Fourth Blogaversary!

Yes, it was four years ago on 30th April that I first started this Journal. Back then, of course...

Buzz!

That's the door. "Enter" I say.



Bev comes in, wearing a stunning red dress and carrying a rose and a bottle of wine.

"Hello, Jean-Luc." she says, "I thought you'd like me along to celebrate the special occasion."

"Which one?" I say, feeling a little blank, for some reason.

"Your Fourth Blogaversary, of course!" Bev replies with a laugh, "We did have a busy year."

"Yes." I say, "I remember when Data was abducted by Lore. Jennifer Baxter soon put paid to him."

http://jlpicard.blogspot.com/2008/05/abduction-of-data-part-five.html

"And what about when Worf did his stand-up comedy?" laughs Bev, "It was the funniest things I'd seen!"

http://jlpicard.blogspot.com/2008/05/worf-does-stand-up-comedy-part-two.html

"I suppose the highlight of the year was Wes & Karena's wedding." I say.

http://jlpicard.blogspot.com/2008/08/wesley-karenas-wedding-part-two.html

"Yes." Bev answers, "It's a pity their honeymoon did not go without a hitch."

http://jlpicard.blogspot.com/2008/08/wesley-karenas-honeymoon-part-three.html

"We had a few enemies." I tell her, "Ensign Britney came up against her old adversaries The Dregs of Society."

http://jlpicard.blogspot.com/2008/09/ensign-britney-and-old-enemy-part-four.html

"They were small potatoes, Jean-Luc." Bev reminds me, "What about the Cylon War? We had to team up with the Borg, of all people to defeat them."

http://jlpicard.blogspot.com/2008/11/enterpriseborg-alliance-part-one.html

"At lest we got it all sorted out in time for the Christmas Party!" I laugh.

http://jlpicard.blogspot.com/2008/12/enterprise-christmas-party-part-five.html

"I've just glad we managed to stop the ship being infiltrated by Section 31." Bev tells me, "That could have done a lot of damage."

http://jlpicard.blogspot.com/2009/03/enterprise-infiltration-by-section-31_03.html

"Well I heard rumours from Seven the the Borg were financially broke, recently." I say, "But they discovered an element that bought them back into security again."

http://jlpicard.blogspot.com/2009/04/borg-credit-crunch-part-one.html

I go on think of other things, but Bev hushes me.

"I think we've done enough reminiscing, Jean-Luc." she says softly, "Time to celebrate."

She pours the drink, which is a Farillion 2314. An excellent vintage.

"Happy Fourth Blogaversary, Jean-Luc." she says, as we kiss.

---------------

And a special thanks to all of my readers!

Lwaxana's Chat

Guest Poster: Lwaxana Troi

Hi darlings!

Well, as I'm the Ambassador to the Federation for my home planet of Betazed, you can well imagine the red tape I have to go through.

What I usually do, is when the boxes of work come through it just takes me a few moments to sort out what I really need, which are the Party Invitations. The rest I just hand over to my Assistant. Jessica.

I must admit that I don't see too much of her once I give her the boring work. She takes them into her office and she usually next appears when more work is available. Occasionally I can hear some noise in her room.

That has happened ever since I bought her that electro-shredder. I'm not sure whether that was a good idea.

Anyway darlings, I'm detracting! Yes, I just love the parties that are given by Starfleet. So many hunky men willing to be friends with the visiting Ambassador.

And Expenses! It's such a thrill that I can waltz into a new dress shop and get a gown for a party. Being what I am, I can't be seen in the same outfit twice!

Jean-Luc told me a while ago that Starfleet could have built a Galaxy-Class Starship with the money that I have spent on dresses! that Captain Picard has got such a pleasant sense of humour.

Not that I would need a dress for my dear daughter Deanna's wedding, whenever that may be. As everyone knows, the bride, groom and all those attending have to be naked. It's a Betazed tradition.

That reminds me. It's time to call Deanna, and to try and persuade her to get married.

