Final Party Preparations

I've gathered the staff to discuss the final preparations for the Enterprise Christmas Party, which will be starting in a few days.

"Right then, everybody" I start, "We haven't got long to go, what's the latest on the things we have?"



"I went down to Guinan this morning." Deanna tells me, "She appeared very frustrated. Her helpers were getting the vol-au-vonts all ready, and Guinan was saying to herself about bothering to take on these tasks."

"Everything will be all right, won't it, Deanna?" Riker asks.

"Oh, sure." replies Deanna, "But I'd advise everybody to say how good her vol-au-vants taste, otherwise they could be in for an earful."

"All right," I say, "Now what about the music with Vic Fontaine?"

"I went to visit him during his rehearsal the other day." Riker tells us, "I asked him if he needed an extra trombone player in his band. He saw me holding my trombone, but looked a little worried. However, he told me that it was going great, and if one falls ill, he'll let me know."

As his band were all holograms, I don't see that happening. It appears that Vic has been programmed with tact as well.

"How are we with the Guest List?" I ask.



"I am a little concerned, Captain." Worf states, "Though we have the brigs all ready, I fear that some of the Guest who have sent RSVP messages could be a little err...difficult."

"What do you mean, Mr Worf?"

"To know that a Terminatrix will be coming to the party is a worry. Captain."

Seven becomes annoyed at this.

"Sky is my friend and I will vouch for her!" she replies angrily.

"To have a Borg drone recommend a Terminatrix is scant indeed." Worf says, "I do see on the List that there may be a vigilante crime fighter who may help."

Seven marches towards him; this could get difficult.

"Look." I try to say to them, "All guests try to leave their aggressive personalities at the door when they come to our Parties. It's Christmas. Any that fail to adhere to that will be dealt with."

Seven and Worf each grumble to themselves and go to sit down again. Why are parties as complex as a diplomatic summit?

"Well, me and my sistah T'Pol are gonna make this a party to remember!" Ensign Britney announces, and she and T'Pol do a high-five.

Sigh. Just a few more days and it all starts. Has anyone seen my stress pills?

---------------

Author's Note:

There is still a chance to put your Party entries in!

The Enterprise Christmas Party starts on Monday 3rd December; the entries will change on a daily basis throughout the week. Be there!

Thomas Riker (Part Two)

Guest Poster: Ro Laren

I'm in a right pickle now, as one could say.

While going on a Maquis weekend seminar, I have been chosen by Jalam, one of the most extreme members of the organisation to take Thomas Riker back to the Enterprise.

The intention is to replace Commander Riker with his duplicate, Thomas Riker, who was created many years ago in a transporter accident. Thomas Riker has joined the Maquis. Jalam has threatened me if I don't comply.

------------

You could say it's a rock and a hard place, whatever that means. I will be denounced as a traitor by Starfleet if I manage to reveal him or not. I could be threatened in unspeakable ways also if Jalam thinks that I have not complied.



"Not long to go, Ro." says Thomas as we get nearer to the Enterprise, while travelling in the DaVinci shuttle, "In about ten hours, I will be the new Commander of the Enterprise. I'll find a way to get Picard out of the way, and the flagship of Starfleet will then be under Maquis control."

"Do..err.. you think we're being a little extreme, Thomas?" I ask, "After all, the Maquis is really supposed to sabotage Cardassian outposts, not the Federation."

He gives a manical laugh, as all slightly despotical people tend to do.

"If you like, Ro." he says firmly, "I can put you in the same airlock as Picard when it comes to the time of disposing those in my way."

This Riker is seriously one dilithium crystal short of a warp drive.

I'll have to deal with him before he gets to the Enterprise. If I can signal a moderate Maquis vessel, they will pick him up and arrest Jalam for his extreme activities.

I resort to the best way possible; I use my feminine wiles.

"Thomas." I say softly, "What can we do on the long journey to the Enterprise?"

While I say this, I kiss him softly. I also feel sick for having to kiss someone so appalling.

As we do, my arm outstreches, and I press the communications signal, adjust it to the Maquis code and see that a distress message is sent out. Riker is too busy enjoying me to notice..

----------

Ten minutes later, a Maquis vessel shows up and beams us off. I explain to the moderate commander, and he arrests Thomas.

"We will go and arrest Jalam as well." he tells me, "We've had our eye on him for a long time. The Maquis shouldn't be infested with those type."

"You've made a mistake, Ro." says Thomas, as he is led away, "This will go a lot higher. Certain sections of the Maquis will not forget what you have done."

-----------

I am beamed back on to the Da Vinci, and soon arrive on the Enterprise, to be welcomed back by Captain Picard and the real Commander Riker.

"Had a good time?" asks Riker, "It wasn't too boring on the long journey here in the shuttle, was it?"

I give a slight smile.

The things I do for Starfleet!

------------------

Author's Note:

Don't forget, the deadline for the Enterprise Christmas Party is extended to Friday 30th November. See last weekend's post below TWQ for details. I want your Party entry!

Thomas Riker (Part One)

Guest Poster: Ro Laren

This weekend, I'm going on a Maquis Weekend. It gives me the chance to look up a few old friends, and catch up on the latest gossip about who is with who and how long for.

