Beverly On Spacebook

Guest Poster: Beverly Crusher

It's been fun since I set up my computer account on Spacebook!

People from all over the galaxy are setting up and chatting to each other. In truth, iut breaks down barriers a lot more than a roomful of Starfleet diplomats ever could.

When they do meet officially, the first thing they usually say is that they've already met them on Spacebook.

Naturally, I have Jean-Luc as one of my friends. When we want to arrange a secret date, we set it up by conversing on a Spacebook message!

There are all sorts of frustrating games. I win one or two, but what is exasperating is that one Spacebook Friend always wins against me!

This friend is anonymous, has no other friends and intrigues me. I suppose I ought to block it, but I can't as my desire to win is too strong. I want to beat her!...presuming it is a she.

I visit Data, who knows a lot about computer technology. He might be able to help.



"I am curious, Doctor." he says, "Why is it so important to find out the identity of your Spacebook Friend?"

"It's something that is important, Data." I say. I wish he had his emotion chip turned on.

Data analyses the computer when I am on MirrorMirror's account. That's the name of the Friend.

"This is interesting." he says, "My analysis shows that MirrorMirror's origin is on a spaceship called Dominatrix."

"So that's it!" I say, "MirrorMirror is Captain Beverly Howard, the evil duplicate of me from the female-dominated mirror universe. No wonder she always wins. She can guess what I'm going to do next."



I set up a game of ChallengeChess with her, but in this instance, I create all sorts of illogical moves.

"This will confuse her!" I say to myself.

The gameplay veers, and eventually, I win.

I send a message.

Greetings, Captain Beverly Howard,

Now I know who you are, I can win easily. Don't bother to call back, as your signal will be blocked from all Spacebook messages in the galaxy from now on. It will leave you very isolated.

Best Wishes,

The one and only Beverly Crusher.

I think that's one up to me!

Captain Beverly Causes A Problem (Part Three)

Guest Poster: Karena

After the initial falling out with my pumpkin, Wesley Crusher, the two of us spent some time in 'making up'.

This was extremely pleasant, but we now have to find out why his mother Beverly Crusher told Queen Diana that Wesley was planning to run off with an Orion Slave Girl. Even the Rhode Island communications record proves he has had no meeting or talks with any. The Queen broke up the engagement and diplomatic relations.

It's up to us to put it all right. We are on the video monitor to the Enterprise.



Beverly is on the screen and he explains the situation to her. She looks horrified, as if she has won the lottery, but threw the ticket away with the trash. Beverly calls Captain Picard over.

The whole story is repeated again.

"I can assure you that Doctor Crusher has not been to Wondawowman during the last week." the Captain tells us, "She has been on the Enterprise all this time. She was in the SickBay, as a lot of crewmembers went down with the Jelibeli Virus."

The Captain sends via computer all the duty logs of the Enterprise personel, including the Doctor to us.

"I will forward this on to Queen Diana." he says, "Hopefully she will realise it was an imposter, and get the engagement on again, and also restore diplomatic relations."

"Of course!" Beverly thinks aloud, "Karena, do you remember the name of the ship the imposter travelled in?"

"Yes." I reply, "It was pink, and named the Dominatrix."

"Only one person pilots that." she tells me, "My lookalikie from the pro-female alternate universe, Captain Beverly Howard."

The videoscreen picture crackles and changes to reveal a different image.



"Well done on working it all out." says the figure, "Yes, I am Beverly Howard. It was all a lot of fun seeing you squirm on my monitors. Look forward to seeing you all again when you least expect it!"

The screen crackles again and returns to normal. The Captain and Beverly confirm they saw her on the screen as well.

-----------

A few hours later, my mother has been satisfied who the woman was, and confirms the engagement is back on, and diplomatic relations are restored.

"Actually." says the Queen over the viewer., "After this event, I see no reason why the wedding shouldn't be bought forward. It will take place within the next few months!"

I kiss Wesley.

"Pumpkin." I say with delight, "Soon, we'll be Warrior and Life Servant!"

Captain Beverly Causes A Problem (Part One)

Guest Poster: Captain Beverly Howard

I think I've hidden myself away for long enough, don't you think?

Here I am, stuck in this miserable universe where men are supposed to have an equal say with women. I was much better off when I was a Captain in the other female-dominated universe.