---------------



"Hello, mother." Deanna says over the video, "What is it you want?"

I pretend to look shocked.

"Can't a mother call her daughter to ask how she is anymore?" I tell her.

"Of course you can, mother." Deanna answers, "I'm sorry. As long as it's one of those messages in which you're trying to persuade me to get married to Will."

I try not too look guilty.

"Certainly not, my darling daughter." I say, "But now that you've bought the subject up, have you ever said lately to Will that you would like to be his wife?"

"Mother!" Deanna shouts at me angrily, "Will and I have agreed that we will consider marriage when the time is right."

"No grandchildren for me, it seems." I say, using the emotional blackmail system. Deanna rolls her eyes. I think she know me too well.

"End of discussion!" Deanna says firmly, "Now I hope you are keeping well. Will sends his regards. I'll have to go. I'm on duty in a few moments."

Deanna signs off.

Ah well. It looks like that wedding ceremony won't be for a while yet!

-----------------

Editor's Note:

Due to activities at home, the next post will be on Thursday 30th April, which is the
4th Blogaversary of this Journal! Look out for that!

TWQ: First Remembered News Event

We all remember those great news events that have occured throughout our lives. TWQ (The Weekend Question) asks you about the first.

Which is the first great news event that you can remember? What else was going on then?

My answer is:

It seems I was largely oblivious to many of the great headlines that appeared in the sixties. However, everybody was talking of the Apollo 11 moon landing in July 1969. I also recall not long after, the world watching as the crew of Apollo 13 struggled to get home. The papers always seemed full of people called 'hippies' as well.

Now it's over to you...

The Doctor On Night Shift

Guest Poster: The Doctor

It's a wonder I ever get to put anything on a computer log.

What with all the mundane duties that Crusher gives me to do, such as cleaning out the electronic bedpans, the only brief time I get to sneak an entry on is when there are few patients around and Crusher and the Captain are on one of their assignations.

Of course, the medical staff never mention where she goes, but occasionally I like to say a few choice comments like "Had a good time while I've been working away?"

That usually gets me switched off for a few hours, but I don't mind. It's fun seeing the expression on Crusher's face when it reddens.

Tonight, none of the medical staff are in. They are all at the Enterprise cinema watching the new science fiction that has just come out. Naturally, they didn't ask me.

"I'm sure you'll do well at the Sick Bay, Doctor." she had said to me, "Just don't sing any opera to them. You know it disturbs them."

Pah! What does she know? The woman has no class. All she knows is how to tapdance. It's no use doing that, like she was the other week, and a patient was suffering from Dyrellian Fever with his skin falling off.

I sang a burst from La Boheme this morning. The patients seemed to relax a lot from it. At least until one of them keeled over. I'm sure the incidents are unrelated.

I hear a sound behind me.



"Hiya Doc." asks Guinan, "Is everything running smoothly?"

"Yes, it is." I reply, "I thought you'd be at the cinema with the others seeing the new film."

"No." she answers, "I've seen it before."

I look puzzled.

"I thought it was a Premiere tonight?"

"So it is." Guinan answers, "It just so happens I was the Executive Producer."

"A neat sideline from running Ten Forward."

"I guess it is, Doc" she says, "Let's hear some more opera."

"Well, Doctor Crusher asked me not to." I tell her.

"Do you always do what she says, Doctor?" Guinan asks with a knowing glance.

"Err....not always." I laugh.

"Great!" Guinan tells me, "Let's start with some Bizet".

I swing into The Toreador Song as Guinan puts cotton wool in the ears of the patients.

Tonight won't be so bad after all!

Picard's Psychiatric Evaluation (Part Two)

At the moment, I'm having a psychiatric evaluation by Dr Sarah Hollis. It seems like all Starship Captains are having to have these to show their competance and if they are fit for such a demanding role.

Right now, she is driving me crazy!

Her questions seem to be offensive and irritating. Nonetheless, as it is mandatory, I have to go through with it.

