Commander Deanna Troi (Part One)

Guest Poster: Deanna Troi

As I am have Commander status as well as a Counselor, I'm required to do shifts in the Captain's Chair in the graveyard shift, that is when most of the crew are in bed.

I love it as well! giggle!

It's my chance to order a few minions around while the Cappy is sleeping, or doing whatever he is doing. I know that on the few occasions I've had to alert the Cappy to an emergency he needs to handle, Beverly Crusher is in a bad mood the next morning.

Aren't I a naughty Commander? giggle!

Well, yes, I know what you're thinking. She must miss Riker when sitting there. Well, I suppose you're right. It's fun to cuddle up to his whiskers, but the thrill of being in charge of the Enterprise for a few hours is more exciting than a Chocolate Galaxy Sundae...but only just!

While it's true you can't tecnically have night and day on a starship, we try to give the impression days are passing. The corridor lights dim at night, and most people go off shift except those whose turn it is to work at night.

02:00 is the fun time here in the Enterprise. It's when a lot of crew leave the person they are not supposed to be with and go back to the one they are officially with. I've seen it on the monitors. People are bumping into each other, trying to hide their faces. Of course, I've more than once myself, but don't tell anyone. Promise? Cross your fingers? All right then, we'll go on.

With me tonight are T'Pol and Ensign Britney. These pair insist on always being together, even when night shift duty comes around.



I must admit that my commanding skills are pushed to the limit with those two around. They insist on larking around, singing the latest songs in the Galaxy Top Ten. Britney will get some chewing gum and put it under Riker's chair. He'll get a surprise in the morning!

That said, I'm very envious, and would love to join in the fun, but I've a starship to run.

"Ladies!" I say valiently, "Behave yourselves!"

As I say this, a heap of popcorn falls on my head that T'Pol has thrown at Britney.

"Nearly got you there, Brit!" yells out T'Pol.

"I'll get you first, sistah!" screams Britney.

I am both about to send them to the brig when the Red Alert goes off.



"We are under attack!" Ro Laren declares, who is at the Com, "A missile is on it's way!"

Brritney, T'Pol and I all scream.

To be continued...

A Job Offer For Picard

When I am called to my video monitor in the Ready Room, I expect an important message, possibly affecting the fate of the galaxy.

After all, I do feel like saving the universe again. Every now and then I like to do that. Whenever that happens, I give the stars on my uniform an extra polish.

But instead, I am greeted by the oversmiling face of Felicity, the secretary of Admiral Bullock.



"Hello Captain Picard." she says in her simple way. I can see all her make-up items on the desk. She has forgot to remove them.

"Hello, Felicity." I say, "Did you enjoy your hotel visit with the Admiral?"

At this, she goes a shade of red that even her make up can't disguise. Felicity then starts to go into a cheeky giggle while informing me that she is paging me through to Admiral Bullock.



Bullock's image flashes up. As it does, I see a lipstick mark on his right cheek that happens to match the same lipstick used by Felicity.

"Ah, Captain Picard." he starts, "I have something important to say to you."

"Do you have an important mission for us to go on, or a planet to save?"

"Err...nothing like that, Captain." he answers, "We at Starfleet Command noticed it was your 50th birthday in January."

Uh....here it comes....

"Well." Bullock continues, "We thought that it is really difficult to Captain a starship at your...I mean when one gets older, and thought you might like a desk job here on Earth."

"No, thank you, Admiral." I say sharply.

Bullock looks slightly taken aback, as it wasn't the answer he was expecting.

"We thought you might like to give a younger man a chance at the helm, so to speak."

I repeat my answer, this time a little more slowly in case he has wax in his ears.

"Captain." he tells me, "This job that we have for you is a very prestigious one. Many people will want it, but we are choosing to give it to you. It's Chairman of the Veteran Captains Retirement Home. You just have to visit each Retirement Home, hold the Bingo sessions, play Santa Claus at Christmas..."

I try to refrain from laughing.

"It sounds wonderful, Admiral." I say with a supressed smile, "But I have a starship to captain."

The bemused Admiral Bullock goes to switch off.

"Goodbye, Admiral." I tell him, "Don't forget to wipe off the lipstick."

