Thursday, November 08, 2007

The Unreality Barrier (Part Three)

I'm still stuck on Earth in the 20th Century, having swapped bodies with an actor called Patrick Stewart, who is making a tv series called 'Star Trek: The Next Generation'. As we look alike, I can't convince anyone that I'm not the same man.

A flare from the Unreality Barrier had hit the Enterprise, and sent me to this alternate dimension, where the crew are portrayed as just being actors, who are filmed for the entertainment of the nation.

I can only hope that the crew of the Enterprise come up with something to get me back!

---------------

Currently I am lying in my trailer, hoping that I'll reappear suddenly on the Bridge. The door bangs heavily, and the exasperated Floor Manager enters.



"Look Patrick." he says with a sigh, "Enough's enough. What do you want? More money? I'll talk to the guys in Accounts. Now can we just get back to the studio?"

I agree. Playing an actor who is playing me shouldn't be too much of a problem until things get sorted out.

I get up to leave the trailer, and hear a quiet "About time!" coming from the Floor Manager.

We enter the studio and walk on to the set, which looks like a cheap version of the Bridge. I notice that the instrumant panels are just flashing lights, and none of the buttons actually do anything. Just in front of the videoscreen, there are several large cameras, each with someone operating them.

The director comes on to the Bridge.

"All right, everyone." he says, "We're going to do the big battle scene today. The Enterprise has had it's shields and Warp drive knocked out by the Feldorman ships, which are moving in to destroy it."

I have read the script and it unsettles me.

"One thing." I say.

He sighs. "What is it, Patrick?"

"I would not...I mean Picard would never order that method of attack; it leaves the ship open to attack from the other incoming Feldorman ships."

"What are you talking about Patrick?" says the director, with exasperation. "It's just a tv show. now get in position on the Captain's chair, Jonathan, Commander's chair, Michael, Tactical, Marina, sit next to Patrick, Brent, sit on the Com seat."

Marina, who plays Deanna, sits to my left and gives me a few strange glances, as if she wonders at my strange behaviour.



The videoscreen is in front of me, but there are no pictures. Just words saying 'Feldorman ships approaching'.

"Captain, the Feldorman ships are approaching." says the actor playing Data.

"Mr Worf" I say, "Evasive Pattern Delta One."

"Cut, cut!!" shouts the director, "Just what is 'Evasive Pattern Delta One', Patrick?"

"It's what I would use on the Enterprise in such a sitution." I reply. The director sighs. The Floor Manager is crying.

"Does this mean I can be Captain if you fire Patrick?" asks the actor named Jonathan who plays Riker.

Some things are always the same, even in the real or acting world.

Suddenly, I feel something strange happening to me, as if I am being pulled away by a strange force. I stand up, and feel my body dissolving and pulled apart. The last thing I hear is the director saying "Wow! That's a great special effect. Now that you've got it, we'll use it in next week's show!"

--------

I find myseld rematerialising on the Bridge; I look around. No directors, no Floor Managers, no cameras. Everything is just how it was.

"Bev? Number One?"

They confirm, and tell me what happened with Patrick, and that he dissolved when they met the flare from the Unreality Barrier.

I kiss Bev.

"What a relief it is to be back in the Real World of the 24th Century." I tell her, "Everything seemed so artificial and...unreal there."

We laugh at that.

31 comments:

The Curmudgeon said...

Surely you're not suggesting that Hollywood was ever the "real world" even in the 21st Century?

A Army Of (Cl)One said...

What happened to Patrick? Did he ever get back to Sponge-Bob? Do they get married? Did I miss somethng again?

mrsmogul said...

I thought I saw Patrick auditioning for the role of the upcoming Heather Mills movie. Wig and all!

Jana said...

Thank goodness everyone's back where they belong! I was a little worried that someone else might get switched instead!

Mr Farty said...

Welcome back, Captain!

pads said...

Im very glad you back to normal captain, I guess the twentieth century was very scarey after the enterprise.

love pads

Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator said...

As always, there's no place like home.

Michael Manning said...

jean-luc-picard: Thank you so much for your response to my Blog on Sahara. It means a great deal.

Linda said...

You have got to do a post on what happened to Patrick when he returned to his own world after having spent some time on the real Enterprise!

This was a great story - fantastic!!

Justice said...

next time you see an anomaly turn and fly the other way

let this be the lesson

Hotstuff said...

You know you think that director would know the script was so wrong and that the real enterprise would be blown to bits

The Mistress of the Dark said...

unreality is scary sometimes :)

Bilbo said...

So let me get this straight...the real world and the unreal world have gotten confused, and the real Capt Picard ended up in the unreal world and the unreal Capt Picard ended up in the real world, and the real-world decisions didn't work in the unreal world, and... for Gawds sake, run this man for President - he's fully qualified!

Amanda said...

I agree with Linda. What happens to Patrick when he returns to the unreal world?

Merlyn Gabriel said...

good to have you back Captain!

Jean-Luc Picard said...

Amanda, Linda, you ought to know what happens to Patrick. He follows the Temporal Prime Directive and doesn't say anything, and goes on to play Hamlet and Professor Xavier.

Bilbo, you've got that right...I think.

Justice, that's the right thing to do.

Mrs M, I can imagine Patrick in a movie about Heather Mills!

Anne said...

Hi, Captain, Michele sent me. I think I'm going to have to go back and read a couple entries to understand what's going on.

Mother Jones RN said...

I can only imagine what Patrick will think when he meets Worf.

Joe said...

Great stuff as always!!

Titania Starlight said...

You made the floor manager cry? Now that was funny. You are so right in saying that Hollywood is fake.

Good thing that you were not stuck there until the end of the season!

barbie2be said...

greetings, captain! michele says hi too.

Jaime said...

Great story, Captain! I hope you get to visit us here again sometime!

Lahdeedah said...

How long do I have to exist here as an unemployed stay at home mom of three children before I get whisked away to my 'real' life in the 24th century as a puttering philosophy teacher at the Academy of Not Too Much Thought?

eastcoastlife said...

You look much better than Patrick Stewart and truly great in real life. hehehe......

Chris W. said...

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Kon-El said...

Hopefully patrick is back and acting in good, and not so good movies back there.

Batman said...

welcome back, please tell me i'm not Geroge Clooney over there.

Lavender said...

Oh thats a relief! Whew! I was wondering how the crew were going to get Picard out of the asylum! LOL

Gordon said...

Yes Captain next time you see anything strange or unusal Avoid it, normally it means trouble with a capital TROUBLE..
Glad you got back to the 24th century.

gautami tripathy said...

I am kind of catching up with all the previous episodes. Glad Michele sent me back to do that!

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