I must admit, some of the more extreme elements of the Maquis have a poor opinion of me, as I still am part of Starfleet, and have not quite, as they did, when the Cardassian Alliance was formed.

However, some of the others like me, as they see me as their 'girl on the inside', able to supply them with information.

The extremists think I just want to have my cake and eat it.

Well, as Deanna Troi might say, as long as it's chocolate.

-----------

I've beamed down, and everyone is chatting to each other, saying disparaging thing about the Cardassians and how they managed to cause trouble. I join in, saying the Enterprise stopped Gul Buket, a tough Cardassian from turning a Bajoran planet into a Cardassian vacation complex. That receives a lot of cheers and I get a free drink.

I'll have to think of a few more stories like that.

Shortly, Jalam, one of the more extreme leaders of the Maquis approaches me.

"Ah, how is our little weekend Maquis operative?" he asks.

Another sly dig, I think.

"I have someone I'd like you to meet, Ro." he tells me, and leads me into a special room.



"Commander Riker?" I ask.

"In a way." says the lookalike, "I was created in a transporter accident many years ago. You may call me Thomas, which is my middle name."

"And you have joined the Maquis?"

"Yes." he replies, "We want you to help me in a special mission."

"Which is?" I ask.

"I want you to go back to the Enterprise with Thomas." says Jalam, "And replace Will with Thomas."

"It'll never work." I say incredually, "Besides, I'm a friend of Commander Riker and I'd be beteraying him and Starfleet."

"It's not a request, Ro." Jalam says solemly, "If you don't..."

Suddenly I am beginning to see the dark side of the Maquis. As I only just visited occasionally, I haven't been aware of their more sordid activities. Their cause may be valid, but does the end justify the means?

Did I get that right? I'm never sure if I'm saying that back to front.

Jalam was known to be one of the very most extreme figures of the Maquis. Do the majority of leaders know about it?

"You're going back NOW, Ro." says Jalam, "You're taking Thomas with you!"

--------------

Before I can say anything to the more moderate members, I am bundled into the Da Vinci shuttle with Thomas, and we are on our way back.



"Don't worry, Ro." says Thomas, "As your new Commander, I'll treat you well for giving me a lift to the Enterprise."

Things are looking decidely tricky right now....

------------------------

Author's Note:

I'm still waiting for more entries for the Enterprise Christmas Party. See the previous post for more details.

Latest: The deadline date has been extended to Friday 30th November.

TWQ: On The Wall

TWQ (The Weekend Question) asks you to look on the wall on your house this week.

What is your favourite item hung on your wall? Select more than one if you can't be too sure.

My answer is:

I have this limited edition below from the artist Carrie Graber, called 'Contraste' (below)



The secret of Carrie's pictures is that we hardly see the faces of the women. I would love to buy an original, but they would be quite costly!

Now it's over to you...

But before I go....


Here's another chance to see the details of the Enterprise Christmas Party Invitation, posted a few days ago:

This is your official invitation to the Enterprise Christmas Party that starts on Monday 3rd December!

What I'm asking you to do is write a short post of what happens from your viewpoint at the party. It will be then published in the Journal.

These are the rules to remember:

1: The post is from YOUR viewpoint only. You can involve Enterprise characters, plus other known races and figures, such as the Romulans, the Borg, Q, Lwaxana Troi, Seven, Jadzia Dax, Karena, Ensign Britney, T'Pol or make some up yourself. You can even include some bloggers that are likely to be there (see my Guest Quarters' list on my blog).

2: Remember that that this year, the event is taking placing at the Sands holographic nightclub on the Enterprise holodeck. It will be in the style of the early 1960's Las Vegas casinos, with the hologram Vic Fontaine doing a singing session. The catering will be done by Guinan and served by Sands casino holograms there. Anything can happen. You are only limited by your imagination!

3: The length should be whatever you consider suitable.

4: Remember this is a family-friendly Journal, so take heed of what you write.

5: In accordance with Rule 4, I reserve the right to trim entries or not to publish them if I consider them unsuitable.

6: The closing date for entries is Wednesday 28th November.

7: Send your entries to: Captain Picard (wibblywebb-1@yahoo.co.uk) marking your entry 'Enterprise Christmas Party'. The E Mail address is also under 'Secure Channel' on my Journal page.

8: Don't forget to include your blog ID and your blog URL address so you can be credited.

9: If I get a substantial number of entries, I will be doing several posts together, to be changed daily from the 3rd December onwards.

10: For any of those unsure of what their entry should look like, read some examples from last year's party in the December archives week commencing 4th December, or the year before, week commencing 5th December.

Good luck, everybody!

Power Failure

When travelling at Warp Nine to the nearest Starbase, one doesn't expect anything to go wrong.

After all, all we want is a little R&R.

Suddenly, the computers close down, all the lights go out, and the Enterprise stops, leaving the ship to float in space.

The Bridge is in total darkness; I get up and promptly fall over, as I did not see the slight floor ridge in front of me.

"What's going on?" I call out, although there might as well not be anyone on front of me.

Suddenly there is a slight light; Data is glowing.

"What have you done, Mr Data?"

"It is an emergency fitting that Noonian Soong, my creator had fitted. In the event of being in a dark situation, my skin was designed to glow."

"I haven't heard of that before." I reply.

"I had only remembered this when I recently had a Level One Diagnostic after Sid had repaired me. This fact had been omitted for some years."