I can't imagine that the woman who is supposed to be me is a mere Doctor. Can anyone imagine me taking such a lowly post?

Still, while I've been at my secret basem, I've been gathering Intelligence about the activies of Starfleet, the Federation, the Enterprise and most of all, that awful Beverly Crusher, weakling that she is!

What fascinated me most of all is that Crusher's disaster-prone son Wesley is engaged to be married to an Amazonian named Karena.

Who would have thought it? As I'm in favour of anything that ensures the dominance of our sex, I should congratulate him. He'll soon buckle under her.

We can't have the Crusher family have a moment of happiness, though, so that's why I'm on the way to the planet Wondawowman for an unscheduled chat with Karena's mother.

Aren't I wicked?

----------

I change into a casual outfit as my ship, the Dominatrix approaches Wondawowman. When asked, I tell them I am Beverly Crusher, and need to speak to Queen Diana urgently. I am given permission to land the ship.



"Beverly!" exclaims Diana when I disembark, "This is a pleasant surprise. Have you come to discuss the wedding arrangements concerning my daughter and Wesley?"

I put on my extremely sad face, although I am laughing inside.

"In a way." I say slowly, "I regret to inform your Majesty that my son has decided that he no longer wishes to to be engaged to Karena. He has fallen in love with an Orion Slave Girl and they are planning on setting up home together. Wes has told me, but not Karena. Here is the Slave Girl's picture."



Diana is incensed. She looks like she is about to explode.

"No man may break off an engagement with a member of our race!" the Queen says in fury, "I will allow you to leave as you have bought me this news. You may tell Starfleet that all diplomatic relations between the Federation and Wondawowman are ended. Karena will be ordered to return home!"

I board the Dominatrix and fly off. Mission accomplished!

I'm quite pleased with myself how that all went. Now I can go back to base and watch all the fun from my monitors as Beverly Crusher and Starfleet try to sort it all out!

To be continued...

Bev & Deanna Go Trekking (Part Two)

Guest Poster: Beverly Crusher

I don't know why I was so enthusiastic for Deanna and I to go exploring on Deva VI when we had some time off. She was keen on shopping in the mall, as usual, but no, I took her to this remote planet, and now we're in all sorts of trouble.

We've been fired on by someone from an above cliff top; we've hidden behind some rocks, and now someone is coming up to us....

----------------------

"It's good to see you again, Beverly and Deanna" says the voice.

I look, and can't believe who it is; she has long red hair and is dressed in an all-red command outfit with Captain's stars.



It's me...or more likely Captain Beverly Howard from the alternate universe, where the Federation is known as the Federation Female Empire, as it is ruled by women.

"What are you doing here, Bev...errr...Captain Howard?" Deanna tactfully asks her.

"It's all the fault of that Captain Picard!" she replies angrily, "When he was aboard, he encouraged my loyal devoted follower Commander Troi to turn against me, with lies that men and women and should work together instead of being dominant over men. As a result, Troi and her minions put me in a pink Escape Pod, which went into the ion cloud and took me to your universe. The Pod crashed on this planet."

"Men and women ought to work together!" I tell me...I mean her. That might be a mistake as it will get her annoyed again.

"Fools!" Howard snaps, "I was hoping to recruit you both as loyal assistants, but I can see you are as blind to serving Picard as my Commander was."

We get up, ready to be led off to our inevitable doom, when I realise what I have in my pack; it's a good job I'm prepared.

"Distract her." I whisper to Deanna; she thinks for a momemt, and looks at the Captain.

"Err...nice hairdo, Captain Howard." comments Deanna.

I roll my eyes, but get out my phaser rifle., and quickly turn it to her.



"Back off, Captain Howard!" I tell her, "You're our prisoner now."

We take her back to the shuttle.

As we get ready, Howard chats to Deanna, who is holding the rifle."

"You have a lovely hairdo." says Howard, "Wherever did you have it done; I know I'd love mine like that."

"Thank you very much." replies Deanna, "I have mine done at..."

Before she can finsh her answer, Howard has jumped up, grabbed the gun and is pointing it at us.

"You'll never learn will you?" Howard tells us, "You wouldn't be good enough to be on my team. I'll take this shuttle and go. You can stay on the planet. However, to show womanly solidarity, I'll send a call to the Enterprise to collect you after I've gone."

