to join in!

TWQ: Inflated Job Titles

This week, TWQ (The Weekend Question) looks at the over-inflated job titles that are given to menial jobs nowadays

Can you make up some inflated job titles and give what they really are?

My answers are:

Workplace Refreshment Co-ordinator - Tea Lady

News Distributor - Paperboy/girl

Building Projects Constructor - Bricklayer

Waste Management Removal Manager - Garbageman

Now it's over to you....