"Well, now that you glow." I say, "We can stop bumping into each other on the Bridge and find out what is going on."

"I believe I know what it is, Captain." Geordi tells me, "I think the ship blew a fuse."

"What!" comments Riker, "You mean a Federation Galaxy-Class starship can stop working if an old-fashioned fuse happens to blow?"

"Err..yes, Commander." he replies, "Although a 24th Century fuse is much stronger than the ones we used to have hundreds of years ago."

"Woe betide a Federation vessel if it is engaged in a galactic battle and the fuse blows." I say drily.

Geordi opens a tiny box on the Enterprise circuitboard and takes something out of his pocket.



"I always carry one of these little fellas with me." he says proudly, "You never never know when you might need one.

"Perhaps we ought to have some candles in the back as well?" I suggest, sarcastically.

"Oh, we've got them as well." Geordi states matter-of-factly, "Do you want me to get some out."
"No!" I reply sharply, "Just put the fuse in."

Geordi complies, and all the lights come on. The computers are operating, and the engines start functioning again.

"There we go, Captain." he says happily, "Everything is all right again."

"Good, Mr LaForge." I say, "Please bring a box of fuses and put them under my seat. If we do battle against the Borg, I want to be ready."

------------------

Author's Note:

The Enterprise Christmas Party is awaiting your entry! For all the details, see part of the TWQ post last weekene.

------------

And to all those who celebrate it.......Happy Thanksgiving!!

--------------

The wonderful Nina has given me this Award below:



Nina, it's my pleasure and honour to be your friend. Thank you so much!

Shopping For Karena

Guest Poster: Wesley Crusher

My honeybunch, Karena, who I am engaged to, has given me permission to go shopping, instead of do housework.

This is because I have to look for Christmas presents suitable for her.

I am currently looking around Starfleet Mall. This is very difficult. Just what does one buy as a present for an amazon like Karena?

"You have the afternoon to look for some good presents for me, pumpkin." said Karena to me a few hours earlier, then packed me off here. If I tell her I couldn't find anything, I'm going to get a sharp jab with that notorious spear of hers.

---------

After a while, I'm starting to get desperate. I've looked in endless shops, but they have typical woman's wear and gifts. When I asked them what they have for an amazon, all I got was laughed in the face. One sales assistant even called his colleague over to hear me say it again, so they could both enjoy the laugh.

It's harder walking around a Mall than it is in the Byzarian desert in the middle of the day.

Suddenly I see a tiny shop in the distance.



It has a message underneath.

"Everything you need for an amazon."

This is just what I want. I see a woman at the counter, all decked out in amazonian gear. She looks firmily at me.



"Get out." she says, "We don't serve men."

"But...."

"Listen," she tells me, "We only serve women who are, or wish to become amazons."

"My fiancee is an amazon." I reply, "And I need to buy her something for Christmas."

Her attitude changes as she hears this.

"If you're buying for an amazon, I guess we can serve you." she tells me, "I'm Helena; what is it you want?"

"Well.." I start, "Had this shop used to sell all sorts of things many years ago?"

"Yes." replies Helena, "We amazons took it over, decided to keep the name, and specialise only in items for people like us. Now what do you want?"

"I suppose a new spear would go down well." I tell her, "The one Karena has must be going blunt with the prodding she has done."

Helena picks up a particularly vicious looking spear; I agree with Helena that it is ideal, and look around for something else.

I also get Karena an extra sharp knife, a new amazonian skirt and a light, but highly tough warrior breastplate.

"You must have quite a fiancee." Helena tells me, as she wrap up the gifts.

"She is." I reply, "I love my honeybunch."

Helena winces at that remark, and I decide to leave quickly.

----------------

Author's Note:

Don't forget to send your entries in for the Enterprise Christmas Party. All the details are at the bottom of the TWQ on 17th November.

----------------

I've also received two Awards!

The first is the Winning Attitude Award from Amanda




Thanks so much for this wonderful gesture and your testimony. I have pleasure in passing this on to Linda who consistantly produces a super blog, which is always so good to read.

Secondly, I have the Colors Of Friendship Award from Serina Hope . Thank you Serina for this beatiful Award. It means a lot.



I have great pleasure in passing this on to my friend Nina . She is a successful author and good friend, whose latest novel, Darwin's Paradox has just been released.

Britney The Elf

After Seven terried the children last year as the Head Elf when I played Santa Claus for the Enterprise children last year, I've decided to hold a lottery to choose who will have the Elf title this year.

Deanna approaches me. She is looking a little nervous.

"Well, Deanna" I ask, "Who has won the lottery this year to look after the children? Is it you, Beverly, Ro, Jadzia or..."

You won't like it, Captain." she tells me with a slight tremble in her voice.

"As long as it isn't..." I start to say, and her the clump of Doc Martens boots approaching in an adjacent corrider."

"Please, Deanna" I ask, "Say it isn't so."

"I'm afraid so, Captain."

Ensign Britney comes towards me.



The Deltan Ensign is wearing a blonde wig, a bright green transparent dress that seems to be barely on and large Dr Martens boots.

"Okay, Captain." she says, "I've got my elf costume on. I'm ready to start."

"You can't go in like that!" I exclaim, "It's hardly the sort of outfit an Elf wears."