---------

"Shall we go back in the office, Jean-Luc?" Dr Hollis suggests, "Then we can continue with this evaluation."

"Very well, I say grudgingly.



"Now then, Jean-Luc." she begins, "In the last session, you seemed to want to stress that you have a perfectly normal life."

"That's true..." I start, "I think that..."

"And that you have a relationship with with Beverly Crusher?" she interrupts.

"Well, yes," I reply.

"You are aware that Starfleet frowns on relationships between crewmembers?" she tells me.

"Yes," I tell her, "But we are discreet, and do not affect our working life. I trust this is bound by doctor/patient confidentiality?"

"As you wish." Dr Hollis answers, "Tell me, Jean-Luc, do you find ME attractive?"

The doctor moves slightly so that I can see the mini skirt she is wearing while sitting down. She also removes her glasses.

"Well, D-doctor Hollis.." I stutter, starting to sweat, "Do you think this is appropriate for my evaluation?"

"Call me Sarah, Jean-Luc." she says softly.

"Err doctor...err Sarah." I mumble, "You are indeed very attractive, but I am with Beverly."

She sighs and mutters, "If you had been Kirk in the 23rd century, the outcome would have been different."

"Can we go on with the evaluation, Doctor." I plead.

"Very well she sighs, and holds up a card.



"Now we'll have the inkblot test." Sarah says to me, "Just look at the card and tell me the first thing that comes into your mind."

I look closely..

"It could be a minor starship with two shuttlecraft, or a man with large eyebrows jumping with his arms outstretched."

"Really?" Sarah responds in surprise, "No one has ever said that one to me before!"

She writes it all down and puts her pad aside.

"Well, Jean-Luc." she concludes, "I'm pleased to say that you have passed your psychiatric evaluation."

"That's good to know. Thank you, Sarah."

"Thank YOU, Jean-Luc." she purrs softly, "Remember, if you ever want another session, just call me."

She hands her card, and leaves the office.

She scares me. I think I'll leave any future psychiatric work to Deanna. I suspect in another session with Sarah Hollis she wouldn't bother to bring her pad along!

Picard's Psychiatric Evaluation (Part One)

"I don't want to have a psychiatric evaluation." I tell Deanna, "These sort of things are a waste of time."



"But you've got to, Captain." the Counselor tells me, "It's a mandatory directive from Starfleet that all Captains of starships must undergo a psychiatric evaluation to make sure the pressure of their role isn't weighing down on them."

"Can't YOU do it, Deanna?"

"No, Captain." she replies, "It must be conducted by an independant expert. I'm sure Dr Hollis will be very good."

"I don't want some old whiskered fool telling me the standard shrink baloney." I protest.

Deanna smiles, and leaves me to drink my Earl Grey.

----------

A few hours later, I am sitting in Deanna's office, which she has loaned to Dr Hollis for my evaluation. I hear the sound of footsteps.



"Good morning, Captain Picard." says the woman, "I'm Doctor Sarah Hollis. You may call me Sarah if I can call you Jean-Luc."

"You're a woman." I say, "I was expecting..."

"...a dodderly whiskered old fool?" she answers, "Tell me, do you often feel intimidated when you are with a woman?"

Dr Hollis starts writing on her pad.

"No, of course not!" I reply quickly.

"If you say so, Jean-Luc." she says dismissively, "No you are not married, are you?"

"No, but.." I start to say, but see Sarah is already writing her theories down.

"Are you in a relationship right now? she asks.

"Well yes." I tell her, "It's with the ship's doctor."

Sarah raises an eyebrow, "You mean the holographic male doctor?"

"NO!" I shout, "It's with Doctor Beverly Crusher, who is all flesh and blood!"

"I see." Dr Hollis mutters, "Do you always tend to get hostile when you masculinity is questioned?"

"No I don't." I tell her, "Now can we move on?"

"As you wish." she says, and holds up a photograph of a naked woman, "Now tell me what this is."

"It's a nude woman."

She then holds up another photo of a naked female. "What is this?"

