Tuesday, May 27, 2008

Worf Does Stand-Up Comedy (Part Two)

All of the senior staff approach the Klingon nightclub, named 'Glorious Kahless' and enter. Worf is still relectant to go in.

"Captain Picard." he pleads, "I would request that I not be pushed into doing this."

"Nonsense, Mr Worf." I reply, "You were invited to perform your stand-up comedy act, in which you sing at the end by the Klingon Annual Variety Show group. Now all of your friends want to see you. We never knew you did this sort of thing."

Worf mumbles a few things that it is not suitable for my Journal.

We all sit down near the front and wait for Worf to come on. Sadly T'Pol and Ensign Britney were already ejected from the club for throwing bread rolls at the stage and shouting "Where's the disco?"

Eventually, the Klingon Master of Ceremonies comes on.

"Greetings fellow Klingons..and others" he says, while looking at us, "The next act is a comedy and music turn by Worf, son of Mogh. He's been in Starfleet for a while, but don't hold that against him."

A few laughs go round the theatre.

"Give a big hand for Worf..."

Following the applause, Worf leaps on to the stage and grabs the microphone.

"Thank you, K'Tagh for the introduction." he starts, "That was truly awful."

A few laughs.

"Seriously, folks." he continues, "It's great to be here. Hey, how many Romulans does it take to screw in a light bulb? 151. One to screw the lightbulb in and 150 to self-destruct the ship out of disgrace!"

The Klingons fall about laughing, as Worf continues.

"Do you know how to get a one-armed Romulan out of a tree? You wave to him."

The Klingon in the next table almost chokes on his bloodwine on that one.

Worf moves on to the next jole, "What does a Romulan frog use for camouflage? A croaking device."

While we from the Enterprise wince at some of these, the Klingons are laughing continually.


"A Klingon and a Romulan fall off a tall building at the same times." Worf carries on with his next side-splitter, "Which one hits the ground first? The Klingon. The Romulan had to stop and ask for directions."

I'm beginning to notice a distinct familiarity with the jokes Worf is telling. I nudge the Klingon sitting at the next table.

"Excuse me." I say, "Are the jokes Klingons do always anti-Romulan."

The Klingon looks at me dismissively.

"Count yourself lucky." he replies, "Not so long ago, the jokes we told were anti-human as well."

Worf continues, telling everybody that 'Romulan' happens to be an anagram of 'unmoral'.

So he continues with a whole raft of anti-Romulan jokes that leave the audience in tears of laughter. He ends with:

"Did you know that the Romulans put all their energy in resources in putting a cloaked surveillance satellite in Earth's orbit, which was supposed to monitor Starfleet HQ, but could only pick up MTV instead!"

Worf then says to them all, "You've been a great audience. I'd just like to end with a favourite song of mine. I know it's one you all know. It's The Journey of Kahless. As I don't have too much time, I'll sing the shortened 90 verse version instead of the ful 440 verse one."

He wails:

"Ah, Kahless was a warrior, from long ago.
He braved the mighty,
He walked the Plains......"

He drones one for what seems an eternity, although the Klingons are happily singing along, and waving their jugs of bloodwine at the same time.

Eventually, when I am almost in a stupor and most of the crew have passed out from the exhaustion of listening, applause comes from all around, and Worf has finished. He comes over to us and I manage to wake the crew up in time."

"Err...well done, Mr Worf." I tell him.

"I was pleased to do my act again, Captain," he replies, "It shows I can still do it. Perhaps I may be able to repeat it for the crew on the Enterprise?"

Oh, please, please let him forget to do that.


Bilbo said...

I wonder if Mr Worf will be performing at this year's Enterprise Christmas Party? Please let me know if he's going to do all 440 verses of The Journey of Kahless, so I know if I want to come...

Bilbo said...

I wonder if Mr Worf will be performing at this year's Enterprise Christmas Party? Please let me know if he's going to do all 440 verses of The Journey of Kahless, so I know if I want to come...

Jana said...

I almost fell asleep just THINKING about that song. Obviously Klingons have a very different idea of entertainment.

The Curmudgeon said...

Even in the 23rd Century "be careful what you ask for" remains good, solid advice....

Anonymous said...

I dont know the croaking device made me laugh

Anonymous said...

Oh goodnesssssss, tough to think of a Worf trying out comedy.

What happens if you don't laugh... you die.

hee hee

I always liked Worf!!

Linda said...

I must be part Klingon as I found myself laughing out loud at the joke about "the croaking device" and found the others quite humorous, too!

Granted I could do without the singing of The Journey of Kahless no matter whether it's the short or long version but otherwise I found Worf's routine quite entertaining!

The Mistress of the Dark said...

And this is why you don't push people into doing things that they don't really want to do, they may enjoy them and you may experience pain as a result.

Amanda said...

Hey now there's an original repertoire of jokes!

Jaime said...

Way to go, Worf! That was great!

Lahdeedah said...

K i was amused by the light bulb joke. How sad is that.

The Real Mother Hen said...

Ha this is funny :)
He is more appropriate to perform in the Enterprise than say... Britney? Britney will just turn Enterprise into a strip club! :)

Jean-Luc Picard said...

Do you REALLY want Worf to sing all 440 verses of 'The Journey of Kahless' at the Enterprise Christmas Party'? Christmas would be over before he finished.

Glad you like his comedy routine!

Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator said...

Worf's got a certain delivery style that just seems to work here. Maybe he would make a good comedian.

Anonymous said...

LOL Warf has more of a sense of humor than I ever thought he did.

Tawnya Shields said...

Ha ha ha ha ha! That was too funny. I could never in my wildest dreams see Klingons with a sense of humor. Corny but entertaining. Except for the singing part. I'll pass on that. Thank you very much. :o)

Anonymous said...

I laughed at the one-armed Romulan joke, too. It just goes to show you can't judge a Klingon by what you see on TV.

Unknown said...

Ensign Britney was ejected from the club? :D)!

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