"They do on the planet Delta, where I come from from." she replies quickly, "You know about the rule in Starfleet about wearing native dress."

Britney is pretty sharp when she wants to be. Regretfully, I have to let her wear it, while Beverly, Ro and Deanna wear normal elves outfits while being her helpers."

--------------

Hours later, the children are lined up outside the holodeck, which has been programmed into Santa's Grotto. I'm in the centre of it, dressed as Santa Claus. The Elf Helpers welcome the children, while the Head Elf (Britney) takes them to meet me.

I hear lots of excited children waiting. Through a hole in the cavern, I see the first child coming in. Beverly, dressed in a bright red elf costume takes the young boy, who I recognise as Jason, son of Crewman Brown to Britney. His eyes light up when he sees Britney.

Britney takes out her chewing gum and places it under a rock, ready to pick up later.

I groan.

"Do you wanna meet Santa?" Britney says to Jason, and the young boy takes her hand.

A few moments later, Jason approaches. I am in a big red outfit, with a cushion down the front and a large white beard.

I start saying "Ho, ho, ho, young man."

"Do you wanna sit on Santa's knee?" Britney asks Jason.

"No!" Jason replies firmly, "I want to sit on YOUR knee, Britney!"

"I'm the Head Elf." Britney says.

"If you say so." Jason comments, "I'll still prefer to sit on your knee."

"If you don't sit on my knee." I tell him, "I won't bring you a present on Christmas Eve."

Grudgingly, he complies, and I ask him what he would like for Christmas."

"Ensign Britney!" he pipes up sharply.

"Santa can't give people as presents." I tell him.

"Why not?" Jason asks, "You are Captain Picard, after all. They have to do what you tell them."

I groan again. I think Jason is a little too old to visit Santa.

---------
After a few more visits, we have a work break. Britney gets her chewing gum from the rock and starts on it again.

"Do you want some spare chewing gum?" she asks.

At first, I say no, then realise I'm not going to get anything else. I reluctantly take some gum from Britney.

The break is over a few moments later, and I start to take the gum out, but get it all tangled up in my beard.

I am fighting to get the gum out when Britney brings in little Meredith to see me. The gum gets even more tangled in my beard and I am forced to tear my beard off.

This causes Meredith to cry, and runs from the Grotto, wailing, "Santa has lost his beard!"

Why is it things never go right when I play Santa Claus?

TWQ: Modern Movie Moments

We all have our favourite movie scenes, but many can be in classic movies of the past. TWQ (The Weekend Question) is asking about more recent ones.

What recent movie moments have you come across that will always be regarded as classic ones. Go back up to about 15 years, and list as many as you wish.

My answers are:

1: The Godfather Part III: Towards the end of the movie, the scene in Palermo Opera House followed by the shooting on the steps is one of the longest and well made set pieces.

2: Pleasantville: The transformation from black and white to colour in the lovers lane area.

3: LOTR: Fellowship Of The Ring: The time with the elves in Lothlorien.

4: LOTR: The Return Of The King: The epic battle in the Pelannor Fields.

5: Sophie Scholl: The Final Days: The kangaroo court, where Sophie tells the Nazi judges they will not last.

6: Elizabeth: The Golden Age: Where Elizabeth, with flowing red hair, and decked in her suit of armour astride a white house gives the troops a rousing speech on the eve of battle.

Now it's over to you...

But before I go...

Here's another chance to see the details of the Enterprise Christmas Party Invitation, posted a few days ago:

This is your official invitation to the Enterprise Christmas Party that starts on Monday 3rd December!

What I'm asking you to do is write a short post of what happens from your viewpoint at the party. It will be then published in the Journal.

These are the rules to remember:

1: The post is from YOUR viewpoint only. You can involve Enterprise characters, plus other known races and figures, such as the Romulans, the Borg, Q, Lwaxana Troi, Seven, Jadzia Dax, Karena, Ensign Britney, T'Pol or make some up yourself. You can even include some bloggers that are likely to be there (see my Guest Quarters' list on my blog).

2: Remember that that this year, the event is taking placing at the Sands holographic nightclub on the Enterprise holodeck. It will be in the style of the early 1960's Las Vegas casinos, with the hologram Vic Fontaine doing a singing session. The catering will be done by Guinan and served by Sands casino holograms there. Anything can happen. You are only limited by your imagination!

3: The length should be whatever you consider suitable.

4: Remember this is a family-friendly Journal, so take heed of what you write.

5: In accordance with Rule 4, I reserve the right to trim entries or not to publish them if I consider them unsuitable.

6: The closing date for entries is Wednesday 28th November.

7: Send your entries to: Captain Picard (wibblywebb-1@yahoo.co.uk) marking your entry 'Enterprise Christmas Party'. The E Mail address is also under 'Secure Channel' on my Journal page.

8: Don't forget to include your blog ID and your blog URL address so you can be credited.

9: If I get a substantial number of entries, I will be doing several posts together, to be changed daily from the 3rd December onwards.

10: For any of those unsure of what their entry should look like, read some examples from last year's party in the December archives week commencing 4th December, or the year before, week commencing 5th December.

Good luck, everybody!

Political Correctness Visit

This is definately something I'm not looking forward to.