The sight of Bullock attempting to find the lipstick as the videomonitor image fades puts me in a good mood for the rest of the day,

TWQ: Choosing Vacations

TWQ (The Weekend Question) looks at vacation planning this week...however do we choose?

How do you decide where to go on your annual vacation? What are the deciding factors that make you choose?

My answer is:

This is very hard to do each year, as I dislike choosing. The cost is so much, it seems more should it turn out to be somewhere we don't like. Nowadays, we tend to look at river cruises, cruises and staying in one place and exploring. For many, the current financial situation might well be a deciding factor. The pound is very weak against the euro and dollar.

Now it's over to you...

Emergency Command Hologram (Part Three)

Guest Poster: The Doctor

With me running the Enterprise as Emergency Command Hologram, things were supposed to be running smoothly.

I've come up with what might me a problem.

With the rest of the crew in stasis while the ship travels through a large poison gas cloud in order to deliver medical supplies, Vic Fontaine, the holographic night club singer and I find a ship is heading in our direction.

------------

"What shall we do?" I say to Fontaine.

"Well, we don't know if it's hostile or not." he replies, "How about a friendly greeting?"



"It doesn't look too friendly." I say, "It's a warship."

Nevertheless, I give out the bright cheery greeting, welcoming them. They reply by hailing us.



When we are on visual, I see the strange image of a figure in a silver pressure suit. Not a pretty sight.

"This is the USS..." I start to say

"You should not be functioning!" the figure shouts loudly, "I am Commander Falas of the Breen race. We sent this poison cloud across this sector."

I am about to tell him I am a hologram, but Fontaine jumps up and tells him we are impervious to it. Despite the Breen Commander wearing a pressure suit, I can tell when someone is frustrated.

"We have superior weapons capability, Doctor." Fontaine tells me.

"Very well." I say smugly, as if I am about to assign bedpan duty to Beverly Crusher, "Use a torpedo to take out their weapons array."

We do so, and leave them stranded.

We both sing The Toreador Song, followed by I've Got You Under my Skin!

----------------

Some hours later, we have gone through the gas cloud. All the crew come out of stasis, and I tell the Captain what happened.

"We may have to watch out for the Breen in future." he tells me, "There aren't that many presssure suited aliens around. Well done, Doctor. Time to change you back."

I think I may like the times I'm ECH. Red looks so much better than blue!

Emergency Command Hologram (Part Two)

Guest Poster: The Doctor

Anyone seeing my picture above will note a distinct difference. The red in it means I am now an Emergency Command Hologram, and can start being in control.

What has happened is that Picard and the other solids have to pass through a poison gas cloud in the Enterprise so that they can deliver medical supplies to Vasilon IV. They will all have to be placed in stasis pods for the journey. Even the android Data has to go in one. I'll be running the ship when that happens!

-------------

"Well, that's it, Doctor." Picard tells me as he stands next to his stasis pod, "Once I get in, you'll be in charge of the Enterprise. I'll see you on the other side of the gas cloud."



He jumps in, and looks and Beverly Crusher's pod. I think he wishes the pods were made for two. As it slides shut, the mist goes over, and the Captain falls asleep.

"Right." I say to myself, "Now we have a decent person running the ship, I'll make sure it's running properly.

I go up to the Bridge, and find the Captain's seat already occupied.



"Hiya, Doc." Vic Fontaine says cheerily, "How are things?"

"You're in my seat, Mr Fontaine!" I point out sharply, "I'm the Emergency Command Hologram. See the red uniform? It means I'm in charge. You're around in case I need anything doing. Is that clear?"

"Whoah, Doc." Fontaine replies, "Keep your hair on...I mean stay calm. I was just keeping the place running until you got here."

"All right." I tell him, "As long as you understand that."

"Yeah, sure. Boy, this voyage in the cloud is gonna seem like an eternity." he says to himself sarcastically.

-----

We have been travelling a while in the poison cloud. I'm in the Captain's Chair, and Fontaine is on the Com. He starts humming I've Got You Under My Skin before eventually singing it.

"Do you mind?" I tell him, "You are getting under MY skin singing that. Kindly keep quiet!"

