Right now, I'm escorting a reporter from the Galactic Gazette around the Enterprise. It's a PR event dreampt up by Starfleet so that the public know more about us.
The reporter, Jeff Raven, insists on talking like an exaggerated image of the zany reporter that was seen in B movies of the 1930's and 1940's.
I definately need a stress pill with me.
"Gee, this is some place you've got here, Captain." Raven says to me as we tour the corridors of the ship, "What will you do if the bad guys show up?"
"The bad guys?" I reply in a puzzled tone.
"Yeah, you know, the Klingons and all those other sneaky aliens."
"I must have you visit Mr Worf." I tell him candidly, "I'm sure he'd be quite happy to answer your questions on that topic, especially regarding the Klingons."
We turn the corner, and just as I hoped they wouldn't, Ensign Britney and her friend T'Pol are walking towards us.
"Wow!" exclaims Raven, "You've got two superbabes here, Captain. Say sweeties, would you like to be in the centrespread of the Galactic Gazette? You'd be be voted Gazette Gals of the Year."
I cringe, as I see the growing anger in both Britney & T'Pol.
"We don't read rags like the Gazette." Britney declares.
"Aw come on honey." Raven pleads, "Come out with me and I'll see you get voted."
T'Pol pushes him against the wall.
"Brit is NOT your honey." T'Pol declares, "The Gazette has gone downhill since it featured women like you suggest. Neither I nor my friend wish to be part of it."
Both women grab him and boot him down the corrider. All the more painful for Raven as Britney has her Dr Martens on.
I should tell them off, but I would like to have done the same with Raven. The Gazette has gone downhill in recent times. As I walk to the reporter, I give a slight smile to Britney & T'Pol.
"Whew." Raven says as I pick him up off the floor. You have a couple of powerful women there. I wouldn't like to meet them on a dark night.
"Do you wish to go on with the tour, Mr Raven?" I ask.
"Sure." he answers, "I can't sit down right now. That boot has left my backside a little sore."
To be continued...