Thursday, September 28, 2006

The Reality Barrier (Part Three)

Things are completely out of hand here on the Enterprise.

Since a large crack in space appeared, which appears to have been a barrier between the real and unreal universes, people from the latter have been appearing on the ship.

Right now on the Bridge, Bilko is selling raffle tickets for the Motorpool Dance. Lucy and Ricky Ricardo have promised to come; Steve Austin will be bringing Jaime Sommers. Jack Bauer, who still isn't sure whether it is a Chinese torture illusion where he is, has put himself down for two tickets with him and Audrey Raines 'just in case'.

I wouldn't mind that, but Beverly has bought two tickets as well! She replicated some old dollar bills.

I'm not letting Bilko near that replicator!

"Four people have appeared in Cargo Bay 1 along with a large circular object." says Worf, "One of them, a Colonel Jack O' Neill said he was en route to Earth and appeared here instead. He said he blames Carter for dialling the wrong number, and from now on, Daniel will do that."

I groan, sit down in my Captain's Chair, and have a stress pill.

"Calculations show that the Barrier will explode in ten minutes, Captain." states Data, "When that happens, the universes will become one."

"..and reality and unreality will be one and the same." continues Riker, "Who knows what evil ficticious creatures will become real?"

Another flash of light on the Bridge.

"Mighty fine to meet you all." the man says, "The name is JR Ewing; can I interest you in some shares for Ewing Oil? We're doing really well this year."

I decline, and he looks at Deanna.

"Well, howdee, honey" he says as he smiles, "You look really pretty. You're not related to the Barnes by any chance are you? Don't want to make the mistake my idiot brother Bobby did."

"Deanna's with me!" Riker declares.

"After an evening with me, she'll soon change her mind" laughs JR, "Won't you, darlin?"

Deanna slaps him on the face.

"I love the frisky ones who play hard to get" says JR, with a chuckle.

Just a few minutes to go before the explosion, sir." Data reminds us.

Another flash of light on the Bridge; what now?

A blonde woman in a dark costume appears.

"Err...hello" she says, "Can you tell me where I am? It looks like one of my spells has gone wrong. Darren will be wanting his dinner."

"I'm Captain Jean-Luc Picard of the 24th Century starship Enterprise." I tell her, "And you are..?"

"I'm err, Samantha Stevens" she replies, "I was just reciting a spell to get all the housework done and suddenly I appeared here. I guess I must have got it wrong somewhere."

"What do you mean 'reciting a spell'" asks Worf, "Are you a member of the Q Continuum?"

"I don't know what that means." replies Samantha, "I'm just a witch."

"Are you saying you can recite spells to make things happen?" I ask.

"Sure" she tells me, "Although my husband Darren doesn't like me using my powers too much, especially when I cheat on the housework."

"Never mind that, Samantha" I say, "Do you see that large crack in space? Do you think you could repair it and reverse all the emissions that have come out of it?"

"That's a tough one!" she replies, "Definately one that would be in the Advanced Witches Spellbook."

Samantha twitches her nose and a large book appears in her hand.

She opens the book and goes through several pages before she finds what she wants. Samantha then recites a few weird words and twitches her nose again.

"The Barrier is starting to seal up again" says Data.

Lucy and Desi disappear from the Bridge; then Steve Austin and Jack Bauer. The four in the Cargo Bay vanish, together with the circular object.

JR Ewing then vanishes, just as he was persuading Geordi to buy shares in Ewing Oil.

"The Barrier is almost healed" Riker says.

"Thanks. Samantha" I say to her.

"No problem at all." she replies, "I'll have to get back to making Darren his dinner". Samantha winks and touches her nose. Then she vanishes.

"It's all sorted out, then Captain" says Riker.

"Yes, Number One," I reply, "But how do I tell Starfleet that the universe was saved by a witch who twitched her nose?"


The Curmudgeon said...

They'll just have to take it, Captain, especially since their new 'MegaMissiles' can't hit the broad side of the Barnarian Sector.

Nice touch bringing back Samantha Stevens.

Good thing nothing happened to Mr. Ewing whilst he was aboard -- we wouldn't want to have to investigate Who Shot J.R.?

