Sunday, November 11, 2007
Borg Cube Interior Design
Guest Poster: The Borg Queen
I've decided that the Cubes need interior redesigning. After all, they have been looking like this for some time.
The two interior designers that we assimilated thought the whole set-up was so passe and the Feng Shui was completely out of touch.
As a result I've asked them to look over the Cube and give me a Report. If I like it, I may present it to the other Borg Queens to go forward for final approval, so that all Cubes may be restyled.
These things can't be done right away; they cost money.
Today is the day the come to me with their Report.
Maurice and Nigel enter; they are now One of Two and Two of Two in the Decorating Project.
"What have you got for me, drones?" I ask.
"Well the decor is so yesterday." declares One, "Frankly, I don't see how anyone can live in a Cube like this!"
"I agree, One" says Two, "And as for the Feng Shui, it's completely out of balance. There is no harmony. It's sending bad. vibrations everywhere."
"Quite right." One carries on, "That assimilation chamber is a disgrace. No person in their right mind would want to be assimilated there."
Both nod their heads.
"All right, drones," I say, "Perhaps the styling is a little old world. I know the Borg are not the sort to redecorate very often. Tell me what your recommendations are."
"Well this green glow has got to go for a start." One says, "Green hasn't been in season for some decades. You need to go for soft colours. Pastel shades would be ideal."
"Absolutely" agrees Two, "Now for Feng Shui, the propulsion drive shouldn't be so near the weapons system. It sends out a nasty vibe to the drones who can't rest in their alcoves properly."
"We propose also," One tells me, "That there should be a rest area for the drones. Beautiful comfy seats and sofas for them to it on, with pastel decorating around, with pleasant pictures on the wall to get them in a happy frame of mind."
"The Borg are supposed to be unstoppable killing machines!" I tell them with exasperation, "Relaxing on pastel coloured comfy chairs is hardly likely to make the drones do that. More than likely, they would start wanting curtains and soft music playing when they are regenerating in their alcoves!"
"How did you know that we were..." starts Two, but One advises him not to say anything else.
"I will study this and consider it." I tell them, "But if I reject it, there may be consequences."
"You mean the two of us could get reassigned?" One says.
"No." I reply, "I mean I might switch the both of you off."
Don't forget that the Enterprise Christmas Party will be published on Tuesday night 13th November.