Sunday, March 22, 2009

The Reporter (Part One)

"Who's this I'll be seeing?" I ask Riker.

"Apparently, Captain." he replies, "It's a reporter from the Galactic Gazette. I'm told he wants to do an interview."

I groan.

"I suppose this is another Public Relations gimmick from Starfleet?" I tell him, "They are always trying to make what we do more accessible to the public. I suppose you'd better show him in."


A man in an ill-fitting outfit, carrying an ancient camera and wearing a brown trilby with a 'Press' card inserted bounds into the Ready Room, full of life.

"Gee, this is PERFECT!" he exclaims, "This place looks like where all the decisions are made, now if you just sit at your desk and look important, I'll take this picture. This should be a great cover shot!"

The flash goes off with such force the room lights up and my eyes take five minutes to readjust.

"Sorry about that." says the reporter, "I'm Jeff Raven, hottest reporter at the Gazette. Are you Captain Picard? I hope your bald head didn't affect the flash image on the picture?"

"Err...yes." I say, "You ought to get permission before taking photographs, some places on the ship are Classified."

"Yeah, yeah." says Raven, "I've always wanted to do a feature in this ship. I finally wore the Editor down into giving me a chance."

"You mean he gave up." Riker comments wryly, "I can't help noticing, Mr Raven, that your clothing and style is rather dated. Not quite 24th century."

"Call me Jeff." he replies, "Yeah, well I love those old early 20th century movies that featured a zany reporter. I've modelled myself on them."

"All right Mr Raven." I tell him firmly. You will be escorted around the ship, and I will answer some of your questions...but only some."

"Sure, sure." Raven answers, "Let the show begin."

At that moment, Deanna Troi enters the room. Raven's eyes bulge out.

"Wowza, wowza, wowza!" he exclaims, "If the gals are like this, I'm in for a real treat!"

Deanna promptly slaps him on the face. This only seems to make Raven smile even more.

"Come on, Captain." he urges, "Get a move on."

I wince. I might be tempted in giving him a practical demonstration as to how an airlock works.

To be continued...


Merlyn Gabriel said...

for a bright girl, Deanna doesn't really get what men are all about does she? Come to think of it neither do I.

Hope you are well, Captain. I must admit I have a lot of catching up to do!!

xxs merly

Amanda said...

LOL! I hope they run into Ensign Britney.

The Curmudgeon said...

The airlock is not the only tool at your disposal. How about this?

Take him to 10-Forward, fill him with bourbon (not the synthehol -- the stuff Guinan keeps available for just such occasions) until he passes out, then prepare your own story, stick it in his pocket, and tuck him in a spare guest cabin until he sleeps it off.

With luck, he'll think he wrote the story and you'll be off the hook... and maybe even earn a brownie point or two with the PR brass.

Linda said...

You seem to get all the strange visitors in the galaxy, don't you? And Deanna really should have just batted her eyes and said 'thank you' and let Will do the slapping!

Jean-Luc Picard said...

Amanda...have you been reading my notes in advance?

Merlyn, good to have you back in the swing of things.

Linda..that's true, we get all the odd ones.

Ellee Seymour said...

I don't think many reporters are like that these days.

The Mistress of the Dark said...

Jeff's not very PC is he? LOL

Gyrobo said...

You've got the star power to single-handedly bring back the trilby! C'mon! Do it!

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