Sunday, April 19, 2009

Picard's Psychiatric Evaluation (Part One)

"I don't want to have a psychiatric evaluation." I tell Deanna, "These sort of things are a waste of time."

"But you've got to, Captain." the Counselor tells me, "It's a mandatory directive from Starfleet that all Captains of starships must undergo a psychiatric evaluation to make sure the pressure of their role isn't weighing down on them."

"Can't YOU do it, Deanna?"

"No, Captain." she replies, "It must be conducted by an independant expert. I'm sure Dr Hollis will be very good."

"I don't want some old whiskered fool telling me the standard shrink baloney." I protest.

Deanna smiles, and leaves me to drink my Earl Grey.


A few hours later, I am sitting in Deanna's office, which she has loaned to Dr Hollis for my evaluation. I hear the sound of footsteps.

"Good morning, Captain Picard." says the woman, "I'm Doctor Sarah Hollis. You may call me Sarah if I can call you Jean-Luc."

"You're a woman." I say, "I was expecting..."

"...a dodderly whiskered old fool?" she answers, "Tell me, do you often feel intimidated when you are with a woman?"

Dr Hollis starts writing on her pad.

"No, of course not!" I reply quickly.

"If you say so, Jean-Luc." she says dismissively, "No you are not married, are you?"

"No, but.." I start to say, but see Sarah is already writing her theories down.

"Are you in a relationship right now? she asks.

"Well yes." I tell her, "It's with the ship's doctor."

Sarah raises an eyebrow, "You mean the holographic male doctor?"

"NO!" I shout, "It's with Doctor Beverly Crusher, who is all flesh and blood!"

"I see." Dr Hollis mutters, "Do you always tend to get hostile when you masculinity is questioned?"

"No I don't." I tell her, "Now can we move on?"

"As you wish." she says, and holds up a photograph of a naked woman, "Now tell me what this is."

"It's a nude woman."

She then holds up another photo of a naked female. "What is this?"

"It's another nude woman." I answer.

"I see." Dr Hollis comments, "Do you tend to see naked women in all the pictures you see?"

"That's all you've shown me!" I say in exasperation, "As they are photographs, they couldn't be anything else."

The doctor stops to write a lot on her pad.

"I can see that we need another session, Captain." Sarah says formally, "We need to analyse your problems."

She walks out, with me feeling like my mind has been taken apart.

To be continued...


Bob-kat said...

Psychoanalysis and porn? An interesting approach by the good doctor...

Netchick sent me to say hi.

Michael Manning said...

Wait! Tell her I have just written you my own "Script" for a one-year magazine subscription to Playboy! That will also show prudent management of the ship's budget for unnecessary doctor visits! :D)

Merlyn Gabriel said...

hmmmmm what kind of a pervy doctor is this???

Vella said...

I think she may be the one with the problem

The Curmudgeon said...

You seem just a tad jumpy, Jean-Luc.

You might try the Earl Grey decaf until this blows over....

Jean-Luc Picard said...

Vella, I think you might be right about her having the problem!

Merlyn, a pervy doctor is a good description.

The Mistress of the Dark said...

Poor captain! The not so good doctor apparently needs to meet up with Brit and T'pol and get her issues situated.

Amanda said...

Its a trap!

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