"It's another nude woman." I answer.

"I see." Dr Hollis comments, "Do you tend to see naked women in all the pictures you see?"

"That's all you've shown me!" I say in exasperation, "As they are photographs, they couldn't be anything else."

The doctor stops to write a lot on her pad.

"I can see that we need another session, Captain." Sarah says formally, "We need to analyse your problems."

She walks out, with me feeling like my mind has been taken apart.

To be continued...

TWQ: Films To Look Forward To

This week, TWQ (The Weekend Question) asks about all those films you have heard about that are being released in the near future.

Which films are you looking forward to seeing this year and will get you first in the queue at the local cinema? Any lesser known ones?

My answers are:

Terminator : Salvation: This is one I'm REALLY looking forward to seeing. Anything to do with the Terminator universe, film or tv has me keenly watching.

My Sister's Keeper: Quite the contrast from the above. This film version of the tearjerker novel by Jodi Picault looks good. I read the novel earlier this year and found the shock ending very upsetting. Go and see this, but you'll need some boxes of tissues!

Now it's over to you...

The Borg Credit Crunch (Part Three)

Guest Poster: The Borg Queen

Things are looking grim, and I don't mean the soot I got on my outfit after visiting Bert to see his Bargain Basement Shop, and instead got a rendition of Chim Chim Cheree.

No, it's because the Borg race are bankrupt. Bad investors by bankers, who have now been terminated have left us without the necessary finances to continue.

I have been summoned to an Emergency Conference along with the other Queens to hear from our Glorious Leader, the Alpha Borg Queen.

--------------

Several hours later, I am in the Conference Chamber, along with the other Queens. We huddle and gossip about all that we know.

"What will happen?" says 014, "I've never been in a situation like this before."

"None of us have." answers 06, "As Queens, we are in a lot of trouble. If the drones are eliminated, will the same happen to us?"

"Of course not." I say, trying to calm the situation down.

I turn and see the Troi Borg Queen, controller of the 02 Cube.



She is chattering away to her friends. They are the only ones with smiles on their faces. I suspect that if the Alpha Borg Queen can't rescue the situation, the Old Order will crumble, and the Troi Queen will put herself in charge.

If that happens, life as we know it will never be the same again. She is vicious, with a thoroughly evil streak that shows no mercy to any living thing, Borg or otherwise.

A Federation Starfleet Officer would compare such an occurance like their pacifist President being replaced by Attilla the Hun.

The Chamber goes silent, as our Leader steps up to speak.



"My dear Queens," she starts, "The Borg race has faced it's gravest crisis since the Cylon and Species 8472 invasions. It is bankrupt."

I turn to see the Troi Queen gleefully rubbing her hands. It looks like she may be challenging for the Leadership.

"That was a few hours ago. " our Leader continues, "But help is at hand. Yesterday evening, the Borg Cube 052 made a routine assimilation of a planet only to discover it was rich in Terilliam."

A gasp comes from us all. Terilliam is the rarest mineral in the galaxy. The slightest amount of it brings untold wealth.

"So as you can well imagine." the Alpha Borg Queen tells us with a smile, "Our problems are over. The Credit Crunch is ended, and we are once more in the money. The Borg Share Index has gone through the roof, and the good times are here. Let's build more Cubes and continue to assimilate!"

A rousing cheer goes up amongst the Queens, while the Troi Queen and her friends are forced to wear fixed smiles.

Everything is fine for now, but I suspect the Troi Queen badly wants the Leadership. Our Leader needs to be careful.

The Borg Credit Crunch (Part Two)

Guest Poster: The Borg Queen

With the Borg Credit Crunch under way, finances have hot our race hard. Our glorious Leader, the Alpha Borg Queen has instructed us that we must get the furniture for our proposed Feng Shui look on my Cube from the downmarket Bert's Bargain Basement Shop, rather than the classy HighQuality Supastore where we were planning to go.

------------

I am being accompanied to Bert's place by my two interior designer's, One One and One Two.

