Section 31 Annual Conference (Part One)

Guest Poster: Agent Luthor Sloan

I'm heading for the Section 31 Annual Conference on...well, I can't possibly say, as it is a secret. As the group is an unknown, supposedly non-existant Intelligence unit operating within Starfleet, we can't advertise ourselves too freely.

This didn't work out too well at last year's Conference. Things were so secret, none of the members knew about the occasion, and as a result, no one turned up.

We at Section 31 like to move Starfleet policy to suit ourselves. We answer to no one and place members in high places so that we can manipulate things to our own devices. Spoilsports like Jean-Luc Picard are always trying to upset the applecart.

Anyway I've landed on...woops! Nearly said it then! Just accept it's a quiet, out of the way planet away from normal starship lines.

Agent V walks up to see me.

"Director Sloan." he says, "Glad to see you. It seems that the members have received notice through the proper channels this time. It looks like a full house for your speech."

"Excellent." I say, "I'm not going to talk to myself like last year."

He smiles and motions two young women behind him to step forward.

"Director." he announces, "Allow me to present our two newest recruits to Section 31. This is Agent J"



I nearly fall back when I see her blonde hair and piercing eyes.

"I'm so pleased to meet you, Director Sloan." she purrs seductively, "I've always been an admirer of you methods."

"....and this is Agent K." V informs me.



Agent K has long brunette hair tumbling over her shoulders; she also has stunning eyes that bore right into me.

"Director Sloan." she says softly, "It was because of you I joined Section 31. You do such wonderful work."

My legs begin to wobble. If we could have those two one recruiting posters, people would be joining in droves. It's too bad a secret intelligence force cannot have a recruitment poster.

"Errr....call me Luthor." I say to both of them, "I'm sure you'll make excellent agents and make a fine impression."

I know they did on me!

Agent V tells me that the hall is ready, and the agents are waiting for me to address them.

I hope that Agents J or K are not near the front otherwise I might get distracted....yes I WOULD get distracted!

I get my speech ready and enter the hall..

To be continued.....

Ensign Britney And An Old Enemy (Part Four)

Guest Poster: Ensign Britney

I'm in the soup again!

After being captured by the counterculture group The Dregs of Society, who escaped from a penal colony, my life is in danger.

Desdemona Dreg and the other members view me as a traitor because a while ago I infiltrated the group and got them imprisoned. While I remain bound in their headquarters, they are discussing ways in which to polish me off. Vyla, who dislikes me most of all, has bagged to be the one to do it.

-------



"I say that the way we should get rid of the Britney traitor." shouts Vyla to her friends, "It involves a rope, a candle, a long sharp knife and a bucket of water. It'll be fun to watch."

A lot of Dregs murmur approval. I don't know what happens in it, but it sounds grisly.

"Well that's settled, then." agrees Desdemona. "We'll set it up after we've had the celebration dinner. It can be the after-feast entertainment."

Everybody laughs, and the Dregs are sent out to steal the food from the local space supermarket. Only Ellen is left behind to watch me.

As they begin to leave, Tamara, who was a friend when I infiltrated returns quickly while Ellen is getting the tablecloth ready.



She gets a knife and quickly cuts the bonds on my hands and legs.

"As soon as I've gone, get out, Britney." she quietly whispers, "We were friends, and I don't want to see you killed. The Dregs are too violent. Just make sure you don't say anything about this."

I agree and Tamara slips off without Ellen even noticing, who is still setting up the Dreg tables. I wonder if she was a waitress before she joined the Dregs.

Eventually, she walks over to me, with a smug expression on her face.



"If only you knew what is going to happen to you." she laughs, "You'd be begging me to kill you now."

"You don't know what's going to happen to YOU!" I reply, and kick my foot out and hit her in an unmentionable place.

Ellen winces and collapses, so I quickly get up and grab the nearest umbrella.



I swing at her with it and batter Ellen with it. Actually, I think I'm deadlier with one of these than a Klingon is with a bat'leth.

After that, I manage to find the Dreg communication signal and call the Enterprise, who say they will come within ten minutes..

---------

A few hours later, with the Enterprise crew there, they are waiting for the Dregs, and round them up, ready to go back to the Fempokey Penal Colony.

Desdemona yells at me, swearing revenge again. Tamara says nothing, but smiles at me; she is willing to be imprisoned again. If only the Dregs knew they have a traitor in their midst.

"You did very well, Ensign." Captain Picard tells me, "However did you get away when the Dregs had tied you firmly?"

