Sunday, May 13, 2007

Starfleet Call Centre Transfer (Part One)

"Well I don't see what it's got to do with us." I say to Admiral Ryan, Head of Starfleet Communication, "After all, we are explorers, going where no one has gone before, and all that sort of thing."

"Very true, Captain." he replies, "But we think you and your senior staff will be very useful in helping with the transfer we have in mind."

"But a call centre!" I protest, "Why do we even need one? Surely they disappeared in the 21st Century when scientists found they made people mentally and emotionally unstable?"

Ryan sat back in his chair as we talked at Starfleet Headquarters. I know his mind was made up in this, but I have to try and get round hiis reasoning.

"Of course they were banned, Captain." he tells me, "But they were re-introduced quietly when Starfleet found they were getting a lot of complaints, especially from residents near shuttle landing sites. However the cost of running these centres is very high. The medical insurance is very high due to to constant stress they suffer."

I roll my eyes. Don't they ever learn?

"So." continued Ryan, "We have decided to move the call centre to the distant planet of Bidura, "The people there are err..."

"Cheaper?" I suggest.

"Errr..yes, Captain." Ryan replies, "They have a great need for rock chips off boulders. Your mission is to go to the new call centre on Bidura and see if it is being run correctly. Naturally, and incoming callers must think they are still calling Starfleet Headquarters on Earth."

I sigh. We build massive Galaxy-class starships, and yet we are still mean enogh to use cheap call centres.

-------------

Later, we travel to Bidura. The senior staff and I beam down and are greeted by a man in a strange outfit and wearing a toupee.



"Greetings, Captain Picard." he says, "I am Ky'las....I mean Bob."

"Which is it meant to be? I ask.

"Well, my actual name is Ky'las." he tells me, "But the call centre transfer handbook tells me that I must use a name common to the area, so please call me Bob from now on."

We take a look at the call centre.



I turn to Riker.

"This is strange, Number One." I say quietly, "Bob, and those around him are wearing 20th-21st century clothing and thinking in that mindset. Not only that, the computers are ancient, with people wearing headsets."

"That's true" he replies, "I wonder what the rulebook is like they've been sent?"

I ask Bob to bring me a copy. I read through it with horror.

"They've sent the wrong one. It's nearly 400 years old!" I say.

"What can we do here, Captain?" Deanna asks me.

"I know one thing." I state with conviction. "We've got a tough job on our hands, here."

To be continued...

21 comments:

Mimi Lenox said...

I feel so inadequate commenting to the Captain of The USS Enterprise.

I'm just a Queen you know.

Ellee said...

I thought I had come to the wrong site for a moment seeing pics these 21st century people. It certainly brought me back down to earch.

Titania Starlight said...

Call center!! Oh there must be a better way. I worked in a place such as this. I am forever traumatized by the whole experience. :o)

The Mistress of the Dark said...

I worked in a call center twice and it made me mentally and emotionally unstable.

slskenyon said...

I hope the population of the 24th century has a means of hanging up at opportune moments.

Empress Bee (of the High Sea) said...

omg! i got it!!! they have at%&t!!! sigh. poor things. so do i.

smiles, bee

The Curmudgeon said...

If you're setting up call centers I may have to get an unlisted communicator badge....

caramaena said...

I currently work in a callcentre (and have done for 7 years, so I'm way past mentally unstable I think!), and I'm giggling here. Can't wait to read the next installment!

Jaime H. said...

*snicker*

Good luck with that, Captain...

Lahdeedah said...

So help me, if i get 24th century spam on my cell phone....

....what's next, holographic soliciting?

DariDonovan said...

Glad to hear you are enjoying Joost. Have a great week my friend!

Jean-Luc Picard said...

All seem to have had experiences with a call centre (English spelling!) be it working in them or calling them!

Michael Manning said...

You were right about the Toupee guy!

Ellee said...

I can see you making hisotry with your first call centre in space, you are very daring...

Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator said...

If all else fails, just blow up the nearest supercomputer. That's what Kirk always does.

Carina said...

Yeah, Captain. No wonder they're mentally unstable. They can't cope with the horrible mis-spelling of their workplace. Of course it's a call CENTER. :D

Linda said...

Oh dear, those dreadful places still exist? I would have thought they would have gone the way of push button phones and wireless headsets by now!

Good luck with this mission!

squirrel said...

OMG! I thought they would have them outlawed by then!! They should be outlawed now!

mrsmogul said...

Weird about the modern call center people. NEXT IT WILL BE RICHARD AND JUDY...OR EVEN QVC people!!!

Jean-Luc Picard said...

Jon, your solution may well have merit.

Carina, it's a call centre where I come from!

Squirrel, it is a surprise they haven't been outlawed.

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