The planet Smog II is a filthy industrial planet with belching chimneys that forever give out smoke. It looks like I might have to wear a gas mask.

"This place is absolutely disgusting!" One One exclaims, "Had I known it was this bad, I would have worn a heavy duty boiler suit. My brogues are ruined and my exclusive designer jacket is coloured with grime."

"I agree." One Two answers, "I feel we shall never get the stain of this awful planet out of our apparrel."

"Stop whining, you pair." I command, we're nearly at Bert's place.

I suddenly see him in the distance.



"Gor blimey!" he exclaims, "If it ain't my old friend the Borg Queen! How are you, darling?"

"Greetings, Bert." I say calmly, "I wish to look at the items in your Bargain Basement Shop."

"Really, my sweetheart?" Bert answers, "I thought you type went in for what the rich geezers go for?"

"Indeed." I reply, "But times are hard, and we are forced to downscale in our monetary spending."

"Ain't that the truth, Queenie?" Bert says, shaking his head, "I've been forced to take another job now. I'm a bloomin' chimney sweep when I'm not runnin' me shop. Say, did I ever tell you that you like like a friend of mine? Her name is Mary..."

"Never mind that, Bert." I interrupt, "Let's see your furniture."

"Sure, Queenie." Bert says, "But I've got the boys here now. I promised we'd do a quick burst of Chim Chim Cheree."



Chim chiminey
Chim chiminey
Chim chim cher-ee!
A sweep is as lucky
As lucky can be

Chim chiminey
Chim chiminey
Chim chim cher-oo!
Good luck will rub off when
I shake 'ands with you
Or blow me a kiss
And that's lucky too

Now as the ladder of life
'As been strung
You may think a sweep's
On the bottommost rung

Though I spends me time
In the ashes and smoke
In this 'ole wide world
There's no 'appier bloke

Up where the smoke is
All billered and curled
'Tween pavement and stars
Is the chimney sweep world

When the's 'ardly no day
Nor 'ardly no night
There's things 'alf in shadow
And 'alf way in light
On the roof tops of London
Coo, what a sight!

I choose me bristles with pride
Yes, I do
A broom for the shaft
And a broom for the flume

Though I'm covered with soot
From me 'ead to me toes
A sweep knows 'e's welcome
Wherever 'e goes

Chim chiminey
Chim chiminey
Chim chim cher-ee!
When you're with a sweep
You're in glad company

No where is there
A more 'appier crew
Than them wot sings
"Chim chim cher-ee
Chim cher-oo!"
On the chim chiminey
Chim chim cher-ee
Chim cher-oo!

"BERT!!" I yell, "What about my furniture?"

"Sorry, Queenie." he replies, "Well, I've got a really great chair made from genuine orange box, plus..."

One Two falls over and faints.

"Gor blimey!" Bert exclaims, "What's 'appened to yer mate?"

"I don't think he's used to dealing with these sorts of materials." I tell him.

As I turn back to Bert, I am interrupted by a Borg drone who has run to me.

"Forgive me for interrupting you, my Queen." he tells me, "I have urgent news from our supreme Leader, the Alpha Borg Queen."

"What is it?"

"She informs us that the Credit Crunch is worse than expected." the drone announces, "The Borg race is bankrupt."

To be continued...

The Borg Credit Crunch (Part One)

Guest Poster: The Borg Queen

I'm eagerly awaiting things to be sorted out so that we can deliver the goods to turn my Cube into a Feng Shui paradise.

My glorious leader, the Alpha Borg Queen gave the go-ahead for it to be decorated in a Feng Shui manner to ease tension in the drones. Relaxation areas would be a comfortable area, and the Cube itself would be a pleasant place to assimilate races in. We will be at the forefront of all other Cubes.

The interior designer drones, One One and One Two are finalising the list of items we need to buy from the furniture store.

"My Queen." says a drone, "A message comes in from the Alpha Borg Queen."

I instantly drop my knitting and go to the video monitor to receive the call.