"I suppose I managed to loosen then a little." I lie, "I guess I was just lucky."

We all beam off, and I take a welcome piece of Galaxy Gum.

More Economy Films

A while back, this was a favourite TWQ (The Weekend Question). Let's see if there are some new ones you can find!

Can you name what some movies in the past might have been called had they had to trim costs? List as many as you wish.

My answers are:

Batman Doesn't Bother To Begin
Superman Doesn't Return
One Dalmation
The Jungle Notepaper
Pirate of the Boating Lake
Jaw
Dr Jekyll

Now it's over to you...

Ensign Britney And An Old Enemy (Part Three)

Guest Poster: Ensign Britney

The tape over my mouth and the bag is taken off me, and I see the light again.

"Welcome to Chez Dreg!" Desdemona laughs sarcastically, "Didn't I always tell you we'd get you for selling us out?"

A few of the of members of the Dregs of Society voice their approval at this. I was abducted while shopping in the Starfleet Mall with my soulsistah T'Pol. I was called into an alleyway, and they had me.

"I really sympathised with your beliefs." I tell them truthfully, "But your counterculture was too violent and subversive. I had to give you up."



"You just like to play at it, Britney." Desdemona Dreg sneers at me, "In truth, you don't like to get your hands dirty."

That hits home; there is more than a grain of truth there.

"It might be so." I reply, "But your society is just a group of thugs. I've lost any interest in being with one of you."



"Oooh!!!" says a girl with purple and black hair, "You're a real tough talker, ain't you? Let's kill her now!"



Vyla steps forward. She always disliked me, and was suspicious of me when I was infiltrating them.

"Yes, Ellen, but I want to do that." she says, "I've bought this book called 101 Ways To Kill Someone You Don't Like Very Slowly. It should help."

"No!" answers Tamara, who was a friend of mine when I joined them, "It's too barbaric!"

Desdemona steps in between them all, who are all voicing their opinions as to what should be done with me. So far I don't like any of the options coming out!

"Listen." she says, "If it wasn't for this woman, the Dregs of Society would be ruling the earth by now. She has got to pay for her treachery. Right now, we have got to start recruiting people and rise again. We'll have a celebration soon that will end in her being killed...and yes, you, Vyla can pick the method."

There is a big cheer from all the Dregs.

It looks like I may not have long to go. I wonder if they'll give me some chewing gum as a last meal?

To be continued after the regular TWQ

Ensign Britney And An Old Enemy (Part Two)

"You've got to do something!" T'Pol yells at me in my Ready Room, "Brit has been abducted!"

She thumps so hard on the desk, my cup of Earl Grey is spilt.

"Calm down." I reply in my authoritarian tone, "We'll do everything we can. Lieutenant Worf and his Security Team are going over the area now to see whether we can get any clues as to what happened to Ensign Britney."

Worf walks in, and T'Pol is demanding instantly to hear more.



"All the items she bought in the Starfleet Mall are there and have been recovered, Captain." Worf begins, "However we did find this note." He hands it to me, but T'Pol grabs it first.

"It says 'We have the traitor at last!'" she says.

I take it and read it for myself.



"Only The Dregs of Society would refer to Brit like that." T'Pol says, "After she infiltrated and exposed the counterculture movement."

"Exactly!" I reply, "But all of them are supposed to be in penal colonies. Let's check up on them. Maybe they've mislaid a few prisoners and haven't noticed."

I get my viewer and contact the warder of Fempokey, the penal colony for women.



"Greetings Captain Picard." he says "I am Warder McKay, head of the prison. What can I do for you?"

"I was wondering if any prisoners had escaped recently, most noticably any members of the counterculture group calling themselves The Dregs of Society?"

McKay suddenly looks decidely uncomfortable, as if someone has tipped an ant farm into his uniform.

"My empathic skills tell me that the Warder knows more." says Deanna.

Really? She needs to be a telepath to know that?

"Come on, Warder." I demand, "How many have escaped?"

"All of them." he answers sheepishly, "Including the leader, Desdemona Dreg. They were playing football, and when they kicked it over the wall, they asked if they could go and get it back. They never returned."

"Why didn't you warn us?" I ask, "One of the members of my ship has been abducted as part of a revenge motive."

"We thought we could get them back before anyone noticed." answers McKay, "I'm very sorry."

I switch off the videoviewer in disgust.

"Well, we know what we're up against." I say, "Let's check any ion trails and particle emissions to see if we can help. Ensign Britney may be in big trouble."