A Starfleet Inspector is visiting the Enterprise to see that we are following the known political correctness guidelines.

"I thought political correctness had been destroyed in the 21st Century?" Riker asks, "They did it when it was blamed for the breakdown of all things. It took a hundred years to get the world back on track."

"That's true, Number One." I reply, "But some people high up in Starfleet don't read history very well, and it is in danger of making a comeback."

The Inspector beams on. He looks grumpy and is wearing an old 20th Century jacket and tie.

"Eee up!" he exclaims, "Those transportation devices make me right dizzy. I'm sure that I come out all jumbled up when I arrive."

"I'm Captain Jean-Luc Picard." I say. "and this is..."


"All right, Picard!" the Insector says gruffly, while pointing at me,"I know you just want to get on my good side. Well that won't happen, as I'm Ted Allbright, a Political Correctness Inspector, and I don't have a good side."

"Let me show you around the ship, Mr Allbright." I tell him, "I think you'll find you have nothing to worry about here."

"So, Picard." he says, as we walk, "What are you doing right now on this ship of yours?"

"We're preparing for the Enterprise Christmas Party at the beginning of next month, when.."

"Well you cancel that for a start!" Allbright says with a sneer, "You need to call these Holiday Parties. What is that mistletoe you have stored over there?"

I smile, "That's so members of the crew can kiss the people they like. A very festive and romantic time."

"Send it back!" Allbright demands, "Don't you realise people could be sexually harassing others who did not wish to participate. Also, mistletoe is very rare."

"It was replicated!" I say with annoyance.

"Don't fob me off with your technology talk." Allbright tells me, "You can have a two foot high tree in the corner on the floor, artificially made, so it will not contravene any health and safety rules. There will be no lights on it. Also it will be called a Holiday Tree."

"Do you want us to cancel Christmas altogether?" I say sarcastically.

"That would be an alternative more in line with my way of thinking, Picard."Allbright agrees.

I sigh. There seems to be no getting around him.



"I'll tell them to cancel this Party of yours, Picard" says Allbright, "How do you work these gadgets of yours?"

Just then, Ensign Britney and T'Pol apporoach."





"Errr....are those two at the Party, Picard?" Allbright asks me.

"They would have been." I reply, "But now..."

"Oh, I'm sure we can forget about the political correctness" he says, "We are all meant to have a little fun at Christmas time....err...could you get me a ticket for your Party?"

"I'll send one to you, Mr Allbright." I tell him, "But I don't think Ensign Britney or T'Pol are your type."

"Wait till I get them under the mistletoe!" says Allbright, with a dig in my side with his elbow and a dirty laugh.

Allbright gets ready to beam off. I whisper to Riker.

"Make sure his invitation arrives AFTER the party, Number One" I tell him, "We can't have him running after Britney and T'Pol."

--------------------
Author's Note:

See the previous post for all the details of the Enterprise Christmas Party, due to start on 3rd December.

Official Enterprise Christmas Party Invitation!

This is your official invitation to the Enterprise Christmas Party that starts on Monday 3rd December!

What I'm asking you to do is write a short post of what happens from your viewpoint at the party. It will be then published in the Journal.

These are the rules to remember:

1: The post is from YOUR viewpoint only. You can involve Enterprise characters, plus other known races and figures, such as the Romulans, the Borg, Q, Lwaxana Troi, Seven, Jadzia Dax, Karena, Ensign Britney, T'Pol or make some up yourself. You can even include some bloggers that are likely to be there (see my Guest Quarters' list on my blog).

2: Remember that that this year, the event is taking placing at the Sands holographic nightclub on the Enterprise holodeck. It will be in the style of the early 1960's Las Vegas casinos, with the hologram Vic Fontaine doing a singing session. The catering will be done by Guinan and served by Sands casino holograms there. Anything can happen. You are only limited by your imagination!

3: The length should be whatever you consider suitable.

4: Remember this is a family-friendly Journal, so take heed of what you write.

5: In accordance with Rule 4, I reserve the right to trim entries or not to publish them if I consider them unsuitable.

6: The closing date for entries is Wednesday 28th November.

7: Send your entries to: Captain Picard (wibblywebb-1@yahoo.co.uk) marking your entry 'Enterprise Christmas Party'. The E Mail address is also under 'Secure Channel' on my Journal page.

8: Don't forget to include your blog ID and your blog URL address so you can be credited.

9: If I get a substantial number of entries, I will be doing several posts together, to be changed daily from the 3rd December onwards.

10: For any of those unsure of what their entry should look like, read some examples from last year's party in the December archives week commencing 4th December, or the year before, week commencing 5th December.

Good luck, everybody!

Borg Cube Interior Design

Guest Poster: The Borg Queen

I've decided that the Cubes need interior redesigning. After all, they have been looking like this for some time.

The two interior designers that we assimilated thought the whole set-up was so passe and the Feng Shui was completely out of touch.

As a result I've asked them to look over the Cube and give me a Report. If I like it, I may present it to the other Borg Queens to go forward for final approval, so that all Cubes may be restyled.

These things can't be done right away; they cost money.

Today is the day the come to me with their Report.

Maurice and Nigel enter; they are now One of Two and Two of Two in the Decorating Project.

"What have you got for me, drones?" I ask.



"Well the decor is so yesterday." declares One, "Frankly, I don't see how anyone can live in a Cube like this!"

