Tuesday, November 20, 2007

Shopping For Karena

Guest Poster: Wesley Crusher

My honeybunch, Karena, who I am engaged to, has given me permission to go shopping, instead of do housework.

This is because I have to look for Christmas presents suitable for her.

I am currently looking around Starfleet Mall. This is very difficult. Just what does one buy as a present for an amazon like Karena?

"You have the afternoon to look for some good presents for me, pumpkin." said Karena to me a few hours earlier, then packed me off here. If I tell her I couldn't find anything, I'm going to get a sharp jab with that notorious spear of hers.


After a while, I'm starting to get desperate. I've looked in endless shops, but they have typical woman's wear and gifts. When I asked them what they have for an amazon, all I got was laughed in the face. One sales assistant even called his colleague over to hear me say it again, so they could both enjoy the laugh.

It's harder walking around a Mall than it is in the Byzarian desert in the middle of the day.

Suddenly I see a tiny shop in the distance.

It has a message underneath.

"Everything you need for an amazon."

This is just what I want. I see a woman at the counter, all decked out in amazonian gear. She looks firmily at me.

"Get out." she says, "We don't serve men."


"Listen," she tells me, "We only serve women who are, or wish to become amazons."

"My fiancee is an amazon." I reply, "And I need to buy her something for Christmas."

Her attitude changes as she hears this.

"If you're buying for an amazon, I guess we can serve you." she tells me, "I'm Helena; what is it you want?"

"Well.." I start, "Had this shop used to sell all sorts of things many years ago?"

"Yes." replies Helena, "We amazons took it over, decided to keep the name, and specialise only in items for people like us. Now what do you want?"

"I suppose a new spear would go down well." I tell her, "The one Karena has must be going blunt with the prodding she has done."

Helena picks up a particularly vicious looking spear; I agree with Helena that it is ideal, and look around for something else.

I also get Karena an extra sharp knife, a new amazonian skirt and a light, but highly tough warrior breastplate.

"You must have quite a fiancee." Helena tells me, as she wrap up the gifts.

"She is." I reply, "I love my honeybunch."

Helena winces at that remark, and I decide to leave quickly.


Author's Note:

Don't forget to send your entries in for the Enterprise Christmas Party. All the details are at the bottom of the TWQ on 17th November.


I've also received two Awards!

The first is the Winning Attitude Award from Amanda

Thanks so much for this wonderful gesture and your testimony. I have pleasure in passing this on to Linda who consistantly produces a super blog, which is always so good to read.

Secondly, I have the Colors Of Friendship Award from Serina Hope . Thank you Serina for this beatiful Award. It means a lot.

I have great pleasure in passing this on to my friend Nina . She is a successful author and good friend, whose latest novel, Darwin's Paradox has just been released.


Bilbo said...

I have a feeling Wesley is going to wish he'd gone for the very realistic-looking rubber spear...

Ellee said...

Congratulations on your latest awards captain.
How about taking Kareena to the opera as a Christmas gift, I couldn't think of anything nicer.

Linda said...

Maybe Wesley could get them both dancing lessons? That could be interesting!

Congratulations on your awards and thank you so much for passing on to me, I am totally honored!!

susan said...

Congratulations Jean-Luc.

I don't suppose that branch of Amazon do knitting books then?

Oh someone not a million light years away has her first job interview for 24 years!

Cross your toes or fingers.....

Titania Starlight said...

Congrat on your awards, Jean-Luc.
Well done.

I got quite a laugh that Wesley found the Amazon store. I think his "honeybunch" will be quite pleased. Or at least we hope.

sfgirl said...

Great post, Jean-Luc! LOL! And thanks so much for your friendship award. You are a very good friend.

Amanda said...

I guess Wesley is like any other guy. The gifts are just sooooo predictable. :)

The Mistress of the Dark said...

Ahhh Wesley....it's love

Lahdeedah said...


He got his christmas shopping done early!

I'm impressed....

a man that doesn't wait until the day before or of...

Jean-Luc Picard said...

Well you all know Wesley. He does what his honeybunch tells him.

Nina, Linda, a pleasure giving the Awards.

Susan, that branch may only do knitting if amazons take up that pursuit. Somehow, I can't see it.
Good luck with that job interview.

Ellee, the Ring Cycle might be a good opera to take Karena to. There are women with spears there, aren't there?

Anonymous said...

Have a great weekend my friend, mine starts now and I am off to spend it at the lakehouse. Thank you for your comments on Dustin!


Ellee said...

I think that sounds perfect for an Amazonian woman. ;-)

Michael Manning said...

Many Congratulations on your Awards earned jean-luc! Throughout the shopping trip, I wondered if a Starfleet Mall version of 21st Century Victoria Secret might still be in existence. That answer has since been put to rest--as they say! Do keep an eye on Kareena. ;)

Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator said...

I can't say that I've ever given edged weapons as gifts before, but for an Amazon, I think it works.

Jen said...

Congratulations on the award!

Amazon.com for an Amazon, I love it! You are very clever. How do you keep thinking this stuff up?

Jen said...

I meant to say awardS, I'm an idiot...

Batman said...

Ama zons are hard to buy for.

Random Magus said...

I too see how the spear can bite him in an unpleasant region...Happy Thanksgiving

November Rain said...

Hello JP Congratulations!

I am back from Zürich

with pictures on Novy News

Hmm If wes wants some Amazon gear he should go to the Viking Shop ;)

Mark Dykeman said...

Mr. Crusher: You appear to be caught in a space-time warp. Replicator technology should make shopping a breeze!

Capt. Picard: oh my. You've certainly got the tone of the naive young officer in this post!

Jean-Luc Picard said...

Mark, I know about replicator technology, but people like to get the original goods.

Novy, hope you had a good time in Zurich. The Viking Shop does sound like a good place to look.

Batman, I should think Wonder Woman is a hard person to buy presents for as well.

Michael, I should think Victoria's Secret would be around then. Aftyer all, they have essentials that women need.

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