Picard's 50th Birthday

Yuk! I wake up today, realising that I am no longer in my forties. I feel ancient in guess that Starfleet will soon hint at me being a veteran and phrases like 'give a younger man a chance'.

Not likely!

I switch on my Captain's Log and find there are adverts for health insurance for the over-50's and for walk-in sonic showers.

While putting my uniform on, my arm aches. Not rhuematism is it?

I am on the way to the Bridge, and hear a couple of crewmembers talking.

"I thought he was older than that." one says to the other, "He certainly looks it."

"Who are you talking about, crewman?" I ask.

"Err..." he stutters, "I was talking about Crewman Jackson's father, Captain."

A likely story.

My Com Badge suddely tells me there is an emergency in Ten Forward.

I arrive there in a matter of minutes, open the door, and am greeted by a crescendo of loud noise.

"SURPRISE!"



Bev and the rest of the senior staff are there in party outfits are all there waiting to celebrate my party.

"Happy birthday, Jean-Luc." Bev says softly, "Enjoy the party."

"Who is steering the ship?" I ask.

"Never mind that, Captain." Riker answers, "It's on autopilot."

Vic Fontaine and his band start the proceedings off with Happy Birthday, then I have to make a speech.

Naturally Ensign Britney giggles, and does an impression of a man with a walking stick. That girl will be off to the brig again.

"Ladies and gentlemen" Fontaine announces, "Beverly Crusher will be singing a special song dedicated to Captain Picard.....Forever Young."


May God bless and keep you always
May your wishes all come true
May you always do for others
And let others do for you
May you build a ladder to the stars
And climb on every rung
May you stay forever young
Forever young, forever young
May you stay forever young.

May you grow up to be righteous
May you grow up to be true
May you always know the truth
And see the lights surrounding you
May you always be courageous
Stand upright and be strong
May you stay forever young
Forever young, forever young
May you stay forever young.

May your hands always be busy
May your feet always be swift
May you have a strong foundation
When the winds of changes shift
May your heart always be joyful
And may your song always be sung
May you stay forever young
Forever young, forever young
May you stay forever young.

Bev then gives me a big kiss.

I guess being 50 isn't so bad after all!

"We have all clubbed together." Riker announces to me, "To present you with this ticket for a vacation for two on the couples-only planet of Romantica."



"Who are you gonna pick, Jean-Luc?" Guinan asks, "You might get one fiery redhead if you don't go with her."

"It had better be me." Bev whispers, "Or the next time you come to SickBay for your medical examination, I'll make sure the holographic doctor carries it out, and not me!"

"Don't worry." I say, as we go into a smoochy dance, "Get your bags packed. We're off to Romantica."

"Happy Birthday, Jean-Luc."

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Editor's Note:

Yes, Wednesday 14th January is my 50th birthday. In response to some requests, below is a photo of the portrait of myself that I've had done.

The Mayor Of Unimatrix Zero

Guest Poster: Annika Hansen

These first few days as Joint Mayor of Unimatrix Zero have been an absolute nightmare!

My term of Office commenced on the 1st of January, but the trouble is that in the elections, I came joint first with Axum, against whom I fought a long and bitter campaign.

He was also my former lover, who ran off to join that floozy Bajorian, Vi Toran.

I know what you're thinking. Yes, Unimatrix Zero is only an unconsious state of mind that Borg drones with the recessive gene can enter when they are regenerating in their alcove. But while we are here, it's as real as real life.

That's why we have elections to see who is the top dog. There is love...and hate, which I have experienced both with that creep Axum.

Since we have become Mayor, we argue about everything. Nothing new there, I hear you say, but this is about political decisions. We on about the times refuse men should come, how long bars should stay open. Naturally, he wants more golf courses to be built...I want them to be taxed.



"We're not doing THAT!" he'll say, whenever I put a proposal forward.

"Oh yes we ARE!" I'll snap back, usually throwing some drink in his face at the same time. The Mayor's office resembles a war zone at time.

The one that has the hardest job is the Peacekeeper, a council member appointed to sit between us and maintain order when the words start flying.

Naturally, I had something to say when Axum appointed his secretary.

Yes, you know who it was already. The floozy got the job. Vi Toran is there to sit on his knee and take the notes of anything he writes.

"Disgusting." I said to him, "Couldn't you appoint someone with more than one brain cell?"

"I can appoint whoever I like." retorted Axum, "I'm the Mayor."