"I agree, One" says Two, "And as for the Feng Shui, it's completely out of balance. There is no harmony. It's sending bad. vibrations everywhere."

"Quite right." One carries on, "That assimilation chamber is a disgrace. No person in their right mind would want to be assimilated there."

Both nod their heads.

"All right, drones," I say, "Perhaps the styling is a little old world. I know the Borg are not the sort to redecorate very often. Tell me what your recommendations are."

"Well this green glow has got to go for a start." One says, "Green hasn't been in season for some decades. You need to go for soft colours. Pastel shades would be ideal."

"Absolutely" agrees Two, "Now for Feng Shui, the propulsion drive shouldn't be so near the weapons system. It sends out a nasty vibe to the drones who can't rest in their alcoves properly."

"We propose also," One tells me, "That there should be a rest area for the drones. Beautiful comfy seats and sofas for them to it on, with pastel decorating around, with pleasant pictures on the wall to get them in a happy frame of mind."

"The Borg are supposed to be unstoppable killing machines!" I tell them with exasperation, "Relaxing on pastel coloured comfy chairs is hardly likely to make the drones do that. More than likely, they would start wanting curtains and soft music playing when they are regenerating in their alcoves!"

"How did you know that we were..." starts Two, but One advises him not to say anything else.

"I will study this and consider it." I tell them, "But if I reject it, there may be consequences."

"You mean the two of us could get reassigned?" One says.

"No." I reply, "I mean I might switch the both of you off."

------------------

Author's Note:

Don't forget that the Enterprise Christmas Party will be published on Tuesday night 13th November.

TWQ: Cheer Up!

TWQ (The Weekend Question) is asking what will brighten people up.

What cheers you up when you are feeling low, or not too well? List as many as you wish.

My answers are:

1: Watching a good film on DVD

2: Doing something over the internet; blogging with friends.

3: Talking to my best friend.

Now it's over to you...

But before you go...

Look out for the Enterprise Christmas Party Invitation. It will be posted on Tuesday night, British time.

Also, Chris from The Esoterik Blog has sent me this dreadful meme, asking me to list eight random facts and habits. Here we go.

1: I like to prepare well in advance. My Christmas cards for abroad are written and ready to go.

2: I don't like trying to choose a vacation to go on in case it turns out to be a disaster.

3: I love 'Lost' and try to work out theories behind it all.

4: I always have the daily 'New Yorker', 'Dilbert' and 'You Might Be A Redneck If...' desk calendars.

5: I don't like moving desks at the office; I've done it five times so far this year.

6: I love foreign language movies, and have quite a few on DVD

7: I don't like redecoating in the house as it's so disruptive.

8: I like reading other people's memes!

The Unreality Barrier (Part Three)

I'm still stuck on Earth in the 20th Century, having swapped bodies with an actor called Patrick Stewart, who is making a tv series called 'Star Trek: The Next Generation'. As we look alike, I can't convince anyone that I'm not the same man.

A flare from the Unreality Barrier had hit the Enterprise, and sent me to this alternate dimension, where the crew are portrayed as just being actors, who are filmed for the entertainment of the nation.

I can only hope that the crew of the Enterprise come up with something to get me back!

---------------

Currently I am lying in my trailer, hoping that I'll reappear suddenly on the Bridge. The door bangs heavily, and the exasperated Floor Manager enters.



"Look Patrick." he says with a sigh, "Enough's enough. What do you want? More money? I'll talk to the guys in Accounts. Now can we just get back to the studio?"

I agree. Playing an actor who is playing me shouldn't be too much of a problem until things get sorted out.

I get up to leave the trailer, and hear a quiet "About time!" coming from the Floor Manager.

We enter the studio and walk on to the set, which looks like a cheap version of the Bridge. I notice that the instrumant panels are just flashing lights, and none of the buttons actually do anything. Just in front of the videoscreen, there are several large cameras, each with someone operating them.

The director comes on to the Bridge.

"All right, everyone." he says, "We're going to do the big battle scene today. The Enterprise has had it's shields and Warp drive knocked out by the Feldorman ships, which are moving in to destroy it."

I have read the script and it unsettles me.

"One thing." I say.

He sighs. "What is it, Patrick?"

"I would not...I mean Picard would never order that method of attack; it leaves the ship open to attack from the other incoming Feldorman ships."

"What are you talking about Patrick?" says the director, with exasperation. "It's just a tv show. now get in position on the Captain's chair, Jonathan, Commander's chair, Michael, Tactical, Marina, sit next to Patrick, Brent, sit on the Com seat."

Marina, who plays Deanna, sits to my left and gives me a few strange glances, as if she wonders at my strange behaviour.



The videoscreen is in front of me, but there are no pictures. Just words saying 'Feldorman ships approaching'.

"Captain, the Feldorman ships are approaching." says the actor playing Data.

"Mr Worf" I say, "Evasive Pattern Delta One."

"Cut, cut!!" shouts the director, "Just what is 'Evasive Pattern Delta One', Patrick?"

"It's what I would use on the Enterprise in such a sitution." I reply. The director sighs. The Floor Manager is crying.

"Does this mean I can be Captain if you fire Patrick?" asks the actor named Jonathan who plays Riker.