---------------------------

A few hours later, we are in Jean-Luc's Ready Room, telling our story.

"Don't feel down about Beverly Howard getting away," Jean-Luc tells us, "I'm sure we will encounter her again. I'll just take the cost of the shuttle out of your salary."

"You're not going to do that, are you, Captain?" asks Deanna in astonishment.

"As you don't get paid, that's hardly likely to happen!" he replies.

Sometimes I think Jean-Luc has a very warped sense of humour!

-----------------------------

Author's note: Just a few days left to put your Christmas Party Entry in! The deadline is Friday 1st December. See previous posts for details.

Bev & Deanna Go Trekking (Part One)

Guest Poster: Deanna Troi

As Bev and I have got some time off from the Enterprise, we thought we might find something to do.

Naturally, I wanted to do some pre-Christmas shopping in the Starfleet Mall, but Bev had other ideas.

"Don't keep thinking about shopping all the time, Deanna" she told me, "You can order anything you like online by doing it from the Starfleet BeamOrder website on the Enterprise."

This made me pull a face a little (glum me!), as there is nothing like going around these malls, window shopping, and feeling those gifts first before obtaining them!

"What about a hike?" she suggests, "The two of us could pick a planet, take some supplies and go for a long walk to see the beauty it has."

"Bor-ring!" was the first thought I had, but after much persuasion, Bev had got me round, and we were starting to organise what to take.

We mutually decided to go to Deva VI, a small planet that is both rocky with green areas and picturesque scenery.

There looked a lot of walking to do, but I could hardly use that as a defence to Bev, as I shop till I drop in the malls! giggle!

----------

Two hours later, our shuttle was heading towards Deva VI; Bev was smiling away, as she was keen on exploring a new planet. In the meantime, I was looking at the latest shopping catalogue, thinking of where I ought to be right now.

We landed with a bump, but everything was still in one piece; why can we never land evenly?

Bev was all ready with her pack, that contained, drink, sandwiches and a high powered phaser. She was always someone who like to be prepared!

"I think we'll head that way, Deanna." she said, pointing south, "The greener areas are there, and will be better for us; have have you got the camera?"

"Yes." I replied glumly, and we trudged on.



"Isn't this absolute fun?" Bev asks me enthusiastically, "It's much better than those tiresome malls, isn't it?"

Does she really want me to answer that?

"There is a really beautiful waterfall" she exclaims, pointing in one direction, "And look, there is a..."

Bev's talking is interrupted by shots from above that just miss us; we dive for cover.

As we hide, I notice a strangely coloured escape pod nearby.

"I wish we were at the Starfleet Mall, Deanna." says Bev.

NOW she says it!

"Hello ladies" says a familiar voice, as a figure approaches.

To be continued...

--------------------

Author's note: Don't forget, all the details for submitting your Christmas Party entry are in the post below (25th November)

Captain Beverly (Part Three)

Things are looking bleak for Riker, Data and myself.

Due to an ion storm the three of us have encountered, we have slipped into an alternate universe where the Federation is ruled by women. Beverly is Captain Howard, which was her maiden name. Deanna is the Commander.

-------------------

At present, we are being taken to do a menial job by Deanna and the Head of Security, who is Seven.

We turn a corner; Deanna nods her head, and Seven agrees. No one is around. Things now look even worse. Are we going to get thrown out of the nearest airlock?

Instead, we are pushed into an empty room and told to be quiet by Deanna.

"What is going on, Deanna" I ask, then regret it, as I expect another face-slapping for not addressing her properly.

"Are you with us in the struggle?" she asks me.

"What do you mean?"

"There have been many in the Federation Female Empire who have been secretly working to overthrow the society." Seven tells us, "We want men and women to work together."

"That is how it is in our universe, Seven." Data tells her.

"That's what Seven and I thought when we heard what you said, Captain Picard" Deanna says eagerly, "You might be able to help us."

I don't think the Prime Directive exists here; I hope not.

"It sounds like you just want to be Captain of the Enterprise, Deanna." I say, "Beverly appears to think you are her friend and very loyal to her."

"Be careful what you say, Captain." Seven warns me, "We could kill you for that; however, we both want something. Help us, and you can have the shuttle with the settings of where you came from so you can return to your universe."