-------

That's the way it's been ever since January 1st. Nothing has been passed of course. As the two of us can't agree on anything, no laws are coming through.

The joys of being a Leader!

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Editor's Note:

Apologies to those whom I haven't blogged over the last two or three days. My computer is ultra-ultra slow. I hope to have this fixed ASAP.

TWQ: Memorable Birthdays

As you all probably know, next Wednesday (14th) is my 50th birthday. Today, TWQ (The Weekend Question is asking about red-letter birthdays in your past.

Can you remember any memorable birthdays you've had in the past and what happened? List as many as you wish.

My answers are:

* On my 21st, I had a large sit-down family party that many family members said it was the best they had been to. Everything clicked that night.

* On my 26th, my parents secretly arranged with my office for a kissogram girl to visit the office

* On my 40th, I had big party, mixed with office and relatives.

Now it's over to you...

Planning For Jean-Luc's Birthday

Guest Poster: Beverly Crusher

For a change, I'm the one in charge of a senior staff meeting.

I've called it without Jean-Luc's knowledge as he is currently at a Captain's Conference at Rhiaana VI.

"Listen, everybody." I tell them, "I have a special reason for calling this meeting. I wanted to talk about Captain Picard's birthday on 14th January."



"Are you going to pass round an envelope and force them to contribute for a present?" asks Seven of Nine, "If you are, I would like to volunteer. I could then assimilate them if they refused to comply."

"There's no need for that, Seven." I reply, "I'm sure they will contribute willingly. Now we want to make it very special, as it is the Captain's 50th birthday."

"I didn't know he was THAT old." comments Ensign Britney, "He must be past it by now."

"He most certainly is not 'past it', Ensign." I say annoyingly to her, though there are several giggles in the room, "Any more talk like that and you'll be in the brig."

"You'll have to be careful with the candles on the cake." T'Pol says, "If they are all lit at once, there could be a major fire hazard that could go out of control."

Both T'Pol and Britney fall about laughing, and I indicate to Lieutenant Worf to remove them from the room.

"Well, What are we going to get the Captain?" Geordi asks, "He does seem to have everything."

"How about a surprise birthday party?" Jadzia suggests.

"That might be good." Riker comments, "We could put towards a trip for two to the planet Romantica, a holiday resort for couples only."

"Who would the Captain wish to take?" Data says out loud.

All eyes are then looking at me.

"Err... well.." I stutter, "The Captain may wish me to come...just to check if he is alright, of course."

Everybody has a look that says to me "What a fib!"

"That's it, then." Riker says, "Let's collect for the Captain's trip."

"....and mine." I think to myself.

Q In The Continuum (Part Two)

Guest Poster : Q

Now that we are all assembled in the Hall of Q in the Continuum, we all have to listen to whatever our leader has to drone on about.

The trouble is, as there is no concept of time and space in this enviroment, a speech can last the equivilant of several eons in human terms. Imagine that? It's not an endearing thought, is it?

Still, it hasn't been bad so far, while we've been waiting, I did manage to get the phone number of a female Q that I fancied. Pretty good going!

Hold on...the Head Q is here.....



Naturally, I can't show you his face. I hope you understand.

"Fellow Q's" he starts, "I think it is necessary to gather you all together in this Assembly, as I have something important to say."

This sounds ominous. Are we getting a pay cut?

"It has come to my attention." the Head Q continues, "That many of you are spending too much time outside the Continuum and interfering in the running of the universe outside it."

I start to feel looked at by him. Is Q referring to me by any chance? Just because I pay a few friendly visits to Jean-Luc and Kathryn occasionally can't consitute as interfering. All right I DID play pool with a star system last week, but was that really so bad?

"Penalties will be incurred if Qs persist in this action." our leader says, "And you must not ...."

"What about me?" says the voice of a young female Q.



"If it had not been for that Q there" she says, pointing to me, "My Q potential would not have been recognised when I served on the Enterprise. Q bought me here to the Continuum."

The Head Q looks a little embarrased at this.

"Well." he says, "There are occasions when we have to go out into the universe to seek individuals with potential. That does NOT involve playing pranks on them."

He looks at me again at the mention of this.

"You are all dismissed." our leader says, and we file away.

"You'll have to watch what you do." one Q says to me.

"Nonsense." I reply, "He says that sort of thing every so often as an indicator that he's still in his job. He then retires to the Ivory Tower and we don't see him for an Age."

