Sunday, November 11, 2007

Borg Cube Interior Design

Guest Poster: The Borg Queen

I've decided that the Cubes need interior redesigning. After all, they have been looking like this for some time.

The two interior designers that we assimilated thought the whole set-up was so passe and the Feng Shui was completely out of touch.

As a result I've asked them to look over the Cube and give me a Report. If I like it, I may present it to the other Borg Queens to go forward for final approval, so that all Cubes may be restyled.

These things can't be done right away; they cost money.

Today is the day the come to me with their Report.

Maurice and Nigel enter; they are now One of Two and Two of Two in the Decorating Project.

"What have you got for me, drones?" I ask.

"Well the decor is so yesterday." declares One, "Frankly, I don't see how anyone can live in a Cube like this!"

"I agree, One" says Two, "And as for the Feng Shui, it's completely out of balance. There is no harmony. It's sending bad. vibrations everywhere."

"Quite right." One carries on, "That assimilation chamber is a disgrace. No person in their right mind would want to be assimilated there."

Both nod their heads.

"All right, drones," I say, "Perhaps the styling is a little old world. I know the Borg are not the sort to redecorate very often. Tell me what your recommendations are."

"Well this green glow has got to go for a start." One says, "Green hasn't been in season for some decades. You need to go for soft colours. Pastel shades would be ideal."

"Absolutely" agrees Two, "Now for Feng Shui, the propulsion drive shouldn't be so near the weapons system. It sends out a nasty vibe to the drones who can't rest in their alcoves properly."

"We propose also," One tells me, "That there should be a rest area for the drones. Beautiful comfy seats and sofas for them to it on, with pastel decorating around, with pleasant pictures on the wall to get them in a happy frame of mind."

"The Borg are supposed to be unstoppable killing machines!" I tell them with exasperation, "Relaxing on pastel coloured comfy chairs is hardly likely to make the drones do that. More than likely, they would start wanting curtains and soft music playing when they are regenerating in their alcoves!"

"How did you know that we were..." starts Two, but One advises him not to say anything else.

"I will study this and consider it." I tell them, "But if I reject it, there may be consequences."

"You mean the two of us could get reassigned?" One says.

"No." I reply, "I mean I might switch the both of you off."


Author's Note:

Don't forget that the Enterprise Christmas Party will be published on Tuesday night 13th November.


Black Widow said...

I think black never goes out of style neither does leather

Linda said...

I much prefer shades of black & purple myself - those seem somewhat Borg-like, don't you think?

Gordon said...

Black is never out of style this is true, actually I think black is the new black this year wierd that isn't it.

Lavender said...

What about red light instead of green? Shut them off Queenie!

Titania Starlight said...

I am still getting past the fact that the Borg Queen incorporates Feng Shui. I never would have guessed that one. :o)

Amanda said...

I've always found that its too dark and dirty looking in the cubes. How about a white and chrome theme to match the cold borg attitude?

Bilbo said...

There's only so much you can do with your decor if it's based on assimilating other styles of decor. Perhaps if the cube were to try to assimilate Jimmy Buffetts' Margaritaville Cafe in Key West, or any TGI Friday's restaurant, it would provide enough of a dissonant and gaily-colored jolt to render One of Two and Two of Two moot. That said, I think Amanda has a great idea, although it projects a bit less sinister image than the queen probably wants.

Merlyn Gabriel said...

Black and chrome is always trendy, with some nice lighting and GOOD art.

Cannot see curtains though.... ultra modern blinds work better.

I am sure the borg queen knows all this!

The Mistress of the Dark said...

Christmas party already? Oh dear! I need to find the blow tickler :) (That sounds kinky, I know )

TX said...

HI Seven

I could use you and all your friends to vote someone off the show so I can win

remember you voting who should leave and that it shouldn't be me ;)

The Curmudgeon said...

No throw pillows?

Jana said...

Well, at least the pastel colors will make people feel much more at ease before they're ruthlessly assimilated.

Jean-Luc Picard said...

You have so many good fashion tips, you want to be careful that you are not assimilated into the design team.

MOTD, I hope you will bring your blow tickler along to the party.

Sky,I will send Seven to make sure you are not voted off. She will intimidate all the other voters into voting correctly.

Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator said...

I know, wires and tubing. Wait, that's what you already have.

BarbaraFromCalifornia said...

Do you think Georgio Armani or even Karl Lagerfeld might be interested in the job?

Professor Xavier said...

That's very nice of the Borg Queen to share updates on her life with you. Maybe there's hope for peace after all.

Squirrel said...

Oh I can totally relate! I am decorating my home and I am NO good at it!! I need the Borg to come over here!

Monica said...

Okay, that was great. I never thought of interior decorating in that cube.

What about Feung Shway (doh! can't spell it right now). I mean colors mean something!

Thanks, great post!

Um... the queen always reminds me of something so slimy. Is that wrong of me to say?!


Batman said...

Hnh. What's wrong with black evereywhere? evreything I own is black.

Jen said...

Hee hee, Borg Feng Shui! I love it!

Ellee said...

Isn't green the new black? I shall check out your Christmas party news later.

Jean-Luc Picard said...

Monica, 'slimy' is not a good word to use in the presence of the Queen.

Squirrel, I think the cost of redecoration is assimilation.

Professor, I get these updates off Seven. The Borg Queen isn't the sort of person to get too pally with.

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