"I think Britney is pretty tough, Jean-Luc." Bev answers, "It's the Dregs that need to be careful if they've captured her."

To be continued...

Ensign Britney And An Old Enemy (Part One)

Guest Poster: Ensign Britney

This is a welcome change from being in the brig!

My soulsistah T'Pol and I have got some leave from the Enterprise and doing some serious shopping aroung the Starfleet Mall.

Naturally, being the rebels that we are, we frequent the 'alternative shops' where the most outrageous clothing is sold. How else can I get my wardrobe filled up:? I need some new torn stockings, ripped clothes and a see-through top to wear at more formal occasions.



"Where shall we go now, Brit, honey?" T'Pol asks, "All this shopping is more tiring than an Away Mission."

"Nearly finished, sistah." I reply, "I just want to get something from the..."

Before I finish, I am called over to a passageway by a young woman. T'Pol walks with me, but the woman says to her to stay where she is, as this won't take long.

I can sense the alarm bells ringing, like they do when T'Pol and I run riot in a nightclub and Security are about to come. Foolishly, I do nothing and carry on.

"You stay there." I tell T'Pol, "When I come back, we'll call it a day and go back to the Enterprise."



I walk into the alleyway, only to find a hand go over my mouth, and my hands tied up. Several woman are binding me to ensure I can't get away.

Not exactly what I was expecting!

"Hello Britney, you traitor." says a familiar voice.



It's Desdemona. Leader of the underground revolutionary group called The Dregs of Society. She and her group should be in a prison...why...?

"Time to get our revenge, traitor." Desdemona smiles.

With that, we are all beamed away. They even left all those things I bought on the ground!

To be continued...

TWQ: Summer Reads

As autumn is now upon us, TWQ (The Weekend Question) looks back on what you enjoyed reading in the summer.

What books did you enjoy reading over the summer? List more than one if you did.

My answer was:

For me, the best book of the year was 'The Host' by Stephanie Mayer. This was a fabulous novel which tell of the earth that has been invaded by aliens named souls who implant themselves in humans then live the life of the human, taking over their mind. It is narrated mainly by Wanderer, a soul implanted into the body of Melanie Stryder. When Melanie's mind refuses to vanish, they work together and become friends as they strive to find the man Melanie loved and come across a colony of humans. A real page-turner.

Now it's over to you...

The Race Afraid Of Women (Part Two)

I definately think the senior staff women are up to something!

After I informed them that Ambassador Zoran from Malakos would be visiting, and as a result, all women on the Enterprise will have to be confined to quarters as the Malakosians are afraid of all females, whatever race.

All of them very very cross, even Bev, who didn't see why they should be hidden away as something to be ashamed of.

---------

Commander Riker and I, plus the other male senior staff are now at transporter room 3 to welcome the Ambassador.



"Greetings Ambassador." I tell him, and go through the usual introductory speech. He looks around, rather nervously.

"Err...there..aren't any....non males here are there, Captain?" Zoran asks.

"Don't worry." I reply, "They are well away, and you won't see any here.."

The Ambassador breathes a sigh of relief and we all proceed to walk out of the transporter room.



"Oh, sorry!" Ensign Britney calls out, "I was on my way to my quarters and lost my way."

The Ambassador looks about to faint, as if he has been struck by a lightning bolt. Lieutenant Worf moves quickly and puts a bag he was carrying just in case, over the mini-skirt wearing Ensign ant takes her to the nearest brig.

"I'm sorry about that, Ambassador." I tell him, "That won't happen again."

I hear another set of footprints approaching.



"Have you seen Ensign Britney, Captain?" T'Pol asks. As always, she is wearing her revealing 22nd Century mirror universe outfit.

Data and Geordi try to stand in front of the Ambassador so that he can't see anything, but it is too late. He is looking faint again.

T'Pol is taken away by Worf, who has just returned from locking up Ensign Britney.

Another female voice comes from behind me. Oh no.



"Hello Ambassador Zoran" says Deanna cheerily.

I run to shield Deanna from the Ambassador. Sigh. I've got a lot of disciplining to do.

"I can only apologise, Ambassador." I say to Zoran, "They will be punished."

"Please don't, Captain." he says surprisingly, "It has been quite refreshing to see these women. It's made me begin to wonder what we've been missing all these years on Malakos. Bring the ladies along, and all the others that are on your senior staff to our meeting. I've got a feeling it might be quite eye-opening."

We all go to the conference. Deanna takes me aside.

"See what we mean, Captain." she says, "Women can be quite persusive sometimes."