I go back to my Quarters.

Now what's the phone number of that female Q I saw earlier on?

Q In The Continuum (Part One)

Guest Poster: Q

"All the Qs are having an assembly." I am suddenly informed, while having a peaceful doze in the Q Continuum.

"What." I reply, "When is it?"

"Now says the Q talking to me, "You'd better get out of that sleeping position and hurry along. You might miss the start."

There's not much chance of that happening. Those in charge at the Continuum always make sure I hear it.

Such a pity really. I was just going to go and wish Jean-Luc and his minions a Happy New Year then make their clothes vanish. I know that they always like that, although they pretend not to.

Not that we in the Continuum have any worries about time and space. Being who we are, we can appear anywhere, anytime and do anything. I kind of like the look I have when I torment Jean-Luc, though. Mainly because it annoys him.

I'm digressing again. Maybe I'm getting old?

I appear in the Hall of Q to appear while the big boss gets ready to make his speech.

"Hiya, Q. I was missing you." says a female voice from behind.



"Oh, hello Q" I say. "You look lovely. A new perfume?"

"Yes, Q" she replies, "It's Essence of Andromeda."

"Well it's beautiful." I tell her, "Hope I can see you after the speech."

"Sure, Q." she answers, "Here's my phone number."

Q definately has the hots for me!

Phone books are a little curious in the Continuum. With every being having the same name, it can be a problem looking for someone's number.

A good point is that a male and female Q can never accidentally say the name of a former admirer and arouse suspicion in the throes of passion. Whoever thought of giving all in the Continuum the same name must have thinking of this!

"Here's our leader!" whispers one Q to another, "I wonder what he's going to say?"

TWQ: New Year Ambitions

With the New Year celebrations over, TWQ (The Weekend Question) asks what your plans are for 2009.

What do you have planned for 2009? Do you intend to quit something, go somewhere or do anything? List as many as you wish.

My answers are:

*As 14th January is my 50th birthday, I'll be hanging the portrait of myself that I had commissioned to be done. It's a super painting, and was a pleasure to do the sittings.

* In October, I'll be going for the third time to see Mamma Mia! in London's West End.

Now it's over to you....

The New Year With T'Pol & Britney

Guest Poster: Mirror T'Pol

Whew! What a hangover that was!

Back in the mirror universe where I came from, I could take that sort of liquor and drink Captain Archer under the table. It must have softened me up a little.

Britney is sleeping away next to me.

I give her a slight kick, in which she falls off the bed.

"Wakey, wakey, Brit!" I shout, it's the New Year and time for our shift to begin. Old grumpy the Captain will put us both in the brig if we don't get there in time"



"Whazzup?" my Deltan friend dozily says.

"Time to start." I reply, and drag her to the sonic shower, where a few minutes there soon revives her.

The two of us set out from our quarters, but find the corridors of the Enterprise very quiet.

"It seems that few people have recovered from the New Year's Eve Party we had, sistah." Britney observes, "Let's go to the Bridge."

When we arrive, we find that it is unusually silent.

We decide to ask the computer about the location of various crew members.

"Captain Picard is in Doctor Crusher's quarters."

"Commander Riker is in Deanna Troi's quarters."

"Lieutenant Commander Data is in Jennifer Baxter's quarters."

And so it goes on.

"Well, we can see what sort of night THEY have all had." laughs Britney, "Are you going to be the one to wake them up?"

"Not likely, Brit." I answer.

"What about getting the Emergency Holographic Doctor?" suggests Britney, "He has Command status, and we could use him."

"Do you really want him here." I answer, "A few seconds in the Captain's Chair and he would be into La Traviata or some other operatic piece."

"You're right, T'Pol" she comments, "We can fly this can on our own."

"Do you wanna be the Captain?" I ask Brit, "Or shall we toss?"

I win this toss, and Brit is at the Com, while I'm in the Captain's Chair.

"Where shall we go, sistah?" she asks.

"If it were up to me, we'd go to Nightclubworld, but as we've got over 1000 people on the Enterprise, I suppose we'd better go to Starbase VII, where we were due to go to."

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Eventually, Captain Picard walks on with the rest of the Bridge crew. He looks in bad shape, as do all of them. We tell them that we are proceding to the Starbase as it was programmed.

"Err...yes...well done, you two."

He makes no comment about why we didn't wake him, neither do the others, as we would have known where he was!