Tuesday, May 15, 2007

Starfleet Call Centre Transfer (Part Two)

Guest Poster: Geordi La Forge

At the moment, we are on Bidura. The Captain and the rest of us have been given the job of training the Bidurans how to run the Starfleet Call Centre. It was decided that it would be a lot cheaper than doing this from HQ on Earth. After all, the people on this planet only want paying in boulder-chips.

Man, something was bound to go wrong and it did!

The Call Centre handbook they were given was four centuries out of date, so they look and behave like people in the last years of the 20th Century. The equipment is much the same.


We are all sitting with Bidurans to see how they answer with call enquiries. Naturally, they must not mention the calls are going to a planet millions of miles away. We are supposed to let them think it is at Starfleet Headquarters, on Earth.

I am sitiing with K'Math, but has called herself Janet while answering the phone:

Janet: Hello, this is Starfleet Headquarters, here on Earth on San Francisco. It is not anywhere else, please believe me..

Caller: What?

Janet: My name is Janet. It is not K'Math. I was born in San Francisco. I like Golden Gate Bridge, flower power, Scott McKenzie.

Caller: Is something going on here? (slams phone down)

Janet burst into tears and says she is a failure. I try to console her.

"Now look, er..Janet" I tell her, "You were acting in a very guilty manner. The caller was bound to think something was not right the way you answered. Try again with the next caller and just be pleasant."

She blows her nose very loudly; so loud that the Captain and all the other staff turn round from the desks they are at.

I take a look at some of the Biduran staff.

Is that a Vulcan in the background wearing a white shirt? How did he get a job on Bidura? Never mind.

I go back to training Janet, who has a purple sweater, a fixed smile, brown hair and a computer that looks slow enough to have the memory of a goldfish.

Janet is ready for the next caller.

Janet: Good morning, this is Starfleet Headquarters in San Francisco. I'm Janet; how may I help you?

I nod; she's doing well so far.

Caller: What do you mean, 'Good morning?' I live in San Francisco as well, and at this time it's 21:15 at night. This isn't a remote planet the calls have beeen transferred to, is it?

Aaagh! Caught out again. Janet starts to sweat.

Janet: ...errr...of course not, sir.....ermm....it's been a long day...it's very hot outside...

Caller: What do you mean hot? In San Francisco, it's raining with lightning and thunder. I was going to complain about the noisy shuttles landing nearby. Next time I call I want to speak to someone on Earth. (phone goes down)

Janet runs from the Call Centre screaming. I follow her.

She is quivering outside; as her body shakes, it disintegrates into a blue molten bubble on the floor.

It looks like the Bidurans aren't too good at handling stress. They don't seem ideal Call Centre material to me.

Let's hope the Captain can sort it out.

To be continued...


Author's Note:

Mimi has sent me this Meme (no pun intented!)


1. Each player starts with eight random facts/habits about themselves.

2. People who are tagged need to write their own blog about their eight things and post these rules.

3. At the end of your blog, you need to choose eight people to get tagged and list their names.

4. Don't forget to leave them a comment telling them they're tagged, and asking them to read your blog.

1: I'm a real technophobe. Though I have lots of gadgets, I'm not the sort who can use them properly. With a computer, digital camera, VCR etc, it's not good!

2: I have been with the same company for over 30 years. I have seen it change a lot, and certainly not for the better. I guess it's indicative of a lot of companies.

3: I love to read, and rarely leave a book if I don't like it. There is a tiny list I have done this with.

4: I love to travel. The best place I went to was the Great Pyramid in Egypt.

5: I like to go to London often and see the shows that are there. The only one I have gone twice to see is 'Mamma Mia!'

6: I live in Birmingham, the very centre of England.

7: I love films, and collect DVDs. My absolute favourites are 'The Hours', 'Pleasantville' & 'The Godfather trilogy'. I also love foreign language movies.

8: I have an English bone china collection.

One thing I won't be doing is listing eight people. If you want to do a list, please do so.


eastcoastlife said...

You worked for the same company for 30 years! Wow! That's really long!

Ooo... would love to see your English bone china collection. Maybe put up a picture of it and mention it in your story. hehe....

The Curmudgeon said...

"Blue molten bubbles?" Can these be shapeshifters? Nothing good can come of this....

Jen said...

I have a hard time putting books down once I start them, as well.

30 years at the same company? That's pretty cool. Sorry it's sliding downhill, though, but I agree, that's happening everywhere...

Ellee said...

I would love to visit the pyramids too and would love to drink tea from English bone china instead of a mug.

Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator said...

She melted into a blue puddle? That doesn't sound good at all.

Titania Starlight said...

Those were some very interesting tidbits about yourself. Ahhh the Pyramids, I would find that a very powerful experience.

30 years at your job! You need a medal. Not many of us Americans can say that. :O)

The Mistress of the Dark said...

Yup...that's a perfect description of my first day working for Expanets a few years back. Worst job I ever had too.

M. C. Pearson said...

I got DSL!!! Wahoo! I can comment on your blog!!!!

Jean-Luc Picard said...

Mimi, glad to hear from you.

30 yeears for the same company has been a bit of an ordeal!

Ellee, the bone china I refer to are not cups to drink out of, but figurines. I have the 24 piece Dickens figures collection and the 12 piect Lord of the Rings collection as well as six elegant ladies about six inches high.

Empress Bee (of the High Sea) said...

and you spell centre funny too! i bet you spell color colour, right? ha ha ha....

smiles, bee

Ellee said...

And I bet empress bee spells colour as colour too!

Linda said...

Those are eight very interesting facts, thank you for sharing! I would love to see the Great Pyramid sometime but alas, I can't even go to New York and that's driving distance for me!

I am going to check out that Jersey Girl you mentioned over on my blog now!

Lahdeedah said...

I think I can't fathom 30 years at one company, but I'm a bit jealous of it!

Maybe if I said I was K'almath from the planet Bidura my interview today would have gone better!

See, K'almath from Bidura is seeking a job, but not in a call center.

You live in Birmingham? So my question is, do you ever wish you lived in another country? And what country would you really want to live in?

Professor Xavier said...

I think 30 years at the same place is very impressive. It shows committment and stability. There's probably a great deal of comfort and sense of belonging in being so invested in that kind of job.

Jean-Luc Picard said...

Professor, you think it's commitment to stay over 30 years? I call it madness!

Lahdeedah, yes, I would love to live in a country with a better quality of life, where the air is fresher etc. A quiet part of Florida would be good.

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