Sunday, April 12, 2009

The Borg Credit Crunch (Part One)

Guest Poster: The Borg Queen

I'm eagerly awaiting things to be sorted out so that we can deliver the goods to turn my Cube into a Feng Shui paradise.

My glorious leader, the Alpha Borg Queen gave the go-ahead for it to be decorated in a Feng Shui manner to ease tension in the drones. Relaxation areas would be a comfortable area, and the Cube itself would be a pleasant place to assimilate races in. We will be at the forefront of all other Cubes.

The interior designer drones, One One and One Two are finalising the list of items we need to buy from the furniture store.

"My Queen." says a drone, "A message comes in from the Alpha Borg Queen."

I instantly drop my knitting and go to the video monitor to receive the call.

"My Glorious Leader." I say, kneeling, and in full grovelling manner, "To what do I owe the honour of your calling?"

"You may rise, 01." she tells me, "I wish to know whether you have started the work on the Feng Shui construction in your Cube."

"Not yet, your Highness." I answer, "The interior designers are about to go to the HighQuality Supastore to collect the materials necessary and then..."

"That might not be the ideal place to go, 01" the Alpha Queen informs me, "It could be better if you try Bert's Bargain Basement Shop instead.

I look in horror.

"Surely that is not ideal, my Queen?" I say, "Bert's shop only deals with the lowest materials that would look dreadful."

"I agree that it is not perfect." she replies, "But Borg finances have tumbled lately, and we are having to be careful about what we spend."

"Can we not just assimilate a few more rich planets, my Queen?" I suggest, "That would bring the money rolling in."

"Rich planets are not always easy to come by" she replies, "Overspending on new Cubes is costly. We lost a lot in the Delta Quadrant recently. Materials for Cubes is more expensive, we are having to cut back on production, and construction drones are out of work. Well, not quite out of work, as we disconnect them."

"A big problem." I agree.

"Indeed 01." the Queen continues, "The Borg race are facing a credit crunch and bailouts are not always possible."

"Why was this not broadcast on the Hive Mind?" I ask curiously.

"Simply because we did not wish to cause a panic, and possibly send the Borg Share Index into a decline." she replies, "Now go to Bert's with the money I give you. When things pick up, we can have all the proper Feng Shui furniture."

The Queen switches off.

Sadly, the money that is transmitted would not even pay for a lampshade at the HighQuality Supastore.

To be continued...


Mike said...

I knew this blog was going to be out there, but this could really be the final frontier, Blog long and prosper, this is pretty vulcan funny!

Unknown said...

We have much in common with The Borgs over here in the USA!

Kon-El said...

ArI can't figure if Borgs being poor are a good are bad thing.

Bilbo said...

Hmm...not only the circuits are short!

Merlyn said...

wow you know things are bad when the borg go basement bargain hunting...what's next used drones?

The Mistress of the Dark said...

Oh dear bargain hunting in space..times must be really rough.

Amanda said...

My my! Who would have thought that the almighty Borg would have to cut costs....

Jean-Luc Picard said...

Bargain: cut price drone for sale! Only one previous owner.

Times are hard for the Borg.

Linda said...

It appears that finances are in trouble all over the place! When you can't find a rich planet to assimilate anymore, you know the galaxy is in trouble! Perhaps the Borg Queen could get some good deals on eBay??

The Curmudgeon said...

Since resistance is futile, I've been wondering why feng shui was necessary in the first place....

Still, budget cuts can be so brutal.

Nepharia said...

Hey, I'm sure they could petition the U.S. Government! They are giving away money to all kinds of foreign interests -- maybe there is some trillion dollar pay off for *not* being assimilated?

eastcoastlife said...

They believe in Fengshui in space?
I can recommend a good master. :)