"My Glorious Leader." I say, kneeling, and in full grovelling manner, "To what do I owe the honour of your calling?"



"You may rise, 01." she tells me, "I wish to know whether you have started the work on the Feng Shui construction in your Cube."


"Not yet, your Highness." I answer, "The interior designers are about to go to the HighQuality Supastore to collect the materials necessary and then..."


"That might not be the ideal place to go, 01" the Alpha Queen informs me, "It could be better if you try Bert's Bargain Basement Shop instead.


I look in horror.

"Surely that is not ideal, my Queen?" I say, "Bert's shop only deals with the lowest materials that would look dreadful."

"I agree that it is not perfect." she replies, "But Borg finances have tumbled lately, and we are having to be careful about what we spend."

"Can we not just assimilate a few more rich planets, my Queen?" I suggest, "That would bring the money rolling in."

"Rich planets are not always easy to come by" she replies, "Overspending on new Cubes is costly. We lost a lot in the Delta Quadrant recently. Materials for Cubes is more expensive, we are having to cut back on production, and construction drones are out of work. Well, not quite out of work, as we disconnect them."

"A big problem." I agree.

"Indeed 01." the Queen continues, "The Borg race are facing a credit crunch and bailouts are not always possible."

"Why was this not broadcast on the Hive Mind?" I ask curiously.

"Simply because we did not wish to cause a panic, and possibly send the Borg Share Index into a decline." she replies, "Now go to Bert's with the money I give you. When things pick up, we can have all the proper Feng Shui furniture."

The Queen switches off.

Sadly, the money that is transmitted would not even pay for a lampshade at the HighQuality Supastore.

To be continued...

TWQ: Unpleasant Tasks

This weekend's TWQ (The Weekend Question) looks into what we consider unpleasant tasks.

What tasks do you have to do are ones that you consider are unpleasant and a chore. List as many as you wish. The more unusual the better.

My answers are:

1: Planning a vacation. I find this really unpleasant, as I struggle for the best places.

2: Sorting out photos. All too often I forget the details of the pictures.

3: Figuring out a computer fault. Need I say more?

Now it's over to you.

Survey Interference

This is interesting. I go to Bev in the SickBay.

"Hello, Jean-Luc." she starts, "Would you like to see me later and..."

Good evening , sir I'm sorry to interrupt you.

What? What is this?

My apologies.My name is Nigel. I just wondered if you would be free for me to conduct a survey. Starfleet are asking us to appear on random logs so we can get an opinion on...

No it isn't, Now clear off. I'm trying to write my latest adventure here.

That's all right, sir, now tell me who you are and we can begin our survey. I assure you that it is totally confidential and will just take up a few moments of your time.

Sigh. Very well. I'm Captain Jean-Luc Picard of the Starship Enterprise.

Really? Hey, Bill! We've hit the paydirt with this one. You'll never believe who I've got on my monitor! It's Picard of the Enterprise. Jasmine, MaryAnn, Jeff, Ritchie! Come over and take a look at my screen!

I thought this was confidential? Everybody seems to be reading it.

Forget what you heard, Captain Picard, your answers are completely confidential.

Well what do you want to know?

Do you have a wife and child?

No I don't!

All those gals on the starship I suppose? I remember in my History class what Kirk was like. Do you try to be like him?

Is this a question on the survey?

No, Captain. Sorry. I was just distracted. (giggle)

Did I hear a giggle?

Sorry, Captain. That was Georgina. She was bringing the drinks round for us in the call centre. She was looking at my screen. Everybody is finding it hard to read it with all the staff looking over my shoulder.

This doesn't sound at all confidential. Watch what you ask, or I'm switching off.

All right, we'll get back to the survey. Now I know you have those replicators, but where do you do your shopping when here on Earth?

Well, my favourite shop is....hey this isn't going to result in a lot of junk mail being sent to me, is it?

Of course not, Captain....that is if you specifically request it now, then send a form to the Preferential Deletion Unit, then make a Video request to the President of SellQuik Galactical.

