Sunday, September 10, 2006

Planning The Christmas Party

"Right everyone," I say to the senior staff as I call them into my Ready Room, "We have an important subject to discuss."

"What has happened?" asks Worf, "Have the Romulans invaded a defenceless outpost? Are the Breen showing up on our borders?"

", Mr Worf." I tell him, "We need to plan our Christmas party."

"Christmas parties are irrelevant!" snorts Seven.

"Don't you have Christmas parties on the Borg Cubes? asks Riker.

"Of course not" replies Seven, "Drones are not permitted to enjoy themselves, but are there only to serve the Borg Queen. The drones do have to give the Queen a Christmas card every year, though."

"What happens if a drone forgets to send a card?" asks Deanna.

"Then they are deactivated." states Seven, as if it is the most natural thing.

"It beats crossing someone off their Christmas card list" Geordi comments drily.

"I think we're getting away from the main issue" I tell them, "We need to start arranging events for the forthcoming party."

"Is it a little early?" asks Jadzia, "After all, it is only September."

"That's as maybe" I tell her, "But we need to book early to get the top things; if we leave it much later, we'll just be left with that nobody wants."

"I agree, Captain." comments Geordi, "We cound only get Sid Starr and the Starlighters last year; we had to get Sid out of a Starfleet rest home to sing for us. We want someone a bit more groovy with today's music."

"We don't want that group currently at number one in the Federation Charts" declares Riker, "I hardly think 'The Slime' are appropriate; that record of theirs, 'Cut Me To Shreds With Your Disruptor.' has been banned by every broadcaster in the galaxy."

"I think the singer should be able to perform a variety of up-to-date and classic tunes." says Beverly, "Although we want 24th Century music, we want them to be able to produce slow, smoochy numbers as well, especially for the last waltz."

I think Bev was looking directly at me, especially when she made the remark about slow smoochy numbers.

All agree on her point, and we decide to look in the 'Federation Party Groups' list for suitable candidates.

"Now what about the food and drink?" I ask.

"Last year's was a little substandard." says Deanna, "They seemed to be mass produced replicator materials."

"I didn't notice." replies Worf.

"That may have been due to the Klingon Bloodwine and the amount you consumed, Worf!" says Riker drily.

Everyone laughs except Worf, who looks disgusted at the thought that he could possibly drink too much bloodwine.

"We need to go to a more upmarket caterer" Beverly states, "Someone who will produce the real thing."

"How will we find somewhere?" asks Data.

"We'll have to look in 'Federation Caterers', Mr Data." I tell him.

"We don't want to get associated with some shady outfit like the Ferengi or the Cardassians." comments Ro Laren.

"The Borg may do a suitable spread for you" comments Seven, "As we have assimilated some of the finest chefs in the galaxy, it would undoubtably be the best. Also the drones could be an excellent group. We assimilated 'The Strolling Bones' recently, so they would not be short of talent."

" thanks, Seven" I reply hesitantly.

"They would be called 'The Strolling Drones" she tells him.

Was this Seven's attempt at humour, or was she being being serious? I decided not to ask.

"All right, everyone" I tell them, "We'll start looking at options with music and food and drink have an update meeting at a future time."


David said...

here from michele's on shore leave from 2996 duty
( come see me)

Dashing said...

*gasp* Worf did NOT drink too much bloodwine! *growls*

Professor Xavier said...

Is it getting to be that time already? I remember I had the devil of a time getting home after last years party. I must have crossed through four different parallel dimensions alone. Hopefully your transporter is working a little better this year.

Jen said...

Ooh Ooh! Is it almost time for the Christmas party? That was a BLAST last year, I can't wait to see how this one turns out!

Darth Nepharia said...

This ritual sounds interesting. I've heard some of what happens at these things -- am I invited? Would love to get my hands on Worf....

Barriss Offee said...

Another party!?

Tara said...

It's too soon to think about Christmas. Besides, with the Scrooges I know, my list just keeps getting shorter and shorter each year. :-)

Ellee said...

I would love to have a Star Trek Christmas card and join your fun festivities. Hey, have you seen this story in today's Times about the updated Star Trek? Will you update your banner?,,11069-2351954,00.html

Osquer said...

Let me know if you need any Orion entertainment for the party, Captain!

Erifia Apoc said...

You know what I kept thinking that whole post?

Santa Claus and fifteen differnt elves walking up to Seven, and Santa saying, "We are Christmas, Resistance Makes a Good Movie, Prepare to be Assimilated and Celebrated."

What a movie that would be.

The Curmudgeon said...

You know, erifia apoc is on to something. Why not let the Borg handle your Christmas party this year? From a management perspective, Captain, you can keep the party from getting out of hand if you drop little hints that anyone becomeing too, uh, festive will be assimilated....

Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator said...

I imagine the Borg would be really good at setting everything up as well. Very organized and everything. Though I have to say the Borg Queen is a bit of a control freak.

The Curmudgeon said...


I forgot the word "but."

erifia apoc's idea was interesting -- but I'd still like to see the Borg host....


UngaMan said...

"The Strolling Drones"???

I'll pay for hear them performing their best songs


Jean-Luc Picard said...

For those not familiar with events last year, all blog users weree invited to submit an axccount of the Enterprise Christmas Party dfrom their point of view as they attended. The result was a massive five-day party, with several entries each day. You can see how it went if you look at the 'December Archives'

Osquer, an Orion Dancing Girl will be very interesting!

Ellee, thanks for that URL; I can't believe they are interfering with the original series.

Paperback Writer said...

Wow. It's so early!!

Squirrel said...

Watch out for that Bev Captain, she'll probably be carrying her own mistletoe!!

slskenyon said...

The assimulation of the chefs suggestion was absolutely amusing. As for Beverly, well, JL, stop putting her off. I mean, she's a damn good looking woman and she's got a great voice for it. If she wants to ho-down your Christmas party, you should go for it.

pads said...

I cant wait for the party captain

Hope you get plenty of that blood wine in though.

love pads

Nic said...

How about the trendy singer Celline Driodon? She's known for romantic ballads as well as some rockin' pop songs.

I had a real blast last year and I hope I'm invited again this year!

Osquer said...

Hmmm. Now where did I put those fans?

Just keep me away from the Romulan Ale. Too much of that and I turn aqua!

mrsmogul said...

J, I can't even think about XMAS YET!! Yikes!!! Let me enjoy fall and thanksgiving and halloween! HAHA! Sorry I am leaving your Planet but we will still correspond by halographic screens no?

Merlyn Gabriel said...

How can you think of Christmas now Halloween hasn't even happened yet!!!!


of course the Emperor banned Christmas a long time ago...

Lori said...

Captain Galaxy is pretty good!!!!

Have a great day!!!

Trinity13 said...

We have a great band here in Zion!

Miss Cellania said...

You should know Seven never jokes. Its beyond her.

Florence said...

Hmm Christmas party on the Enterprise. I'm looking forward to that!


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