"And I'm supposed to keep quiet while you sing out The Toreador Song?" Fontaine answers, "Frankly I find opera very boring."

"BORING?" I say aghast, "Clearly when you were programmed, taste wasn't included. Opera is one of the most beautiful forms of..."

"Hold on!" interrupts Fontaine, "There is something on the sensors. An alien ship is approaching us in the poison gas cloud."

To be continued...

Emergency Command Hologram (Part One)

Guest Poster: The Doctor

I am summoned to the Ready Room of Captain Picard.

On the way there, I think to myself whether Beverly Crusher has been reporting me for anything I've done with the bedpans, or have been singing too loudly.

Surely my recital of that part from Turandot didn't disturb the patients. I know it was the middle of the night, but a little opera will do them a lot of good.

"Ah, Doctor." Picard exclaims, as I enter. "Do come in and sit down. I have decided to entrust you with a most important mission."

What will it be? I say to myself. Checking patients who have particularly unpleasant illnesses that solid lifeforms would not want to do?

"A huge poison gas cloud is on it's way here." Picard goes on, "It's so vast that any attempt to go round would put days on our journey. We have to go through it, and it means the entire crew having to be put into stasis until we get out the other side. We have to arrive soon as we are delivering vital medical equipment to Vasilon IV."

"What does it mean to me?" I ask.

"We want to make you an Emergency Command Hologram for the duration, Doctor." he answers, "Vic Fontaine will give you any back-up."

Back-up from a nightclub singer? Still, I'm elated at this promotion.

"Err...what about the robo....I mean Commander Data?" I ask, "The gas would not affect him."

"We have done some tests." Picard answers, "It seems the gas could burn into his positronic brain, so he will have to go into stasis like everyone else."

I'm eager to start, but Picard lifts up his hand.

"Just a moment, Doctor." he says, "I just have to switch your setting with this watchamacallit."

He gets out a small box and starts twiddling with it.

"Now Doctor Zimmerman told me what to do." he mumbles to himself, "Do I turn this switch left or right?"

Does the man know what he is doing? Sussenly I start to change...



That's more like it!

To be continued...

TWQ: Spectacular Sights

This week's TWQ (The Weekend Question) concentrates on what you've seen.

What is the most spectacular sight that you've seen? It doesn't have to be a location. It could be something more personal. List as many as you wish if you're not sure.

My answers are:

* The Great Pyramid of Giza in Egypt
* Vatican City

Now it's over to you...

Jennifer & Data Go Out With Britney & T'Pol (Part Two)

Guest Poster: Jennifer Baxter

Data, T'Pol, Britney and I have arrived at the entrance to Le Grande Restaurante, the most exclusive eaterie in San Francisco. As we all have Leave from the Enterprise, Data had the idea of taking T'Pol & Britney out, as they don't mix and keep to themselves.

Already I'm regretting that. I think I'll have Geordi give Data a Level One Diagnostic when we get back on board.

The female Maitre'D of the restaurant, named Kathy approaches Data and myself, as we are regular customers, but her smile disappears when she sees our guests, especially Britney's micro-black dress.



Kathy looks horrified at Britney. I can see that she is thinking the standard of clientele will plummet if she lets her in.



"I'm sorry, Miss Baxter." Kathy says to me, "But I cannot admit your guest. Her mode of apparel is not suitable for Le Grande Restauraunt."

"Watchamean?" blurts out Britney, "This is one of my favourite dresses."

"I'm afraid, young lady." replies Kathy, "That it unsuitable as it could show your underwear to other customers."

"But I'm not wearing any unde..." Britney answers as T'Pol tactfully puts her hand over her mouth.

Defeated, the four of us walk away.

"So what are we going to do now?" I ask



"I do not know." answers a bemused Data.

"We could always go to Joe's All-Night Bowlarama." T'Pol suggests, "Brit and I love to go there before we rock till dawn at the Galaxy Cavern Nightclub."

"Yeah!" says Britney, "That's more like it, sistah! Better than a stuffy restaurant. Come on. T'Pol and I will thrash you in the Bowlarama!"

I trudge off. What began as a cultured evening has changed.

Still, who knows? I'm a great dancer, and those two are in for a shock if they think they can beat the Bowlarama Queen!