"Right everyone," I say to the senior staff as I call them into my Ready Room, "We have an important subject to discuss."
"What has happened?" asks Worf, "Have the Romulans invaded a defenceless outpost? Are the Breen showing up on our borders?"
"Err..no, Mr Worf." I tell him, "We need to plan our Christmas party."
"Christmas parties are irrelevant!" snorts Seven.
"Don't you have Christmas parties on the Borg Cubes? asks Riker.
"Of course not" replies Seven, "Drones are not permitted to enjoy themselves, but are there only to serve the Borg Queen. The drones do have to give the Queen a Christmas card every year, though."
"What happens if a drone forgets to send a card?" asks Deanna.
"Then they are deactivated." states Seven, as if it is the most natural thing.
"It beats crossing someone off their Christmas card list" Geordi comments drily.
"I think we're getting away from the main issue" I tell them, "We need to start arranging events for the forthcoming party."
"Is it a little early?" asks Jadzia, "After all, it is only September."
"That's as maybe" I tell her, "But we need to book early to get the top things; if we leave it much later, we'll just be left with that nobody wants."
"I agree, Captain." comments Geordi, "We cound only get Sid Starr and the Starlighters last year; we had to get Sid out of a Starfleet rest home to sing for us. We want someone a bit more groovy with today's music."
"We don't want that group currently at number one in the Federation Charts" declares Riker, "I hardly think 'The Slime' are appropriate; that record of theirs, 'Cut Me To Shreds With Your Disruptor.' has been banned by every broadcaster in the galaxy."
"I think the singer should be able to perform a variety of up-to-date and classic tunes." says Beverly, "Although we want 24th Century music, we want them to be able to produce slow, smoochy numbers as well, especially for the last waltz."
I think Bev was looking directly at me, especially when she made the remark about slow smoochy numbers.
All agree on her point, and we decide to look in the 'Federation Party Groups' list for suitable candidates.
"Now what about the food and drink?" I ask.
"Last year's was a little substandard." says Deanna, "They seemed to be mass produced replicator materials."
"I didn't notice." replies Worf.
"That may have been due to the Klingon Bloodwine and the amount you consumed, Worf!" says Riker drily.
Everyone laughs except Worf, who looks disgusted at the thought that he could possibly drink too much bloodwine.
"We need to go to a more upmarket caterer" Beverly states, "Someone who will produce the real thing."
"How will we find somewhere?" asks Data.
"We'll have to look in 'Federation Caterers', Mr Data." I tell him.
"We don't want to get associated with some shady outfit like the Ferengi or the Cardassians." comments Ro Laren.
"The Borg may do a suitable spread for you" comments Seven, "As we have assimilated some of the finest chefs in the galaxy, it would undoubtably be the best. Also the drones could be an excellent group. We assimilated 'The Strolling Bones' recently, so they would not be short of talent."
"Err...no thanks, Seven" I reply hesitantly.
"They would be called 'The Strolling Drones" she tells him.
Was this Seven's attempt at humour, or was she being being serious? I decided not to ask.
"All right, everyone" I tell them, "We'll start looking at options with music and food and drink have an update meeting at a future time."