Thursday, May 17, 2007

Starfleet Call Centre Transfer (Part Three)

The Call Centre transfer to the planet Bidura is turning into a complete mess...literally.

Starfleet thought it would be cheaper to tranfer their Call Centre facility from San Francisco to the planet Bidura. After all, the inhabitants only want paying in boulder chips.

Then we found the handbook the Bidurans were given to operate it was four centuries out of date. As a result they are dressed in outfits just before the year 2000 and the computers are extra large ancient models.

If that was bad enough, we found out that when a Biduran is stressed, they disintegrate into a blue molten bubble.


"What are we going to to." I ask the staff, "The Bidurans clearly aren't cut out for Call Centre work."

"Threaten to assilimilate them if they do not work harder." comments Seven sternly.

"All we are going to end up with is a lot of blue bubbles." Beverly replies, "We have to prevent that happening."

"I agree." I tell them, "But how do we do that?"

"A more relaxed environment?" suggests Deanna, "As they learn, they will be more calm."

"They could even have casual days." adds Geordi.

"I do not think this will good." states Worf, "They are there to operate the Call Centre, not to sit in scruffy clothes and relax."

"I agree, Mr Worf." I tell him, "But let's just try a slightly relaxed office manner and see how it goes. After all, we don't want any more office casualties."


A few hours later, after the relaxed atmosphere has been announced to the Biduran Call Centre, I go with the rest of the senior staff to see the results.

Three Bidurans were crowded around a computer; were they so proud of how they were working, they were showing their colleagues?

We took a sneaky look. They were looking at the GalaxyNet that had been installed to read between called. Though the lights were flashing away on their telephones, they were taking no notice. They were laughing at the pictures they were seeing.

"I have never seen a Cardassian in THAT sort of pose." commented Ro Laren.

We looked around to see what else was going on.

Four Bidurans had gone from their desks, although they were still meant to be there and had decided to have a break in the meeting room. Three were laughing about an anecdote concerning two male Bidurans, a female Silakan and a female Ovaka. As they creased over laughing, a fourth Biduran was asleep.

"This will cease immediately!" Worf declared.

"You are lucky not to be assimilated for your behaviour!" Seven adds.

The four look up at us and burst into howls of laughter.

I sigh.


"So, sir." I tell Admiral Ryan on the videoviewer, "I can't see this working at all. The Bidurans have out of date equipment, turn into blue molten puddles when stressed, and lose all sense of order when allowed to relax a little."

"You may be right, Captain." Ryan replies, "We'll have to restart the Call Centre here in San Francisco. There could be a few few problems."

"What might that be?"

"Err, well, we fired all the staff last week." he tells me with an apologetic look, "We will have to give them a raise to get them back."

I sign off and smile.

It's a good job I'm not an Admiral.


The Curmudgeon said...

Tune in again tomorrow when Ensign Ro tells us just exactly how that Cardassian was posed....

Ellee said...

I'm glad the Bidurans are have such fun.

Linda said...

Those poor Bidurans sound to be a horrible mess no matter what they do!

Jen said...

Wow, so this sort of thing isn't going to get any better, is what you're saying? Darn!

The Mistress of the Dark said...

Call Centers are evil no matter where they are located :)

kenju said...

"Blue molten bubbles?" that is preferable to what some people do when stressed! The guy I wrote about on today's post is a good example....LOL
Michele sent me.

Becky68 said...

As a call center employee here on earth in the U.S. I can identify with their stress though I hate to see jobs lost by anyone though!
Here from Micheles

Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator said...

The Bidurans may not be that great in the call center but as I understand it, they make a LOT of movies. In fact they have a whole genre of their own called Bidurywood.

Titania Starlight said...

Call centers just give me the shivers. Sorry I am still so traumatized. :o)~

Empress Bee (of the High Sea) said...

you STILL spell centre funny! ha ha

smiles, bee

Jean-Luc Picard said...

No one likes call centres: that's a fact!

caramaena said...

If it weren't for the fact that my team mates and I don't turn into molten blue goo when stressed, I'd think our call centre was on Bidura.


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