I thought so. This is all one big marketing scam.

Certainly not, Captain. We prefer to classify it as Customer Resource Appropriation Preferral.

With a very appropriate acronym!

I'm not sure I understand that, Captain. Now back to the question...

Sorry, Nigel. I think this will have to stop. You can tell your superiors that Starfleet Officers will be on it's way to SellQuik Galactical to close it down and put them in the penal colony.

The screen goes blank.

-----------

With a satisfied smile on my face, I go back to what I was doing.

Now what was it?

Journey To Trill (Part Two)

Guest Poster: Jadzia Dax

I'm all of a tither and very nervous right now.

The shuttle that Worfie and I are piloting is approaching Trill, and I am about to meet my father and mother.

While all that might sound rather confusing, what actually happened is that they were involved in a bad accident and their symbionts have had to be placed into two new host bodies, who I will be meeting very soon.

"Don't get nervous, Jadzia." Worfie tells me. I give him an earful for telling me such a ridiculous statement.

---------

Thirty minutes later, the shuttlecraft has touched down and the meeting point, and the two of us disembark.

I wonder what they will look like.

As we approach the main building, a male and female Trill approach us.

"Mom? Dad?" I ask nervously.



"Hello, Jadzia." the male says, "I am Yedrin, and am the host..."

Before he finishes, I hug Yedrin tightly, then look at the woman.



"Hello Jadzia, I am Lenara." she says, "I think you ought to know..."

"Mom!" I exclaim, "It's so good to know you are well, although in another body."

"Jadzia" Worfie tells me, "I think your parents are trying to tell you something; it seems like you need to know."

"You are very astute, Lieutenant Worf." Lenara says with a smile, "Jadzia, you must listen to Yedrin."

"Daughter." Yedrin continues, "When our ship crashed, the host of your mother was so badly injured the symbiont had to be placed in the first available new body. That turned out to be a male body."

"WHAT!" I yell out.

"And to make things kind of even." Yedrin tells us, "The symbiont of the father's body was placed in the female body that came next, which was Lenara."

I start to go spare, but Worfie restrains me.

"Don't forget, Jadzia." he reminds me, "You used to be in a man's body named Curzon before becoming Jadzia."

I reply with a "Shut up, Worf." and turn to my 'parents'.

"Why did you not change bodies right afterwards." I enquire.

"Errr.." replies Yedrin, "We found that after settling in to our new bodies, we rather liked the ones we were given, so did not want to change."

I put my head in my hands.

"Well." I ask, "Who do I call 'Mom' and who do I call 'Dad' now?"

"You could just call us 'Lenara' and 'Yedrin'." Lenara says, and holds me, "You'll always be our darling daughter, Jadzia...or son if you change into a male host next time."

Worf goes red at this thought.

"This is going to cause a lot of confusion when it comes to Mother's Day and Father's Day." I say with a smile, and holding them both, "You're still my parents, and that's what counts!"

Journey To Trill (Part One)

Guest Poster: Worf

"Worfie." says Jadzia, "We need to go to Trill right away."

This extraordinary outburst takes me by surprise. I had just finished a tiring session in the holodeck fighting some Alpuvian creatures, and was settling to read the latest gossip on my homeworld in The Klingon Inquirer, when Jadzia tells me this.

I am forced to put the paper down, just as I'd got to the part which mentioned that one of the High Council may be a secret love child of a Romulan woman.

I sigh, turn round.

"Why, Jadzia?" I ask her.



"I need to see who my parents are." she answers plainly, as if it's not a strange answer.

"What do you mean?" I reply, "Surely you know that."

Jadzia gets into her 'explain slowly as if to a child' mode.

"It's quite easy, Worfie." she answers, "My mother and father were both involved in an accident recently, and their symbionts have been transferred to other bodies. Because of that, I do not know what they look like."

"This is very confusing." I say.

"I know what you mean, Worfie, "I used to be a male named Curzon."

