The Borg Credit Crunch (Part Two)

Guest Poster: The Borg Queen

With the Borg Credit Crunch under way, finances have hot our race hard. Our glorious Leader, the Alpha Borg Queen has instructed us that we must get the furniture for our proposed Feng Shui look on my Cube from the downmarket Bert's Bargain Basement Shop, rather than the classy HighQuality Supastore where we were planning to go.

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I am being accompanied to Bert's place by my two interior designer's, One One and One Two.

The planet Smog II is a filthy industrial planet with belching chimneys that forever give out smoke. It looks like I might have to wear a gas mask.

"This place is absolutely disgusting!" One One exclaims, "Had I known it was this bad, I would have worn a heavy duty boiler suit. My brogues are ruined and my exclusive designer jacket is coloured with grime."

"I agree." One Two answers, "I feel we shall never get the stain of this awful planet out of our apparrel."

"Stop whining, you pair." I command, we're nearly at Bert's place.

I suddenly see him in the distance.



"Gor blimey!" he exclaims, "If it ain't my old friend the Borg Queen! How are you, darling?"

"Greetings, Bert." I say calmly, "I wish to look at the items in your Bargain Basement Shop."

"Really, my sweetheart?" Bert answers, "I thought you type went in for what the rich geezers go for?"

"Indeed." I reply, "But times are hard, and we are forced to downscale in our monetary spending."

"Ain't that the truth, Queenie?" Bert says, shaking his head, "I've been forced to take another job now. I'm a bloomin' chimney sweep when I'm not runnin' me shop. Say, did I ever tell you that you like like a friend of mine? Her name is Mary..."

"Never mind that, Bert." I interrupt, "Let's see your furniture."

"Sure, Queenie." Bert says, "But I've got the boys here now. I promised we'd do a quick burst of Chim Chim Cheree."



Chim chiminey
Chim chiminey
Chim chim cher-ee!
A sweep is as lucky
As lucky can be

Chim chiminey
Chim chiminey
Chim chim cher-oo!
Good luck will rub off when
I shake 'ands with you
Or blow me a kiss
And that's lucky too

Now as the ladder of life
'As been strung
You may think a sweep's
On the bottommost rung

Though I spends me time
In the ashes and smoke
In this 'ole wide world
There's no 'appier bloke

Up where the smoke is
All billered and curled
'Tween pavement and stars
Is the chimney sweep world

When the's 'ardly no day
Nor 'ardly no night
There's things 'alf in shadow
And 'alf way in light
On the roof tops of London
Coo, what a sight!

I choose me bristles with pride
Yes, I do
A broom for the shaft
And a broom for the flume

Though I'm covered with soot
From me 'ead to me toes
A sweep knows 'e's welcome
Wherever 'e goes

Chim chiminey
Chim chiminey
Chim chim cher-ee!
When you're with a sweep
You're in glad company

No where is there
A more 'appier crew
Than them wot sings
"Chim chim cher-ee
Chim cher-oo!"
On the chim chiminey
Chim chim cher-ee
Chim cher-oo!

"BERT!!" I yell, "What about my furniture?"

"Sorry, Queenie." he replies, "Well, I've got a really great chair made from genuine orange box, plus..."

One Two falls over and faints.

"Gor blimey!" Bert exclaims, "What's 'appened to yer mate?"

"I don't think he's used to dealing with these sorts of materials." I tell him.

As I turn back to Bert, I am interrupted by a Borg drone who has run to me.

"Forgive me for interrupting you, my Queen." he tells me, "I have urgent news from our supreme Leader, the Alpha Borg Queen."

"What is it?"

"She informs us that the Credit Crunch is worse than expected." the drone announces, "The Borg race is bankrupt."

To be continued...