Data, Riiker and I discuss the problem; it seems like the Prime Directive is going to be broken again. Still, maybe it doesn't count here and they don't have one? Let's go along with that belief.

"What do we have to do?" I ask.

"Send a message to Captain Howard, Deanna continues, "Telling her you are really a member of the anti-Federation Female Empire, saying you are holding us hostage; make sure the message goes to Starfleet as well. It will give them the idea she is bad at her job in letting you on. She will then be replaced by her second in command...me!"

How sneaky can you get!

"What happens to us?" Riker inquires.

"When we let you go," Seven tells us, "We will tell the FFE you overpowered us and escaped. Beverly Howard will get all the blame!"

The door opens; I sense a problem coming.

"Oh, will she?" says Beverly, as she walks in the door, "You forget that I've had 'Big Sister' listening devices installed in all rooms so to be able to pick up any trace of rebel activity. I thought you were my loyal Number One, Deanna?"

"Men and women need to be together, Beverly." Deanna replies.

"Women rule!" the Captain replies, "It will always be that way. Men are irrelevant; resistance is futile."

Now where have I heard that before?

Deanna and Seven rush at Beverly and overpower her, and we are urged to leave. I ask what will happen, but are told hurriedly it will work out. Beverly is still trying to break free.

-----------------

We get to where the shuttlecraft is located and head out at warp speed towards the ion cloud, where the heart of the storm is. The Enterprise follows us, But Data's piloting skills make us avoid it's missiles.

Who is now running the Enterprise; no way to tell.

The Enterprise is just on the rim of the ion cloud, but is forced to turn back; as we carry on, we get the familiar buzz of circuits blowing up everywhere.

Why do circuits always do this? I guess it's something to think about, but strangely, this is not an appropriate time. I'm surprised it doesn't happen to Data. Maybe he has a built-in circuit-breaker?

Eventually, we reach the Enterprise; thankfully, it's not painted pink, and doesn't have the FFE logo on it.

----------------

After a while back on board, I tell Beverly all about the incident.

"There's no reason I can't be Captain in the future, Jean-Luc." she tells me with a smile, "After all, I have Command status, just like Deanna. I sit in the Captain's chair for the night shift occasionally."

"That's true" I reply, "But I'd rather it be Beverly Crusher in charge of the ship, than Beverly Howard."

Captain Beverly (Part Two)

I love being the Captain of the Enterprise, especially when I give men some derogatory jobs!

That's what I've just done with the three that have come aboard the ship just now.

The nerve of them! Coming in Starfleet Command uniforms. Everyone knows that these are for woman only, and that men are Ensigns at the highest, otherwise they are expendable. The sort we send out to investigate a new planet. They usually never come back. Still, what does it matter? They're only men, after all!

I must admit, these three that came on just after the ion storm intrigued me. One called himself 'Captain' Jean-Luc Picard, another was 'Commander' Riker and the third was an android named 'Lieutenant' Commander Data. They claimed they were from another universe; a typical male trick there.

The one called 'Picard' interested me, somewhat. Rather than giving him a dull job, I might keep him as my pet.

The Federation Female Empire has been growing over the past few hundred years; we soon put paid to those Klingons who objected to women being in control. Every planet we have is now run as a matrichial society.

Here on the Enterprise, we have the finest group of women in Starfleet, so it's little wonder we are the flagship of the fleet. My loyal commander, Deanna, is there to back me up when we get a problem. Seven sorts out unwelcome visitors as head of Security. Jadzia is the Chief Engineer. Jennifer Baxter is Lieutenant Commander, and Trisha Lewis is the Doctor. Karena, the Amazon from Wondawowman is the Counselor, but I think I'll need to work on her skills with patients. All she tends to say is "Get a life!"

I'm looking in my videolog; there is an incoming message from my old friend The Borg Queen; she asks if I am free to have dinner with her next week on the Cube. As she came last month, it is her turn to invite. She was really pleased with our society when we first met, and so asked if she could let Seven stay with us. I was really happy.

All of us women of got to stay together. You never know when men might start getting uppity and want more than what we give them. They ought to be grateful that we let them do these jobs like cleaning out tubes; something no self-respecting woman would do.

"Ion storm cloud still nearby, Captain." says Jennifer.

"Keep clear of it, Lieutenant Commander." I reply to her.

Now where was I? My train of thought has stopped; oh yes.