"I do not wish to think about that!" I exclaim, "It would be be very embarrasing if my Klingon friends found out that you used to be a man!"

"Oh, don't be silly, Worfie." Jadzia retorts, "It was only my symbiont that was in a male body. The Trill symbiont learns to adapt. Now let's tell the Captain."

---------------



A few hours later, the two of us are aboard the shuttlecraft on the way to Trill. Jadzia is relaxing, and I am reading my guidebook Know Your Way Around Trill.

Opening the pages randomly, I see.

Try not to make any 'Host' jokes. The average Trill does not take kindly to comments such as "Who is the host for the evening?" Whereas other cultures may find it amusing, The Trill is liable to get very angry.

"Are we there yet, Worfie?" Jadzia says as she gets up.

"Fifteen minutes according to the sensors, Jadzia." I answer.

"Great!" she responds, "I can't wait to see my parents."

To be continued...

TWQ: First Computer Forays

This week, TWQ (The Weekend Question) takes you back to that time you had your first computer.

What did you do when you had your first internet computer? How did you get in touch with people and make new friends? What sort of website did you set up?

My answers are:

My first computer that was connected to the internet was in September 1999. I felt very alone going into a place where no one knew me. I set up a website of Epic & Romantic Poetry, which combined classic poems, plus new ones that I had written. I started getting a few friends, many of which are still friends now. In April 2005, I changed to the blog that I have now.

Now it's over to you...

But before I go...

Listen to this fabulous video of Concha Buika, a wonderful Spanish singer who I discovered on the internet. Her music is a kind of afro-spanish flamenco jazz fusion. It doesn't matter that she sings in spanish, the passion of her singing is absolutely fantastic. Get your speakers ready to hear her singing 'Mi Nina Lola'.

Sleep Deficiency (Part Two)

All of the Enterprise crew haven't been able to sleep for days!

Even Data is experiencing something akin to tiredness though he cannot sleep, and Seven of Nine cannot regenerate properly in her alcove.

Nothing can be found to explain the bug that is preventing us sleep. Bev is currently giving out matchsticks so that we can stay focused on events. The Enterprise is speeding towards the nearest Starbase, but as we were in deep space, it'll take a while to get there.

--------------

"Fortunately we can put the ship on autopilot, Number One." I tell Riker, "But I'm still here, barely able to figure out anything. I just want to sleep for hours."



"So do I, sir," he replies, "I really want to go to dreamland, but nothing will make me."

Crew members around are staggering as if they have just been turned out of the local bar, and their eyes are bloodshot as if they are vampires who have had their nightly feed. I dread to think what I look like.

I go to get up, but promptly fall on the floor. Riker goes to pick me up, but he does the same.

"I think I'll stay here." I mumble, "It seems a lot easier than getting up."

"I know what you, mean, sir." he replies.

While I am there, I get the sense that some people are beaming on to the Bridge, but am too far away near dreamland to bother.



"The scanner we swept over the ship had the desired effect." says one of the Ferengi, "It even managed to work on the android. Now as it wears off, they will sleep and we will be able to salvage the ship and make masses of profit!"

The other two Ferengi look gleeful at this word.

"Profit!" says one, "You are truly clever, Benk."

"Indeed I am." says Benk, "Which is why I will get 70% and you will get 15% each of the profit."

I sink further and further into sleepiness. Riker has already gone, and I hear him snoring next to me.

"Not so fast." I hear Data's voice in the distance, as he talks to the Ferengi, "You are under imprisonment and I shall take you to the brig."

I sink into a pleasant, much needed sleep on the floor of the Bridge, but wake up a few hours later to find Data controlling the ship.

"What happened, Data?" I ask.

"As the effects of the scanner rays wore off, Captain." he answers, "My program immediately corrected itself and all manner of sleep was eliminated. The Ferengi forgot this would happen."

"Very good, Data." I say, as I stagger off the Bridge, "But right now, I have a long overdue appointment with my pillow."