Sunday, September 28, 2008

Ensign Britney And An Old Enemy (Part Four)

Guest Poster: Ensign Britney

I'm in the soup again!

After being captured by the counterculture group The Dregs of Society, who escaped from a penal colony, my life is in danger.

Desdemona Dreg and the other members view me as a traitor because a while ago I infiltrated the group and got them imprisoned. While I remain bound in their headquarters, they are discussing ways in which to polish me off. Vyla, who dislikes me most of all, has bagged to be the one to do it.


"I say that the way we should get rid of the Britney traitor." shouts Vyla to her friends, "It involves a rope, a candle, a long sharp knife and a bucket of water. It'll be fun to watch."

A lot of Dregs murmur approval. I don't know what happens in it, but it sounds grisly.

"Well that's settled, then." agrees Desdemona. "We'll set it up after we've had the celebration dinner. It can be the after-feast entertainment."

Everybody laughs, and the Dregs are sent out to steal the food from the local space supermarket. Only Ellen is left behind to watch me.

As they begin to leave, Tamara, who was a friend when I infiltrated returns quickly while Ellen is getting the tablecloth ready.

She gets a knife and quickly cuts the bonds on my hands and legs.

"As soon as I've gone, get out, Britney." she quietly whispers, "We were friends, and I don't want to see you killed. The Dregs are too violent. Just make sure you don't say anything about this."

I agree and Tamara slips off without Ellen even noticing, who is still setting up the Dreg tables. I wonder if she was a waitress before she joined the Dregs.

Eventually, she walks over to me, with a smug expression on her face.

"If only you knew what is going to happen to you." she laughs, "You'd be begging me to kill you now."

"You don't know what's going to happen to YOU!" I reply, and kick my foot out and hit her in an unmentionable place.

Ellen winces and collapses, so I quickly get up and grab the nearest umbrella.

I swing at her with it and batter Ellen with it. Actually, I think I'm deadlier with one of these than a Klingon is with a bat'leth.

After that, I manage to find the Dreg communication signal and call the Enterprise, who say they will come within ten minutes..


A few hours later, with the Enterprise crew there, they are waiting for the Dregs, and round them up, ready to go back to the Fempokey Penal Colony.

Desdemona yells at me, swearing revenge again. Tamara says nothing, but smiles at me; she is willing to be imprisoned again. If only the Dregs knew they have a traitor in their midst.

"You did very well, Ensign." Captain Picard tells me, "However did you get away when the Dregs had tied you firmly?"

"I suppose I managed to loosen then a little." I lie, "I guess I was just lucky."

We all beam off, and I take a welcome piece of Galaxy Gum.


The Real Mother Hen said...

Ok, I'll always carry an umbrella from this day onwards! :)

TX said...

an umbrella huh

SHI said...

way to go

Ellee Seymour said...

Those Dregs look even meaner than Britney.

Lahdeedah said...

Wow. She really can make friends in strange places.

But fashionably speaking, the dregs should be locked up simply for horrendous fashion choices.

The Curmudgeon said...

I sure do hope the Captain makes a couple of discreet suggestions about security at Fempokey to the Federation penal authorities... we can't always count on an umbrella being handy at just the right moment, can we?

X-23 said...


Jean-Luc Picard said...

You're right; Britney can't always rely on an umbrella being around to bash the living daylights out of anyone.

Curmudgeon, hopefully the guard at Fempokey who let the Dregs out to get their football has been transferred.

Lahdeedah, if people were locked up for fashion choices, there would not be many others left around!

Linda said...

Ah yes, Britney wielding an umbrella, now where have I seen that before? It's good to have friends in low places, especially when you're in the kind of pickle that Britney seems to always manage to find!

Gordon said...

hmm yeah imagine it they'd need to build one massive prison (let's call it "the bronx" and lock everyone up there that's has isn't fashionable..
well I'd be there - I don't exactly dress in the latest fashions but hey I have better taste than the dregs..

Epiphany said...

So that's what that whole umbrella episode was about. Good for Ensign Britney remaining loyal to her Dreg friend.

The Mistress of the Dark said...

Brit Brit's in our streets beating the SUV's!!

Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator said...

Those Dregs are nuthin' but trouble.