Some things are always the same, even in the real or acting world.

Suddenly, I feel something strange happening to me, as if I am being pulled away by a strange force. I stand up, and feel my body dissolving and pulled apart. The last thing I hear is the director saying "Wow! That's a great special effect. Now that you've got it, we'll use it in next week's show!"

--------

I find myseld rematerialising on the Bridge; I look around. No directors, no Floor Managers, no cameras. Everything is just how it was.

"Bev? Number One?"

They confirm, and tell me what happened with Patrick, and that he dissolved when they met the flare from the Unreality Barrier.

I kiss Bev.

"What a relief it is to be back in the Real World of the 24th Century." I tell her, "Everything seemed so artificial and...unreal there."

We laugh at that.

The Unreality Barrier (Part Two)

Guest Poster: Beverly Crusher

Things have been going topsy-turvy since Jean-Luc was hit by a flare from the Unreality Barrier and fainted. It looks like he is going through an identity crisis, saying that his name is Patrick Stewart, and he wants to get on making the episode as fast as possible, otherwise he will call his agent.

----------

"Look, Gates." he tells me, "I don't know what you and the others are trying to pull here, but I need to get this season over with soon. I'm playing Hamlet in London soon. They will be expecting me next week."

I think I know the only way to bring his memory back; I grab Jean-Luc and kiss him heavily on the lips. He jumps back in horror.

"Gates!" he exclaims, "That sort of thing is just not on. I know we are friends off-set, but we don't want it to go any further."

I decide to take him around the ship; as we do, he looks shocked.

"This is all real!" he says with dawning thought, "No sets, no cameras; this is actually a starship travelling at Warp speed, and not a studio in Hollywood, Los Angeles."

"That's right, Jean-Luc...er Patrick." I tell him. It looks like Jean-Luc has actually swapped bodies with a 20th Century actor in another dimension.

"But what are we going to do?" he asks, "I'm supposed to be filming Star Trek:The Next Generation on 20th Century Earth, not being on the Enterprise in the 24th Century! How will I ever play Hamlet again?"

"Well, we have a good theatre here." says Riker, as he approaches, "Data is well researched in all the roles."



Patrick groans. Riker gets a message on his Com.

"We have a problem." he tells us, "A Zarvanian Battleship has approached, and it will not let us through peacefully until it talks to Captain Picard."

We all look at Patrick.

"No, I won't do it." he says.

"Why not?" I tell him, "You've done it lots of times before in your tv series."

"Yes." he answers, "But with a script in front of me, Floor Managers, directors and cameras."

He reluctantl;y agrees, and we head to the Bridge. Patrick gets ready to slip into his Picard persona as he looks at the videoscreen.

"I am err...Captain Jean-Luc Picard of the Starship Enterprise." he declares, "What is it you want?"

"Ahh!" says the Zarvanian, "You are Captain Picard; I recognise you. Your name is well known in Zarvanian circles for your daring exploits. I wanted to have the honour of saying hello. It has been a pleasure to talk to you."

With that, the screen switches off, and the Battleship flies off.

"That must rank as my best acting performance ever." Patrick says to himself.

"Look." I say to the others, "How are we going to manage to swap Patrick and Jean-Luc back again?"

"I believe I may have the answer." says Data, "I have been studying the Unreality Barrier, and found that a flare emits every 187.5 minutes. If we put ourselves in the same position again, a flare will coming and hit Patrick, swapping them back."

"Or swap someone else." Riker tells him.

Data admits this, but we all agree it is a chance worth taking.

We get ready and put ourselves in position. I wonder how Jean-Luc has been doing on the Star Trek set in the 20th Century?

To be continued...

The Unreality Barrier (Part One)

Well, we had to do it, didn't we?

We see a strange anomoly in space, picked up by the Enterprise sensors. Now the logical thing to do would be to turn the ship 180 degrees round, and speed off at Warp Nine to the nearest Starbase, relax and say "That was a close one."

But no, instead we decide to go nearer, as we are supposed to be explorers. Never mind the fact that most explorers usually turn out to be dead after a while because they got too nosey."

"What do the sensors say, Mr Data?" I ask.

"They seem to pick up a high resonance of hypervariable particles, concentating on the inner field. It appears they are fluctuating rapidly, which would indicate...."

"In English, Data!" Riker tells him.

"It appears that the readings are similar to that we have seen when we encountered the Reality Barrier."

"Is it falling apart again?" I ask with increased alarm. I don't want that happening again.

"No, sir." he replies, "Actually, this is NOT the Reality Barrier, but a sort of polar opposite."

"You mean an UN-reality Barrier?" questions Riker.

"Possibly." Data says, "We should leave immediately, as this is a turbulent area, and flares from the barrier are likely to emit at any time."

As he says so, a flare shoots out, appears on the Enterprise Bridge and hits me.

Why is it always me? Suddenly I feel myself dissolving and blacking out.

-------------------

"Are you all right?" I hear a voice calling to me, "Quick, get the Floor Manager."

I wake up and see a strange figure over me.



"What happened, Patrick?" he asks me, "I know this episode has been hard work for you. Do you want to rest for half an hour in your trailer?"

"Excuse me?" I saw, "Who are you?"

"Yeah, okay Patrick." he answers, "I'm the Studio Floor Manager. We've got a heavy schedule to complete. 'Star Trek: The Next Generation' isn't an easy series to do."

