Geordi The Bore?

Guest Poster: Geordi La Forge


I get the idea that many colleagues here on the Enterprise consider me somewhat of a bore. I can't think why, as I've always thought of myself as a hip and groovy kind of guy.

This morning I woke up and had breakfast. I thought I would do something really daring and innovative. Yes, I went for Rice Krispies instead of cornflakes. At the same time, I talked to a new intern about my stamp collection. Soon after, she left, saying she had to return a book to the library. Strange, that, as I didn't think we had a proper library, only the Kindle Computer.

Then it was off to Engineering to repair a power point. After I finished with the sonic screwdriver, I asked the pretty lieutenant who was on board en route to Tetris III, the computer world whether she wanted to have some fun in the holodeck. She laughed, then told me she had to go and wash her hair. Strange, that, as members of her race were bald.

Then it was lunchtime in Ten Forward. I talked a little to Deanna, but she kept falling asleep. Perhaps she had had a busy night?


Anyway, I went out and.....

Computer Note:  The Log Recorder had to shut itself down at this time, as it couldn't take any more.

Out Of Fashion

 Guest Poster: Deanna Troi.

Being in suspended animation was a complete disaster for me.

After all, I am always on the pulse of the Federation fashion scene, even more so than that Kalinda Kardashian, who parades herself around in her scanties.

You can imagine my surprise when I went out on the first night after returning from our long haul, presumed lost in space. What did everyone say? Certainly not "Welcome back." More like "That outfit is so yesterday. No one is wearing that sort of thing anymore"

Red faced, I beamed myself quickly to the Starfleet Mall and maxed out my clothing allowance, which had grown to a huge amount due to our absence.

While getting a mini dress, I saw Bev trying out a few new items as well from the racks.

Do you think this outfit looks good one me?" Bev asked, "I think pink would be great for evenings out."

"I guess so." I said through gritted teeth. I would have bought that outfit if Bev had not goy her mitts on it first.

A while later, I was back on the Enterprise trying out the range of new outfits.

This is a good one.  They should see me through the next year. Unless Jean-Luc sends the ship the wrong way again and we do another Rip Van Winkle.

In Sick Bay

Guest Post: The Doctor


"What is the nature of your medical emergency?" I say as I'm switched on. Sometimes I wish I had a different opening line.

Captain Picard is there.

"Doctor" he says, "The Enterprise has been in suspended animation for the last three years. I will need you, Doctor Crusher and Nuirse Delmara to help out with any stress the crew may have from learning that their loved ones have aged while they haven't."

The Captain walks out while I ponder this.

Three years? Another human foul-up I suppose.

Beverly approaches. I suppose she will want to take over the running of everything. Some things never change.

"We could have quite a rush of people, Doctor." she says, "Some of the crew might be very panic stricken about the outside universe ageing while they haven't. Give them a supply of stress pills."

Yes, sure. A stress pill is the answer to everything.

Penelope Delmara gives me a beaming smile and hugs me.

"Oh, Joe!" she exclaims, "It's go good to see you again. Though it seems like yesterday, I've missed having you around."

I must admit, I've missed her too. My personal nurse is the only one who calls me Joe. I must admit, I rather like it.

The first crewman comes in, holding his head as if it is going to fall off.

"I can't believe it." he says to himself, "My wife has probably got a new lover by now."

If she has any sense, she will, I think to myself.

Time to start giving out the stress pills. Before long, I might be wishing I could have one as well.

Woken Up

What's this then?

I wake up after a good night's sleep and the ship's chronometer tells me that three years have elapsed.

That's what I call some sleep!

I hurriedly call a conference; Data tells me that we entered a cloud which put the Enterprise in suspended animation. Sensors could not penetrate it, so the Federation could not detect our presence. Only now, with solar activity nearby, did the cloud's composition weaken, and allow us to emerge and wake up.

 Deanna is very upset about all this.

