After a boring Captain's Conference at Starbase 12, I'm on my way back to the Enterprise in a shuttle.We rendezvous in Sector 5, where the ship is doing an Astromentic Survey.
It is really, really boring travelling on one's own in a shuttle.
"Computer" I instruct, "Play some music"
"Acknowledged. Would you like classical, blues, swing, jazz, rock, 24th century electrical, Klingon piano recitals, Romulan jive.."
"Just play something at random!"
I get a Klingon rendition of 'Spanish Eyes'.
"Cancel that!" I say quickly.
"Acknowledged. Is there anything else you would like?"
"I wish Beverly was here" I say to myself.
"That is not possible"
"I wasn't talking to you!" I reply, "Give me a list of options from the entertainment databank, computer."
"Acknowledged. Music, games, education, quizzes, audiobooks.."
"Select an audiobook for me to read"
"'Vanessa' by Ruth Everson" states the computer, and it starts to read to me..
"Vanessa saw Lord Fairfax approach her; she was very nervous as she had never been alone with him before. As he approached, she slowly removed her dress, which exposed the beautiful.."
Suddenly the voice stops and a distorted crackle replaces it..
"Computer!" I shout indignantly, "What happened to the audiobook?"
"Malfunction in audiobook directory; all books have been deleted."
Oh, that's great; this shuttle is falling apart.
General knowledge; I'm pretty good at that. I would have won the Enterprise Annual Quiz Tournament if it hadn't have been for Data.
"Computer" I say, "Try the quiz section and give me some questions."
"Acknowledged. Here is your first question. Who was the starship Captain was was kidnapped by the Borg, which resulted in a large-scale loss of life in the Battle of Wolf 359?"
I don't believe this.
"Who cares?" I say angrily.
"That is not the correct answer" says the computer, "The correct one is...."
"We both know what the correct one is, computer" I shout, "Have you got in in for my on this journey?"
"That does not compute."
I give up.
"Computer" I say, "Get the replicator to...."
"All replicators are offline"
"Is there anything that IS online" I ask.
"The main computer is."
I wake up later in the Enterprise SickBay. Beverly is standing next to me.
"All right, Jean-Luc" she says, "Everything is alright; you're fine now."
Riker is with her.
"It took a while to find you, Captain" he tells me, "The shuttle was drifting about in space; when we examined it, the fire emergency axe had been put into the main computer system by some force. You had passed out."
"Have you any idea what happened, Jean-Luc" asks Beverly.
"I don't think I can remember" I reply.
I'm certainly not going to tell them, but I am going to get a copy of 'Vanessa' by Ruth Everson from the Enterprise Library.