One thing I do worry about is there are rumours of uprising. Some women are starting to side with men into overthrowing our female society.

Doesn't that sound appalling? Men and women working together? The very thought makes me lose my appetite.

Anyway, time to close this particular entry. If I adopt Picard as a pet, I might let Deanna have Riker as a present. She has been working hard lately.

To be continued...

Captain Beverly (Part One)

Riker, Data and myself are traveling back to the Enterprise in a shuttle after one of those interminable conferences.

The downside of having a commanding role is attending these awful meetings.

Suddenly a buzzer is going loudly; whatever it is telling us, it's not telling us to have a nice day.

"There is a giant ion storm approaching; It is heading right for us, Captain." says Data in a voice that is close that he can get to panic without actually being so.

"Turn round Data!" shouts Riker, "Get out of here!"

It is too late, and the storm hits us, rocking the ship, with all sorts of electrical buzzes; like the sort one sees in the old 'Frankenstein' movies.

Why is it, in the vast emptiness of space, are we so easily able to pick up anomalies and ion storms? I'm beginning to think Starfleet vessels must have a kind of magnetism.

----------------

Eventually, the shuttle limps it's way to the Enterprise; it looks a little odd from where I am, as it is a pinky colour. There also appears to be a badge of a man lying unconscious, with a woman standing triumphant over him.

It must be my imagination after the effects of the ion storm.

------------------------

I wake up in SickBay, along with Riker, Data is there, but he is looking concerned. A woman is tending to our minor injuries, which are healed.

"Where's Beverly?" I ask her.

The woman looks shocked, as if I have told her to go in the airlock and leave the ship.

"You can't talk about the Captain like that!" she say, "Don't you realise that..."

"Why are these men in Command uniforms?" shouts a voice as she enters.



She is dressed in an all-red outfit, an had four buttons on, indicating a Captain's rank.

"Beverly" I say, "What is going ..."

She looks disgusted, and slaps me hard across the face. It seems I can't finish my senteces around here.

"You will address me as Captain Howard" she tells me. I recall that 'Howard' was her maiden name before she married Jack Crusher. He was killed later on.

"I think something happened in the ion storm, Bev...I mean Captain Howard; this does not seem to be the place we intended to be. I'm Captain Jean-Luc Picard, and this is Commander Riker and Lieutenant Commander Data."

"The brig is where you will end up if you keep making outrageous claims like that." Beverly tells me, "You will put on the uniforms of an ensign, as that is the only role a man is allowed to have on this ship."

Deanna walks in; she is in a red uniform as well; the three pips tell me she is is the Commander of this vessel.



Riker looks relieved.

"Deanna!" he exclaims, "Strange things have been happening late..."

"You will address me as Commander Troi!" she orders him, and Riker receives the customary slap on the face, and is not able to finish his sentence.

"Give these three men Ensign uniforms" Beverly tells Deanna, "And give them some menial job that is suitable for them; something especially derogatory,"

"Yes, Captain Howard" Deanna replies, and takes us out.

With no slight exaggeration, it looks like we have a few problems.

To be continued....

---------------------------------------

Authors note:

I have been sent this Meme by Nic, so will now (attempt) to complete it:


3 smells that I love:

cheese
fresh clothesl
garlic

3 smells that I hate:

filthy places
dirty wastebins
unclean beds

3 jobs that I have had in my life:

Clerical
Helping my father when he was newsagent
Being a son

3 movies that I could watch over and over:

The Lord Of The Rings trilogy
The Hours
The Godfather trilogy

3 fond memories:

Looking at the Great Pyramids of Giza
My first day at work
Standing on top of the Empire State Building

3 jobs I would love to have:

Author
Creative consultant
Advisor

3 places I have lived:

West Bromwich
Smethwick
Great Barr

3 things I like to do:

Blog
Read
Watch movies

3 of my favorite foods:

Lasagna
Mixed grill
Hamburger...the bigger the better!

3 places I would like to be right now:

On the Nile
Touring the USA
Meeting all my blogfriends

3 websites I visit daily:

Nic
Professor Xavier
Osquer
(and many, many more!)

3 things that make me cry:

A weepy movie
The thought of anything bad happening to relatives and friends
Certain lyrics to songs that touch my heart and soul

3 friends that I am tagging:

I don't tag!