"It means I'll have to get a whole new wardrobe!" she wails, "All my clothes will be out of fashion."

I roll my eyes at this, and decide to contact Starfleet right away.

"Picard!" snorts Admiral Bullockwhen I use the videoscreen to contact him, "We thought you were all dead. Do you know how much it's cost the Federation to have a funeral for every member of your crew? Now we'll have to rewrite everything and get you back on to our files."

"I'm sorry sir." I start, "But it was beyond our control. We had entered a ...."

"Yes, yes.." Bullock snaps, not wanting to hear any more, "Just report back for a debriefing."

"Very well, sir." I reply, "Has anything important happened in our absence?"

"No, it's been very quiet." the Admiral replies, "It seems like we only get trouble and universe-threatening problems when you are around. Now that you are back, we'd better strengthen our defences."

The videoscreen goes off, and I turn to the crew.

"Well, it looks like the Enterprise is up and running. We'll have to see what is going on in the universe."

TWQ: Disappointments

This week, TWQ (the Weekend Question) looks at letdowns and disappointments.

What sort of letdowns and disappointments have you ever had? List as many as you wish.

My answers are:

* Two weeks ago I was told that I wasn't going to get a job I applied for, although I felt certain that I would.

* Earlier in the year, I was told I would be in the group facing mandatory redundancy, despite having worked there for 36 years.

* A necklace I sent off for as a present for someone turned out to be a cheap-looking item that was made in China.

Now it's over to you...

TWQ: Lost Items

This week, TWQ (the Weekend Question) asks about whether you are a loser. That is to say someone who consistantly loses items and never finds them again.

Have you lost things never to find again, or have found after a long time? List as many as you wish.

My answers are (although it is mainly my dad that does this!)

* Tube for mouthwash
* Driving Licence
* Key to get out into the garden

Now it's over to you...

Shopping With Bev & Kathryn

Guest Poster: Deanna Troi 

As we promised her, Bev and I are taking Kathryn Janeway on a tour of the Starfleet Mall. She has been away for seven years. Her fashion sense is pretty shocking. Kate is wearing clothes that I wouldn't be seen dead in.

If anyone asks who is dressed in that strange garb, I'll just have to say I don't know who she is. Kathryn joins Bev and I and we set off.

 "Bev and Deanna." she says, "I want to thank you both for taking me out here to see the latest fashions. It's been so long since I've had a good shop..or a real drink for that matter."

Beverly explains that she and Kate used to go out and cruise the bars, getting drunk many years ago. I raise my eyebrows in surprise. It's not the Bev I am used to knowing, but we all did things differently in our younger days.

"This is the 'in' thing right now." declares Bev, pointing at a shop window. There is an elegant dress there, with a split cut to the waist.

"It's a little daring." comments Kathryn, "Not only that, it looks transparent."

"So it is." Bev agrees, "But you'll look great. Go and try it on.

We push the reluctant Kate into the shop. She goes to the changing room and comes out to see what we think.

"You look fabulous." we agree.

"You don't think I'm showing too much leg do you."

"Not at all." I answer, "The fashion now is to expose the legs. In other words, legs are 'in', Kathryn."

"It's a good job I didn't wear this on Voyager." she smiles to herself, "There would have been quite a few glances in my way from fellow crew members."

The three of us leave the shop.

"I have to meet Will. now." I tell them, "We are going to the cinema to see Indiana Jones In The Care Home. See you later."

"That's all right." Bev replies, "Kate and I have got a lot of catching up to do in the local bars. We are going to drink each other under the table."

TWQ: Questions Not To Ask The Interviewer

For all those in a job interview, TWQ (the Weekend Question) asks others to supply questions not to ask the interviewer

What questions would it be unwise to ask the interviewer in a job interview? List as many as you wish.

My answers are:

* Do the female employees wear mini skirts?
* How many sick days am I entitled to?
* What time do you get off work, as I'd like to ask you out.

Now it's over to you...