Actually I was concerned that when J.R. popped in, Jeannie might have popped in as well... and wouldn't she have been confused?

Anonymous said...

Wow, Bewitched AND Stargate, in the same universe, just a few decks away from each other. That was awesome. Two of my favourite shows. Er, is it wrong to admit liking Stargate?

Anonymous said...

Two of the best Samanthas of all time....

Summer Dawn O'Ciardha said...

I got that one. See Witches, I understand.

Professor Xavier said...

Well I'm glad to see all these unreal characters are adjusting to their new environment. I'd hate to think they were panicking or throwing fits.

I wonder if maybe someone slipped some magic mushrooms into your foor processors.

Jaime H. said...

Awww, FUN!!! Too bad Samantha couldn't have twitched Jack back to L.A., instead of leaving him on that slow boat to China. That can't be comfortable.

And J.R. and Jeanie...that would have been hilarious!!

Nic said...

Samantha was one rockin' woman! I have really enjoyed this series on the latest mishap to occur on the Enterprise. I would have loved to see how the 24th centurey would have dealt with a Lucy meltdown full on with the wailing and everything or with one of her crazy schemes to get to be part of Desi's band!

Lahdeedah said...

Forget the damned reality barrior trick....

What's the spell for housework again?

Merlyn Gabriel said...

I just knew that SG-1 would show up!!! I can hear Jack now...
Jack:( giving Cater a hard stare) "Carter??"
Cater: "I don't know sir, I am positive I dialed earth."
Teal'c: "It would appear that this is not earth, Major Carter, but this is also not Goa'uld design either."
Daniel: "Well this seems to be some sort of ship and fairly advanced.Perhaps they have technology we can learn from, I'll see if I can find some sort of ancient writing to decipher that might tell us where we are."
Jack: "Fine, just do what you have to do and get us home.I'm missing the Simpsons!"
Carter: "Perhaps the DHD malfunctioned as I was pressing the last of the coordinates and sent us into an alternate dimension..."
Jack: "Stop! Next time Daniel dials, no more scientific techno babble just get us the hell out of here before replicators, or goa'uld or some over dressed drama loving bad guys come to take us to their leader!"
Carter: "Yes sir."


no I don't think it's wrong to say you like SG-1 at all

glad a wicth saved the day though...witches have been gettinga bad rap for years about time to changethat...

Jean-Luc Picard said...

Only Samantha or Jeannie could have saved the day; it would have been fun for Jeannie to see JR!

Professor, maybe the mushrooms did taste odd this week.

Jaime, sadly, everyone was sent back to where they came from.

Nic, a full-scale Lucy meltdown would be hilarious!

Lahdeedah, sorry, but that's a classified witches spell.

Merlyn, that's a wonderful 'Stargate' scenario; just how they would see it when landing on the Enterprise!

Sleepless Mama said...

Brilliant, as always.

Erifia Apoc said...

So she controls the force by twitching her nose... Interesting.

Susan said...

Class as usual. Loved the SG1 thing. And yes I used to watch Dallas too, and I know where I was when JR was shot, and remember who did it too!

I know sad, arn't I? :)

Meow said...

Hmmmm, Samantha Stevens and JR Ewing ... interesting combination !!!
Hope you have a great weekend
Take care, Meow

Black Widow said...

lol you mean even in the 24th century there is bias feels against witches?

tell them she may be part of the Q :P

Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator said...

That Derwood is one lucky man.

Jean-Luc Picard said...

Susan, I remember who shot JR as well; we must both be sad!

Black Widow, it's true that witches might yet be a part of the Continuum.

Squirrel said...

Captain, what a great way to fix the problem!
Oh and I remember who shot JR all too well! My maiden name is Ewing and I wish I had a quarter for everytime I was asked who shot JR that summer!

Badoozie said...

can you replicate pain killers on that thing?

i've noticed there is quite a lot of frauterism onboard the starship, and would like to know if you have not only noticed this, but intend to address it?

Lady Wyntir said...

nicely done! the problem is... how has Samantha affected each party in their own realities...

excellent 3 parter. ^_^

Darth Nepharia said...

Never watched the SG1 series. But I did enjoy the movie -- actually bought that one. And, alas, I remember watching all the series on tv during prime time except for Lucy and Bilko. :D

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