I look around in puzzlement.



The Bridge looks slightly the same, but there is something artificial about it, as part of it is cut away to reveal an old style television studio. On the Bridge are 20th century televion cameras. The main viewer is just a blue screen telling people what to do.

What is going on?

"What is this?" I ask, "I'm Captain Jean-Luc Picard of the Starship Enterprise. Why have you abducted me to this artificial environment?"

"Whoa!" laughs Riker, "Hey, Patrick, I know you like to get into your roles, but don't you think you're laying it on a bit thick?"

"Number One?" I say, "Are you in this as well?"

"It's Jonathan to you." he says, "I'm not having you call me that dopey title outside work hours."
Geordi approaches; he is not wearing his visor, and can see!

"I think we'd better get the studio doctor." he observes, "Patrick's not feeling well. He seems to think he's in charge of the actual ship."

"Yeah, that's a good one, LeVar" laughs out Data, "The boys will laugh at that one in the next briefing we'll have."

Bev walks across the studio, and asks what is going on.

"You've got to help me, Bev." I plead.

It seems she tries hard not not giggle, but says she will take me back to my trailer, where I'll be able to rest. On the way, I tey to explain things to her.

"Look." she tells me, "I'm Cheryl McFadden, although everybody calls me Gates. You are Patrick Stewart, and we are in the 20th Century making a science fiction show called 'Star Trek: The Next Generation'. You remember now?"

"Bev...err..Cheryl....err..Gates." I tell her, "I'm from the 24th Century and we encountered an Unreality Barrier. It has sent me to this artificial, alternate universe"

She sighs; it's going to be tough to convince her.

I approach my trailer, as I see the world around is 20th Century Earth.

I rest there, wonder how I am going to get back to the real Enterprise, and also wonder what Patrick the actor is thinking of it?

To be continued...

TWQ: Quirks

This week, TWQ (The Weekend Question) looks at the odd quirks of our personalities that make up who we are.

What strange quirks do you have that make up your personality? List as many as you wish.

My answers are:

1: Sometimes, instead of laughing, I say what Mork used to say in the early 'Mork & Mindy' shows: "Ah, humour!! Ark! Ark!"

2: If for some reason my routine is changed, it get's me very disoriented.

3: I love to play air guitar when Thin Lizzy's 'Whisky In The Jar' is playing.

4: Once an actor or tv personality gets on my list of 'can't stand them', I'll never see that film or tv programme, even if it is supposed to be good.

Now it's over to you....

But before you go...

Author's Note:

Don't forget to take a look at BlogRush (on this page, upper right entitled 'From The Blogasphere'). After a poor start, it has thown out all the scams and now has a super report system. Click on the bottom where it says 'Add Your Blog Posts Free) to find out more. This could increase the amount of traffic you receive!

Christmas Party Update

"Now that Halloween is over." I say to the assembled senior staff, "It's about time we had an update on how the plans are going for this years's Christmas Party."

"Are parties all you think of, Locutus?" asks Seven, "We have just stopped having a strange party that is supposed to commemorate being scared, and already we have another one planned. What would you do if the Borg or another race invaded your vessel during one of your parties?"

"They'd have to book an appointment." Riker drily comments, "When it's the party season, we can't be invaded."



"I might have agreed with Seven." T'Pol states, "But my soul sistah Ensign Britney tells me this is the time to let our hair down."

The influence that Britney has over T'Pol. She terrifies me.

"How are things getting on, Jean-Luc." Bev asks me.

"Things appear to be on schedule." I reply, "The invitations will be sent out around mid-November for the Party that starts Monday 3rd December."

"I am concerned about one thing." Worf says, "Most of the guests appear to be from the early 21st Century, who will arrive via a time portal or other similar means."

"Yes, what's the problem, Mr Worf?" I reply.

"The Temporal Directive, Captain." he tells me, "These people could easily inform others of what they see in the 24th Century and alter the course of time."

"They are quite sensible people, Mr Worf." I reassure him, "Many have been here last year, and also the year before. They know that they have to keep quiet and not tell anyone."

"If they do not, I shall go back and assimilate them." Seven tells us seriously.

"Well, I don't think we want things to get like that, Seven." I tell her, "We are losing track. Now let's see about the party planning."

"Guinan tells me that she and Vic Fontaine have the Party in good hands." Riker informs me, "Fontaine and his band are rehearsing a Christmas set to play in the holographic Sands nightclub, and Guinan is setting out the menu for everyone to eat. She even has her own home-made vol-au-vents on standby."

"That's good to hear." I tell them, "This year's party looks like being a great one. What about outfits? How are we doing there?"

Everyone tells me they have ordered something from Starfleet Fittings. Beverly whispers to me.


"I have ordered a lovely outfit that you will like, Jean-Luc."she says softly.

This stops my train of thought for a moment, until I decide what to do.

"Well, I think that's all for now. On that note, we'll close the meeting.

---------------

Author's Note:

Don't forget to take a look at BlogRush (on this page, upper right entitled 'From The Blogasphere'). After a poor start, it has thown out all the scams and now has a super report system. Click on the bottom where it says 'Add Your Blog Posts Free) to find out more. This could increase the amount of traffic you receive!